Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He made promises and then left me, I need help in dealing with it.

Salaam,I need help and advice.

Betrayal by a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences in life.

Betrayal by a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences in life.

I need to heal and move on.There was no physical contact however a lot of emotional investment was involved. The 'haram'  long distance relationship lasted about 13 months. He was a family friend and promised me marriage, wanted to speak to my family about it, a strong believer as well.

It took a lot of convincing from him for me to believe him as I learnt (not very well!) from second hand experiences that my friends had had with haram relationships but I let my guard down and thought that his strong faith in Allah (swt) indicates that his intentions are true,  his religious upbringing and being a family friend who understands how big of a step it was for me. I thought, he would never betray me.

Materialistic things that sometimes cultural parents look for were similar too, same background, same socio economic status, a good muslim, studying a respectful profession. We understood each other as well so the future seemed really bright, we would have no problem getting married as both families didn't contact each other much or talked much but were very similar.

We were committed to each other. Mostly talking generally, not about anything 'wrong' but we did confess that we loved each other and talked about marriage and kids. He told me I meant the world to him and everything would be fine. Every time I tried to walk away feeling guilty, he'd convince me but I wanted to be convinced so I stayed in the relationship. We would talk for hours and hours.

For the last couple of months his behavior was very 'odd' to say the least. He was very rude to me occasionally and started treating me with less respect, being rude, not replying. We wouldn't talk for days or weeks. I didn't need to talk to him, I just needed to make sure that things were still the same, his odd behavior continued. I tried walking away but I am a human so I was seeking answers for his behavior. He is doing medicine so I kept giving him space, thinking maybe he is just stressed out. I tried my best to be understanding as I am in the last year of university as well but my gut instinct told me something was wrong.

He kept telling me that I was being crazy and paranoid and it's just his uni that's keeping him busy. I didn't believe him but tried explaning myself that I am being paranoid, and I need to have faith in 'us'.  I blamed it on my  insecurities and my careful nature. He convinced me that I was very paranoid and needed to 'chill' as he wasn't with anyone but his actions didn't match his words. He continued to hurt me emotionally but at the same time would tell me that he wanted to be with me forever, and had no-one else in the picture and I just need to understand.

I tried but one day I told him that first off it's wrong and it's long distance so it's harder for me, so I asked him that now is the time to get our parents involved. He agreed, he said in the summer we will get our nikkah done and I need to wait and stop being so impatient and not let my emotions get the best of me. His tone was not the same, not the same as the man I have respected and loved.

So as I suspected, turned out, he was also with another girl who was in same university as him, maybe she is prettier and smarter. I don't know the reason. i don't want to know the reason. I found out through his facebook account (I had the password) and his hotmail account. It's only been 3 weeks. I am devastated. I keep replaying everything thinking maybe it's my fault somehow.

It was my fault to get involved in the first place but i cant seem to forget it. I am surrounded with helplessness, anger, disappointment, worthlessness and with the fear of being alone forever.

I have asked Allah for forgiveness, I spend alot of time praying. I recite Quraan but I can not forget him. I can't make sense of this betrayal, deceit, lying and being lead on from someone I respected and thought the world of him. he helped me have more faith in Allah. and then the same person who helped you understand everything left me coldly for her. He never admitted to cheating and never apologized but did not care at all about the promises or what the 'relationship.'

It has affected my life in a very negative way. My work is affected as I have starting taking alot of sick days, I can not sleep at night, my studies have been effected very badly. I ended up dropping out of a couple of courses.

I recite everytime I wake up at night, asking Allah for forgiveness but I feel ashamed to say that I still feel for him. i don't want revenge or anything. I just want to have peace of heart and mind. and forget about it. I want Allah (swt) to help me make sense out of it. Someone could be so shallow that he left me for someone after promising everything?

I seek guidance. I want to be able to study and continue with my goals as I want to become a lawyer but this has effected my life greatly. I recite ayatal qursi alot and surah fateha. A couple of ayats that my mom gave me that help people through difficult times.

