Cheating… now he wants nothing to do with me
Salams. I'm in a mess. I fell in love 4 years ago. The guy charmed me and was everything that I ever wanted. Caring, smart, funny. A few weeks after I found out that he was married. By that time it was too late and i had madly fell in love with him.
He told me that he didn't sleep with his wife and didn't love her. I've been lying to my parents and family all these years and feel awful. I've also rejected ever Rishta I've got. I've always given the guy a hard time but I wanted him to accept me. About 2 years ago he had his second child with his wife
Our relationship was intimate and we had sexual intercourse many times. He now says that he doesn't love me and tells me to leave him alone. He doesn't want anything to do with me and says that he's bored. I am distraught and have tried attempting suicide
I don't know what to do. Should I tell his wife?
sham123
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Leave him be.
Pretend he doesnt exist and dont get desperate.
I wouldnt tell his wife....let god punish him.
Move on...dont waste your time or tears on this scum.
Pray..make god your friend...he is the only one who will always be there for you.
As Salam alaykoum
Let me address suicide here first. We all know suicide isn't permissible ... All faiths say it is haram. You aren't in charge of the soul Allah has placed in your body so why would you take away something that isn't yours to begin with?! Haven't you seen images of poor African brothers and sisters starving, living in the most deplorable conditions, yet they don't go around committing suicide. Do you see the resilience of the Syrians whom are being tortured and starved to death each and every single day with no human help in sight, yet they are not committing suicide. Who are to say that "it is time for me to die now." Did you pick your birthdate? No. Allah did. Did you create your mind? No. Allah did. Did you create your flesh, bones, tissues, blood, etc... No. Allah did. So, erase suicide from your mind and turn back to your creator and ask him for forgiveness for the haram YOU did with this guy. YOU put yourself in this situation by making haram choices in your life. However Allah loves you and wants only good for you, only if you can open your eyes and see His mercy all around you. He gave you health, sight, smell, hearing and two good hands to do good with and not to sleep around with a non mahrum. You are old enough to understand the severity of your deeds, but you are wasting time crying over someone who will never be your husband. Cry to your creator in repentance with all your heart and understand that Allah will forgive and give you a better life
Infatuation it was. Wasnt it? my dear sis i dont know how old you r but you have been reckless enough to cause some serious damage to your ownself. this world is full of charmers and smooth talkers, how many men should we blame for our carelessness b4 we realised that our dignity and our emaan are our own responsibility? Allah had warned you by exposing his lies to you but you were the one who chose to ignore the warning. why do u think he wanted you for intimacy over his wife? because he was bored with her, right? you should have sensed how insensitive he is and have guessed how quickly he can turn away from you as well. iam sure no smart person would take such a relationship seriously, however u fell not only in 'love' but also 'madly' and rejected all the 'rishtas' and now you r here my dear.
i hope it is not too late and proposals do come ur way but u will get another chance ONLY if u repent for ur deeds and promise to not falter like this again. as for that man, let him go to hell for all u care. Reforming him or teaching him lessons is not ur job. if u r thinking to urself that by telling his wife u will b doing a big favor to her then u r obviously lying to urself coz u r so angered by the pain of rejection that sweet revenge is the only juice you thirst for. Do what u like, the choice is urz coz the family was going to break anyway. whether you would have revealed it earlier when you were having sex with him or now when you dont. i only feel sorry for the wife.
My advise to u is...Repent and forgive as you want Allah to forgive you.
p.s. To my beautiful and very emotional sisters out there. plz beware of the beggars who beg for sex and plz feel no pity for them. they r habitual liars and fornicators who r always on a hunt for free sex. ur body is precious and you will get no rewards for such charity, so if u ever come across such rants , dont u listen nor feel sorry just run as fast and as far as u can. Somebody's marital mess is not ur problem.
i dont think its just sex for these people, They just like that heady, intoxicating feeling which one gets in the initial stages of a relationship. the feeling of importance and all that jazz exists when its all new and intimacy is at its best but slowly it begins to settle and wear off and when they start getting more use to it and thus they begin to look for similar thrill all over again. in short these r selfish people with commitment issues. They will puposely look for some1 who would fall in love with them so they can feel important and then leave them so they would cry and make them feel even more important. Freaks! that is what they r.
Your questions are very basic and fundamental. if only all of us could ask those questions to ourselves, we wont have any muslim heading for hell.
but please don't tel his wife about this. She is living a peaceful life on her own i guess. y should we make her too for a situation like how we face. we guys know how painful it is when we get cheated. may Allah save her from cuming to know about her husband. what would u do if she was too soft and commited suicide and was success. may Allahu subahanahu wathala šave her and anyone from this greatest pain, from walking in the world dead. l
Sister,
Look what happens when you transgress the limits set by Allah. If you followed Islam then you would not be in this mess today. You should never disobey Allah to full fill your desires. Accomplishment of desires only provide temporary happiness while the lasting consequences are dyre.
