Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Heartbroken and considering suicide

just_broken_heart_01large

Salam to all,

Please advise me what I should do. I am in intense pain which I can't share with anyone else.

I was in a gay relationship with one of my close relative who is 7 years elder than me. Now I am 24 years old. It started 13 years back at that time I was in my puberty. It just started in fun he told he loves me a lot and if anyone opposes he takes me far away from relatives. But we did gay sex when I reached age of thinking it was too late I don't know how this lust converted to love.

Now the situation is I can't live without him. I used to call him 3 times daily and talk to him. Now he just married 3 days back to some other girl and told me he has only option left.

It hurt a lot when things come to watching our partner with someone else. As he is my relative we have to face each other, all his promises were just lies. He used me, I know, but still I love him.

We have not had any physical contact from last 2 years as fights between normal husband wife. I too have heart why I became gay. If god made only man and women am I creation of evil demon? I can't even imagine about having relation with girls.

He works in women's university as he is bi-sexual. I came to know he has girl friends. Still I accepted him by not to listening rumours as I trusted him but now he got married. I am jealous very much.

My mom and dad know I am gay and they fixed my marriage with a girl in relatives. I can't think about girls so it's a sin according to me. I know pain how much it hurts if a life got spoiled, so I can't spoil that girl's life by marrying her, and I can't enter in my ex-boy's life as its sin to have affair with someone's husband.

I told my mom to cancel my marriage but they told if they do so there will be fights in relatives for generations. So to avoid destroying someone's life, suicide is the only option left for me. As I lost my life partner, my love.

While searching about suicide I saw one post from here and asking advise. Whatever happens gods permission involved in it. Without his permission not a single hair can destroyed. It's my life maybe god also wants the same and to take me out of this hell to his home where no lies and no sins are present. Advice is welcome.

abbas197


Tagged as: , , , , , , , , ,

10 Responses »

  1. bro don't give up good times will come, I think you should get professional help.

  2. Salaam bro you don't say what country u r in so I don't really know the law in the other countries but if ur in the UK then I think you should go to the police because you were 11 when all this started and he was 18. It seems as thou this cousin of yours has groomed used and abused u so much so that u r here 2day contemplating suicide which is so wrong. Please dont do any such thing. It's like they say Allah only gives u as much as he know you can take. As for you marriage please please do not marry that poor girl. You know it's wrong. Please think about her what will become of her if she marries you falls in love and then finds out your gay. She would be feeling much worse than you and what if you end up having kids. Please talk to your parents again and try make them see sense they can't ruin someone else's life to cover up for you fearing the society. I don't know if you have a sister but if u do explain to them how would they feel if unknowingly they got their daughter married to a gay man how much pain will they be in. It's the same for this girl and her family. If parents still don't listen then talk to an imam and get some advice if not then bro no matter how hard it may be talk to the girl and tell her the truth so that she can end the relationship. You never know her parents might be more understanding and call it off because she ain't happy with it and no one else need to know the truth but yes she might have to tell her parents the truth that your gay but her and her parents will both respect you for having the courage to tell the truth before its too late. May Allah guide you and give you strength. Hope everything works out for you brother.

  3. Salam Abbas,
    No one is perfect. Allah knows it. He is perfect and he can make things better. You may be gay, and you know its against Islam, but that doesn't mean you have to stop trying. If we try a little bit to be good Muslims, it helps us a lot to feel better. Nobody is perfect, but we can strive to succeed a moment at a time.You dont have to marry that poor girl and mislead her. You also dont have to run after boys. Your life is beautiful, so take a moment to love yourself before anyone else. Love yourself the way Allah loves you. Appeciate the breathe you breathe, and fix the things you have control over while you're alive. Every moment is your second chance to do better than before.

    Salam
    Shereen

  4. Assalam alaikum,
    Brother, i totally understand the pain one feels after getting away from his loved one.but DONT WORRY. These things do test us. Its useless to cry over spilt milk.

    Take a new start. Dont marry right now. give yourself some time.try getting involved in other activities. try praying five times a day. n Start reading QURAN. Try to understand the meaning of every verse by reading its translation in ur native language. If u cannot understand it by your own, try to get some teacher's help.may be on skype or some islamic school. These things will surely help u. Try giving half an hour only to Quran on daily basis. You'll get ur connection built with Allah. Compalin everything to HIM only. Say whatever u want to say to HIM. He will listen to u. and He willl make things easier for u. In shaa Allah.

  5. Assalaamualaikam

    This relationship you've had with your male relative should never have happened. As an older relative, he was in a position of responsibility to protect you, and should never have misused this trust. As you've spent most of your adolescence and adult life involved with this guy, I'd be concerned that you haven't had a chance to learn about Islamic relationships or even really about your own sexuality - this guy groomed you and used you, which likely skewed your own experiences.

    Take this opportunity to cut ties with him. Stop all contact, and focus on learning about Islam and yourself. Read Quran, attend study groups and masjid, and seek counselling to understand what happened.

    It may be that you find yourself attracted to women, after taking some time to recover from what this guy has done. If so, then once you feel ready, you may wish to consider marriage. If you do still feel that you are homosexual, then Islam has guidance on how to lower your gaze and observe limits. We can't always control our feelings, but we can control what we do with them.

    I pray that Allah guides you back to peace and happiness.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  6. he used you, you were innocent at that time, you did nt have clear ideas about this thing, you should have considered what others told you about this guy having gfs.
    deep down he knew that you are seriously in love with him and he found it easy to fulfill his physical desire till he get married.
    yes cut all ties , forgive him, Allah knows better and he will get whatever he did to you. leave everything to Allah, no one has the right to betray and hurt anyone.
    he was not good for you, you deserve some one better, he was not made for you, some one else is made for you, may be a Girl?, i would like to advice you to avoid having physical contact with anyone before marriage,
    pray to Allah to give you peace, try to become more better.

  7. I honestly think this person used and abused you in a terrible way. He was older than you and you was only a innocent child. This is not your fault at all.

    Do not marry anyone until you have space for yourself and get professional help coping with this crime being committed on you.

    Dont be jealous its haraam and its not worth getting upset about. Forgive him and pray for yourself that things get better for you Allah will show you inshAllah.

  8. I honestly think this person used and abused you in a terrible way. He was older than you and you was only a innocent child. This is not your fault at all.

    Do not marry anyone until you have space for yourself and get professional help coping with this crime being committed on you.

    Dont be jealous its haraam and its not worth getting upset about. Forgive him and pray for yourself that things get better for you Allah will show you inshAllah.

  9. OP: We have not had any physical contact from last 2 years as fights between normal husband wife. I too have heart why I became gay. If god made only man and women am I creation of evil demon? I can't even imagine about having relation with girls......He works in women's university as he is bi-sexual. I came to know he has girl friends. Still I accepted him by not to listening rumours as I trusted him but now he got married. I am jealous very much.

    Your friend is a bisexual. You have learned to get sexually excited by a male body. There is a possiblity you can become a bisexual like your friend and learn to make love with a woman. Start imagining being with a woman ....You are only 24, it may not be that difficult for you to make a change.

    ... [Edited]

    • Assalaamualaikam

      Astaghfirullah! Please don't suggest things which are obviously haram.

      Midnightmoon
      IslamicAnswers.com editor

Leave a Response