Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He is a good person but my parents can not understand

girl innocent


My Parents are very good parents They have always wanted whats best for me. when I was young they moved us to Bangladesh from Germany to do Hifz, times where really fun and it taught me a lot - how to share, to respect, to live together, being kind toward the poor helping people in need . Most of all that 3 year trip taught me the importance and beauty of Islam. Without the trip I am sure I would have lost my way in Germany.

However during that trip something else happened, I met my cousin brother. He was a very good person he cares for the elder a lot he prays his namaaz and loves his family member he has a lot of respect for my parents too. those where the qualities that really attracted me towards him. I know its wrong but at that time I never thought of that I wish I had then I wouldn't be in this position today.

He is round 6 years older than me and I didn't think he would ever grow an interest towards me but it happened. after 3 years in Bangladesh we moved to England to start our educational life and i was always the slowest one to remember things, slowly slowly I started to forget my Qur´an . we went to visit Bangladesh every year in the summer and in summer 2011 we got together. I didn't tell my parents because they had previously rejected my brothers relationship.

Since then I had an online relationship with him from England for 2 years after that my parents found out and tried to stop the relation ship they said he is a good person but not to your standard or he doesn't suit you. i didn't and i still don`t understand he has a little bit of listening difficulty, he isn't as good as his older brother in studies but he isn't bad either, he would never do the things my dad did to my mom, yes it would be a little difficult but once he is here in England he would get an OK/good job so there is not money issue either. What was the issue?

Back then these reasons blinded my love towards my parents and i thought when I am old enough i will ask them some more and if they don´t understand ill just get married and after they see me happy the will forgive me.

It has been now another 3 year , in total 5 or more years i was with him. my Mother asked me around a month ago " do you still like him " i said yes and she threw a fit she cried so much and it hurt me so much to see my mum cry. my mum has gone through so much - my dad may have been a good father but he has not been a good husband so my mother has a lot of grief inside her and then I disappointed her in so much. my brother said that here are 2 option choosing him or choosing my parents, he said my parents wouldn't forgive us he said they don´t want anything bad for me. why cant I see what they see, he really is a good person and i really cant forget him anymore i agree it is wrong.

I talked with him and we decided to end this just for me. His parents where ok with me .We ended because i cant think of hurting my mum I cant think of receiving her ill wishes .

I have not talked to him since but I cant forget him after prayer my first Duaas are always for him and in future dreams I only see him and I start thinking of doing bad things like calling for a Qadi to be my Walee but no I don´t want parents to upset with me - I have always tried to keep them happy like they have always cared for me .

what should I do now , I need some advice. Should i actually be leaving him although he isn't bad? i know i would not be be to marry anyone else. but i know I cant live with my parents being upset with me, would they ever forgive me ? How should I convince them or should I Still try to forget him?


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2 Responses »

  1. U try to for get him

  2. Salaam Sister,

    First make sure that you both can move on with your life and you both can forget each other.

    If both of you can forget each other and do 100% love towards your spouses then move on with your life and forget him. Your parents will be happy and Inshallah you will get a good spouse who will take good care of you.

    If you both can't forget each other even after marriage to someone else then please don't marry. And fight till your last breath to marry each other. Because if you both can't move on then you both will be spoiling other 2 persons life. If you cannot give 100% love to your spouse then don't marry. Please don't spoil the life of an innocent person.

    May Allah guide you.

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