Need help with Istikhara to make the right decision about my marriage.
How can I interpret my dream?
Assalam O Alaikum,
From last couple of months I was having mild fights with my husband who lives in a different country. But, last fight turned into something where we came up with the idea that we might have to end this relation knowing I love him very much. But deep down inside of my heart I know we belong together however, when I use reason and my persoal experiences I see different. Then I decided to perform salatul isthekhara since Allah is the one who knows the best for me. First night it was a blank slate where I did not feel anything. Second night I saw something but it was so gloomy and unclear that when I woke up for fajr salat I could not recall anything. Then the third night it was a beautiful place where I went with him in last January. There was one of his friend who took us to that place I clearly saw his face. I felt very peaceful through out my dream felt very happy to be with him just like the way I felt when we were going there in real life. When I woke up for fajr prayer; suddenly I thought, may be I didn't see anything but when I was making my wadu the dream started to come back then I recalled the whole dream.
Please guide me through this part since it's about my marriage, life and divorce. Am I making the right decision to not to file for divorce eventhough my husband is insisting me for that? Am I on right path which is chosen by my lord Allah? After that night I started to think about my mistakes a lot and the desire to be with him is increasing day by day. I am not sure which way to follow. Please guide me through this dream.
Wasalam,
fa111201.
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As Salaam Alaikum Sister,
I cannot presume to tell you what your dream meant or what Allah means for you to do. I can only tell you my personal experience. My husband and I went through a terrible time exactly a year ago which involved faith, religion, infidelity, threats, emotional pain and blackmail and worst of all emotional and psychological battering. I prayed the Istikhara prayer the entire month of Ramadan last year and I heard the answer that I believe Allah gave me. I was stubborn though. I believe I heard Allah loudly and clearly instruct me to divorce my husband yet I begged Him to tell me something different. Instead of leaving my husband and fleeing to safety with my child I stayed and tried to ignore how badly my husband was deteriorating. I tried to cut off my feelings, be a good Muslim wife, make every concession to keep the peace and earn my way to the mercy of Allah. No matter what, this past year has been absolute Hell. My husband has gotten meaner, more set in his way of convoluted Islam and more vocal in how everyone must accept however he chooses to behave. I believe Allah has allowed me to suffer because I did not heed Him.
Whatever you truly feel Allah leads you to do, do - just don't try to turn your desires into His directions.
I pray Allah answer your prayers, have mercy on you and bless you.
Your sister in the faith.
And for you, am0128, it's not too late to heed what you believe Allah told you to do. How can you give this advice with any authority if you don't follow it yourself?
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Praise Allah - I know you are correct. With my heart I know I need to heed my Lord or else nothing in my life will be right. I hate myself for being so afraid and weak. My husband changes with the wind in how he reacts. One day he begs me to stay, the next he tells me that he has no desire for me. Another day he tells me that he hates me and the next he tells me that if I leave he will kill my mother and loved ones. This was the reason I stayed last year. Only by agreeing that I was not going to leave and would not invite any of my family to visit me did he calm down. Do I believe he would do it, yes. He is very unstable. The doctors have given him medication that he almost never takes and and even on the few occasions he does take it, he never takes them according to the instructions. He has slapped me, choked me, thrown me, threatened me. He has also said that if I wanted to leave he would not fight me, would give me money, support me as the Qur'an instructs but then he always changes to another person at some point so I fear what will happen if I leave. He can go for weeks being kind like a roommate but never really a husband but then he has periods where I don't know what causes his flair ups. I know I am to fear no one but Allah but I can't seem to help it. I don't want anyone else to go through the hell I live with. I have even so many times prayed for the woman he had the affair with because I feared for her as well. I believe Allah leaves me to suffer for being afraid and not heeding Him before. I pray for strength for me and protection for my children and family. Believe it or not, I also pray constantly for peace and release from whatever pain he is in for my husband.
🙁 what ever you said I face the same everyday with my husband he even refuse to go see the doctor
Dear Sister...do you realize you are also putting your childs life at risk? you as sn adult have a choice to live with him but why put your child through that? Im not sorry to say its selfish as a mother! what exactly are you waiting for? to be in the papers? the guys obviously a psycho..istikhara or no istikhara use ur gut feeling and get out whilst you can...otherwise you will also lose your child!
