Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He has left me because I don’t speak the language his mother understands

Disowning children is strictly forbidden in Islam

Rejected for Un-Islamic Reasons

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters!

My unfortunate story starts off with meeting a religious brother who I was very interested in. He was everything I had wanted, smart, hard working, prays 5 times a day, funny and everything a sister would want in a husband. He liked me as well at first but never took me seriously because we were from different countries.

My love for him grew over the years until I found out that he had gotten engaged to a woman from his country. I was devastated but to him it "was life, was normal". I asked him if he loved her and he told me that he loved talking to her and the look of happiness I seen on his face broke my heart instantly. Even now as I picture that expression on his face I have tears in my eyes and pain in my heart.

I didn't know why after 2 years of knowing him and spending time with him he would want to be with a woman his family has set up for him over me. He always compares me to the woman in his country since I am a westerner and I look different than them but Alhamdulilah I am a Muslim and I always thought that to a true Muslim the cultural difference should not matter.

We never had sex but had emotional intimate moments and I felt completely close to him. I know he will not change his decision and that she is the one he wants and no matter how much I beg him and want to be with him he will not be with me because he wants someone who can speak to his mother in his native language. This hurt me because I have been trying my best to learn his language but it can not happen over night and although we have stopped talking for a while I still haven't stopped learning.

The only reason why he does not want to be with me was because I was not from his country (this is what he said) and this has affected me greatly. I started to picture his women as innocent beings, pure and chaste. I put them above me and sometimes I cry to Allah as to why He did not make me like them.

I know that is wrong because it is His decision to make me who I am and His decisions alone are superior to my wishes so I seek forgiveness for that but it is very difficult because he has broken me down completely. He has destroyed my self esteem and makes me feel that the woman he will marry is much much more better than I can ever be. I can't believe that my ethnic background would ever be a reason to not want me.

I just want to get over this and I want to find a good brother who will care for me and love me for who I am, someone who will look at my heart and my character and accept me as how God created me. Please pray for me :'(

Any positive advice is appreciated. I am at a very depressing stage in my life and need all the help I can get. May Allah bless each and every one of you with a happy and blessed life with someone who will love you regardless of what you can not change. I hope this never happens to anyone again.

- starclusters

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19 Responses »

  1. starclusters,

    I know you are hurting. In my opinion he should not have embarked upon any such emotional relationship with you knowing that he would eventually marry a person from his own country of his family's choosing. At least he should have been honest with you about this fact.

    That said, you have to understand that his wanting to be with someone of his own culture and language does not mean that you are in any way inferior. You are not. However, there is comfort for him in being with a woman who not only speaks his language but has the same cultural upbringing as him. She is familiar and probably shares many of the same life experiences country/culture-wise as he. Also, in many countries, the wife of a man becomes the caregiver for her mother in law. Of course his mother will want a girl of her choosing, who speaks her language, and knows her "place" culturally-speaking. You are of a different culture. By different, I don't mean you are worth less, you just are not familiar with their ways.

    I know some men from South Asian countries that often compare western women and their dress and attitudes to the women in their own countries. Some of them find American women to be "too strong", "too forward", and even "too educated". Others from the same country find those same attributes to be strengths rather than weaknesses. So attitudes about cultural ethnicity can differ among men from the same country, even the same village. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder after all.

    I think that you should let him go from your life. Heal yourself and turn to Allah for guidance. You are as He wanted you to be. There is someone for you who will accept and love you for who you are whether they may be from another country/culture, or your own. Clearly this man has other desires and you cannot change him, nor should you try. Take leave of him, pray, and know that Allah loves you. Take care.

    • Yes you are right and reading what you have wrote is very painful for me but it is the truth. Some men want more than I can give them and desire things that I can't fulfill. I guess it is the best for him to marry her because maybe she can understand his culture better and tolerate things I wouldn't be able to tolerate. But I just wish it wasn't like that. I didn't understand why it had to be like this. I can learn the language, I can learn the food and the traditions, it will take me a couple of years but I had the determination.

      And I know I can be a good wife, I know I can be loyal and faithful to him and fulfill his needs and desires and fulfill my obligations as a Muslim woman and a Muslim wife. I just couldn't understand why he couldn't see past my outer self. I guess there are layers to a person and to some people only religion and love isn't enough. I understand that now. Thank you for opening my eyes, may Allah bless you.