I want to know if there is a concept of 'karma' in Islam. I want to become a better muslim and not think of materialistic stuff such as my relationship with that guy as much. I want to be able to believe that I will get married to someone who won't leave me for someone else. I am 22 and very hopeless at the moment. Losing trust in someone so close to you and for them to walk away without any explanation. It is the worst feeling ever. I have not contacted him or anything as  feelings of 'worthlessness' surround me everything I even think about it.

>He stopped trying to talk to me after a couple of days. Should I call him and ask him why? I can't see my future with someone else. What do I do?

Are there any coping strategies? Any kind of help would be appreciated. Please help me.

Jazakallah!

- sister88

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21 Responses »

  1. As salamu alaykum,

    While praying salat we say: "Sami allahu liman hamida. Rabbana wa lakal-hamd" Allah hear those who praise Him. O our Lord all praise is to you.

    And we say too: "Rabbigh-fir lee, Rabbigh-fir lee" My Lord forgive me

    You need the certain in your Heart that this is True, insha´Allah this will happen, Alhamdulillah.

    You have chosen to be a Lawyer, your experience with this man is telling you not to trust eyes blinded anyone, and not to do haram, and with these you will help others too, you will learn to know people not for their words, you will see them through their acts, through their lifetime, through their repentance, and you have to learn to be compassionate, it doesn´t matter what happened, you will learn to see their Heart from yours. This experience will teach you this, this person that has acted this way with you, has given you the tools to be closer to Allah(swt), thank him for this, forgive him and yourself for trusting him.

    You are called to become the best you can be, you are called for excellence, you have repented for acting wrong, go ahead with your life, you have many things to accomplish, you are on time to take your life ahead, put all your energy in your studies and put your Heart in Allah(swt).

    Please, take care of yourself (good food, water, walking, conscious breathing,...If you like sports, now it is a good time to practise them, but just walking is excellent to recover Peace... you are a young woman plenty of energy getting ready for your own and unique Life, noone can stop you from getting your goals. You are already in Allah´s Hands.

    Please, be Patience with your process, alloud yourself to be a shining Light for many of us.

    Thank you very much for sharing. Barak Allah feek.

    All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,

    María

    • SubhanAllah what a beautiful reply sis and so concise! I hope that one day I too can offer advice like this InshaAllah.

      SRMuslimah x

      • My beloved SRMuslimah,

        Thank you very much for your appreciation. I´ve seen so much love in your post and in Majula Diaby post, I am wordless.

        Sister 88 has opened our Hearts for her, Jazak Allahu Khairan.

        Ma´asalam

        María

  2. Assalaamu alaikum my dear sister! SubhanAllah I was reading your post and the feelings you described and everything completely reminded me of how I felt when I was betrayed by someone who made promises to me. It was very painful as well as confusing sorry i know im weird. I also recognise "the signs" from others experiences, how they suddenly change - instincts are nearly always right so dont ignore them!

    First of all with respect to calling him- DON'T. All this will do is hurt you more, and make you feel desperate, worthless and needy, almost feels like a loss of dignity as it may lead to begging. I know this is not your intention by your raw from your emotions. Another reason is that this will hinder your progress in moving on dear sister. If you see him/talk to him etc this will hinder it. dont think you wont move on - sister you will it wil take time. (I am now happy without him, alhumdulilah - im ashamed but i learnt so much - it brought me closer to my deen- an i dont miss anything from my past alhumdulilah) Here are some tips dear sis.

    . Know that no matter how hard it is now - there is light at the end of the tunnel - you will move on IA.

    . Find the strength inside you to pick yourself up- its there - your stronger than u think. Allah has given this to you for your own good - theres a lesson in here. Vow to learn from it. Vow to bring a more beautiful, pious you out of the 'ashes' of this trial. Remember trials are what changes us (for the better if we deal with them well)

    . Make sincere tawbah and spend time with salat, and reading qur'an. try to do more each day. go to islamic talks for sisters - learn about your deen. (It seems you have been doing this alhumdulilah - so keep it up)
    When your in pain - talk to Allah swt - dont get depressed for your sins - Allah swt is the Most Merciful- so make tawbah. Do tahajjud when you can (even if its just 4 rakah before fajr - it will strengthen u if done regularly- and read qur'an in last 3rd of night (when Allah swt is closer to His servants)

    . Stay away from this guy - dont call him, delete his number - erase him from your life. If family were involved this will be more difficult but avoid talking to him at all costs. If he hassles you u may have to change n.o.

