Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Help for a lost mom with 10 kids

upset lonely woman

Hi, I'm a mother of 10 kids. I have been married since November of 1998. I left him a year ago in august - he was abusive physically and mentally to me and all my children every day. 9 of them are his, my oldest is 19 and from my ex-husband. I left him and stayed in a Domestic violence shelter for 8 months with all 9 of our kids. I do not know if he has divorced me thru Islamic way. I divorced him the American way and got sole custody of all children but I don't know if we are still married in Allah's eyes. I stayed with him 14 years and was faithful to him the whole time. He will always be my first and last love but we are no good together. It's not good for the children. They all are getting counselling and have not seen him since January. He doesn't want to see them and they are afraid to see him.

My question is are we divorced and how would I know if he has divorced me? Thank you very much.

I converted to muslim when I was 15 because I love muslim religion and I want to follow what's right so I may teach my children to follow Allah how I have tried to for 20 years now. Sometimes I may lose my way but I always find my way back to Allah with more wisdom to teach my children.


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3 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    If you obtained a legal American divorce, from what I understand that would require him to sign the divorce paperwork and settlement. According to most scholars, signing a paper that issues a dvorce counts as him consenting or approving one, so would be Islamically valid as well.

    If you obtained a legal divorce that he was not physically present to sign for, and was not involved in at all (as is the case when a husband abandons his wife and cannot be located), it may be that you still need an Islamic divorce. In that case, I suggest you consult with a local imam to get their opinion, and perhaps he can aid you in getting an Islamic divorce if needed in shaa Allah.

    -Amy Editor

  2. I suggest finding a Maliki Imam or jurist to talk with since the Hanafi do not allow a woman divorce, even if she has been abandoned without support.

    I also suggest that if you remarry that you should write your contract following Maliki fiqh and include the right to divorce yourself; there are specific wordings for this, and you should talk to a scholar or someone else who knows how to write such a nikkah.

    • Salaams,

      Are you saying that Hanafi imams don't issue kashf? I never heard of that...I think you might need to bring some support for that assertion. I know other than that, women can still seek khula according to hanafi fiqh.

      -Amy Editor

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