Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He was forced to leave me by his parents because I am a Chinese.

Breakup

Please help me, I am so devastated and heartbroken.

Me and he have been together for one year. I come from a very traditional Chinese family. I am non religious. Few months ago he started to acting weird, he trying to distance me I can feel. I asked him what happened, he told me that his mother doesn't like him be with a Chinese girl, so he have to break up with me . He told me he tried to convince his mom for few months already but thing didn't work out , he doesn't want to hurt his mom's feelings anymore. I heared that and didn't say anything coz I know mom it's important for him. But I also love him so much I take care of him like my family. why he can see me go suffering all these but can't keep convincing his mom.

I told him I can convert to Islam but he said religion is just one of the reason. His mom want him marry a girl from his own country.  After that day he told me that and till right now it's been three months. Everyday I cry till I fall asleep. I am so depressed sometimes and I had suicidal thought. I never feel this much pain before. I never feel I love a person that much before. I  want him back so much. He still contact me sometimes. Every time I met him is like torturing for me, because i know we are friends now and nothing more special than that. But I still love him so much don't know how I can stop loving him. Every time we talk about us he will say only family is important for him. He get mad at me sometimes and swear at me a lot when I tell him how much I still care about him. Every time he did that I only can take it and cry when I got back home. He say he love me he can't stop seeing me and He will take me back if his mom accept me. But why he can't fight for me.

Is there anyway I can get back him.

Alexandra

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7 Responses »

  1. Hello(Salam)

    After what I were reading you are not a Muslim(a).(dont worry,read my full text)
    I want to says first of all in that matter only the Boy(you ex- Boy- friend )is at fault.
    He knows in Islam it is not allow to have a Boy or Girl - Friend relationship and still he was doing that.
    From my View he only used you and throw you now away.After my View he have to take responsibility for what he have done.You even have says you would convert to Islam and he still reject it(and only blame his mother to be at fault).Really he is a shameless Guy,if he really mean it like he says,than he would talk to his Parents but I dont believe him.I think he want to meet you,so long he still can and than later he will says Oh Sorry I tried all but my Mother forced me to do it.and now to you. I know its hard for you but its better you end the relationship with him.(for me its look like he only want to have a out - marriage relationship with you and later he ends it.)Listen you still can convert to Islam,if you want to.Really you dont need such a guy.
    Allah will help you.(Insha Allah(if God wills)but Of Course its your choice and please dont think on suicide.
    That will not help anyone.

  2. 你好 美丽,

    Don't be depressed for such shameful and unresponsible person. Don't ever think about him. He doesn't think of you as a family. He said a family is important - this means he had no plan to make you part of his family in the first place. So, move on and start a new life, cut all your relationship with him. He can't be a real man. He will make your life hell even if he marries you at the end.

  3. Don't bother with him, Love. He's always going to do what his mummy tells him to do, do you really want a husband like that?

    Also, in Islam Muslims aren't allowed to marry non-religious people. Muslim men can marry practicing Christians or Jews, but not Atheist or Agnostic women. Converting to Islam for formality makes no difference either in terms of your standing - he still can't marry you. There isn't any room in Islam for fake Muslimness.

    • As Salaamu Alaykum

      Lindita About your text :
      _____________
      Muslim men can marry practicing Christians or Jews, but not Atheist or Agnostic women. Converting to Islam for formality makes no difference either in terms of your standing - he still can't marry you. There isn't any room in Islam for fake Muslimness.
      _____________________________________________________________________________________________
      After your View,converting to Islam for marriage is more bad than marry you so called practicing Christian,Jews..(If Iam speak really from my View ,I never saw a practicing Christian or Jew and Iam born in a non Muslim Country.Only the Priest but theyre not allow to marry.^^)(Catholics)
      First of all that is a Islamic Rule if the Girl is a Disbeliever who you want to marry,she have to convert to Islam that have nothing to do with that you are a fake Muslim.The Man his Duty is than of course to teach the Women Islam and really I would rather marry a to Islam converted Women than the so called Christian(The now "Christians" says Isa(Jesus is the son of God)Astaghfirullah),The now "Jews"(says the same about Uzair) who dont believe, that Allah is only One and the Christian eat Pork and really than you too will have problem with the education of the Childs,because the Christian or Jew Women want that the Child learn theyre Religion but the converted one never will says that,because she is a Muslim.