Also, am0128, your situation is not really relevant to the sister. Her marriage is not abusive, and she has not received clear guidance of the kind that you received. She loves her husband and wants to be with him. We need to hear what the questioner wants and needs, rather than try to impose our own experience on them.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I thank you for your reply and wholeheartedly agree with you. I was not trying to impose my situation on our sister. I pray that you and she, will not think I was. My sole objective was to advise her to heed what she believes Allah guides her to do, remember to fear only Allah and to not try to add her own desires to what she feels He tells her. I only gave my own background to help her understand where my thoughts came from. I did not "get my answer" in a dream. It came to me as clearly as if someone were speaking to me while I was on my prayer rug. I do not assume to know how an answer is supposed to come. I only sought to assure the sister that Allah will guide us and that we should try our best to heed Him to avoid more misfortune or stress. I pray that my words are of any help.
As Salaam Alaikum
should i take divorce just because some ulema say that sitaray nhe miltay and u ppl will have a dark future thr will be all sort of problems
aniqa, do not take divorce just because of the claims of some so-called ulema. Ask Allah for guidance, and hold to your own counsel.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister fa111201, As-salamu alaykum,
Istikhara is not about dream interpretation. Please read the articles we have on this website about Salat-al-Istikhara (links at the top).
How can we advise you when we know nothing about your marriage except that you live in different countries and argue sometimes?
Why do you live in different countries? What do you fight about? What mistakes are you referring to?
You say that you love him and you want to be with him. So do so. Stop talking about divorce. Find a way for the two of you to live together. Show your love for him. Be a proper husband and wife.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
AoA,
i am also having a very troubled married life. both me and my separted wife are mentally ready for divorce. can i do istekhara to give her divorce or not?
Yes, you can pray Istikhara on this matter.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
aoa,
i am facing a big trouble...
[Editor's note: Please log in and submit your question as a new post for publication rather than a comment on an existing post. It can then be published and answered in turn, inshaAllah.]
My husband want to divorce me for my silly mistakes.i am now 30.and dont want it as he is a good person.but he dont want to contact and waiting for the divorce.what can i do now?plz tell me.
Afroza, without knowing more about the situation, all I can say is communicate with your husband, tell him you are sorry for your mistakes, and try to repair the marriage. If you need further advice please register and submit your question as a separate post.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear wael,my husband loved me but he was miser.didnt want to give me anything except food to please me n my parents.i bear myself with my income.rather my father in law had the greed for my income.there arose qurrel at home wid them.in anger i came out from home.now my husband invited us to give divorce.my parentr tried a lot but faield.i called him thousand time but he didnt receive.i went to his office but he misbehaved.i am now 30 .what can i do?
I am praying day n night .did ishtikara.no result.gave sadqa.did fasting,crying n crying but no result.
AsalamAlikum Afroca,
I have difficulty to understand your English. I guess you are trying to say :
1. Your husband does not provide you except for food and shelter.
2. You work and the money you earn is taken away by your father-in-law.
3. You had a fight with your husband because of this and you left home.
4. Now your husband wants to divorce you but you want to stay in the marriage because he is a good man.
I want you to understand that you have every right to keep the money you earn in Islam, noone should put a hand in it unless you offer them. In that case, your father-in-law is wrong to do that. If you feel uneasy to tell him in the face, you may gently but firm to let him or your husband knows that he can have some from you but if he needs more, he'd better to ask his son. If he insists, just let him know you have every right to keep your money in Islam. If he has shame and fear of Allah, he should back off.
For your husband, I do not know if your husband can afford to give you more or if he has difficulty in earning for a living. If he cannot afford to give you more except for providing your basic living - food, I'm afraid you should not ask for more. Just be patient with him. However, if he can afford but he does not want to provide you, then you may need to justify yourself to him the thing that you may need. If you are talking about luxury things, e.g. bags, clothing, shoes, then he has the reason to turn you down. (Pay attention here, things you need but not you want.)
Now he wants a divorce and you don't want to leave him. I believe the incident you mentioned is just a trigger for a divorce. This single event will not be the only reason. If you have any friends or family can help you to contact him, do so. You both need to sit down to talk about what went wrong and how do you both want to proceed it and if divorce is the only way to solve the issue.
Asalam alikum wr wb
Oh Allah help all the muslim brothers and sisters that are suffering in their marriages and family give them alot of love and caring and peace of mind thats all we want, oh Allah u have given so much to us all, when will we be thankful and grateful for what u have given us ....nothing is enough for us creatures .... we are nothing but a failure.. in being grateful, u are the creator and the provider, the forgiver, do we ever think about forgiving or giving people anything? no (including me). we are never humble in our actions, we are proud to be praised and obeyed but no one is willing to praise and obey the law of Islam.The one who created everything for us. it's all about victory in this world but what about the victory in our graves and the victory on judgment day? the victory of crossing the bridge of sirat. This stress is nothing compared to the stress hereafter. oh Allah help us, were all helpless in our feeling and how to control them open our hearts and purify us with only good deeds and let us repent for all the minor and major sins we have commited knowingly and unknowingly u are the most forgiving and Wise... Praise be to u and only u(Allah).Ameen.
