Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Help.. haram relationship but clear intentions.

assalam wu alikum, hope you all are well.

I really don't know how to start this, I'm just in such a confusing difficult situation.

I am in a haram relationship and I know it is forbidden in Islam but we both had clear intentions to make it halal and get married at the end of it. In'sha'allah. However, we have now come to a really weird situation.

I am only 20 and I know I have my whole life left and he is only 21, nearly 22. We have been together near around 4 years. However, I am really serious about this and do want this to work out because alhamdulillah he is a nice person.

He had also told his mother about us in a couple of times, however, his mums response was he is still to young to get married. He had the intention to get the Nikka/aqht done. However, I did not have it in me to tell my parents just yet incase they decided to talk and his parents say no.

A couple of months ago we have not been speaking properly at first we came to a conclusion where we don't speak for religious reasons or be together but we got back together for a few months and now recently we have been going through a really weird phase were we have trust issues and he's just changing as in the way he acts, talks or dressing sense even. I was starting to think it was he's change of environment until he did tell me, he didn't want this relationship anymore and just wants to focus on his social life, which seemed a little too silly too me. After saying stuff like that he came back to me telling me he still loves me, he wants to marry me etc. Then a few days he told me he don't mean it and we rushed in to this relationship again and that I should move on and he wants too as well. Now when we do talk in the rare moment (the times I can't help but contact him) he tells me he loves me the love is still there but he just can't do this anymore, he feels guilty and he doesn't miss me the way he used too.

i don't know what to do I want to let him be and let him go but my heart tells me he is the one I should carry on trying. As some things are worth striving/ fighting for. However, I always get told if it's meant to be it will be or with guys if they love someone they will never let the person go.

i don't know what to do , do I leave him alone? Or shall I do istikhara to find out whether we are meant to be? Also I know he is under the wrong influence and I know he needs someone to talk to right now and I want to be the one, I don't want him to mess up or take the wrong path, which I feel like he's heading towards right now.

we've always had our ups and downs but it has never been this serious, he has always been really serious and would always make effort.

This isn't all but right now the only thing on my mind, please help. Should I carry on trying or leave him alone? I know deep inside he still scared as he's such a lovely person and we have also never had any loyalty problems.

I have told my friends of this situation however, I rather get an opinion of someone who doesn't know me, neither him.

Please allah give me strength.

Anikabegum

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4 Responses »

  1. Sister

    You did not really tell us what was the "Haram "
    Issue in your relationship

    There is nothing wrong with a woman wanting to marry or finding a good person to marry with

    Forgive me but I'm going to be blunt
    Did you have sex with this person?

    If you did, you and that person beg God for forgiveness right now.

    If not, then you have one less issue to deal with

    I also agree that 20's is very early for marriage
    Expecially for a guy

    Does your man work?
    Is he educated?

    What are you doing in terms or work or school?

    Do you plan on having kids?

    These are VERY serious things you must consider before getting married
    Otherwise you will have hell for a marriage if you guys aren't financially set

    Finances are the biggest reason for divorce
    And remember

    Love WILL NOT pay your bills.

    I suggest an engagement period
    Both your family's need to arrange it
    You two could get to know one another with a promise of marriage

    In that time
    You will have time to flourish in your careers and be ready 4 marriage.

    Good luck to you
    Salam

  2. Mustafa, be VERY careful. A lot of these Russian women online are scammers. She will draw you in, then will ask for money to buy a ticket to come see you, or something like that. After you send the money, you will never hear from her again.

    I'm not saying all Russian women are scammers. And yes, of course a Muslim can marry a Russian. Islamic cares nothing for nationality, and anyway many Russians are Muslims. But after reading your other comments I think you are quite young, so I am sure this woman is taking advantage of you. I advise you to stop contact with her.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. I personally think education money doesn't matter provided you both serious of marriage. It's better and it's halal, your in your right to choose your own partner but stop the haraam. This is more damaging this is why Allah doesn't allow it and sins are really bad you both should repent. Why wait if you already discussed marriage and you both seem to like each other then what's stopping you. Parts of the above I do agree and parent involvement is very important.

  4. Do marriage with him by your parents wish and don't make haraam relationship

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