      • You are not going to convince me that it's Islamically valid or correct to convert to Islam only for formality reasons.

        Are you really a Muslim if you only convert to Islam to be able to marry someone? Without having faith in Allah and in the Islamic doctrine? No, you're not. This reminds me of a woman on YouTube that claims she converted to Islam from Hinduism, to be able to marry her Muslim husband - yet, when she is asked about her faith, she's clearly still Hindu, not a Muslim. This is what "converting" to Islam for formality is: fake.

        And yes, it is better to marry a genuine and practicing Christian or Jew than a Muslim that's really Atheist, Agnostic, Hindu, etc.

        Also, you're not in a position to conclude that ALL Christians and Jews of this world aren't practicing. Just like you are not in a position to sit there and say it's a good thing to fake convert to Islam.

  4. As Salaamu Alaykum

    Linditta first read my Text complete before you write somethings.

    Look you says:

    Also, you're not in a position to conclude that ALL Christians and Jews of this world aren't practicing. Just like you are not in a position to sit there and say it's a good thing to fake convert to Islam.

    and Astaghfirullah you says who convert to Islam for marriage is a fake Muslim.Meaning you are saying theyre a Kafirs.(Astaghfirullah,Astaghfirullah,Astaghfirullah).

    First of all that is a Islamic Rule you can not change it and i wrote that:

    "The Man his Duty is than of course to teach the Women Islam" and I were saying I never saw a practicing Christian or Jew in that Country where I born,except the Priests and that is the truth.

    Of Course if one convert to Islam he or she have to practice Islam but one have to teach them of course like a normal convert ,there are no differents.

    Here read this.

    In the hadith Ibn Umar related that the Holy Prophet said: If a Muslim calls another kafir, then if he is a kafir let it be so; otherwise, he [the caller] is himself a kafir.'' (Abu Dawud, Book of Sunna, edition published by Quran Mahal, Karachi, vol. iii, p. 484)

    Abu Zarr reported that the Holy Prophet said: No man accuses another man of being a sinner, or of being a kafir, but it reflects back on him if the other is not as he called him.'' (Bukhari, Book of Ethics; Book 78, ch. 44)

    "Three things are the basis of faith. [One is] to withhold from one who says `There is no god but Allah' --- do not call him kafir for any sin, nor expel him from Islam for any misconduct.'' (Abu Dawud, Book of Jihad, 15:33)

    "Whoever attributes kufr [unbelief] to a believer, he is like his murderer.'' (Tirmizi, ch. Iman (Faith); see Arabic-Urdu edition cited earlier, vol. ii, p. 213. See also Bukhari, Book of Ethics; Book 78, ch. 44)

    "Withhold [your tongues] from those who say `There is no god but Allah' --- do not call them kafir. Whoever calls a reciter of `There is no god but Allah' as a kafir, is nearer to being a kafir himself.'' (Tabarani, reported from Ibn Umar)

    • Perhaps if this person enters Islam, even if it is with this intention, he will look at the perfection of Islam and be encouraged to form a sincere intention, so he will become sincere towards Allaah and become a good Muslim, and Allaah will accept his Islam. Those who are in touch with this person can advise him to make sure that his intention is primarily to seek the pleasure of Allaah and to enter into Islam truly, and his marriage will then be a consequence or a means of his entering into the blessing of Islam, and not an aim in and of itself. This girl could make marriage to her a means of encouraging him to become Muslim, as happened in the case of Umm Sulaym (may Allaah be pleased with her) and her marriage to Abu Talhah (may Allaah be pleased with him). It was narrated that Anas said: “Abu Talhah married Umm Sulaym, and the dowry between them was Islam. Umm Sulaym had become Muslim before Abu Talhah. He proposed marriage to her and she said, ‘I have become Muslim; if you become Muslim I will marry you.’ So he became Muslim and that was the dowry between them.” (al-Nasaa’i, 3288; classed as saheeh,Saheeh Sunan al-Nasaa’i, 3133).

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