Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He loves me but I don’t love him back

Young Muslim woman making dua

Asalamu'alaikum,

Recently I have found out that my cousin has wanted me and 'loved' since we were children. As we live in two different countries I had no idea. I know that my family also want it to happen because our marriage will help the family out financially and support the family. My family will be happy and so will he but I will not I hate him because his personality is very unnatractive to me. In other words he is not my type. I have never been in a haraam relationship before and inshaAllah plan not to so him not being my type is not from experience. His personality just does not align with mine

However he is obsessed with me he can't love me since I havent seen in in years and I'm only 17 and him 19. Whenever I say no to him he starves himself and takes pills and cuts his hand. What worries me most is that he always says that "Allah will grant our love inshAllah because he knows my love is pure" or "you will end up with me in jannah because Allah gives us those we love"

He also swore to Allah and touched the Quran and said he would never marry anyone but me and

He also makes dua constantly and so do my family. I make dua against it and I cry to Allah but I'm so scared that it will happen either by Allah hearing their duas or through black magic (as his uncle did black magic)

I don't want it to happen at all but because he "loves" me will Allah grant it even if I don't love him or don't want to love him? Will Allah give you want you want when it comes to love eventually. Will I eventually love him? Even if I don't want to and have anger and hurt for what he's doing to me now? By trying to guilt/manipulate me

 

Sorry this is so long there was a lot. Thank you for reading and answers .

Aminah

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6 Responses »

  1. You also love him that's why you are worried. Don't hurt him and if your parents accept his proposal then don't refuse!!
    You both are the lucky ones. Best wishes.

    • Aries, you cannot have read the post at all. She does not love her cousin and is unhappy that he continues to pursue her. She doesn't want to be the object of this man's attention.

      To the OP: this man is mentally unstable as he harms himself when you reject him. Your family need to understand that this man is not suitable for you. They are being oppressive by hoping and praying that you will agree to marry this man.

      Please keep saying it loud and clear that you will not agree to marry him. Don't enter into a discussion about why he's unsuitable as they will try to persuade you.

  2. Sister what do you find unattractive off him because Cousins are like that I don't find my cousins Attractive at all . Because we are Family , tell him that don't make his life around you and you aren't ready for marriage now but later if things fall into place and you are ready for him or someone else you will see . You are lucky sister please do your life and stuff but don't push him away .Allah knows who's best for us . Cousins are family that's why we not attracted to them . It sounds complicated but you might like him now or then Allah knows don't stress about it

  3. He seems immature. he needs some times, meet few other girls at college, and his crazy love will fade away

  4. If you don't want to marry him, don't. Simple as that. When it comes to marriage, you have to be selfish and think what's best for yourself, not what's best for your entire family.

    Also, the whole thing about swearing on the Quran that he'll never marry anyone but you...what a ridiculous and thing to do, and a huge joke, lol. This is not Bollywood, this is real life - if one person doesn't want to marry you, you find someone else who will. And if they refuse to do that, well, that's not your problem, then. You don't owe this guy anything, nor should you marry him to please your family.

  5. Salam,

    I think his understanding of Islam could use more work and hearing him say this over and over is making you question Islam. You don't have to marry him, no one can stop you from saying no to this man. Answers to your questions:

    I don't want it to happen at all but because he "loves" me will Allah grant it even if I don't love him or don't want to love him?
    You won't be married to him. Allah does not force people to believe in Allah or force them to love Allah so why would Allah force you to love this man? Allah can, however, provide a copy of you to this man that would love him, it would be like the twin sister you never had. And that twin would want him and he would want her. This way you would get what you want, and he would get what he wants.

    Will Allah give you want you want when it comes to love eventually. Will I eventually love him?
    Love doesn't work like this. It's hard to maintain love for those that love each other. For him to get you to love him he has to show traits that you find attractive. If he puts in the effort to change then he might be able to attract you but as he is now, he's deep in culture and doing what he thinks is culturally correct. I don't think you're going to fall in love with him any time soon.

    Even if I don't want to and have anger and hurt for what he's doing to me now? By trying to guilt/manipulate me
    Just keep saying no. Let the people that keep praying pray. Whenever they ask you say no. If they ask why then tell them that they are welcome to marry him but you do not want to. This is just ridiculous, you have a say in who you marry, they should honor that, not guilt you into marrying someone whom you do not want.

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