Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He took an oath on the Quran to never touch me sexually, but now we’re in love & want to marry

oath swearing on Quran

Taking an oath

Salam Alecom brothers and sisters,

I do need advice from someone of greater knowledge. I have my best friend, he is married and I have been talking to him for two years now. We respect each other a lot and nothing sexually happened between us.

I know all his children and his wife. She doesn't really like me because she said I help him alot and she thinks that something is going on between him and me. She made him swear over the Quran that he will not touch me sexually and that he looks at me like part of the family.

Now we have fallen deeply in love and we want to get married, but since he swore over the Quran that he will not touch me sexually, we find ourselves in a dilemma. He doesn't want to commit haram because he swore on the Quran.

My question is: What is it that he needs to do for him to be forgiven and so we can get married with all the blessings that Allah gives those who are true followers of Islam?

Please Help.

- AminaAmina

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54 Responses »

  1. Assalam Alaykum Amina,

    Sincerely speaking, i have no idea how you brought yourself into this mess, for one he Is Married and you still kept a haram relationship with him, and on top of that your telling us his wife doesn't agree with your 'friendship' yet you still carry on, Then when she makes him promise not to keep a illicit affair, He does just that, which Confirms her suspicions, And more over your main worry is how you can get everything right 'by the book' so you can marry and live happily ever after ???

    Have you even given the tiniest thought to his wife and kids ???


    • like i mentioned b4 we did NOT commit haram untill know ..hmmmm what does that say hmmm well we just friends that have indeed fallen in love...
      like i said b4 i need advise from some one of GREATER knowledge not from some one that cant interpret what she reads duhhh..anywayzz thanks for ur comment but obiously you wrote words that i never mention

      • Assalam Alaykum Amina,

        Am not usually a person who gives tit for tat, buh your multiple comments actually made me laugh, so to humour you am gona reply to them =))

        like i mentioned b4 we did NOT commit haram untill know ..hmmmm what does that say hmmm well we just friends that have indeed fallen in love...

        Friends ?? where in islam does it allow opposite genders to be 'just friends' ???
        and you dont just commit haram by having sex you no, even meeting him alone without a mehrim is haram for you !!!!!! it's haram to have a physical or emotional relationship with a gair mehrim.

        like i said b4 i need advise from some one of GREATER knowledge not from some one that cant interpret what she reads duhhh..anywayzz thanks for ur comment but obiously you wrote words that i never mention

        Love if your looking for advice from 'someone of greater knowledge' then your looking in the wrong place, because none of us here are imams or scholars, we give logic advice from the teachings of the quran and sunnah.

        And I and all the others interpreted just fine, buh maybe it's something you just dont want to hear =)))


        • who ever mention we meet alone? and to the looking in the wrong place comment
          if you not imam or scholar why did you put your tit or tot comment in the first place??!

          dont comment on want you dont under stand..
          tit or tot ...nothing further your hindness?! hahaha

  2. my dear sis. stay away from this man. he cannot give you the happiness you are looking for. dont put yourself in this fire. my sincere advice , run away fron this man as far as you can and as soon as you can. he is married with kids ,his life is settled and will remain so , but you will be torn apart in the end. at this time all you may want to hear is that , how to make it possible to marry him and be with him. but wake up dear, if you really sincerely want Allah's blessings then get out of his life and throw him out of your life.

    read all the mails on this website from people in a similar situation like yours and all the woemn are torturing themselves by not finding the courage to get out of this ugly situation. dont fool yourself in the name of love.

    may Allah help you stay away from evil.

  3. I can't believe that your putting a question on here if you can cheat with a married man? Please don't ruin the children and wife lives. You alone will change create the disaster.

    • Can you imagine the pain you would have given to his wife when she was reminded that you are her husband's FRIEND?

      I'm sure you have no bloody clue about what she would have been going through because of your 'friendship'?

      How the heck did you think you could be a 'friend' of a married man? I mean ARE YOU OK?

      I mean you cannot even be friends with a single man, you continued your friendship with a MARRIED GUY? Thinking nothing 'harmful' will happen?!?!?

      I can't imagine how did the moderators even lets such a rubbish question come to this beautiful website.. really..