just give away u tears and pray salah that is ur Key goal,Our prophet feared we wont pray our salah and we will miss it and still think it's alright we'll make it up....we are wrong .....do good to the creation of Allah and Allah will open doors for u.Sacrafice and never give up praying. Help the people that are in need .Allah will decide if u have patience. Allah is testing if u have patience. Allah is gunna accept ur dua. if not here it will be for the life here after.... u will get mountains of things that u never asked for only if u have patience.... dont loose hope just keep hold onto ur dua never let go.... and never say it aint answered..... then it will deffo will not be answered ......keep hope ......trust in Allah and the prophets and the angels and the Quran and that good and bad is from Allah ...he knows whats best for u ....that is ur guidance .... and give Salam and peace and blessing to prophet muhammad (pbuh) continuously. finally change ur character by reading ...
ya seen wal quranil hakeem...thats it.continuiously, yeah read yaseen but if u want a quick cure just read ya seen wal quranil hakeem. the hatred in ur heart will dissappear and the anger will disappear and the suspicion will go. isA .... Allah is in control over everything Allah knows u more than u know urself .... it's for the best inshAllah ....
Salam alikum wr wb
May Allah guide us all Ameen
xxx i hope it's helped.
Friend sr.k u r right that these not the only reason.my husband has handsome salery but miser.we have a lots of problems nothing to cure.my ache is that we both r educated,religious,good charactered,established but cant live togather for our destiny. Allah knows better.in this website u like friends r beside us to console who r deprived of good luck, its a peace .i know none can solve my problem except Allah.so plz pray for me.
@Afronza,
I do not think there is good luck or bad luck, it sounds cliche but it's true. As a believers, I believe any events happen meant to be strengthen your Iman-faith. Try always to think what did you learn from the lesson, what message you got from Allah.
How long you have been married? Does he concern about you? There are some muslim that I will define them as "overboard muslim", they make their life and their partner's so harsh and they consider that is religious and the way of Islam should be. Sometimes, their upbringing also contribute to their "self denial" life style. They do not know their practice is already backfired their marriage/family relationship. If he is this type, you need to ask yourself if you are willing to be part of his life as this is hard to change. I have a friend that she and her husband live in a separated life from the beginning and got divorce after 15 years of marriage. She lives happily with her son now but her only regret is not being determined from the start as now her son has to live with that as well. And of course, having children after marriage will complicate the issue of considering a divorce.
How long you have been married? Do you have children? In the beginning 3-5 years of marriage is hard, it is not always about love and romance. It is lots of adaptation, adjustment of life style, negotiation, respect, communication, and then readjust your expectation towards each other. Sometime, stubbornness, egos, self-righteousness can damage the relationship a lot. Try your best to examine yourselves first and then bring it up to your partner. Inshallah, if he loves you and wants to keep this marriage, he will want to discuss a better solution for your situation now.
Looking at the bright side, you are educated, established, religious and have good character. At least you need not to worry about being independent if you have to.
Remember, your father-in-law's case, just gently direct him to your husband for money.
Inshallah, keep your salat, your dua, inshallah, Allah will let you see your way out. Be patient.
how to pray isthikara namaz
assalamu alaikum.am rizna 25 yeras.i have got married on my 16 years to a married man wid 2 children.with my parents forcing.but anyway i forgot everything n tried to live with him happily.but he always ignore me and went with hjs first wife.i have surfered a lot.now i have two children.tolerated my level bet.he is a wealth person.but he never made me happy.after my 20 years i made my self n thought to divorce him.but still i din.becouse i dont have money n a house even.but promise i can say heartly i cant continue this life.so now i have taken a decissionanyway i am going to ddivorce him and start a new life with allah s help.pls tell me something.i need a peaceful life in sha Allah
Riz, wa alaykum as-salam. Please register and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer you in turn, Insha'Allah. I'm not sure how much help we can be, however. This is a personal decision that you must make for yourself, with the help of Allah SWT.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamualaikum. .. I'm 25 years with two daughters . I'm married for 7 years already. I got married at 17. I am having some issues in my married life . I left home once coz my in law accused me of adultery. From this time I started hating everyone in my house. I stay wid my bro in law and mother in law . Now things coming difficult. It's my parents who helped me financially and I started feeling embarrassing. My husband is good husband but we got breakdown in every matter . Nothing left between us . I can't go out no he supports me financially. I want to work he doesn't let me . It's becoming difficult for me . Please please help me . I did isthikhara also no reply yet.
I always see black colour and i always fight in my dream with my future husband should i maary him my istikhara is never shown me something positive about him
Anm, the answer seems obvious.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor