Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Help me.. I love somebody but he is getting married to someone else.

Love triangle, two women and one man

Hello

I got divorced last year and haven't been interested in a relationship. Then i found someone i fell in love with him and the person i love is from Pakistan, we have been talking for ages now and i really love him and he loves me he already told his family about me that i'm divorced and the family said he should stop talking to me. He is going to get married to his cousin which i don't want him to. i told him u have choice as well he goes in Pakistan parents make decisions.I cant sleep or eat or anything just thinking about him all the time i'm afraid of losing him. i don't want him to marry someone else but i know he wont go against his strict parents. His parents have promised his cousins family that he and her will get married.

i have not told anyone should i tell my family about him?

Can someone please help me. I don't know what to do i'm going crazy thinking about it.

lovehurts

 

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10 Responses »

  1. You want to tell your family about a guy, who is marrying somebody else knowing full well how you feel and whose family doesn't like you?

    With what outcome, might I ask?

    It does not seem he is as committed as you. Love is a two way street. You cannot force him to love you or not marry somebody else. Its painful, but alas, thats how life is.

    Move on with your life. Find somebody who loves you back.

  2. Hi Sis,

    I'm in exact the same situation, trying to figure out how to remove him in my life... it hurts like hell.. so please just pray and ask Allah to make it easy for you.. Pakistan Culture & families are more important that anything else.. try and try and try to get over it..

    because now its been 1 year he got married and still I cannot remove him in my thoughts he still beggng me to stay and it becomes more complicated.. my advice is let him go.. because it HURTS if you keep holding on.

    Regards,
    Fatima

    • Fatima,

      You said, that "Pakistan Culture & families are more important that anything else."

      Even more important than Allah and Islam?

      Maybe instead pining over somebody who doesn't deserve you, live your life? All the best to both of you even though I dont understand this culture of yours.

      • I agree with mominas first comment... There's no point in being a cheap commodity to be neglected By someone who's trying to find silly excuses to get rid of u... It shows he hasn't got any commitment.. Most likely that this so called love story was perceived by u as a real one while it was just mere time pass for him... Use your brain n think

        • Brother Adil,

          Thanks. Just for the record I meant no offence with my latter comment. I just wondered what sister Fatima meant with what she said. Her culture vs religion.

          All the best.

  3. Assalam alaykum sister Momina,

    just to clarify my comment no offence, what i mean is Pakistan culture and families is more important than that relationship of man and woman.. even how much they love each other but most of them they follow culture and families.. that what i mean.. i didn't mean that culture vs religion..

    What i want our sister to think is her relationship with the man is nothing compare to the culture and families so better to move on..

    Im not Pakistani just for a record. 🙂 same here i cant understand the extreme culture.

    • WA dear sister Fatima,

      Thank you for your kind reply.

      I got you now! I agree with you then. And no offence taken! Was just asking. We are allowed to have our opinions. I just dont understand that culture/country. Yet majority of the questions seem to be from people of that nationality, as the issues tend to be similar.

      Like you, I too am an outsider so I find it hard to understand how or why people can be so oppressed by their culture to the point where such blind obedience goes against Islam and their own safety. I guess all we can do is try to help even though we don't understand them.

      Take care for now, sister.

    • Salam Fatima,

      It really depends on the family. There are some parents that have kids they would like to retire with and would like a daughter in law that is compatible with a joint family system. There are other parents that don't have that expectation at all and would like financial support from all their kids. So some Pakistani guys and girls can marry whomever they wish without much difficulty. Others get guilt tripped into marrying the parent's choice because the parents are relying on those particular kids for support. The marriage they get guilt tripped into isn't necessarily the best for some. While others, it's actually better than the person they were in love with before but they couldn't see it because they were in love before.

  4. Mustafa, this is a silly comment. Do you know the sexual habits of all Pakistanis? Do not generalize about people.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  5. If you both really love each other and he actually wants to marry you, but his family is forcing him talk to your family, and him. The first thing would be to find out if he actually loves you and wants to marry you or is he just lying. If he loves you and desires to marry you try to convince his parents. Introduce your parents to his, talk about it. If the guy is sincere his parents might let him marry you. His parents probably care for him and would listen to him.

    P.S: In Pakistan calling off marriages should not be the worst thing ever

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