    • are u for real?? cheating??!! plzzz read my post c a r e f u l l y w e D I D N O T commit haram my reply is the same for YOU as well as SamIra it out loud so you can fully understand it

    • cheat? figures another one tit or tot

  4. Salam, You are not embarrassed to ask such a question. You say how can you and him can get married the "right way" you don't know nothing right. You are so rude, you have no heart. He doesn't love you. Maybe his wife isn't give him his sexually needs or maybe he is just in ugly person. You posting this just made me want to cry. There is Allah over us seeing everything we do. But you want to marry him and that he swore on the Quran he will never touch you...he should put Allah, his wife and his kids before someone like. If you were married would you like someone ruining your family??? no you wouldn't so wake up from your fairy tale. We are Muslimin we DON'T have fairy tales..!!! Leave him and his family alone.

    • I think the one that does not know nothing is you because our prophet had 4 wifes and plzz you too read my post C A R E F U L L Y and OUT LOUD b4 posting a commit like this one my reply is the sameto you as the other ignorant ones above read them and dont forget i asked for help from a person of greater knowledge and you my dear is not that person sorry if your life with your huspand sucks

  5. Sister Amina, As-salamu alaykum,

    As an Editor of this website, I apologize for the harsh and insulting way some of these commenters have spoken to you.

    However, the substance of their replies is correct. You came into this man's family and portrayed yourself as one thing, and now you intend to break his wife's heart and possibly destroy his marriage. The fact that you have not touched sexually will not, I think, mean much to his wife, since she accepted your presence as a friend and a platonic member of the family. She will now regard you as someone who tricked her and lied to her.

    This is exactly why it's not appropriate to have a close friendship with a man who is not your husband, to say the least of a married man!

    I advise you to walk away from this situation and end your "friendship" with this man. Stop all contact with him and leave him to his wife and children.

    Regarding the issue of swearing on the Quran itself, the Muslim people must be educated to understand that it is forbidden in Islam to swear by anything other than Allah, and even that should only be done in time of need, not habitually or frivolously. It is forbidden to swear by the Quran, or the Ka'bah, or the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), or anything other than Allah.

    However, that does not mean that the oath is invalid. The scholars have held that although it is forbidden to swear by the Quran, it is still a valid oath that must be followed, because the one swearing by the Quran intends in his mind to swear by Allah. I have added some info about this below.

    Wael Editor

    Dr. `Abdul-`Azeem Al-Mat`ani, professor at Al-Azhar University, issues the following Fatwa:

    "The majority of Muslim scholars maintain that taking an oath on the Qur'an is not considered an oath unless the one who swears intends that swearing by the Qur'an is tantamount to swearing by the Divine Being (Allah), and he cited his oath according to this very intention.

    With this in mind, the oath is equal to swearing by Allah Almighty, and the person who swears has to either fulfil his oath or to make Kaffarah or expiation, if he does the thing upon which he swore not to do.

    On the other hand, if the person swears on the Qur’an just with the intention of honoring the Qur'an and no more, then his oath is null and void.

    The opinion which is believed to be the most correct is that the person who swears by the Qur'an is obliged to pay Kaffarah in order to be on the safe side."

    And more from

    As for swearing by the Qur'an, we can say that the majority of Muslim scholars state that swearing by the Qur'an is not considered to be an oath unless the swearing person intends that swearing by the Qur'an is equal to swearing by Allah. In this case, the person has to either fulfill his oath or perform kaffarah (expiation for one's sins). As for swearing by the Qur'an with the intention of merely honoring the Qur'an, in this case, the oath would be considered null and void according to some scholars. To be on the safe side, Muslim scholars conclude that swearing by the Qur'an obliges the person to pay the kaffarah. They confirm that the latter view is the most correct one.

    Responding to the question, the Islamic Religious Council of Singapore, states the following:

    The laws of Islam dictates that swearing by the Qur'an is a form of oath. This is because the Qur'an is the word of God. Anyone who swears by the Qur'an is actually swearing by all that is in the Qur'an. A person who makes an oath and does not fulfill it must atone his misdeed with kaffarah. Kaffarah is an Arabic word that derives from the root verb "k-f-r" which means to cover. In the context of atoning an oath, it carries the connotation of covering the sins that arise from not fulfilling the oath.

    If the person who takes an oath is a mukallaf (one who has reached the age of puberty and is fit to take responsibilities) and he or she is not coerced into taking the oath, and furthermore he or she intends to fulfill that oath, then if he or she breaks that oath or does not fulfill it, he or she must atone for it by performing kaffarah. It is compulsory upon the person to perform one of three things mentioned in Surat Al-Ma'idah in which Allah Almighty says the following:

    [Allah will not take you to task for that which is unintentional in your oaths, but He will take you to task for the oaths which ye swear in earnest. The expiation thereof is the feeding of ten of the needy with the average of that wherewith ye feed your own folk, or the clothing of them, or the liberation of a slave, and for him who findeth not (the wherewithal to do so) then a three day fast. This is the expiation of your oaths when ye have sworn; and keep your oaths. Thus Allah expoundeth unto you His revelations in order that ye may give thanks.] (Al-Ma'idah 5:89)

    The atonement of oaths with kaffarah is not time specific. It can be done as soon as the oath has been broken, later, or up until death.

