Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He is engaged to another woman

Engagement ring on finger


My scenario here is regarding love and marriage. An make that I have known the male since school and has been about 5 years now if knowing him & was ready to marry me. The story is, the male changed his ways when he performed umrah and started to become more thankful towards Allah. This in fact is a blessing as we would all like to have a chance to do umrah. I was happy for him as I have seen a difference in his character. We contacted through messaging (we did not have contact before) and I know it is said it is haram but it was about him wanting to marry me. He asked if I could inform my mother so I did.

As he has been diagnosed with a health complication my mother said she would not mind meeting his family after seeing how his operation goes. I discussed this with him through a message and he said that is fine and he accepts. I then told him to discuss it with his mother as well which he did. His mother said to him that she has already found a potential girl and both families are going to meet to see if he is interested. He reminded his mother that he wants to marry me as he has strong feelings. His mother said "we'll see" but first meet the other girl and her family (it was his mothers friends daughter). He met the family and I asked him what does he think and he said to me he is still interested in marrying me. He informed his mother about.

Previously, his mother said to him "we'll see" and now she said "no" about marrying me when she has not even met me or my family. His mother only wants him to marry her friends daughter and refuses to accept me/anyone else. He does not know what to do but wants to keep his mother happy. His mother is convincing him that the other girl is better for his future without even meeting me. He said I am right that he should persuade his mother to meet my family but she is not having it. He admitted his feelings towards me hence why he wanted to form a halal relationship (marriage).

He is now engaged to the other girl because his mother wants him to and only because she said no about me. He has feelings for me but is pursuing marriage with another woman. He said he wants his mum to be happy so now he is happy even though I know myself he still has feelings for me. If his mother agreed on meeting me then there could of been a possibility for marriage between us. His hands are tied and is now settling for the other woman due to his mothers happiness.

On the other hand, I have my own mother trying to comfort me and who was surprised that his family didn't even meet mine for starters before deciding. I am very hurt by this and I understand that praying namaz and reciting can help. I feel very broken although he's moving on even though he wanted to marry me, I feel hurt and betrayed. He is not planning to tell his new fiancé about having feelings for me either. I feel it's become quite unfair as I wanted to pursue marriage with him but now I feel like there's nothing left to do. I'm afraid of committing any sins in relation to males as I want to get married instead. I know it says to fast and it can help but besides that what can I do? Shall I also start having my family search for a potential spouse? I was really looking forward to the marriage with him as well. Also, we do not have contact with each other anymore as I have stopped it because there is someone else in his life and I am still upset about what has happened despite still having feelings for each other. I have had a previous proposal but I refused it, I have never so eager to marry someone so much until this male came alone but ended up engaged to someone else.

Please do not judge me for what has happened. I am just here to seek advice to my questions and situation. I could of had something halal with someone who I was willing to marry so much.

Jazak'Allah Khair!


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5 Responses »

  1. I think you should move on.

    Who knows, Allah may have saved you from something that you cannot see. He is very obedient to his mother and his mother was even unreasonable in that she didn't even give u a chance. So imagine if she were a constant part of your life.

    Have your family to find you a potential spouse, even your mother is comforting and was open to you marrying your own choice. I think you should be confident in your family finding you a good Muslim man to marry. You are blinded by attachment to this guy, and maybe he is a good guy, but your family will be able to pick someone for you without being biased by feelings. 🙂

    Keep praying and in this month of Ramadan Allah will answer your prayers. 🙂

  2. Salaam Sister,

    Thank Allah that He has saved you from getting married to that guy. He is very much close to his mother which would have made your married life difficult because of her interference. If he is ready to marry someone else because he wants to make his mother happy then imagine what else he would do after marriage to disappoint you in order to make his mother happy.

    Stop thinking about him and move on. Make dua that Allah gives you a better husband than that guy.

    May Allah grant you the best husband.

  3. Dear anonymous26,

    He is engaged now. Let him be. Expressing his feelings to you or to his respected mother means nothing. If he reallyy wanted he could have easily refused to get engage with this girl or any other girl. He clearly chose the other girl even though he may like you. He will soon will like his fiance and then when he sees his fiancé's shortcomings he will come to you that he likes you. And then when he sees some of your shortcomings he will return back to his fiancé. Basically, what I am trying to say is that don't make your life limbo. You did your part in most appropriate manner. There's no more you could do. Please don't go after him. Let him be.

    You should move on. Of course this won't be easy thing to do but I assure you by time it will be become better for you.

    Break contacts him. Even if he returns back to you to tell you that he likes you and so on, you should not talk to him at all because this will only slow down your life and will mess up your feelings. Don't let his probable confused state ruin your feelings. Please don't try to chase him or make this work if he was not brave enough to refuse this engagement.

    He seems to have dependency on his family/ mother. Not wise idea to marry him because he can't make firm decisions independently.

    May Allah swt make this easy for you. And Alhamdulillah you have your respected mother by your side. And to start to keep yourself busy on.other things: family, friends, work, studies, get more closer to Allah swt, do community work. Use your time wisely. And in sha Allah there is much better and wiser brother out there for you.

    Take care of yourself,

    Your, sr ME

  4. Salam,

    I'm sorry you're going through this trial. Your guy did try and it seems to be his mom that's running the show. Please don't take this personally, there are families where the son has little say, and families where the girl has little say. It could've been that after meeting your family your mom may not have liked his mom and the relationship would've ended that way.

    I recommend taking some time to heal and get over him and then get married to someone else.

  5. Sister, I completely understand you feelings and dont want blame for the haram relationship you had been to. Ofcourse, there is no worst pain than imagining loved one with another women once you committed. But life never promises anything sister. Just to add, a real life incident happened in my native times ago..

    It was a haram relationship for 7 years and they decided to make it halal and everyone from both family agreed on that (dont know whether someone internally unhappy like he in your case). He was in foreign and came to home town for marriage but sister.. By Allah he died few days before marriage in a road accident. That simple life is...

    When something doesnt comes to your way, you need to move on sister. When I say this I equally understand the pain you undergoing. Maximum 1 year, after the things will come to normal.

    Never betray anyone, its our mistake that committ haram, we cant ask Allah after realizing things are not working according to us. I had spoke many of such cases, maximum they will take 1-2 years, then they will start a new life and they will not even know that they had such relationship in thier life.

    Pray for me sister

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