IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

assalamualaikum,

I am a 19 year old girl. I just finished with my graduation. A year ago I met a guy, and I started falling for him. At that time he already loved someone else, so I  backed off thinking that nothing was possible. After few months he himself came back to me. He poked me on Facebook and then everything started again- we again came in contact and started chatting. He told me that he broke  up with his girlfriend.

This time it was different. We started to chat for hours and have long long talks on the phone, so my feelings started to grow more and more towards him. Then after few months I confessed  to him that I loved him, and was happy to know and get the reply saying that he loves me too. It was all going good, but the only thing was that our relationship was little complicated. whenever I used to say 'I love you', he used to sometimes reply and sometimes not. As day by day passed, I got confused because sometimes he used to act like I was just a friend, and sometimes I was  more than a friend.

After a few months I asked him about his confusing behaviour towards me. He said:

"look taanz, one thing I lclearly say is that I have some family problem. I had promised my ammi saying that I won't fall for any girl. Since now I really can't tell you now what family problem I have, but in shaa allah some day I'll let you know. I love you taanz, I really love you a lot and PRESENTLY I need you, but I really dont know about our future because of the promise I made to my ammi. But I promise you now that if my ammi anytime asks me regarding whether I love any girl, I swear on allah the first name I'll suggest is yours. But please, you have to understand me. Please do.  I really can't tell her that I am in love with someone. I don't have so much of guts. Now if I had not promised my mom, I would have surely confessed it to her".

The guy is 25 years old and recently stated working. To be frank, we never went on any dates. We just speak on phone and chat- that's it. I just met him twice, and even that too he was sitting in the car and I was outside. we have never gone out, and whenever I asked him 'why don't you reply when I say I love you' or 'why does your behaviour keep on changing;,  he used to say "look taanz, I don't want to make fake promises or say that love you everytime, because I myself don't know what to do.  I am so confused and if I dont say I love you all the time, that doesn't mean I don't. I really do. I love you a lot, but I can't promise you saying that I'll marry you. I really wish to, but remember about the promise",  and he then would shut down the topic.

Now I am confused A. few days ago I offered ishtikara, and I asked Allah whether this guy is good for me and will our marriage work out. After 3 days H had a dream and I saw that me and his bhabhi were fighting for some reason. I again prayed ishikara, and after two  days I had a dream that I was wearing a green color top. While walking I saw my friend wearing a burkha (ie.black color). Then I lost my bike, which was black colored, and I started to search for my bike with my friend who was wearing a green colored top.

It is said that if we see green it's good and black is bad, but everything does not depend on dreams because what you feel also matters. I was so confused and coudn't figure out what to do, so I again prayed istikara sincerely. Then the next day he called me up and he came to meet me, but while I was praying istikara his behaviour also changed and he started texting me and calling me up chatting. My feelings also started to grow more and more towards him. Can anybody interpret these dreams?

Then I told maulana about my dreams. He says there's a  40% chance because the guy is acting so confusing.  He said "forget about the promise, at least he should tell you to wait and give him some time to think and make up everything ". But he never said this, he never told me to wait for him. All he says is  "I love you. Presently I need you, but I really don't know about our future".

Now the climax. Here is the problem. One thing I have not yet told him -and even he did not ask me about it- is my parents. After doing ishtikara, maulana told me to tell him about my mom. Actually, when I was 3 months old my  mom left me, and I was brought up by my grandmom. My family back ground is not very good, but I can proudly say that I am a practicing muslimah and I am not like the other members in my family. So then as I grew up, I came to know that my mom and dad had a divorce and my mom got married to a catholic man. This truth I have not yet told him in fear of losing him. The maulana and one of my family members is insisting that I tell him this.

After doing ishtikara, is this what I am suppose to do? Because maulana told me to let him know about it, is this related? Is the guy serious about me? What should I do? Should I ask him for the last time what he is up to? What is our future? Where do I belong with him? And should I tell him about my family background, or should I just quietly go away from him without asking or saying anything?

The guy and his family is really very good, only one thing is that the guy is stuck up with his promise. Should  I give him some time,  or wait for him? Maulana says "why wait and waste your time- just tell him about your family and ask him about your future. Ask him whether you should wait for him or move on, and whether he's really intending to marry you or just playing around. But before asking this, tell him about your family background and your mom. And if he says that he wants you presently and doesn't know about the future, you should change your path and get away from him and focus on Allah more. Remember, if Allah wills he will bring him back again to you."

What should I do? Pease tell me. After all this I decided to tell him about my family and ask him about our future. Should I ask him?  I really love him a lot, and I know even he does. I know he's not flirting with me, but at the same time his confusing behaviour is annoying me  Please reply. Please, it' a request. Remember me  in supplication.

Allah hafiz,

-taanz