    Besides that, the choice of Kaffarah, either freeing a slave, or feeding or clothing ten poor people, or fasting for three days, depends on one’s financial capability. In other words a person who is financially able to feed or clothe ten poor people should do so before deciding to fast; otherwise he can fast for three days as long as he cannot afford food or clothes for ten persons.

    • thank you for your reply but i have a question for you if it is so bad to marry a married man in.. our religion,... as i have understood .. then, why is it permited in Islam to marry 4 wifes..and to this comment that every one thinks" i will hurt his wifes feeling so much" ... isnt he hurting her? and also if this is true then...what about all the prophets wifes? were they not hurt by one another??
      I want add some thing else... why is it haram for him wanting to marry his best friend whom he didnot commit haram with?
      soo what i am under standing is that i am not allowed to marry him because i will hurt his wife and children because ..what? we did not commit haram at all and also... wouldnt it make his wife wonder and worry about her huspand not to be tempted to make haram with alot of women and run the risk of unwanted pregnaties not to mention deseases? or is it better for him to marry a Islamic sister that will save him from commiting haram?

      Thank you again for the reply may Allah bestow blessings up on you

      • Amina, I never said it is bad to marry a married man. But it is bad to lie, and to deceive, and to betray someone. You portrayed yourself to his wife as his friend and nothing more, and he even took an oath on that. A relationship based on betrayal can never succeed.

        You asked, "isn't he hurting her?" Yes he is, but you are not responsible for his behavior. You are only responsible for his own. He did not write to us asking for advice. You did.

        You say that you never committed haram. You may not have committed zinaa, but to get into this kind of close relationship wtih a married man is certainly haram. How can a woman be the "best friend" of a married man? Such a thing does not exist in Islam.

        You cannot compare this man to the Prophet (pbuh), or yourself to the Prophet's wives. Astaghfirullah. The Prophet (pbuh) was always honest in everything he did. He never would have taken an oath and broken it. He never would have carried on a secret friendship with a woman.

        Be sincere. Be honest. These are simple rules that will guide you in your affairs Insha'Allah.

        Wael Editor

        • ok first of all we didnt keep our frienship a secret and we didnt lie to no one we were never alone at any time because he is my brothers best friend also

          2nd i never knew that having a male friend is haram .

          3rd i am not comparing myself or him to our prophet (pbuh) life
          but i was asking what he did we can not do?

          4th he took the oath because his wife became jeolous of me and be did cheat on her several times with other women NOT ME because he was very unhappy but know he found me thanks to my brother and wanted to stop comminting haram

          i dont get why most of the ppl here make up their own story about what happend and start judging immidiatly with out knowing all the facts
          anyways thanks but i guess i am looking for answers in the wrong website

          thanks anyway may Allah bless you

  6. salaam alkium siis after reading ur story i'm very mad at u 1st what would u do with some who iz married n belive me he desont luv u he iz using u 4 somthing ,n hiz wif has da wrght 2 get mad at u coz nooo 1 wantz his wif/husband 2 be sheard even u WAT WOULD U DO IF U HUSBAND WAS TALKING 2 ANOTHER GRIL SINCE A LONG TYM . I WOULD KILL U IF I WAS U ,U'RE WASTTING UR TYM N ALLAH IZ WATCHING U N HIZ WIF IZ INICENT , N WAT U DOYING IZ ALLREADY HARAAM ,UR LUCKY UR STILL A LIF SO IF I WERE U I WILL REPENT B4 ITS 222222 LATE

    • are you serious??? to your dum reply i got nothing to say because you obiously dont know how to read or understand what you are reading so to your dum reply i say may Allah forgive you for ignorance and for you threating my life ...dummy

      • AminaAmina,

        I appreciate you are going through a difficult time with the situation you are in and that also some of the people on here have given you harsh/rude advice. It is not right for them to speak to you or anyone in this manner. If someone says something you do not agree with, reply to them and tell them why you disagree and tell them if you have been offended by their comments.

        At the same time, I think it would also be better for you to simmer your tone of speaking and refrain from name calling.