You need pray to ALlah for forgiveness. Your life is for Allah. What will you achieve by dying for this cheating guy. Eternal hell? Please try to forget everything and move on. Pray to ALlah for strength. Never disclose your sin to anyone. Your future husband does not need to know about this. Many people get married posing as virgins when they are not.
And lastly I urge you to tell his wife and parents everything. You will definitely save her from a cheating lying husband. I have been on the other side. My husband was having multiple affairs with other women I was pleased that Allah exposed his cheating to me. One of his mistresses called me and told me everything. I am grateful she did because I had my suspicions but didn't know for sure. If she hasn't told me then I would still be living with a lying cheating playboy and ALlah knows what else. I would be in a worse situation.
These men need to be named and shamed! Don't let him get away with it! Or else he will continue his behavouir with other innocent women!
salam shams
you ask if you should tell his wife but why didnt you consider telling his wife when you first developed feelings for this man? now you want to speak to his wife for revenge? or in the hope that she will divorce him? maybe you are not the first/only girl he has cheated with?
Also why do you think it is ok to have sex with a man when you are not married with him - who is married - and then be surprised that he will not leave his wife? He said the cheapest most obvious things asbout his wife so he could sleep with you and you bought it all.
you will have to put this down to experience. inshallah you have learned that geting involved with a married person is forbidden for a reason. everyone gets hurt except the man.
Should you tell his wife? yes. should you tell your parents also? yes. explain to them also why you did not accept any rishta, why you are now suicidal.
Besides what kind of man cheats on his wife? and you want to marry this man?????????? you think he wouldnt do the same with you???? mashallah sister. you are so naive. Allah protect you from men like him and from yourself inshallah.
Sister Sham,
Assalam alaikum,
This is some very good advice from this brother. Especially the part about "everyone gets hurt but the man."--of course in the end, he is answerable for his actions, just as you are. This brother and sister Apple Green have given you good advice.
Although you are in pain and it hurts a lot, still this pain is the medicine that you need right now to actually heal. This pain is teaching you that you shouldn't have engaged in a relationship with this non-mahram man, married or not. I pray that you heal, but I pray that you keep a good memory of this pain so that you do not repeat this mistake, inshaAllah.
Make tawba all the time. Ask Allah for forgiveness again and again. Do not think of suicide because there will be worse pain that awaits you then what you are experiencing right now if you were to take your life.
Guard yourself again the evil tricks of Shaitaan. Listen to your parents; i pray that you get a marriage proposal and get married soon and move beyond all this.
I am not sure if you should tell the woman about her husband. It might be good for her to know especially because this man may be involved with multiple women and might expose her to STI, but on the other hand, if you intend to tell her to break their marriage, then I would say no. Some women would like to know and others wouldn't want to know. Perhaps you should consider reading Isthikhara and really think about your intention for why you want to tell his wife about the affair.
May Allah guide you and all of us on the straight path and forgive us for both our small and very grave sins. Ameen.
i hav lot of questions in my hrt. i wrote here for help. bt nó one is there. iv lost hope i evrything. i'm going to end up my life 2day. my husband had cheated me and i found out. before he come home i need to quit myself. i dont love any1 anymore. people are disgusting.
y. im fasting 2day without my husbands permission. may Allah forgive me. even though im góna kil myslf, i trust Allah. gud bye guys. may Allah bless you and eaše ur pains.
Wait wait !! Allah is with you sister. Don't do anything now to make your creator angry please. Patience sister patience. Where's your question, we might be able to help !
hey! where is ur question? what is all this good bye people im going to quit now? where do u think u r going to die and go. u think its going to b over or like u'll b floating in abyss and something forever? NO sister if u r in pain now , ull b in more pain if u died like that. talk to us, we'll try our best to solve ur issues. i really hope u read this and respond. plz dont do anything foolish.
Sister if u truly decide to kill yourself then know one thing, you will never ever be able to save yourself from the pangs of death, punishment of the grave nor the everlasting torments of hellfire. Ok, your husband cheated on you, so your immediate reaction is to kill yourself? You think Allah will pardon you and accept your suicide?! Then you truly don't know Allah.
Don't do anything to harm yourself! Stop! Divorce him, kick him out of your home along with his stuff. Get a lawyer to proceed with the divorce. Seek help from Allah first, then family, friends nd your local masjid.
You didn't mention if you have kids. But u do have family. Don't listen to those whispers of shaytan! Repel those evil thoughts and whispers before he gets to you. There are several solutions to your problem
DON'T KILL YOURSELF!
DON'T HARM YOURSELF!
STOP! ALLAH IS WITH YOU RIGHTNOW AND HE IS WAITING FOR YOU TO CALL UPON HIM ALONE!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WRITE BACK SO THAT WE KNOW YOU ARE STILL ALIVE!!!
I dont have kids. Im still 21 and studing.... i cant concentrate in anything.... my mind just go to the side of suicide.... i hardly know waht im doing... i feel lyk iv forgotten even the alphabets..... im in such a mess..... i think im going to be mad..... im not talking to nyone... i cant come out of my dark room.... im just smthing strage and the world is strange to me!! will you still thin
evrythin g aroud seem to hate me and i hate everythinhg....stiill do u think you will be able to help me?
