Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I love him, but he ignores me, please help

Betrayal by a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences in life.

Boys who betray the girls in the name of love

I really need ur advice pls.... I was in relationship with a guy a week ago...i am a muslim girl so i am not alloud to have a bf, but i did coz i was in love with that guy and i wanted to marry him and he did say to me same and promissed me that we will be together....

he was always very jealous type i swear on God i never cheated him but he was talking much disgusting to me back then...but he was also nice to me so i forgave him and i think and believe he never cheated at me....

But sometimes when i was sick instead of caring me he could start blaiming me for many stuff.... i suffered much because of being with him i got beaten by my family and i told him and one day he said me he do not believe me and that i was lying about that i got even operated....

so we had a long distance relationship i was waiting for him to come and so he could ask for my hand.....

so the other day my mother got angry at me for some reason and told me many bad stuffs and i told him that he did put me in that situation what he is gonna do for me now....he told me before it get worse we should break up.....which i did....

but i ended up calling him again and again because i love him i cant stay without him....when i call he cut and then when he pick up he says what u want then i say him if u dont want me to call why u dont block me...

then he said he doesnt know how....but he still pick up my phones and then saying what and then cut............ people helppppppppppp me pls i am so me

I had long distance relationship with that guy so i never met him in person i only saw him in webcam.... and talked to him at the phone...................... pls help me dont judge just help me i am lost ..............

A bit more information about me : I have very black past i was raped when i was kid and i was also raped by the person i was thinking i am gonna marry long ago...i told all those stuffs to him (but i lied about not being raped in past by my x-bf, i said him it did not work out, i did not want to look like a failure)

- hadija1234

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10 Responses »

  1. Assalam'alaykum,

    First of all, it seems that you are aware that pre-marital relationships are forbidden in Islam, yet you pursue it. Similarly, a person may know that alcohol consumption is forbidden in Islam, yet they pursue alcohol due to difficulty in abandoning it. Know that paradise is extremely difficult to get while hell is easy peasy. Thus that mean you should be steady in what you're doing ? Ofcourse NOT. You must once and for all sever all those evil ties you're having. Put a full stop to all the things Allah forbids and start obeying Allah. Allah is presently angry at you and so you may not be receiving His mercy and blessings, for this reason, you are in a situation of depress, tensed, etc. It will just get worst if continued. Do you not fear Allah ?

    I was in relationship with a guy a week ago...i am a muslim girl so i am not alloud to have a bf, but i did coz i was in love with that guy and iwanted to marry him and he did say to me same and promissed me that we will be together....

    How can you fall in love with a guy within a week ? And that too by not seeing him (long distance) ? It certainly is false desires. The problem you're having is that you trust everybody blindly. This happens if you disobey Allah and listens to satan. Okay so your 'bf' promised to marry you but now he broke off isn't it ? I heard somthing similar, lets see - "Satan makes them promises, and creates in them false desires; but satan's promises are nothing but deception. The refuge of those will be Hell, and they will not find from it an escape." (Quran 4:120-121) and satan said: "And I promised you, but I betrayed you. But I had no authority over you except that I invited you, and you responded to me. So do not blame me; but blame yourselves. (Quran 14:22 ) Make your choice sister.

    Sorry to hear that you were raped when you were a kid. Curse be on the aggressors.

    i was also raped by the person i was thinking i am gonna marry long ago...i told all those stuffs to him (but i lied about not being raped in past by my x-bf, i said him it did not work out, i did not want to look like a failure)

    I am worried about your choice of potential partners. Do you involve your parents whenever you wish to marry a person or its solely your decision and game plan ? It makes me wonder about your age and maturity. It seems as though your way of selecting potential partner is based on looks/wealth and for this reason you are being used. Allah and our Prophet forbids pre-marital relationship due to many reasons and the evil it may cause and your situation is only few of them. You WILL keep on failing if you stay on this evil path. Please cut all ties with this man. Stop intermingling with men and fear Allah. There is a great punishments in the graveyeard once your death approcahes and so seek refuge from it. "Neither did you know nor did you recite (the Qur�an and took guidance), and he will be hit with a iron hammer once, and he will send such a cry that everything near him will be able to hear, except the Jinns and human beings (Bukhari, Muslim)

    Furthermore, you said you suffered so much and even got beaten by your family because of him, then why do you wish to live with him forever ? He doesn't like/trust you at all, don't you get it ? Stop chasing him, he doesn't want you. You may deserve someone better insha'Allah. As Ibn Al Qayyim said : "falling in love with a fading shadow is sheer stupidity". Your best course of action would be to forget him. It will take time ofcourse but with efforts your feelings for him WILL fade. Remembrance of Allah will help you alot. Stop wasting your life and time for a man not worthed. Pray for a better one.

    And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appearthereof; that they should draw their veils over their bodies and not display their beauty except to their husbands (Quran 24:31)

    "And do not follow the footsteps of Satan, indeed he is to you a clear enemy. He only orders you to evil and immorality,.."(Quran 2:168-169)

    "It has been decreed for him, that whoever turns to him, meaning Satan, he will misguide him and will lead him to the punishment of the blaze" (Quran 22:4)

    Therefore, be a righteous muslimah. Observe the Islamic dress code for your betterness. Pray your regular prayers, stay away from the prohibited things in Islam. Never ever get in any relationships ever. The next time you meet someone, must be your husband. Repent as much as you can. Obey your parents, obey Allah and His messenger. Start learning about Islam and whats in store for us in the hereafter. Finally, pray salat al istikhara before making a decision on marrying someone.

    May Allah have mercy on you, may He guide you and forgive you.

  2. Arghhh I'm getting tired of hearing the same things. seek knowledge and see sense. why do people get emotionally attached so quickly. you don't even know the guy yet ur acting as if u can't survive without him. you need to get a hobby to stop u from thinkin so vacant. a vacant mind is the mind of Satan as u have nothin better to do apart from dwell on silly things like this

  3. Assalamu'alaikum sister hadija1234,

    How can you let this happen to you? You say you have suffered the ill-effect of having a boyfriend in the past - in that he RAPED you. How can you give this chance to another boy? Shaitaan makes a person feel empty and in need of "love" and affection. This makes him/her choose to love in a haraam way, for which Allah Has not sent any right.

    When Allah made it Haraam, there is no reason for us to be in it. My sister, waiting for him will only add to your worries. Now that you have told him your past, even if he comes back, he may try to do what has happened with you. Or he might have moved away from you, because of what has happened with you in the past.

    For this reason, do not reveal your sin (or your past) to anyone whosoever. Allah Knows it, and when He Is Hiding it, why would you reveal it to the World?

    Forget about this man. And this is not difficult at all. A 2 week love is not love...It is infatuation. When you told him so much about yourself in 2 weeks, he might have anticipated more, which might have scared him away.

    The truth could be either that the man is good but is scared/disgusted to be with you after knowing your past. Or is bad and will come back to repeat your history. I know it sounds scary and also a little rude. But sister, this is what happens when we break the limits set by Allah. I hope you have learnt a lesson and will take care in the future. Never meet a man when alone. Marry a man who is pious and can take good care of not tell him anything about your past.

    The proof for this is the following Hadith:

    "My entire nation is safe, except al-Mujahirin (those who boast of their sins). Among the Mujaharah is that a man commits an (evil) act, and wakes up in the morning while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret, he says: "O Fulan! Last night I did this and that." He goes to sleep while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret but he wakes up in the morning and uncovers what Allah has kept a secret!" [Saheeh al-Bukharee]

    May Allah Protect you and give you Strength

    Abu Abdul Bari Editor

    • Nice reply MashaAllah........but this could be due to lack of connection with her parents, maybe she didn't get enough support from parents when all this happened (raped). Or they never talked about it to find out what she is going through n so she decided to find some who will help her to get all the emotions out #just an opinion

  4. Sam...why would U reply with such comment, I think you should have considered this comment before U wrote it because comments like this will only make some feel worthless....did you read what she's been through or not. Or you just wrote wot was on your mind without thinking it least you would have replied with a hadith or any useful knowledge as no one is perfect. The attachment is due to how psychologically he messed with her, n how psychologically she believed everything he told her. Attachment is best described in terms psychology. never be too judgemental

  5. as-salaam-u-alaikum-wr-wb ukhti..

    stop wasting your time on someone who is not worth your time and your precious tears.. show him the exit and make it loud and clear..

  6. just wana say sorry I didn't read the last bit. and I should have been more considerate. please accept my apology

  7. Sweetie...u have to look inward before u can look outward. Instead of looking to him for comfort assurance..u need to ask yourself ...why you are feeling so attached...lonely et ....sometimes our desperation leads us to look for individuals who are not trustworthy or combatible....if you have been abused before jumping into counsel...make sure you are strong and well first....My prayers go out to you.

  8. I can't say more..but what u did was not like true love.all that was just a bit attraction..

  9. You should confirm with your parents and the boys parents for what you need to do open up to your parents because they will always be there for you

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