        I hope everyone writing in here on this website can learn to discuss and give their opinions and advice with morals and manners. We are all different so we will all have differing opinions too - that is ok, but as Muslims we should respect the differences and give advice with sincerity, humbleness and empathy.

        We are Muslims, so lets try to behave as Muslims with a gentle tone of speech and good manners.


        SisterZ Editor

  7. Assalamu Aleikom

    I am married. I have two children. I also have experienced the pain of adultery and lies in the past. My children from my previous marriage are still suffering emotionally from the damage their father's affair caused. I also know two other women who have gone through this same pain personally. And from this experience, I know that anything said here that condemns this relationship will go through one of your ears, and out the other. I know that you will look upon the hadiths and evidence given concerning the oath he made and you will pounce upon that--and only that. You probably feel a sigh of relief in your heart that now you have evidence of a way out of this situation. I know this because I have seen it happen. Women such as yourself do not care about innocent children involved. You do not care about his wife and her feelings. You only care about your love and lust for this man and his words of love in return.

    Let me explain what my ex husband has told me and also my brother in law when they were in this situation. Both had seemingly good marriages, there were little faults and issues here and there, but none of them is what prompted them to follow-through with the affair. Both have stated that their affair started out innocent--as friends. As this friendship continued on, they found themselves emotionally attached to that other woman. They then started to see only the bad things in their wives. Things that they were able to tolerate once, were no longer tolerable. Because the lure and excitement--the connection they made with that other woman--caused them to fail to see anything they used to love about their wives anymore. This is basic Psychology, the basic traps of Satan we as humans fall for. Anyway, the "friendships" eventually got to a point where just talking was not enough. They wanted more. They spent time away from their wife and children in order to fulfill the desire in them with the other women. And I know that in my case in particular, my children would be waiting at home for their father to play with them. They hadn't seen him all day. He would come late because he was with her--that was their time, and he gave it to his lustful desire. When he was home, his mind was consumed with the other woman. He was short tempered, he lost his patience with them. The cries, the begging to play with them, they were all pushed to the back of his agenda, he only wanted to think and talk to her. He would spend time on the phone when he was supposed to be playing with them, all these things, all these instances where the other woman was concerned, impacted the children.

    I know for me, I could never do that to a child. I don't care if the man told me the most horrible stories about his wife. I don't care. I would still think about the kids. They are the innocent ones in all of this.

    I don't know what Allah swt has planned for you, but I hope it is not to feel the exact pain of his wife in years to come. I hope that if you are ever blessed by Allah swt with children, that you will never feel the pain of seeing your children cry for their father while knowing that he is in the arms of another woman instead of theirs. As Mothers we are to protect our children, and any little pain they feel, it is exaggerated for us and we only wish to remove this pain from their hearts and bodies. Unfortunately, his wife cannot do this now. She cannot comfort her children and reassure them everything will be okay, because it won't. Their father has moved on, left them emotionally for another woman. This brings tears to my eyes.

    In Islam men are allowed to marry more than one wife. In Islam, our sins can be forgiven if we are sincere when we ask. I guess you're lucky in this respect. I guess your boyfriend is luckier. You both have a way to be together now and everything in your world will be perfect.

    And what was the costs? Nothing, just a few words of begging for forgiveness. Just a few actions to maneuver your way around the road blocks. Simple if you ask me.

    Oh but wait, yes, I forgot...the children. The wife. Their hearts and their cries, their pain. Yeah, what a heavy price that is. But I guess when you're in love, it doesn't seem so bad after all now does it?

    We are constantly reminded that we must revere our Brothers and Sisters in Islam above all else. That we should want for them what we want for ourselves. What a shame that some people so easily forget this for their bodily and worldly lust.

    I wish you my Dear Sister. I truly will need all the dua's and well wishes you can get.

    • Assalam Alaykum ThereIsHopeAfterAll,

      Am Really sorry to read what you went through, may Allah (Swt) reward you and your kids for your sabar,
      You give a lovely reply MashaAllah, I Honestly hope this helps amina. And your right Amina will need all the dua's and well wishes she can get, I hope you and your kids are living in more happier circumstances now.

      @ Amina,

      Am Sorry if my reply was harsh to you, buh i would never wanna be put in a position like 'his' wife is facing, and if you take a more broad view of everything, i dont think you wanna be in that position either, so leave while you can.


    • MASHA ALLAH... very very well explained..amina please my dear sister.. just forget this man and move out of his life...n u throw him out of ur life. please
      and ALLAH knows best

    • wa salam sister well sorry for how your life went but the same question as i asked wael goes to you too?

  8. Please, Please, Please, dont follow your heart.... I followed my heart and not my brain and I was in a MESSSSS.....PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Dont Follow your LOVE..................

  9. I agree, it would not be wise to marry this man. I find myself in increasingly similar circumstances and now do not know where to turn. I hope that you are stronger than I and can break free from what your heart wants.

  10. I'm not that perfect knowing about Islam.but your first paragraph just made me now you are a man. Man are supposed to marry more than one too istoor her and etc i forgot why else. I never heard you can cheat on your wife than now say ok its halal to marry her. so please feel with the wife and kids

  11. Assalaamu alaikum, sister please read the post from 'thereishopeafterall' very carefully. I know you probably feel that you love this guy etc and you cant leave him but thats your nafs talking. When we have these strong feelings we feel like we #cant live without them etc. but the reality is we can.. Let it be sister. Ask yourself do you really wanna be a home wrecker? Not only is a wife involved but there are children. Fear Allah, and ask Him to give you strength, make sincere tawbah.

    Even though you have not touched sexually, even an emotional relationship of any kind is a sin. Dont have friendships with members of the opposite sex again, especially if they are married. Even if you did enter a polygamous 'halal' marriage, you will break the other wife's heart, hurt her children. Find a man in the halal way, someone whos single. Dont waste your time on him.

    I pray that Allah guides you to do the right thing. If you make this sacrifice for Allah swt, do not think it will go unrewarded.

    • SOoo you mean every one that is a second, 3rd 4th wife is a homerecker? if this is so in your mind ...then why is it allowed in Islam to marry more than 1 wife.. do u mean to say that the 2nd , 3rd and 4th wifes of our prophet (allah may be pleased with him) were homereckers? wow thats even bad to think of this dont you think?

  12. Assalamu Aleikom

    Thank you Samira. My children and I are doing the best we can. I am married now to a wonderful Husband who knows the pain we have endured and who had vowed to take care of me and my children and never follow in the footsteps of my ex husband. Alhamdulilah. Allah swt sometimes brings us through hardships and rewards us with something better afterwords. My husband knows the rules in the Islam and knows that a relationship of any kind with the opposite sex is haram unless it is within the confines of marriage.

    Now I do not want it to seem as if I am jumping tracks, but I'd like to say something about polygamy. I think the stigma surrounding this very touchy subject is because of so many instances such as this--the original poster's situation. I have only met one person in a polygamous marriage and I must say it did not happen like this. The husband discussed it with his wife and his family first before even finding a second wife. Once this was done, he had the help of his family who found him a wife. Although his first wife had reservations, she was able to accept this in the end the best she could. The man only spoke to the second wife--with mahrems present on both sides--and found they were compatible. He then married her and is trying the best he can to make sure that he gives equal treatment to both families(he now has children with the second wife as well) I cannot imagine the pain of this because of my thoughts against it. But, on the other hand, I can accept the halal way and the fairness this man tried to give to all involved while practicing something that is allowed for him.

    So many times we hear of men and women falling love and then wanting to marry and the first wife is scarred by this because of what has taken place prior. I think that if men want to practice this right they are given, it should be done with fairness, done properly, and with the first wife and children being top priority in regards to feelings and difficulty.

    When something happens such as this--the man having a forbidden relationship from the beginning that he knows is haram and then "falling in love" with that other woman--causes a sever in the bond of trust in a marriage.

    This man and this woman put his wife in a very compromising predicament. First off, she knew that a friendship was haram(as I am sure he did too) yet he forced her to accept this haram friendship anyway. In order to help her cope with this haram friendship, she asked him to swear(promise, whatever) to her he will not go even further into the trenches of sin by doing anything sexual. Both man and woman had to know this whole "friendship" was forbidden. Yet they proceeded. And then what happened? The exact thing that happens when men and women interact with each other in such a way. Lust takes over and no one's feelings are regarded. No one matters. Just them wanting to fulfill their sexual desires.

    This is such a sad situation. I almost feel sorry for AminaAmina that she has lost her self respect, dignity, and Allah given sense for a few words of "love" from a man--a man who is not worthy. Why? Because he disregarded the rules sent down to us by Allah swt. He is so easily disregards Allah swt...then no wonder he could care-less about his wife and children. And AminaAmina has fallen into this wretched hole with him. Only concerned of her "love" for the man. Only concerned as to how they can "make it right"--AFTER the fact.

    It is all so heartbreaking and sad to see that Muslims are taking such steps in the world today. I often wonder where this Ummah is headed these days with some Muslims acting no different than kafirs. Why even worry about a swear you made on the Quran, you've already fell so far into that wretched hole, might as well fall completely to the bottom. What difference will there be? No, I am not encouraging Zina, Zina has already taken place. Zina of the eyes, the tongue, the is already such a horrible thing.

    Men of today need to stand up and start being real men...real Muslim men. They need to stop feeding the hearts of women all these words of so-called love and entering into these situations. If for some reason these two marry-- which I believe that they will eventually because of the fact that neither one of them care even an ounce for the feelings of the wife and children(much less the rules Allah swt has sent us) I hope that AminaAmina is prepared for her husband to be to have more "friends" in the future. And don't kid yourself lady thinking and believing his promises. Thinking and believing you will change him forever and you both with be so practicing and never do a haram thing again. Those are thoughts of a dreamer. And if by some SLIM, REMOTE possibility you two actually do become closer to Allah swt, don't think that your marriage will be all rosey and picture perfect...why? OH YEAH, that darn wife and kids again.

    He will forever be a Father to those children. He will forever be attached to his wife now because of it. And because of the way you two have deceived her, and yourselves, this whole situation will be filled with turmoil. I promise you this. Surely you cannot be thinking and believing that once you marry she will suddenly forgive and forget and there will be absolutely no road bumps? Those children have rights over him, she does as well, and I assure you, once you cross over that threshold and sexual intimacy takes places, there are a whole new set of feelings that will come about. You have no clue as to what you will feel having to share him after that. Having to deal with so much daily drama being started due to his wife and children.

    Men such as this tend to sweet talk women and make promises they cannot fulfill, they also like to talk bad about the wife, saying she is this or that or that he is not happy with her. Sister, if he is telling you this to justify his actions, why in the world are you with him? A real man would never do such a thing. A good Muslim would never do such a thing.

    To all the men and women in this world who are in such dire situations...who have lost sight of Islam and Allah swt, take note.

    All my best to you all

    • my eyes is filled with tears after reading the 2 replies of THEREISHOPEAFTERALL
      MASHA ALLAH.. dear sister i pray to ALLAH swt that u lead a happy life on Earth and a much better in the KABR and even much better after QIYAMA


    • wwaaoooww thanks for the made up story you wrote it was very intresting to read how you filled in all the blanks for my life hahahahaha
      but the reality my friend is very different.. you see our friendship is very different from that fairytale you just wrote.. i am not going to write or even explain the whole situation because frankly its not for every ones amusment..... all i could say is that yes belive it or not it was just friend ship the most innocent friendship your mind can ever think off..
      besides i askled for help from someone of greater knowledge not from some wonabeee story teller!
      your storytale was intresting to read but it gave me knowledge of how the 1st wifes can be huge haters and will stop at nothing to get what they want
      men have the right to marry more than one wife that is the fact in the religion ..belive it or not and personaly i think men should not control their wife as well as the WIFE SHOULD NOT CONTROL HER HUSPAND specially when he does not want to commit haram
      soo to your great novel reply..i say.. you are good for story telling hope that you win as grammy for best b..t hater story ....... thanks

      • Take no notice sister there is hope after all of aminas comments that ur a storyteller. U sound like a brave and strong woman. You cant ever have a friendship with a male, at some point in time human emotions come into it. Wether it is a wifes rightful jealousy or lust between the others its wrong. Aminaamina is free to do what she likes and i for one am unsure what advice she is after. Obviously he can marry her as its allowed in our religion.the friendship is haraam however n she says she didnt no it was haraam. God nos. Im not married iv had male friends, feelings always rear their heads n thru experience i dont keep these friendships anymore. And if i was married my husband and me inshaalah will have no so called friends of the opposite sex.

        • And one other thing. Im far from perfect. But a guy who needs to get married again to stop doing haraam with others??? I would run. Very far. Who says his haraam will stop with two wifes. But again amina, ur choice ur life.

