Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He forced me into nikah… Now my parents want me to marry someone else…

Ring and shackle

Asalamalekum...please help me.

...actually I did a nikah with an older man becoz he forced me to do, actually am 20yrs younger then him.

He used to help me n my family but one day I was in a problem & had financial problems at home - actually my elder brother passed away and my elder sister is already marid and my another brother is in Saudi for many years, so after my brother's death am the only one who take cares of my family and I faced some problems.

So this man said he will help me but for that I have to do nikah with him. I said I can't do this you are like my father but I was helpless so I did but without my parents permission. They don't know about this at all...

...but now my family wants me to get marry with my cousin.

I am very tense coz am already in nikah but I did not sign any nikah paper, also it was a secret nikah, I mean there was no one who knows me.

So please suggest me how will I come out from this situation. am really depressed. Can't share this with my parents they will die if they will come to know. And this man is harassing me that if I will do nikah with any other person he will tell everybody about our nikaah... please help me I really need the way to come out from this relationship.

h.khan

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4 Responses »

  1. In response to : h.khan

    Salaam sister,

    After reading your entire message, I came to conclude that..
    1. If that old man who close to Allah he would never abuse you(black mail you).. if he is blackmailing you like this, you have NO idea how he will treat you...

    Now LISTEN - PLEASE _ PLEASE

    Forget the old man, he does not love you if he does, he would never tell you what he said...you will see worst when you married him.. Do you want to bet?

    Marry the one that your parents want, because by accepting your parents choice, Allah can guide you into the right track..

    Tell everyone that he you never have a deal with "old pa" and ask Allah to forgive you... and HE will ishAlah.. dont be afraid.. have no fear, Allah is near... have faith..

    You accepted the "deal"with old pa for your parents sake not your choice.

    If old pa did not "abuse" you then it could have been a different situation but what he said prove the "real him,the real "old pa, he is mistreat you if you marry him.

    What part of the world are you all at. Waww..You girls need to stand up for your right! This is the 21th century..
    be only afraid all Allah and the prophet Muhammad (peace upon HIM)and respect anyone else.

    Stay strong!! inshAllah will be fine and have NO regret, ALlah is by your side.

    Amssa

  2. Salam alaikum sister,

    Your story made me so sad. I want to help you and make a few suggestions:

    1. You do know that its not a real nikah without a wali or nikah papers or maher...right? I hope you know that man just tricked you. The "nikah" may not be valid also for the reason that it was done in secret, without the proper papers or any family support...Check it out with your parents, just ask your mom casually "what happens to make a halal nikah?"

    2. Go to your parents and tell them that you feel uncomfortable around that man. He is not your husband, and his harrassment is not worth the money he gives you. Make sure you have some protection from him. You dont have to tell your parents that you did secret nikah, but at least if you say he is creepy and bad peron to you, then they might help you.

    If your parents dont do anything about it, then you can always go to the police to file restraining order, in worst case. InshAllah it will not come to that.

    3. That man is afraid of you. He just wants to use you and he knows that the nikah was not valid. If you marry someone else in the halal way, then you take away his power over you.

    Make sure to do your research about proper nikah, so you know all the facts first. Look at previous posts on this website for a start:

    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/nikah-secret/

    Then go to this man and tell him that if he does not leave you alone, you will go to the police and file restraining order. Depending on how old you are, and what country you live in, this may require your parents help, but be strong. Telling your parents is not "the end of the world". Its just hard to see them hurt, but think about how hurt you will be if you let this haram older man continue.

    Hope I helped,
    Shereen

    • Assalaamu Alaykum,

      "papers" are not required for a valid nikkah. As long as the other elements are present (mahr, wali, witnesses etc), the nikkah is valid and the absence of any paperwork doesn't negate that.

      -Amy
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Assalaamu Alaykum,

    I agree with Shereen that the validity of your marriage to this man is questionable to begin with. It looks like it may not be, after all. You need to take it before an imam and/or your parents, and have that settled first. In shaa Allah the imam/scholar will support you if this man wants to create any fitna, and defend your reputation and innocence in his face and among those in your community.

    But I do have concerns other than that. You are mentioning how no one is able to take care of you since your one brother died and the other is far away. Yet you do have your parents. Why are they not looking after you? It's their responsibility before it would be your brother's.Your brother would only step in that role if your parents and any grandparents/uncles etc were deceased.

    The other thing is, how do you feel about marrying your cousin? You've already allowed yourself to be forced into something you didn't want. Will marrying your cousin amount to that just happening again?

    These are some other aspects to consider, along with the validity of this so-called marriage. May Allah bring guidance and clarity to your situation, amin.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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