    . Know that you wont forget him overnight - you'l have to go through a process. Dont beat yourself up if u think about him a lot. Try to change ur thoughts to something else when he comes into your mind.

    . Dont question why he did this or other qs - trust me this will drive you crazy. its unlikely its due to u. Allah swt knew this guy was not good for u, and Im sure that InshaAllah He has someone much better for u in future. so if u question why remind yourself of that

    . Maybe if your feelings get too much write them down - this helped me. You can rip it up as well maybe. Also if you find yourself missing him and remembering his nice qualities too much - maybe write down the bad things about him and your relationship. (not to focus on som1s faults but this helped me loads MA)

    . If its still bad consider counselling - i know this is "taboo" in many cultures but sometimes u just need to let these feelings out. Deal with them an understand them. Im guessin your in UK? UK unis usually offer free confidential counselling (u can check confidentiality policies 1st if need be)

    . Take charge - accept yes im hurting - it will take a while but DONT let this mess up your life. Take charge of your health- eat healthily. Try to do breathin exercises before sleep. of course do dua before sleep and the supplication for if you toss an turn in the night (i can get these duas for u InshaAllah if u need just let me know) Lie down so u can see the ceiling (pref on a floor) with body relaxed into the floor, palms facing upwards. (a bit like a starfish) close your eyes and inhale an exhale. Think about that an nothing else- this puts me to sleep quick 9/10

    . Dont jeopardise your studies - this is your future on the dunya. So if you can maybe take a small break an get back into studies. if you cant, can you retake some parts next year - find out about this.

    . keep busy - with studies maybe? useful fun halal activities are usually good. islamic halakas, courses, take up a sport with other sisters? meet nice sisters. get involved in some project - jus try to keep busy. even fundraising - as long as its halal its all good! if u cant do high impact activities - at least keep ur mind busy if u can.

    . dont displace your feelings of loneliness onto somethin/someone else. dont rebound an dont look for another spouse for a while, till uv healed. Know that Allah swt loves u and is always there for u. try to be positive dear sis and focus on yourself and your deen.

    I pray that Allah swt helps you move on dear sister. And in response to your question about being alone. This fear is normal after rejection. But know that Allah swt has given u this for a reason and will replace your loss for something better. One day InshaAllah you will look back at be SO grateful that Allah saved you from marrying this man. Stick to islamic guidlines with any brother u must speak to- of course dont be friends and get fam involved immediately if you and another bro are interested.

    I also feel this fear of being alone sometimes - im scared to allow my friends/fam to find me a rishta as im scared of getting hurt or falling into zina- please pray for me. these mixed feelings are normal though after heartbreak - jus dont let them control u, Most important thing is keep close t ur deen.

    • Walaykum as salam SRMuslimah,

      Thank you for sharing your experience and your Light.

      Barak Allah feekum.

      All my unconditional Love and Respect,

      María

      • assalamu 3aykoum,

        i am going through a very hard time also and i really need some guidance. i posted my question few days ago but i havnt heard from any one yet.. ? how long does it take.. please let me know.

        alah hafiz

        • dounia, because of the high volume of questions we receive, the wait time for your question to be answered is quite long - between one and two months. Please try searching the website for a previously answered question similar to yours. We have answered over 1,000 questions, so you should find something that will help you.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Dear Wael,

            thank you very much for your reply as i was feeling left 🙁 in this web site because i am new here and iv been noticing that many people get answered so i thought i submitted it wrong or something.

            i would greatly appreciate if you can just answer a quick question ( i know i am not supposed to say my story here but ill just post a general question).