  13. Dear Amina

    When I read your reply it was very sad you seriously are in a messy situation. I think you should stay away from this man and not see him again. If you really cared about the kids and had the thinnest feeling for his wife you leave them alone and not marry him. I can’t imagine the pain this will cause for the wife let alone the kids. Both of you been selfish and if you really cared about the kids or for his wife woman to woman you leave them alone and move on. I pray that Allah guides you to do the right thing

    • thank you but we not being selfish at all and fyi i do care for their kids and they too care for me also..i didnt want to get more specific but the children do want me in their life as a second wife for their father so he dont commit haram with other no sorry
      i dont think i am being selfish at all .. i wont get more specific at all but thank you for your comment and may allah shine blessings in your life

  14. And another thing Amina what comes around goes around. If you have kids one day especially a daughter would you want her to do this? Think of the consequences before you act. I honestly also think this guy is not a decent man if he was then he would not be cheating on his wife. I honestly think today’s society is not nice it’s a same that our creator Allah hasn’t given to those who are so blind to know how lucky they are to be married and then commit sins outside their marriage. Its not fault of their loved ones that’s why have TAWBH for what you are doing because in my eyes this is so wrong. May you be guided into the right path.

    • again read my post C A R E FU L L Y my reply is the same as the first two ignorant ones thanks and may allah show knowledge to you

  15. Put yourself in his wives place. Would you like it at all if that was happening with you husband that you have kids with? Be smart in your decision and pray that Allah give you the guidance to make the right decision.

    • if i was in her position i would not want my huspand to be sleeping around with alot of women
      i would rather know wer he is at and with who..i would mind to have to share my life with another sister and i know that i wouldnt love it but i would have to tolerate her because i respect the fact that my religion permits my huspand to re marry
      and i know i would be greatly blessed in heaven for saving my huspand from haram
      not to mention all the std's or unwanted pregnacies

  16. To: aminaamina

    You asked
    "My question is: What is it that he needs to do for him to be forgiven and so we can get married with all the blessings that Allah gives those who are true followers of Islam?"

    You want to be forgiven ? You want the blessing of Allah ? You want to be true follower of Islam ?

    What kind of muslim you are ? What Islam you are talking about ?

    I am sorry to say that you are a shame to Islam.

    Repent, repent again, repent all your life for ruining the life of an innocent lady, the children and ruining life of a man. Islam is a relgion of peace, harmony and love. You are trying to ruin all those values of Islam.
    You have legitimate ways in islam for fullfilling your desires.

    so, repent lady, repent. May Allah forgive you.

    • ok what planet do u come from i am from planet earth and i begg you to have knowledge of your religion b4 posting a rediculous comment like this one please huRRRry and run to the imam and get just a little bit of history in Islam ..
      and thank you dear but may Allah forgive YOU!

  17. Assalaam u aleikum,

    It gives me the creeps to read such a response from a very naive woman as sister "aminaamina".

    I got married to a handsome bachelor and moved to a foreign country: on 7th day of our marriage he tells me that I was right and he wants to marry his friend "asma" whom I warned him about during our engagement.....
    From that day since I asked if he had gone mad..... the beating started and he kicked me in my stomach and I lost pregnancy. Not only that, I was sent back to my family with nothing. The adultress moved into my new home and just took everything over. She was engaged to another man, a doctor and he went embaressed backto states because she refused to marry him. This woman distroyed my life, my reputation and caused me severe depression. I went to sickness, two operations due to complications of his kick to my uterus.

    I never look at any married man or even consider them as divorcee. Why? How can I do the same against another woman? My ex got diabetes at age of 35, was thrown out of his community due to his shameless acts and he can never walk out as a proud man with his old mistress because everyone in muslim community knows of her lousy cheap charecter. My ex saw it as golden opportunity to marry her without ever being a proper hubby to me just because she would earn more than me..... At end, our families suffered and what do I answer to people who asks me what lacked in me in just 6 days of marriage?

    Some sins are beyond forgiveness. Til this day I still cry because I inherated he never gave my things back I got from my late father etc. All my savings and hard work went down the drain because my socalled husband could not control his lust or nafs. Once a man is used to zinah, he keeps doing haraam.

    So "aminaanima", think hard before you ruin someone's life and have their curse after you. The heart when it aches, asks for justice..... trust me on that.

    • ok well sorry for how your life went but that is not my case hmmm sorry and as i mention b4 i needed advise from some one of greater knowledge sorry onece again for how your life went i pray that all ends well with u

    • Dear sister Khanjee, wa alaykum as-salam. Your story is terrible and I'm very sorry to hear what happened to you. I don't know what country you live in, but if you live in a Western country then I suggest you file a lawsuit against your ex-husband to recover your property.

      Also, do not think that any shame attaches to you because of what happened. You did nothing wrong. Your reputation has not been ruined, and you have nothing to apologize for because you were an innocent victim in this situation.

      Move on with your life and put that whole mess behind you. Don't waste any more emotional energy on that jerk. One day you will find someone you can trust, Insha'Allah, and you will have a happy marriage. May Allah bless you.

