Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Will Allah help me marry my secret boyfriend?

 

woman lady

Why can't he be mine?

 

Assalamu alaikum

 

I am in a relationship for the past 8 years and we are school friends. We know each other very well and he is a very good guy. At first everything was good - we thought we will put all our efforts for marriage as we were very young for marriage and also we're trying our best to make it a successful one and were very happy with our relation. For 7 years everything was going very smoothly but now we are suffering with a problem. Recently our parents caught us with some personal messages and calls, photos...  and his parents did not agree for marriage as they thought that in future we can't handle our marriage.

They are unable to understand our feelings and he explained them clearly but then still we did not get permission. After trying his best he informed me and said to move on and get married according to my parents choice - but how is this possible when I every time have seen him as my husband feel him as my husband and 8 years is not very short time.

I am unable to get out of this, this is making me depresssed but still having hope that Allah will not separate us. Allah will help me. I am praying to Allah for our marriage. I do agree that we did so many mistakes but Allah too will forgive his followers so why can't our parents? I really want to marry him, do not want to lose him and also do not want to go against our parents. There is still time for marriage. What should I do? Allah tooo has given us the right to select right person for marriage so how can i forget my 8 years, how could I move on?

Please help. I dont want to lose him, just want to ask are my hopes correct because I feel that Allah is the only one who can help me and I should carry with my prayers?

aahana


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4 Responses »

  1. aoa. may Allah give you sabr. i have been through the exact same situation. we were on the verge of getting married and his dad refused. he left me.
    i was broken and dead from inside. my feelings might not change but my mind has. see. if you both are meant to be together.. it doesnt matter if u guys are together. and if you guys are together then it doesnt mean you will marry him.
    Allah seperated you two because He wants you to keep it halal. therefore perform istikhara. if he is good for you .. Allah will open way and make it easy and if he is not then may Allah divert your heart. and pray to Him only. be strong.. its your test. please perform istikhara and things will sort out.
    Allah hafiz. pray for me too.

  2. What do you mean you have been in relationship for 8 years? Did you fool around with your boy friend?
    Seems like your b/f also wants you to move on. How do you know if he has seriously talked to his parents or is just using this as an excuse to end the relationship? Many secret relationships end this way, all of sudden parents find a wife for the boy that he can't refuse.

  3. ASSALAMALAIKUM-
    DEAR I HAVE A HABIT OF BEING FRANK AND I WILL TELL YOU LINE BY LINE-
    THIS IS THE ROOT CAUSE INSTEAD OF STUDYING YOU DEFIED ALLAH PRE MARITAL AFFAIR IS HARAM IN ISLAM-YOURS IS ONLY INFATUATION AS PURE-LOVE STARTS ONLY AFTER NIKAH-
    1]I am in a relationship for the past 8 years and we are school friends.
    THE TYPE OF SEED YOU SOW THAT OF TYPE OF TREE WILL GROW-
    2]For 7 years everything was going very smoothly but now we are suffering with a problem.
    ALLAH WANTS TO SAVE YOU FROM THE ANGELS WRITING BOTH OF YOU AS SIN OF ZINA FOR SEEING EACHOTHER WITH LUST THIS IS THE ROOT OF PRE MARITAL RELATIONSHIP-
    FOR FURTHER PROGRESS WILL BRING YOU TO THE BRINK OF BREAK UP VERY SOON AND THAT IS THE TREND IN PRE MARITAL AFFAIRS-SO THIS IS THE OBSTACLE ALLAH PUT-
    3]Recently our parents caught us with some personal messages and calls, photos..
    THERE IS NO PERMISSION OF SEEING/MEETING WHERE IS THE QUESTION OF FEELINGS IN ISLAM....
    4]They are unable to understand our feelings and he explained them clearly but then still we did not get permission.
    REMEMEBER SAME ALLAH YOU BOTH DEFIED WHEN YOU STARTED THE RELATIONSHIP-
    5]Allah will help me. I am praying to Allah for our marriage.
    THIS IS YR MISGUIDENCE RIGHT OF SELECTION A WAY HAS BEEN PRSECRIBED IN ISLAM NOT AS WE LIKE-
    6]Allah tooo has given us the right to select right person for marriage..SEE HOW-
    Muslim reported Abu Hurairah as saying that a man came to the Prophet (peace be on him) and told him that he had contracted to marry a woman of the Ansar. "Did you look at her?" the Prophet (peace be on him) asked. "No," he said, 'Then go and look at her,' said the Prophet (peace be on him)
    In the context of the above hadith, he may even ACCOMPANY HER WITH HER FATHER OR SOME OTHER MAHRAM, chaperone, on her usual visits to relatives or to public places,WHILE CLAD IN FULL HIJAB. (Hijab denotes the proper Islamic dress.
    SURE ALLAH ONLY CAN SORT OUT THIS MATTER BUT WE DONT&ALLAH KNOWS HOW FAR YOU BOTH REACHED IN RELATIONSHIP AND HOW ANGRY IS ALLAH FOR THE 8 YEARS OF DISOBEDIENCE
    7]I feel that Allah is the only one who can help me and I should carry with my prayers?
    [Do not transgress limits; for Allah loves not transgressors.}[Al-Baqarah: 190]

