Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Help me please..what to do?

Muslim woman in hijab

Asak..i want to confess that i am a married woman for past 15 years with no kids . My marriage was not stable and I lived with my husband on and off but have been living separately from my husband from past 6 years and still there are no signs of reconciliation. In past few months another married male ( still in marriage with his wife though his wife lives in other country and he has a step daughter also) entered in my life who said wants to marry me and I went out to meet him thrice and we hugged and kissed each other. Now he backed off saying he is not sure of leaving his wife and marrying me. I have broken all sorts of contact with him though he is still trying his best to get me back but now I am not going back as I have promised it to myself and to Allah that I wont go on this ugly path again in my life. I know I have committed a sin. I am feeling ashamed of myself as I belong to a very good and respectable family. I have told about this to my mother who scolded me a lot. What should I do now? Will Allah forgive me for this sin? I am repenting day and night. I am praying 5 times salat , tahajjud , astaghfar tasbeeh and Surah Yaseen daily. please help.

samaira

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7 Responses »

  1. ALLAH IS ALL FORGIVING SISTER NO ONE IS PERFECT..EVERYBODY IS TESTED IN THIS WORLD UP TO HIS LAST NREATH...GET IT....YOU SEE SHAITAN IS AN OPEN ENEMY HE WILL BE RIGHT THERE THE SECOND YOU FORGET ALLAH ..HE WILL PLAY WITH YOUR HEAD...MY ADVICE IS STOP PLAYING GAMES WITH YOURSELF..YOU HAVE THAT POWER TO DIVORCE IF YOU ARE NOT BEING TAKEN CARE OF ..A MAN SHOULD PROVIDE AND BE HOME REGULARLY...
    YOU MUST UNDERSTAND YOUR DUTIES AND RIGHTS..ACCORDING TO THE SCHOOL OF THOUGHT YOU FOLLOW..AS A SUNNI MUSLIM...SEEK ADVICE FROM A SUNNI SCHOLOR BECAUSE ALLAH GIVES THEM GUIDANCE TO MAKE CORRECT JUDGEMENT..THEY HAVE STUDIED MANY YEARS LIKE A DOCTOR ..ASKING ONLINE IS DANGEROUS...BECAUSE EVERYONE IS EXPRESSING THERE OPION IN MOST CASES...FOR ME MY WIFE IS A ISLAMIC SCHOLOR AND SO SHE HAS TAUGHT ME A LOT ALTHOUGH I HAVE BROUGHT AROUND SCHOLORS.
    GOODLUK AND DON'T THINK TOO MUCH

    LIFE IS VERY SHORT

  2. Samaira,

    Do you feel that you fulfill his rights and he fulfills yours? If so then you should stay in the marriage. If not then is it possible for you to get a divorce? If you can figure out whether you are committing more sin being in this marriage than being single then you should divorce. If you are committing less sin and it's what you can get then stay.

    • here i am not talking about my marriage. what i want to know is about the sin i have committed. i feel very guilty. the married male i wrote about is always somewhere around me making me feel uncomfortable though we don't talk to each other anymore.i am also 110 % sure he is going around with another girl as i have proof though i am not concerned about him or his new found girlfriend. please tell me how i can avoid him completely as he is always finding excuses to see me. he is a cheat and a liar.
      is Allah going to forgive me???

      • Salam Samaira,

        I was asking about your marriage because once you move past whether you committed a sin or not you're still likely to commit the same sin. You're still married and separated and you want to be married. But to answer your original question about whether or not you're forgiven I can explain it like this:

        First, no human can tell you whether or not you are forgiven as we don't know what is inside your heart and whether Allah has forgiven you. Knowing that this is what could happen:

        Let's say you're not forgiven, this sin would count and would be weighed against your good deeds. If your good deeds outweigh this sin then no punishment you're free to go.
        Ref: https://quran.com/101/5-11

        Let's say that other than kissing and hugging you've committed zina and just didn't mention it. That sin is considered a major sin and as such your minor sins are no longer automatically forgiven.

        Ref:
        https://quran.com/4/31
        "If you avoid the major sins which you are forbidden, We will remove from you your lesser sins and admit you to a noble entrance [into Paradise]."

        Let's say you are forgiven, this sin would not count against you on the day of judgment. That is not to say that you don't have other sins that would count, it's just this one wouldn't.

        And this reference is a good one to read:
        https://quran.com/47/2
        And those who believe and do righteous deeds and believe in what has been sent down upon Muhammad - and it is the truth from their Lord - He will remove from them their misdeeds and amend their condition.

        • Salam M

          'Let's say that other than kissing and hugging you've committed zina and just didn't mention it. That sin is considered a major sin and as such your minor sins are no longer automatically forgiven.'

          as you have mentioned about zina so in that sense i have not but kissing n hugging n looking at non mehram in this sense is also zina...which i am ashamed of.

          i am very upset about all this. day and night i feel burdened n want to move on but i am not able to as i am not at peace.

          as this person is always in the visible reach i am not able to get over this shameful act of mine.i feel very guilty.

          what should i do ...not able to understand...can't even share this with anyone around though i have told my mother about him and she too is upset with all this.

          • Salam Samaira,

            Looking is not considered Zina. Kissing and hugging is not considered Zina. You have not committed zina by looking or kissing or hugging.

            There is no "in a sense it's zina" unless in a sense you're pregnant right now and in a sense you're about to have a baby. And I haven't heard of anyone getting pregnant from looking or kissing or hugging. Please do not make Islam complicated. There is that which is law and that which Allah is obvious that pleases Allah but Allah has not made into law:

            ************************
            https://quran.com/5/101-111?translations=20

            O you who have believed, do not ask about things which, if they are shown to you, will distress you. But if you ask about them while the Qur'an is being revealed, they will be shown to you. Allah has pardoned that which is past; and Allah is Forgiving and Forbearing.

            A people asked such [questions] before you; then they became thereby disbelievers.
            *************************

            So zina is a major sin. It is obvious that Allah would like people to be pure but Allah has not made looking or hugging or kissing into a major sin. You are doing that though by considering it as such. And if you keep it up it may make you feel like you are already doomed and thereby you may come to disbelieve.

            Always seek the truth and be truthful to yourself. If you are not truthful to yourself then it can mislead you.

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