            if a muslim guy promises to a muslim girl that he will marry , ( the girl had no intention of zinah before marriage ) but then he convinced her that he will marry her if he takes her virginity . so the girl gave up and gave him her virginity but then he walked away .. of course both commited a big sin but is it more sin for the guy since he promised mariage but only lied to get what he wanted.??( the girls virginity which is everything for a girl)

            because the person that has done it to me doesn't see anything wrong with it..although he claims to be a muslim ( i didnt even get an apology).. my life has become a living hell since then... he continued with his life and me im ruining my life and future and even thinking about suicide. however i just want to know the answer so i can email it to him because he doesn't see anything wrong with the act he did also he have planned for everything..

            i really need help.. am so down

            i was always a good girl until this person showed up in my life and made me do things i wouldn't done before marriage but he kept telling me well do nikah today tomorow, after but it was all lies............:(

          • Sister,

            You want the best advice, say Alhumdulillah that this man has walked out of your life. He was bad news and had bad intentions from day one. If you want an apology from such a person as him, you may have to wait for a very very long time, perhaps forever. At the same time, you know zina is a great sin, so part of the responsibility of this is your own, maybe more his. You fell weak to your emotions and he took complete advantage of you. Allah is fair and just and will judge and take account accordingly.

            Leave thinking of this person, he is waste of time. The only thing I want you to focus is on this:

            Allah(swt) says in the Quran, Surah Zumar, Ayah 53: "Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful."

            We are human, we are all prone to sin. The main thing is we turn back to Allah before it is too late and Alhumdulillah you can do that now. My dear, taking your life is not the answer, it will give you more grief. Take some time out, meditate, turn to Allah, talk to Him, cry to Him, admit your errors, ask Him to forgive you and envelope you in His Mercy and you will eventually feel the pain and heaviness lift from your heart and soul.

            My dear sister, say Alhumdulillah, Allah saved you from such a horrible man. InshaAllah, you will find something much better with time.

            SisterZ
            IslamicAnswers.com Senior Editor

          • dounia, I am moving your post up to the front of the queue. You can expect to see it published today or tomorrow Insha'Allah.

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • dounia, your question has been published now.

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Dear Wael,

            thank you very much for what you have done.. i greatly appreciate your help. jazaka allah..! it means alot to me. thank you. you guys are doing an awesome job in this website and helping alot of people. Masahallah. thank you

    • Assalamualaykum ,
      Masha'Allah , beautiful advices...!

      Dua for Muslim Brother/Sister in their Absence:

      In Saheeh Muslim and Sunan Ibn Majah, it is narrated from Abu Darda that the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said, ‘The Dua of a person for his Muslim brother in his absence will be answered. At his head there is an angel, and every time he prays for him for something good, the angel who has been appointed to be with him, says, ‘Ameen, may you have likewise.’

      Rewards of Reliving Distress of Others:

      On the authority of Abu Hurairah that the Prophet said:

      “Whosoever removes a worldly grief from a believer, Allah will remove from him one of the griefs of the Day of Judgment. Whosoever alleviates [the lot of] a needy person, Allah will alleviate [his lot] in this world and the next. Whosoever shields a Muslim, Allah will shield him in this world and the next. Allah will aid a servant [of His] so long as the servant aids his brother. [Muslim]

      Barakallahu feeki..

      Dear sister 88,

      The hardship I went through is only known to Allah himself. What keeps me going is Allah, and I just put my trust in him and I know everything will be okay InshaAllah.

      and one thing i always remember that our lives are already written, what will happen is destined, and what is meant for me won’t miss me. Alhamdulillah, this has helped me through a lot.

      We must remember this life is a test, and what really matters is the next, we can’t take anything with us except our deeds, so lets make sure they are good inshallah

      One of my favorite ayat that always uplifts me during times of discouragement is in Surah 94, ayah 5-6:So verily,
      "With every difficulty, there is relief: verily, with every difficulty there is relief."

      the easiest way to attain tranquility of the heart in wordly matters is to look at those who are in a worse position than you are; so if you are amongst extreme wealth and it’s making you envious, look at those who are poorer. If you have a headache, look at the blind. If you are sick, look at the ones dying of diseases…

      May Allah Ta’aala bless you and relieve your burdens according to his infinite wisdom and abounding grace, ameen

      and May Allah give us beautiful imaan that is full, much sabr in life’s great tests, and true guidance from Allah subhanahu watala.

      To all Muslims out there facing hardships, Just keep going inshaAllah! just keep going! Things will work out, bi’idinilaah!

      Sis tara

  3. As-samualakum sister,

    WITH THE NAME OF ALLAH, MOST GRACIOUS, MOST MERCIFUL.

    I want you to know that Allah is always by your side. And Allah does everything for a good reason with can benefit us in the world, and the hereafter. This is a sign from Allah. A great sign to strengthening your faith like the way ALLAH (SWT) change my heart. Let me tell you how?
    I have been fainting for 4 years. I taught a (Muslim) or a (doctor) can heal my illness because my illness was stopping me to pray, and worship my one true love Allah. And I was admiring everyone I saw praying. I was even praying God to be like those people because I was feeling guilty, and think that I was going to hell, and Allah was going to punished me. But I was wrong thinking that Allah is going to punish me, that a muslim, or doctor can heal my illness because when I was in Africa my natal country where I was burn, and raised until july/1/2009 my first day in the United State of America.
    I have been betrayed by the people of my country who called themselves scholar, and good muslim.
    One of them I use to trust more than everyone in this world because of his personality and saying really looks like a holy person. But I was wrong, he tie me, and bit me bitterly saying to called the name of my devil who cause me to faint, out of pain i lied because he was just keeping bitting me. Since that time I didn't trust any muslim. Then I tried to commit suicid out of fear, disappointment, and hopelessness.
    I taught it was medical illness, not a spiritual illness. A doctor can help me again until I have been admitted at Reading Hospital with Doctors, nurse, and therapists who told me that they are not going to let nothing happen to me.Then they gave me medication which started to destroy my life by deforming every part of me, and loose my memory. But Allah didn't let me fall in their grave because since I started praying with conviction without trusting no-one except Allah, going at the mosques, and waking-up at night everything disappear in only one month which was january/08/10. Since Allah save me from all these dilemma. I become a good muslim, I respect my womanhood, I try my hardest to not lie, and do all what Allah has recommended. And erase all what He has forbid in my life. I don't trust no one else except Allah, I don't want to love no-one else more than Allah. Now all I want is to be with Allah, and please Him in all what I do. I'm very surprised to see myself writing this message to you. I'm surprised about my life. I'm surprised that's why I don't want to be, or even talk to no-one else except Allah. I always tell myself and have the memory about my past everyday even today I told myself that why not only be with Allah my reason to be, and worship Him every time, every second until my last breath because being unable to worship Allah was the reason why I try to commit suicide, Was the reason why I handle everything, was the reason why I was crying everyday. So why stop worshiping Him now, even for one second when He changes my heart by giving me another chance to worship Him again. I just can't live anymore without Allah my reason to be.
    You see my sister this is a big message for you. Allah wants to improve your life by strengthening you faith. And by giving you the peace of mind because If you love Allah more than everything, and trust Him more than anything by believing that Allah is everything and everything is Allah. Allah is the only truthful, and most kind. You will have the peace of mind, and you will have knowlegde in your life without many effort. I promise. And believe me that I cant do anything without saying in my heart Allah guide me, or without remembering him. When I remember Allah in my heart and tongue. I do everything without effort. I even have good grade at school without any effort. So please sister Allah created you when you were nothing, He created the man who you think is cheating you when he was nothing, and created everyone one when we were nothing. And to him is the return. Just put your trust in Allah. And wait for your result.

    • As salamu alaykum dear Sister,

      Thank you for sharing your experience and your Light.

      Barak Allah feekum.

      All my unconditional Love and Respect,

      María

  4. Salaam My Sister,

    I agree with Maria and SR Muslimah who have written above me.

    My sister, when a man is conducting himself in haram ways, what this tells you about him is that this is how he is. If he is breaching rules from the starting point, then we should not ever assume that we are just an exception the rule or that we are so special that it has caused him to abandon his rule. The only error you have made in this situation is to not recognize this instant indicator of this man's moral fibre, which has led to this almost inevitable consequence.

