Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Heart broken by cheating boyfriend

Heartbroken, broken heart


I am 23 years old and have been with my Muslim boyfriend for over two years. We have been planning to get married but a few weeks ago I discovered he has cheated on me twice, and constantly talks to his ex's, and have also been spending time with them but lied to me about his whereabouts, and has also invited one of them to his house to spend the night. I don't know what to do. I love him dearly and want nothing more than to spend my life with him but I feel so betrayed. He continues to tell me he loves me and wants to be with me and that they are just friends and I have nothing to worry about, but he doesn't know that I have seen his texts to them and that I know something is going on. What should I do? sighn broking hearted.


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6 Responses »

  1. Assalaamu Alaykum,

    Clearly his poor choices have broken your trust. I don't see how you can enter a marriage with someone you can't trust, especially when there is little to indicate right now that anything about his patterns have changed.

    Sister, honestly, there are PLENTY of decent, faithful men around. You don't have to limit yourself to someone who is going to conduct themselves questionably with you. I suggest you call off the marriage because of his indiscretions against you. Ending a marriage where this kind of thing goes on is a lot harder than calling off the engagement. Especially once you have kids, it will create that much more confusion and you don't deserve that (neither would they!)

    You have every right to have peace of mind and security with the one you care about. Right now you have neither. It's natural to hope time will change things, but there is nothing compelling you to wait and see. Even married couples have rights to divorce in such cases, so why take that risk that it could continue on like it is?

    I can assure you that when you are in a relationship with a good man, it is totally clear how unacceptable this is. You will ask yourself why you even considered living like this, because you will see that a healthy relationship is so much more rewarding than one filled with doubts, angst, deception and unfulfilled wishes. Better to end it with this guy and find the real deal in someone else, habibti.

    -Amy Editor

  2. Sister first of all what you have been indulge in relation with him is haram, loving a person before marriage is not allowed in islam. Be faar from it. And if you have not done anything bad with him please for sake of allah leave him. Secondly "Dont trust the person who cheat you, and dont cheat the person who trust you, once faith is broken doubts and disturbance takes place in mind. how can you say you will not feel these in second time even if he talks to some one doubts will come in mind it will destroy married relation. So in easy words if we arw muslim we have to follow islam and its principles or we will become enemy of our own by cheating ourself even knowing knowledge, hope you will understand.

  3. interesting miss amy you have given advice on relationships but no where have you mentioned that this women is or was indulged in haram and must repent for having a bf.

  4. Assalam alaikum,

    I learn all the time that our attachment to those things that will and usually do end even after they are clearly not good for us comes from something that lacks from within us. That "thing" that is lacking, dear Sister, is our connection with Allah swt. As we strain that relationship and tear it apart by either forgetting our purpose or not taking heed or ignoring the consequences for our soul in the face of a "good life", we continue to grow emptier. This emptiness manifests itself inside of us like a bottomless pit. It sucks out our energy, our goodness, our hope, our everything. No matter what we try to fill it with, all the distractions of the dunya, nothing works--it falls in, but contentment is far from achieved.

    Please, repair your relationship with Allah swt. Ask yourself why you would stoop so low for someone who doesn't care about you. Ask yourself, will anyone take pity on you? Even some of the comments will focus on your sin--and cast aside how that man treated you--the truth is, there is truth in how you have lost yourself in this haram relationship and continue to do so as you long for it back. There is no good in it, but you miss the feeling, you miss the belonging and because you didn't form that belonging with your Creator, you are empty.

    It isn't over though. You should start respecting yourself and even your bf's choice. He made a choice. Now let him go and pray for yourself and pray for him. He showed you his best, believe him. Now, dig up the best in you and believe in it. Believe more in yourself than you do in the fake loyalty you had with your bf.

    Pray to Allah swt. Ask Him for forgiveness and ask Him to help you out of this darkness. Ask for guidance. Stop asking for what you desire or for specific things--it is time to acknowledge that you don't know better than Him. Ask again and again and cry again and again and pray for peace through this hurt.

    May Allah swt guide you and help you to see your mistakes. May you rise above your sins in such a way that Allah reward you for recovering after being lost.


  5. A person was cheat me how can I marry him I can't forget him

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