      -Starclusters

  2. assalamalaikum
    Dear Muslimah,
    Definitely positive suggestion can be given but the root of the your problem is disobedience which has to be mentioned here or else others will not know the reason of falling into error and the consequences.

    A person cannot be blamed for love that he does not cause, such as if he sees a girl by accident and his heart is filled with love for her..........

    LOVE BEFORE NIKAH IS NOT LOVE IT IS INFATUATION CLEAR CUT EMOTIONS OF EVIL-THOUGHT-
    Correspondence between the sexes is not permissible, because that provokes temptation and usually results in evil. If a man corresponds with a non-mahram woman in letters that are not seen by anyone else, that leads to many evils.
    As for the love that stems from repeated looking, haraam mixing or correspondence, the one who does that is sinning to the extent that he does haraam things in his relationship and love. Islam forbids a woman to be alone with a man who is not her mahram because of the fitnah (temptation) and bad things that result from that, such as attachment and the desire to look and touch, etc.
    leave alone the personal contactt of 2 years[in yr case] even correspondence is not allowed.
    All of this results from the man talking to the woman in these private letters or conversations, especially if they are young and at an age when desire is strong.
    Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him) was asked: What is the ruling on correspondence between young men and young women, if this correspondence is free from immorality, love and desire?
    He replied: It is not permissible for any person to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the temptation involved in that. The person may think that there is no temptation, but the shaytaan will keep trying until he tempts him through her, and tempts her through him.THIS IS THE PROOF IN YOUR LETTER[We never had sex but had emotional intimate moments and I felt completely close to him]

    Is love before marriage better?
    The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage.”
    (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by al-Busayri and by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624)

    THIS IS LOVE IN ISLAM SEE THE LIMIT SET FOR THE SUBJECT- It was narrated from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah that he proposed marriage to a woman, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Go and look at her, because that is more likely to create love between you.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1087; classed as hasan by al-Nasaa’i, 3235)

    COMING TO THE CLIMAX IT I BETTER ......Choice, IS YOURS BUT THE RELATIONSHIP NEEDS 2 SIDE CONFIRMATION AND LOVE .....

    The SELFISH MAN does not agree WITH YOUR STATUS AND LANGUAGE ,LEAVE HIM ALONE YOU ARE HIGHER THAN HIM IN THE EYES OF ALLAH-

    YOU ARE A GOOD MUSLIMAH-AND THE PERSON YOU MENTIONED IS NOT WORTH FOR YOU-PLS BE PATIENT AND LOOK THE OTHER SIDE NOW THERE IS VERY BIG WORLD WITH MANY MANY PROPOSALS IN THE OFFING AND THERE IS ONE WHO ALLAH WROTE DOWN FOR YOU WHEN YO WERE 3 MONTHS IN YOUR MOTHERS WOMB AND DO RUN HITHER THITHER AND FACE DEEP REGRET DISAPPOINTMENT AND SADNESS WITH DIRECT APPROACH AND MINGLING YOU WILL LOOSE THE SECURITY OF ALALLH IN THAT ROUTE BURDEN WITH SINS AND BECOME A DISOBEDIENT BELIEVER AND FINALLY THE PERSIN WILL VANISH AS THIS IS THE CASE NOW YOU ARE LEFT WITH SINS RECORDED BY THE ANGELS-
    WOMAN WAS CREATED FROM THE RIB OF MAN-
    SHE WAS NOT CREATED FROM THE HEAD TO RULE ON HIM-
    NOR FROM THE FEET OF MAN TO BE STEPPED UPON-
    SHE WAS MADE FROM THE SIDE TO BE CLOSE TO HIM
    FROM BENEATH HIS ARM TO BE PROTECTED BY HIM-
    AND NEAR HIS HEART TO LOVED BU HIM......AFTER MARRIAGE NOT BEFORE
    REGARDS

  3. I wish I could write something to pacify you but whatever I write cannot totally transform your situation. The saddest part of life is when you still love a person who used to love you or pretended to Love you. I've been through that precarious situation. The pain and agony suffocates you to a point of no return.

    From your post I humbly make this prognosis that this man was never meant for you. You are a gem. Your words delineate your child like innocence. You really want to be with this person but you know you can't. It decimates you totally. Unfortunately, this man is not serious for you. He's merely using a crack in your nature to tear you apart.

    Pardon my language, I find it highly hypocritical if he has marginalized this relationship on the basis of language barrier as the sole reason for terminating the ties with you. I know for sure Allah does not approve of it. Prophet Muhammad (SAW) preached Islam in Arabic. Only 15% of the world population are Arabs today. Does that mean that the rest of 85% of people who do not speak Arabic or fail to understand will not get to communicate with Prophet if they make it heaven. No! Absolutely not.

    I can only advise you that you should not be regretful about this guy. You are Allah's favorite child. I'm sure Allah has reserved for you an amazing person.

    • Farrukh,

      "Allah's favorite child"
      What is this supposed to mean?

      I thought this was a Christian/Jewish concept.

      Abu Abdul Bari
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. Dear sister
    I know you must be going through a really tough time especially processing and feeling rejected. You feel why am I not worthy, and how can you be scrutinised just because your not from the same country! It's silly how people's minds work seriously but you can't change them, however you can change the way you think slowly. Regardless of how far, the differences the similarities the right person won't let you go, so see it as he's not the one for you!
    I know exactly what you going through this time last year I felt the same my ex got married to a girl from his country! His parents didn't want a western non pustho speaking girl as you know many are very stuck in there own ways. So within a day he got married and started a new life leaving me behind I felt I hit rock bottom! I questioned just how you are, what's wrong with me?
    Really now I've realised there is nothing wrong with any of us, if a man leaves a good woman than take it as his loss but Allah will provide you with someone who you deserve!
    Believe me the feeling the hurt the despair the anxiety will pass but keep praying! Allah makes people leave, makes you feel alone so it's only you and him! Take this time to rebuild love Allah! When we start loving,attaching ourself with someone greater than Allah that one thing will be the cause of the greatest pain we will suffer, sister think of yourself to be saved and stay patient
    Allah has something so much better in store! Last year I was writing just like you for advise now alhumduliah I would say I'm the strongest mentally I've ever been! Believe me life will and can get tough and if we can't marry who we want its not the end, but now don't focus on the closed door, say alhumduliah for everyday and think and wait for the next door to open! Way life works is amazing seriously think positive, think you have been saved and keep your head high and deen higher! His loss inshallah one day you will gain someone amazing

  5. Assalam o Alikum Sister,

    Iam very sorry to hear you about your situation but sister we have to realize that all the distress that we feel is because of our own wrong doings when you mess with Allah's systems your are infarct messing with your own that is why He has provided us with his guidance for our own benefits, you must be thankful to Allah that He saved you from a bigger disaster, one becomes blind in Love and in our time unfortunately wrongdoings are very much more attractive and convineint than doing right things right way. You dont have any other choice than to make your self strong and seek refuge in Allah and His guidance seem that He has left you no way other than the right way to follow so Be grtful for that and smile:)

    You can either keep on weeping over what has been done or you can get up be strong and start afresh make the right choice to get the right result. From your post its clear that you want someone who cares for you and loves you for whatever you are for that rely on Allah rather than yourself and be patient keep praying and keep your hopes high for the Almighty as He is only one giving you what you want.

    Learn from your mistake and move on in life there will be times when you feel low and disappointed but you have to boost up yourself and seek refuge only from Allah. do you best in deen and dunya leave the rest on Allah's will He is not unjust He knows our intentions and our efforts and He has promised to give us big returns for that He can never betray us He is the most mercy and most giving. Hes the one who has given you all that you have your body your soul your family your intelligence and alll the other countless favors that He has bestowed upon us.

    So cheer up girl and be happy May Allah bless you you with all the best in this world and the hereafter (Aameen) 🙂

  6. Offer nafils of istikhara. Whatever happens will be the best thing for you and for him. I did not read the above answers but I have friends who have married men whose mothers don't understand their language.sister it's not easy to manage a relationship where your mother in law does not understand and accept you.even after years of being arried they r struggling.May Allah help you 🙂

  7. Sister,

    My husband and I are oceans apart in language...he Arabic, me...English. When his mother came to meet me, I didn't speak a lick of Arabic and was so afraid of being judged. She accepted me as I was and over the years to follow, I would learn Arabic from her whilst we sat together and watched the Arabic soap operas together. No one made me learn the language, I did it because I wanted to.

    Some families are unable to accept a marriage outside of their culture or nationality. This doesn't make them wrong, it just makes them who they are. There is a brother out there who will accept you and love you for who you are. Don't change who you are for anyone. Just be yourself and Allah Inshallah will guide a pious Muslim brother your way.

    Salam

  8. Starclusters

    I am unlike most of the posters on this website as I am not much of a practising muslim unfortunately but I do believe in Islam. I am going to try and make you understand his perspective hopefully as I can somewhat relate to your situation.

    I am a Pakistani and a muslim by birth. I went to Canada for higher studies and my parents were not particularly thrilled about it. I returned after spending just one year. I thought a lot about relationships between people belonging to different cultures during and after that period and you may benefit from what I have concluded about this subject. Now there are some differences between your situation and my hypothetical situation. The biggest difference is that you are a muslim (ma sha Allah) while I had an average western woman in my mind. Also I wasn't even close to being a practising muslim back then but your friend is a practising muslim. Still the basic problem is the same.

    Your race, culture, tongue etc do not have any bearing on your Islam or your muslim character. Neither are they supposed to have any effect on your relationship with your fellow female muslims. But they do play a major role when it comes to marriage. You must think about it rationally. Religion has got nothing to do with it. Love between a married couple is recommended and goes a long way in making the marriage succesful but other factors are important as well. You have to live with the other person for the rest of your life and you also have to interact with the other person's family as well. Your in-laws must also be satisfied for you to have a happy marriage.

    I am not saying that marrying across cultures is a bad thing or always doomed for failure. It all depends on the kind of family that guys like me for example or your guy friend has. Some families are more liberal, open minded and admittiing. Others not so. Some parents, like mine, are really dictating and like to influence their children's lifestyle even in things that Shariah allows us freedom to choose. We can't change them and must eventually learn to accept their presence and influence on our lives even if it includes abandoning our likes sometimes.

    My mother doesn't know English and that is certainly one of the biggest reasons why I am not comfortable marrying a westerner or even a westernized Desi! My mother may not mind if my wife is a muslim but it would still be awkward. Some people do take the chance however and they are succesful too at times. But I guess others are too timid to take any risks. They like to stay in their comfort zone and don't like to do unconventional things.

    However that doesn't change the fact that you were disappointed and heart broken. Sometimes we fall in love with people with whom we shouldn't and we dont even have the power to stop ourselves. Unfortunately you can't get everything you desire in this world. You have to learn to accept life as it is and it isn't always ideal. I am afraid you will have to move on, even though it is easier said than done, and not let this affect your life and most importantly your Islam. Just stay focused and you will find someone better to marry in sha Allah.

    Nothing and no one in this world is worthy of your love and commitment; only Allah is worthy of it. Strive to turn your heart away from people to Allah. Unlike people, he never breaks our heart and never lets us down for stupid reasons.

  9. ASSALAMALAIKUM
    Serving the In-laws is not obligatory......SO THIS STAND TO MARRY FOR JUST THE REASON TO INTERACT WITH BOYS MOTHER THROUGH LANGUAGE IS NOT REQUIRED AT ALL-
    STATUS AND RIGHTS OF A WIFE IN ISLAM ..........

    THIS CANNOT FORM THE BASIS FOR DECISION AT ALL..............

    To serve In-Laws is a virtue for a woman.....