      Wael Editor

  18. Amina
    listen my dearest sister.. am not a perfect person. i have committed many sins myself and i regret it a lot and repent in every swalah...

    u came here to get an advice.. if u r here, then, u should have the will to listen and implement it in ur life.. 22 replies my sister.. and the only thing that is being said is that u move out of his life and throw him out of ur life.
    dearest sister, 22 person or maybe 15 because of multiple replies and trust me dear, these dearest brothers and sisters do follow our DEEN to their best for them to be mentioning about hadiths, quranic verses and even relating their personal life dear.. ALLAH has shown u a way out.. that is posting a question here.
    Now it's up to you to take it or not. am pretty sure that if only one reply, I SAY IT AGAIN, IF ONLY ONE REPLY WOULD HAVE SAID,

    if only one reply would have these words,
    am sure u would have rejected all the other replies and accept the only one..
    but my dear sister, ALLAH loves u a lot for u r here seeking for advice..
    all of us here are giving the same advice.
    The relationship u r having is haraam. please sister listen to what am saying and to what others are saying above all.. stop meeting this guy.. please

    • thanks but 22 or 15 replys as you have mention is hmmmm 1 of 10 im guessing are not the 1st wife

      i amjust tired on how the second wife have to put up with all the haterszzz out there

      my reply is all that i have wrote down so i guess you can scroll up and read my comments

      fyi i have had positive feed back from several in my situation

      may allah grant you knowledge

  19. aminaamina.... always remember....what goes around comes around... if you really wana ruin your sister's life then be sure that there will be a day where the cries of the unheard will be sure you dont want to face that terrifying day in a bad state...believe me you wouldnt care a damn about this guy!
    FOR TWO YEARS you what?!!! REPENT before the angel of death is going to take away your soul for once and for all!!

    may AllahSWT protect the families of the ummah from breaking apart and protect us all from the dirty plots of the accursed shaitan and his helpers among jinn and mankind!

    • are you serious? repent for what i didnt do nothing wrong
      i did not know that you know what will happen when i die?!
      what are you a ginn? wow all i can say to you is that you need to go and have your nerves examend by a very powerfull pscycologyst prontoo!!
      may Allah SWT grant you forgiveness!!

      • Salamualaikum wr wb. got me wrong...i did not predict about the unseen...i said repent before it's too late...we never know when our souls will be taken....and we have to remember that without acknowledging our mistake we will not be able to repent and so we might be prevented from receiving Mercy and forgiveness from AllahSWT (may AllahSWT protect from such a disastrous situation!).

        im sorry for the frustration in my reply..i have seen, heard and read about many broken marriages...and this is what the shaytan break the marriages and cause disharmony, hatred and feelings of revenge...and he uses many ways to accomplish this!

        no one is telling polygamy is haram...but it is a heavy...a very heavy responsibility...."..if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice﴿ [An-Nissâ' : 3].
        The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم says, “When a man has two wives and he is inclined to one of them, he will come on the Day of resurrection with a side hanging down”
        (Abu Dâwûd, This hadith is judged authentic by Al-Albâni)

        and in this case you have cant justify....think about it rationally without letting your emotions rule over you....and brother wael has stated correctly that this guy will be responsible for his actions and you for yours...and sister believe me this life is too short and we are here to either pass or fail the test...the day we are going to stand in front of AllahSWT people will regret deeply the harm they caused to others...and that is a day of justice...not an atom of good or bad will be hidden...and sister do you think if you'll marry this guy by betraying her..your life will be a happy one? think about the consequences...for you it maybe difficult because you are in love with this guy...but im sure AllahSWT is Arrazzaaq and He'll be able to grant you someone better and you might look back at this and say "Alhamdulillah! im glad i dint marry him!"

        many a times we are only concerned about our feelings and dont care if someone is suffering and sleepless because of us
        let us all keep in mind this hadith.. Prophet, SAW, said: “None of you (truly) has faith until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”
        Sahih Bukhari

        Think about everything deeply and wisely and seek Allah's SWT guidance sincerely...
        may AllahSWT guide us all and protect us from disobeying and displeasing Him!

  20. As-salamu alaykum everyone,

    I am closing this discussion at this point. I feel that many people have given good advice. Sister Amina has read the advice and she can do as her conscience dictates. There are other newer questions on the website that need answering, so please check those.

    Jazakum Allah khayr (may Allah reward you) all of you for your sincere thoughts and comments.

    Wael Editor