    SR Muslimah is absolutely correct when she says: do not call. What you are seeking from these impulses to contact him is comfort - however, he will give you no comfort because whatever he says or does, from his tone of voice to the words that he uses will hurt you. Do not stalk him on Facebook, as you will only develop obsessive behaviors.

    The pain that you are going through is the pain of grief, which is completely natural and healthy. Losing sleep, feeling emotional and raw, seeking blame (in yourself or in others) for the situation - this is all very healthy, and your body is processing the loss of this attachment. What would be best for you is to effectively manage the transition from grief to recovery.

    Often we feel that our sadness must be equivalent to the attachment we lost, and we feel that by feeling better and recovering we are doing some kind of disservice to the level of pain that we feel, and to the importance of this attachment that we had. Many people who have experienced the death of a loved one, for example, feel guilt when begin to feel positive emotions again and actively seek to eliminate these positive emotions from their lives. This is a form of self punishment, and the first thing we must all learn is that carrying on with our lives is not an act of disrespect to the relationship we lost or the love that we felt.

    The second thing we must accept is that foresight and retrospect are two different things, and what is obvious when we look back, is not obvious when we look forward: therefore we will inevitably have those moments in which we look back and can very accurately see every sign and symptom that led us to this point and make self deprecating conclusions like "why didn't I see this coming" and "it was obvious all along" and so on and so forth and then punish. What we must recognize is that no one can see the future, and so it is unjust to judge our past actions through the glasses of retrospect, and stop beating ourselves up about it.

    My advice to you is to develop your strength as a human being by getting incredibly strict and determined with yourself and coach yourself into recovering from this. This is simply an internal dialogue you must cultivate in which you are constantly telling yourself "you are a good person and you will get over this", "forget about him", "you deserve better" and so on and so forth. When you feel yourself slipping into despair, you must do your best to shake it off and motivate yourself to keep moving forward and to stay on the path of progress. You will have moments of weakness and you will have moments of sadness, however you must coach yourself out of it and focus on excellence in all that you do (as it is like a form of meditation to focus in this way). Retrain your focus to what is in front of you and aim to be totally absorbed by it as this will calm you and enable you to continue managing the requirements and obligations of your life and not be consumed by this event. Express your emotions in healthy ways like Maria M suggested, sport, exercise., poems, writing, socializing and so on.

    Life is an adventure, and just like on a roller coaster there are parts where you feel exhilarated and parts where you feel afraid, so too does our emotional world have similar heart pumping events that will send our bodies into freak out or calm down mode. This is life. What keeps you safe on a roller coaster is the belt and buckle that holds you in to stop you from falling, and what keeps you safe in your world is your faith, your moral code and your strength of character which is determined and focused on what is important today, right here, right now and the future.

    There will always be people who break your trust and there will always be people who will never let you down. The key to successful living is to not let any of these elements affect your ability to function as a human being, your ability to love, to be loved, to forgive, to excel, to learn and to recover.

    So my advice to you is be determined. Be focused. Be disciplined. And don't ever let the actions of any immoral person have the power to bring you down in any way, shape or form. We are Muslims, we are guided by Allah, we have faith, we believe and must simply refuse to be affected or changed by the bad actions of others around us and towards us.

    Peace,

    Leyla
    Editor, Islamic Answers

  5. Dear sister 88:

    I know this is hard to do, but think about this: you are 22 years old. The world is your oyster right now. You should not stop living because of a failed relationship. You have so many years ahead of you to grow, learn, further your education and career...and through that process you may meet someone else. For what its worth, it sounds like this boy really liked you, but then his interest diminished over time. As muslim girls we don't have a wealth of experience when it comes to relationships, but really at this age what happened is not unusual. At age 22, you are still a young girl, and he is still a boy. Your feelings may not have been as mature as you think they were. You have A LOT of time to find someone else. When I was your age, I wasn't even thinking about marriage! I was thinking about other things in life.