    Appreciate the services of a daughter-in-law ......
    The husband must provide his wife with a dwelling place that will conceal her from the eyes of people and protect her from heat and cold, where she can live and settle and be independent. Whatever meets her needs is sufficient, such as a room in good condition with a kitchen and bathroom – “…
    and live with them honourably…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:19]

    HE DOES NOT HAVE RIGHT TO MAKE HER EAT WITH ANY OF THE IN LAWS-
    The kind of accommodation provided must be commensurate with what the husband is able to provide and be suitable according to local custom (‘urf) and the social level of the wife.
    hope the answer will suffice for the decision taken by the boy not to go ahead with the marriage on basis of language ..
    WHEN SHE IS NOT COMPELLED IN ISLAM TO TO LIVE WITH THE PARENTS THEN WHERE IS THE QUESTION OF LANGUAGE BEING THE IMPORTANT POINT OF DECISION-
    REGARDS

  10. Assalam u alaikum wr wb Sweet Sister .

    "a religious brother who I was very interested in. He was everything I had wanted, smart, hard working, prays 5 times a day, funny and everything a sister would want in a husband" Sister In Islam I don't think He was religious enough and possessed all these Beautiful qualities, because first of all a religious guy won't even look at na-mehram woman....

    Just simple point......

    And in sha ALLAH sure you will find A husband with all these beautiful and more beautiful qualities.

    • Oh yes I have realized that now. I am very sad because I made him seem much more than he actually was. I am very sad now because I always feel like I can never get a man like that (religious, smart, hard working, etc.) but reading this comment put a smile to my face and hope in my heart. May Allah bless you and grant you a spouse with the same qualities that I want in my husband as well.

      -Starclusters

  11. Thank you so much everyone for your advice, duas and warm words. May Allah bless you and all Muslims and give us all the highest level of Jannah so we can be with our beloved Prophet (Sallalhu aliahi wasallam) and spend the rest of our after life in pure happiness and peace.

    As an update I want to let you all know that I have decided to give this man up for Allah's sake and I have blocked him and not had any contact with him for weeks. I am slowly healing day by day but I do have my weak and dark moments where I would just lie in bed and cry or tell myself "this is the best for us" and remind myself that Allah always does good for those who He loves. It is so difficult especially when you don't know anything about the future. I don't know if there will be a good man who will want to marry me. Please give dua for me because it kills me when I am watching everyone around me getting married or being in relationships and I have to control my urges.

    All of those who have loving husbands, you do not know how blessed you are. Please be grateful to Allah for a good husband/wife because there are men and women out there who seem good on the outside but are very bad inside. It is very difficult to find a good man especially since temptation is so easy to give into because of the mixing of genders. I pray that Allah protects my future husband (and all husbands) from these type of temptations as well as anything else that is haraam. I also pray that Allah protects everyone from these harmful things.

    I am so scared sometimes and wonder if I will ever even find the one for me, I know that inshallah if i reach Jannah I will be with him regardless and that I should focus on reaching it but I want to be with him in this life too. I want to be able to meet him and develop love and affection for him and I want him to help me get closer to Allah. This is all I want in a man and I do not want to settle for less because I may not be the best but I want a chance to have something good. I do not want to cry anymore or get hurt over these men. It should not hurt to love someone. The only time tears should fall down from my eyes is when I think about disobeying Allah and the heavy severe punishment He will bring to us for disobeying him.

    Once again thank you all for giving me such good heart warming and truthful advice. May Allah give you all spouses that will love you well and you will love them as well and may they walk with you to Jannah, And may He increase you in your knowledge so you can give more advice to those who need it, inshallah.

    -Starclusters

    • Read this..

      Umm Salamah (may Allaah be pleased with her), said: "Abu Salamah came to me one day after being with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and

      said: 'I heard from the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) something that made me very happy.

      He said, "There is no calamity that befalls one of the Muslims and he responds by saying 'Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilahi raaji'oon (Truly, to Allaah we belong, and truly, to Him we shall return),' then he says, 'Allaahumma ujurni fi museebati w'ukhluf li khayran minha (O Allaah, reward me in this calamity and compensate me with something better than it),' but Allaah will do that for him."'"

      Umm Salamah said: "I learnt this from him, and when Abu Salamah died, I said, 'Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilahi raaji'oon,' then , 'Allaahumma ujurni fi museebati w'ukhluf li khayran minha,'

      Then I thought to myself, Where could I find anyone better than Abu Salamah? When my 'iddah (waiting-period) was over, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asked permission to see me, whilst I was busy dyeing a hide. I washed the qaraz (a kind of dye derived from a certain plant) from my hands and granted him permission, putting out for him a leather cushion stuffed with palm fibres. He sat down on it, and asked for my hand in marriage. When he had finished what he had to say,

      I said: 'O Messenger of Allaah, I do not want you to lose interest in me, but I am a very jealous woman, and I am afraid that you may see in me something that could earn me the punishment of Allaah. I am also a woman who is ageing, and I have children.'

      He said, 'As for the jealousy you mentioned, Allaah will take this away from you
      (according to another report: as for you saying that you are a jealous woman, I will pray to Allaah to take away your jealousy). As for what you say about age, the same applies to me as to you. As for your children, your children are my children.'

      So I accepted his offer and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married me. Allaah gave me someone even better than Abu Salamah, namely the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)."

      These two reports are in the Musnad of Imaam Ahmad.

      The hadeeth was also reported by Muslim from Umm Salamah, who said: "The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: 'There is no Muslim who suffers a calamity and says what Allaah has commanded: "Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilayhi raji'oon, Allaahumma ujurni fi museebati w'ukhluf li khayran minha," but Allaah will compensate him with something better.

      ' When Abu Salamah died, I said, 'Who among the Muslims could be better than Abu Salamah, the first household to migrate to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)?'

      Then I said [this du'aa'] and Allaah compensated me with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He sent Haatib ibn Abi Balta'ah on his behalf to ask for my hand in marriage,

      but I said, 'I have a daughter, and I am a jealous woman.'

      He said, 'As for your daughter, we will pray to Allaah to make her independent, and I will pray to Allaah to take away your jealousy.'"

      (Reported by Muslim, 1525).
      ____________________________________________________

      you should also know that, Whoever gives up something for the sake of Allah, Allah will compensate him with something better than it.

      May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

      • and one more thing,
        you said " I have been trying my best to learn his language but it can not happen over night and although we have stopped talking for a while I still haven't stopped learning."

        { i don't know which language you are learning, i am assuming its not arabic }

        Can read and understand Arabic ?
        Why waste your time and energy learning some other language ??

        why not learn arabic for the sake of Allah.
        ____________________________

        May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

      • and one more thing,
        you said " I have been trying my best to learn his language but it can not happen over night and although we have stopped talking for a while I still haven't stopped learning."

        { i don't know which language you are learning, i am assuming its not arabic }

        Can read and understand Arabic ?
        Why waste your time and energy learning some other language ??

        why not learn arabic for the sake of Allah.
        If you learn arabic it will be helpful for you to read and understand Quran inshaAllah.

        ____________________________

        May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

  12. It's been months already and he has gone to his home country (but I don't think he is going to marry her yet) and I still miss him dearly. I don't know why it is so hard for me to get him out of my heart. I feel very bad, I can't even imagine anyone loving me, taking care of me or wanting to marry me. I can't picture myself in a loving marriage. I feel so unwanted.

    I am 23 years old and I feel very sad. I had a complete break down on July 4th and have went to the psychiatric section of the hospital that diagnosed me with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Ever since then I have been suffering from this horrible anxiety. Please give dua for me to get better 🙁

    I keep hearing his words in my mind over and over again and it is very painful. "This is my choice please respect it" "You know I am going to get married to my fiance" etc. It is so painful and I am so sad :'(. It is like I am reliving those horrible painful moments over and over again in my head because of my disorder. Please help me. Please give me hope that maybe there is someone out there who can love me and make me forget this man :'( .

  13. Hello,

    Google "unrequited love" and read a couple of articles about it. You will see that other people have gone through the same stage and that you are not alone.

    Most definitely see a shrink/counselor or search on the internet, if you want to save your money, for ways to divert your mind's attention. I have found that psychology is one hell of a discipline and can help a person a lot.

    I am absolutely certain that you will find some one who loves you and whom you will love as well, but you will only find him while going through life normally. To find him, you have got to get up and resume your life's journey which you have stopped temporarily. Think of it as a game and imagine you are walking on a road and that each person you meet is a sign board. To be stuck on a person is to stop walking and keep reading a sign board over and over again. This particular sign board didn't bring any good news for you but even if you keep reading it over and over again it is not going to change. To find your love, friend, husband perhaps, you have to get back on the road and resume walking. After a mile or two you will come across another sign board. Are you not curious to find out what it says?

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