Sister smily, please log in and write your question in detail as a separate post, and we will advise you Insha'Allah. Do not continue posting on this page is this is someone else's post.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
i send a separate post. But no one is helping me out.. and no on e is responding to me. my post which i send is not even there for me to see it again... i am really sorry..... i needed that is why i posted.. im really sorrry again..
my family has a big respect on him... and they are really happy thinking that im living.. ofcause i was living a really heavenly life on earth by his love. i really really love him alllooooooooooooot. and still even though i feel disgusting.... u know what im little by little growing mad u know... trust me..... i love him and i am a pure women.... how could this happen.. iam afraid if i say tis my heart patient mothr and sick father will get upset....... they live to see me happy..... and im afraid evry1 will start thinking bad abt my husband and and will curse him....
and trust me i love him you know... now he called me and is begging that he need me and only my love for him to live.... and he would die without me.... and trust me... i love him beyond anything in this world. he is asking mE to trust him.... i dont know what i could.. i said oky i trust u... but which i TOTALLY IMPOSSIBLE BECOUSE I SAW ALL THE TEXTS WITH MY OWN EYES...
i cant think a moment without him.... i want to give his part of punishment by loosing me.. then he will suffer for it....
you know believeme... u used to beg him to ask dua that i and only i should be his wife in the heaven.... now i feel lyk i dont want himm.....
but please believe me i cant live a single second without him......
thatsy i thought of suiciding... i cant live with him.. nor can i live without him....
believe me guys.... i was my dad's pet.. he tald to my husbant before we marry that im tooo vry soft and will be easily broken and he promised my dad that he will take care of my heart...
now see.. he broke like no others in my family will break.... sometimes im wondering wether i am still alive...... i cant break him ... what can i do.... is it not ryt for me to ask Allah to tk me with him? i cant hurt him... i cant see him cring like a baby holding my leg that he need... i cant forgive him either. WHAT????? can i do.... do you undestand my hurts.... do you feel how im suffering.... do u feel how frustrated i am... to u undstand that how i am struct ....
Asalaamualaykum,
Sham123, I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time but 'accountability and responsibility' is required here from you. Unfortunately, your own bad choices have led you to the turmoil you are in at the moment.
Your first wrong was in having a relationship outside of marriage. Your second was that you continued despite knowing that the man was married. The third and terrible wrong after that will be of telling his wife. And the fourth and most disasterous and irreversible wrong will be if you take your life. These are all major sins in Islam and if you take your life, you will have no chance of seeking Allah's forgiveness.
You can only correct things my undoing the bad choices you have made. Difficult as it may be, the best thing you can do is leave this man alone - it seems that he may have realized the severity of his sins and bad choices in cheating on his wife. Let him go back to his wife and mend his marriage. If you tell his wife, it will highly likely lead to a break down of his marriage, his wife will suffer and so will his children - and you will be very much responsible. Breaking down of marriage is the one thing that Iblees/shaytan loves the most and Allah dislikes.
Save yourself and your hereafter sister. Realize and accept your sin and part to play in your situation. Make sincere tawbah for committing zina, get some professional counseling and seek comfort through deen and halal relationships. The pain will not vanish overnight - it will take time.
In'sha'Allah you will do the wise thing - you will leave this man be for the sake of Allah and also gain Allah's reward by refraining from telling his wife and potentially ruining a marriage. May Allah make this better path easy for you, no doubt it will be difficult but will fruitful unlike the one you are currently treading on.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister Smily,
I totally understand how you feel. My husband cheated on me with no remorse. Mashallah all is not lost for you. Your husband loves you and maybe made a mistake that he regrets. You need to speak to him and sort it out. Get your elders involved or relatives someone who will protect your rights.
Tell your husband exactly how you feel and that you cannot tolerate cheating. Let him beg for forgiveness. If your too upset have a break clear you'd head then speak to him. Also it wil help you if you speak to your friends or family face to face about it. You need some support and comfort now.
I pray that ALlah gives you strength. Insha ALlah you will be fine. Keep praying to ALlah and sort it out with your husband.
Take care xxx
Sham123,
The same thing is happening to me - it's not good, but seems there are a lot of liars out there who prey on the lonely and vulnerable with lies...
I too feel depressed and struggle to get through the day without thinking about him 🙁
We can only hope that one day, we will wake up and the pain will not be there.
Whatever you do, don't tell his wife - she innocent in all this and no point bringing suffering on innocent children for what he did. He will answer to Allah for his sins one day, in the meantime, it's hard, but try and keep busy with other things - do not contact him because he's not worth it.
Sorry I can't be more help as I am in the same situation myself right now.
I sincerely hope things are much better for you since you wrote this...
Good Luck,
Miss S
You will be the most stupid person on this planet if you do so.
you only keep repenting. this is the only job you have . okk
There is NO NEED to cast insults. Please refrain from such comments in the future or you will be banned from this website.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor