Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Heartbroken

Heartbroken, broken heart

Heartbroken.

Assalam Alikum, please reply as soon as possible as I really need help.

My post is a bit long but please cope up with me. I'm a 19 year old girl currently studying. I was in a relationship with a guy. He's 19 too. He used to be my best friend at first and during that time I started getting feelings for him. I told him about it but he said he does not take me like that. He just takes me as a best friend no more. I got really heartbroken by that. And he used to feel very uncomfortable when I used to bring this topic. I used to cry to Allah for him and I used to mention him in my every prayer. Gradually he also started feeling the same as me. He told me that he likes me too now.

After 2 years of our friendship we started dating and I was very sure that he will never ever back out on me. Our relationship went really perfect. Hardly we used to fight. And we both always had plenty of time for each other. We always made it up. He could not see me talking to any other guy nor could I. We are very  very madly in love and he was always there through my every problem Everything was going very smooth and it had been 2 years to us.

One day we were having a fight as he was giving me very less time because of his studies. The fight was normal. And he just randomly said that he can't handle the relationship anymore as his family won't be accepting me in the future. He said that he has to do something for his family and he disappeared on me.

I called him messaged him begged him to come back but he became very cold hearted. It seemed as if he was just tired of me. I don't know. I'm really heartbroken. When I see him happy it kills me. Am I the only one who has to suffer? Though I agree I indulged into a haram relationship with him but breaking someone's heart like that?

We talked a week back. He said that he hasn't been able to think or do anything after the breakup and he said that he isn't talking to any girl. That's not true because I've seen his facebook he has been talking to many girls. He said he left me because he has no other choice though I don't agree on that. When there's a will there is always a way.

He has really broken me and I can't concentrate on anything now  I've told my family about him too. They explain me that he was just flirting but I don't agree.

I'm very pious about my religion. I pray five times a day tasbih Quran I do everything. But some how I'm not able to come out of this. I want him to regret and get back so maybe I can do the same to him. I still love him I'm very confused. I'm very much into depression please I need a very good advice. I can't forgive him and until I don't forgive him will Allah forgive him? Will he be able to stay happy? Will he ever suffer like I am suffering? Please help me as soon as possible.

I will also mention that before dating him I took out an istikara and I saw a very bad dream I saw that my brother is playing and he feel down and his leg was bleeding very badly. Again I took out an istikara so I saw that there is a plastic bag which has a lot of blood in it and it fell down on my knee. But I still dated him thinking that already this haram so I'm getting dreams because of that. Sometimes when I'm very depressed I start getting feelings that Allah hates me and he wants me to live this life purposely. May Allah forgive me. Please help me I'm very much in trouble.

sara6015

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6 Responses »

  1. Assalaam wa aleikum sis,

    I don't really have concrete advice for you at the moment, I just wanted to leave a comment to let you know I went through something exactly like this. (Well going through it now same as you).

    I have the exact same questions as you and I am also looking for the answers to these questions.
    Because I also find it unbelievable how something so beautiful can change instantly in something so bad. I'm definitely wondering if this is the price good people pay for a haram relationship.

    Only thing I have been able to figure out for now is that Time Really Will Help in many different ways.
    Also the one thing you need to do right now is focus on yourself and build yourself up into a succesful young woman, it must probably be killing your parents to see their child so unhappy.

    I didn't speak with people at all for weeks when this happened to me, take all the time you need to recoup but when you do even feel better a little bit, go love the people that love you and be compassionate to the people who hurt you.

    Not the other way around. We tend to love the people that hurt us and distance ourselves from the people that love us. Don't do this.

    Use this opportunity to get closer to Allah Sub7an Wataa'Aalah.

    so basically what i'm saying is;

    1: Time will heal.
    2: Work on yourself. (Study, work, career, etc)
    3: Love the people that love you and be compassionate to others. (Let it go)

    I'm trying to cope with my own situation and what i've understood is that by helping others and by wishing others the best i've been able to improve myself bit by bit.

    I'll keep checking on this post for updates and if I have any more ''tips'' i'll provide them.

    Please do not feel shy or reluctant to share your own views and tips with me as well as I would appreciate them, I feel more happy and understood if they come from a person who knows what i'm feeling than from people who are trying to help but they just don't get it at the moment.

    May Allah bless you and do what is best for you ameen.

    Raja

    • Thankyou so much raja. Im really sorry that you have to got through a hard time in your life. I dont understand why good people go through the toughest times in life. Maybe we think we are too good? I dont know. It's been three months now and yes time and Allah has really helped me. Praying to Allah keeping your trust in him has really helped. I was really devastated and I had people to turn to but how much could they hear? And how much could you hear? When you yourself cant accept the fact that the person who you thought really loved you who you thought would be there with you through every difficulty has left you. I could not accept. But one day when I begged him too much he did not even reply. That day I promised myself that I'll die I'll be sad or whatever. But I wont contact this person again. Is he worth it? Does he love me? If he does then where is he right now? What could family issues be ? He's 19 right now. What family issues? It's all a lie. People come they go. That's life I guess. I did all I could for this man. But then I left it on Allah. I talked to Allah I said I've done everythig I could. Now I leave this story upon you. And trust me now I'm in peace. I also want him to be back. Not because I need him now. Only because I want to tell h that I dont need a person like you in my life. People say forgive and forget. But I cant. How can I forgive a person who has ruined my life? I cant. And maybe now Allah will see him. I cant control things which are not in my hands.
      take are brother. Pray to Allah and inshallah things will be fine at your side too. Jazakillah 🙂

  2. Assalam alaikum,

    The problem isn't just how people love you back, but the problem is what we choose to love and yes, it is a choice. Some may argue that it isn't, but then if it isn't, love makes no promise of being a smooth ride either.

    Listen, Allah swt wants to know that we will choose Him again and again and again. That we will choose the path to Him no matter how wonderful another path makes us feel good or promises wealth or promises luxury or promises passionate love or promises this or that. Allah swt is testing us with tests but also with whether we keep our focus on him.

    You should not have dated, you should have followed proper Islamic etiquette. If you argue with this, perhaps you are saying that your way is better than what our Creator chose for us? though I doubt you would say that.

    Depending on people in comparison to depending on Allah swt are, in fact, incomparable. If you want to sink yourself into love and relationships but do not want to hear that maybe there person took you for granted, then you are really in denial. It's a painful place to be and a painful process to go through. As long as you remain there, this pain will only get worse.

    I suggest you stop begging this boy for anything. Get some self-respect and put trust in Allah swt once more. Forgive him, forgive yourself and change now. Do not be a puppet on strings for shaitaan to tug at as he wishes while you roll through the turmoil of all the emotions. Immerse yourself in the remembrance of the One who Created you out of nothing. Imagine that. Imagine that there was a moment when you didn't exist and then Allah Created you...is that not greater than any love imaginable?

    I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but I don't know any other way that could help you. When I'm upset and things are not going my way and it is easy for me to be angry and sometimes I even go there--the only thing that pulls me out of that hole is thanking Allah swt after I forgot to 100 times.

    May Allah swt ease your pain, fill your heart with reassurance, give you strength, patience and wisdom and most of all, give you guidance as any of us would wish to have, Ameen.

  3. You should spend more and more time outside. when you will see the world that where's the world going on you will forget him...May be you can find someone else,who is more suitable and Mr Right for you. and then you will see that he will back and will sorry for u. When he will see that person,Your ex one will have the obstinate to get you.But at that time you will not give him lift. The condition, which is now going on u. At that time he will be in the same situation.
    So, Join any activity at outside, with help of which you would find some people and by the help of them you can see what is happening in outside your home.

  4. assalamualaikum my little sister , after reading your post i feel you are on wrong way i am sorry please before too late have control over your nafs and dont get engaged into haraam , in your post you have mentioned that (I'm very pious about my religion. I pray five times a day tasbih Quran) your answer is with yourself aqlaq is most important to be pious muslimah ,

    speaking to ghair mahraam and having feelings for him and dating him is wrong , if really u feel he is pious god fearing boy who wil keep you on right path then inshallah speak to your elders and involve them into this but you proposing him meeting him and getting into wrong way will only create problem for you

    ask this questions to yourself inshallah u will find answer
    1) is he pious muslim
    2) is he helping you strengthen your imaan or taking you far from imaan
    3)what is most important to you this world or akhira

    you are blessed that ALLAH wants u to come on right path have control on your mind , Allah is most forgiving and knows whats in our heart just focus on good things and move on inshallah you will come out of all this never let shytaan to mslead you ..............

    jazakallahu khair

  5. Thankyou so much everyone for all the love and all the support. I really cant believe that in today's world people still have time to help others. Jazakillah everyone.
    I posted this post 3 months ago and at that time I was really not I'm my senses.
    I had made myself so low in front of him. I used to message him everyday and beg him to come back. I used to message him 40 times and he used to reply me once saying he cant accept me. I dont know what's my fault. Maybe Allah is upset with me. But I've noticed that time heals everything. I've been through a lot because if this person and some how now I've accepted. Literally after three months I've finally accepted that he has left me. He says that he loves me but I dont think that people who love you leave like this? How do they get so much of self control? These three months were maybe the worst days of my life. I thought that I didn't have any reason to live. I was so much dependant on this guy. And I really dont understand how someone can break someone so badly and sleep peacefully at night? I used to wake up every morning with a burden on my heart. And that was not because of any medical reason. That burden was so bad I cant even explain it. I begged Allah to forgive me. I used to beg Allah 2years back to give me what I want. And the day he gave me what I wanted I stopped praying. I did not thank him. Maybe he was upset. My Allah was upset. He called me back to him and I'm glad. I'm so happy that Allah made a way out for me and now I have Allah. I have him.
    I hope Allah forgives me and brings me out of this test as soon as possible.
    brothers and sisters thankyou for such wonderful replies. Please pray for me,May Allah give you ajar.
    I really cant forgive that person as he has given me the most toughest time of my life. May Allah deal with him. Ameen. Jazakillah brothers and sisters please remember me in your prayers 🙂

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