    Its good that you are seekign repentance, but don't be too hard on yourself. It sounds like you stayed within Islamic boundaries when it came to this relationship. Islam doesn't prohibit you from getting to know the opposite sex; it prohibits you from letting go of your modesty in front of the opposite sex. It doesn't sound like that happened here.

    In a few months, this will all be behind you. I am 40 and I can tell you that my life changed A LOT between the ages of 22 and 30! You will meet new people, make new friends, have different jobs, etc. Its all good.

  6. Assalamu'alaikum

    Such beautiful replies, may Allah swt reward you all..Ameen.

    It's hard to ask you not to hurt, because your emotions are very difficult to control. It's hard to ask you to still trust others and give another brother a chance especially when you marry.....it's hard, I understand. The saying goes... "time is the best of healers". Indeed Allah swt is with the patient, and though it's hard, I ask you to be patient. By that I mean, you don't know what Allah swt has planned for you, it may take one rotten apple to appreciate when you get a nice sweet apple 🙂 There are lessons in EVERYTHING we do, do yourself a favor and focus us on what you think Allah swt may want you to learn from this. Life's disappointments can make you, or break you......... the choice is yours. Is a man that lies to you, and puts you down worth your anger, your sadness, your loss of focus?--- I'd say NO!
    Why pull yourself further down then necessary, rather rise above and use this as an opportunity to understand that we as humans KNOW NOTHING, and INDEED ALLAH swt is the ALL KNOWING, ALL WISE!! (even if they're religous....the condition of ones heart is unknown to us).

    Submit to the will of Allah swt and count your blessings my dear 🙂 At least you saw his true colours before you married, right?:)

    Take care, and be well!! Insha'Allah

  7. I am going through te same exact issue and inshAllah I am recovering. Truth is, your still young and inshAllah you will meet better men. I had to go through something similar 7years ago and I truly believed that I loved him... The as time went by I recovered and never seeked guidance from Allah. Now it's happened to me again.. I trusted someone and he lied betrayed n cheated and left without a trace... And I have strong feelings for him.
    So if I beleive I can love once then erase him off my head and I fell for someone else this time and this time I'm constantly praying and seeking Allahs help.
    So I dont worry anymore because eventually we meet other pple and keep on falling in love...
    But true love only happens when you are married and have children and this person is with you until the end, then that is what you should say as true love.
    When you accept and love someone for the sake of Allah then you will realise that this will be te ultimate person you've been waiting for....

    I'm feeling this pain right now sister and trust me I'm becoming stronger by the day.
    Take Care of yourself and trust me you'll love again ad this will happen naturally.. His not the only man in this word, who seems special... Truth is there are far better ones out there and the more you pray and ask Allah the better of a man you will get.. InshAllah

    Saheeba

  8. salam..

    thnx to all...
    great and inspiring advices...MashaAllah

    love u all for all for Allah's sake

  9. Assalam Alaikum Sister,

    Hopefully your situation is better now than when you posted this. My friend went through a similar situation and it wasn't easy for her either. All i could say to you is that, it could have been worse. 13 months isn't very long, but long enough to fall for someone and picture a future with them. It's tough now, but you also know, it'll get easier as the days go on. What are you feeling worse about, being apart or the cheating? If anything I feel sorry for that guy to be cheating, he seriously isn't worth it. Keep in mind, what goes around does come back around. He will get a taste of his own medicine, Allah will take care of him, I don't mean in a bad way, but he'll realize one day..if he hasn't already. Just seek Allah's forgiveness and guidance. You are so young and have your whole future ahead of you, you do not need someone like this boy to make you feel inferior. His loss, right?
    Maybe next time you come across a good muslim brother, and feel that he can be your potential life partner, just be sure to let your parents know. Keep the conversations to a minimun, in case it doesn't work out, you wouldn't feel so terrible. The conversations are supposed to be in front of a mehram so you can decide whether this person is good for marriage or not. I believe that's how it should be, but now adays we all need a little bit more time to get to know someone I guess.
    In the meantime, maybe you can confide in a friend or family member to lessen your pain. But seek guidance from Allah because that is the best course of action.

    Take Care =)

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