    THE RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER IS LOST IN THESE TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP-
    and his parents did not agree for marriage as they thought that in future we can't handle our marriage.
    Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him) was asked: What is the ruling on correspondence between young men and young women, if this correspondence is free from immorality, love and desire?
    He replied: It is not permissible for any person to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the temptation involved in that. The person may think that there is no temptation, but the shaytaan will keep trying until he tempts him through her, and tempts her through him.
    Moreover, these illicit relationships that take place before marriage will be a cause to make each party doubtful about the other.
    The husband will think that his wife may possibly have a similar relationship with someone else, and even if he thinks it unlikely, he will still be troubled by the fact that his wife did do something wrong with him.
    And the same thoughts may occur to the wife too, and she will think that her husband could possibly have an affair with another woman, and even if she thinks it unlikely, she will still be troubled by the fact that her husband did something wrong with her.
    So each partner will live in a state of doubt and suspicion, which will ruin their relationship sooner or later.
    The husband may condemn his wife for having agreed to have a relationship with him before marriage, which will be upsetting for her, and this will cause their relationship to deteriorate.
    Hence we think that if a marriage is based upon an illicit premarital relationship, it will most likely be unstable and will not be successful.

    REPENT DO ISTHAKHARA AND WAIT IF ALLAH WANTS THE DOORS WILL OPEN OR WONT-
    BE READY FOR BOTH-RESULTS-THE SITUATION U ARE IN IS DUE TO THINKING OF YOURS THAT BETHROTING A WOMEN FOR MARRIAGE IN ISLAM AND PRE MARITAL RELATIONSHIP IS SAME-
    REGARDS

  4. Assalaamualaikam

    According to Islamic guidance, you and your boyfriend shouldn't have been involved in a pre-marital romantic relationship. While we are permitted to choose who we marry and to get to know someone within appropriate limits in order to decide if we wish to marry them, these need to take place within Islamic boundaries. So, as Muslimahs, we shouldn't be having boyfriends, spending time in private contact with non-mahram males, engaging in private communication with non-mahram males... This guidance isn't meant to be restrictive or punitive in any way - we are blessed that Allah has given us guidance to protect ourselves and our rights.

    I think the first thing to do is for you to learn more about Islamic guidance on relationships, so that you can understand the reasons why pre-marital relationships aren't accepted in Islam. Why not see if your local masjid or community centre has sisters-only study classes or prayer groups that you could join? It would then be important to offer sincere repentance for any transgressions, and there are helpful resources about tawbah on this website.

    If you and this boy truly wish to be married and to have a halal relationship, then he would need to approach your parents with a proposal, which can then be considered. His parents do not have to consent in order for a nikah to proceed (although it is preferable for both families to be supportive); it's essential for you to have a wali who agrees with the proposed marriage going ahead (your wali is a responsible male guardian - your father would most likely fill this role).

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

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