Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Helpless to control my sexual urges… Please help?

guilt regret female

I am an only child of my parents. I have always been lonely. I am even afraid of writing all these. so here I will start-

I do masturbation and I can not control myself at all. I was so trapped into this lust that I even shared my nude pics with a hindu guy. I did voice chat on sex even with him. I know I am very very disgusting. Then when I finish it I feel so much hatred for myself. I can not even look at myself. I cried. I begged pardon to ALLAH , I promised even not to do it but I could not keep promise. When this feelings comes into mind I lose myself. I find more exciting stuff too to excite me. I watched so many porn movies. But I never feel good after I am finished. I feel nausea,vomiting. I hate myself. Even I am afraid to beg pardon to Allah. I fear sometimes to pray prayer even because I think I am one of the most disgusting creations of Allah.

Sexual feelings drives me crazy. I just can not control myself. I pray prayer, I try to pray 5 times a day. I read Qur'an. I wear Hijab even. I fear Allah. But I can not control. I think it is from my loneliness and pain of my life. I try to forget my pains and disabilities through masturbation though I know this is not the correct way. I am 22 years and I never had Boyfriend. Once I wanted to have a Boyfriend very much but I don't want it now. I pray to Allah so That I will be married soon. I can not tell my parents that I need to marry to stop me from sin, I will be shameless in front of them then. But I don't know when my parents want me to marry. I am helpless. I can not tell this matter to anyone because this is shameful for me. None can think of me this bad, I am that much good girl for all.

Now I shared my nude pics to that hindu guy for some days then I felt so hate for me then I deleted my pics. That was the 1st and last time in my life as pic. I showed myself nude in cam also to other 2/3 guys for 1 time each. These are the most sinful things I ever did. These kills me every moment whenever I remember. I don't think Allah will forgive me. I decided I will never ever do all these till marriage recently again.

Every time I did I felt sooooooooo guilty and hate for myself, since the very beginning. Now so far I remember I had this attraction towards sex since I was only 5/6 years old. I do not know how I understood sex is fun at that age but I used to enjoy it though I didn't know the full meaning of sex. But it started then at 5/6 years old. I used to be alone and had fun with my body. I didn't understand it was sin then so I never felt guilty. Then when I started understanding that it is sin I started feeling guilty,nasty but I still continued. My fun with body developed time to time and now I do full masturbation and I cry.

I also saw our Beloved last Prophet (Sm) and 1st Prophet Hazrat Adam (A) in my dreams for 2 days when I was child around same age 5/6 years old. So before the time I started masturbation I used to think myself LUCKY and SPECIAL but when I started it I fell down. I am bearing these 2 sides since I was child. And I cry but I have no more solution. Because I have done the most fearful sins. Showed my body to 3/4 people over net. In real world none ever touched me.

What do I do now? Is there any way to be holy again and not feel the crazy urge,eager upon sex,masturbation till marriage? How can I get married soon if I can't tell my mom because I will be shameful. My father passed away last year. What can I do now? I feel so down and depressed about my life and I tend to do it again and again. PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. I DON'T WANT TO DIE LIKE THIS. I REALLY WANT TO BE A SPECIAL LOVABLE CREATION OF ALLAH AGAIN.

miney


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26 Responses »

  1. dear , sister first of all never loose hope on Allah no matter how horrible u feel of yourself its part of shaitans duty to make u do bad things and his success is when u loos hope on Allah , so don't give him that chance...

    pray to Allah sencierly to forgive u again and again and ask him for a good husband ... u can't have control over yourself be strong occupy yourself with anything to distract ... try to not be alone ! so u don't get the urge ...!

    U can !!!! don't give up ... fight yourself !!!!! be strong !!!!!

    may Allah help u ! inshaAllah ...

  2. Dear sister please practice
    Asma-ul-Husna and also recite QURA'N in your life..
    then you can see the changes of your life to be a muamin.
    Please avoid lonliness when you feel lonliness simply talk to your mother other wise recite QURA'N .

    pls don't forget about Asma-ul-Husna surely your problem will ok.
    pls also include me in your DUA

  3. Salaams sister,

    A recent study done concluded that females who watch porn regularly tend to become more promiscuous(have many sex partners) and men become hopeless in bed.

    Following are practical tips to quit porn & masturbation addiction

    Displacement Activities

    •Work out

    •Do yoga or stretching.

    •Groom yourself (shower, trim fingernails,, floss, brush teeth, use tongue scraper, wash your clothes, etc.).

    •Get squeeze balls for your hands (squeeze the squeeze ball and not your genitals).

    •Go for a walk.

    •Read a book instead of surfing the web.

    •Hang out with people.

    •Be an active member of your nearby mosque (or Islamic Youth clubs).

    •Clean the house/apartment/room.

    •Fix something around the house.

    •Start a chore that you have been putting off.

    •learn something new (a language, a musical instrument, cooking, solve a Rubik's cube etc).

    Avoidance Techniques

    •Delete your porn folder, delete your porn links.

    •Install a porn blocker (no more looking at sexy pics).

    •No fantasy, period. Touch yourself only when cleaning your body or urinating (see squeeze ball above).

    •Stay in public places.

    •Stay off the computer or phone except for a dedicated task like banking, work, school work, email, texting, checking nofap, checking the news, etc. and then log out.

    •If you are surging stay off the computer or phone completely.

    •Do not mindlessly surf the web because you will eventually click on a trigger.

    •Go to bed only when you are about to sleep.

    •Get out of bed immediately after waking.

    Mental Motivation

    •Remember why you are doing this.

    •Acquiring that strong sense of self-pride and being able to look people in the eye.

    •There will never be a day when masturbation or porn will leave you happy and fulfilled.

    •Remember how shitty you feel right after you have given in to urges..

    •Remember that as your pleasure centres rewire you will start enjoying the experiences of your life more vividly.

    •If you masturbate then you are training yourself to be mediocre.

    •If you masturbate frequently, then prepare to lose your womanliness after marriage.

    •When you masturbate then your sex life is watching other people have sex. This trains your brain to be a beta female.

    •If you masturbate you will numb yourself to your life and you will never have a hope of completing yourself to find a partner to marry.

    •A fraction of the women & men in porn are leading abused lives. You don 't want to contribute to the harm of another person.

    •Porn and masturbate makes you look at men in the wrong ways. You don't want to be that girl.

    •People can sense you are a beta female when you masturbate . They know.

    •When you don't masturbate you will become more alpha. Alpha doesn't mean aggressive douchebag, I know Christian celibate nuns and lay meditators who are very alpha and very good people at the same time..

    •Remember porn & masturbation is bad for sexual health,that if you are not desensitised you will eventually become & will never enjoy sex after marriage

    •Remember that if you are desensitised then quitting porn & masturbation ill cure it (if there are no underlying medical issues).

    •You will have the freedom of not worrying about your browser history.

    •You will have the freedom of not having that second, hidden, fappy personality.

    •You will have a more sensitive and normal genital response

    Improve Your Commitment

    •Acknowledge to yourself that you have a problem, an addiction even.

    •Make a commitment to stop porn & masturbation today.

    •if you have an accountability partner, call or text them when you are surging.

    •Mark out your porn & masturbation days on a calendar ('x' out each day with a coloured marker, if you relapse then 'x' out each subsequent day of your new streak using a different coloured marker). It doesn't have to be paper, I use my iPad calendar for example.

    •... but remember that every day is Day 1 no matter how high your counter is.
    .

    •"Moderate porn & masturbation " does not work, cold turkey is the best way to go.

    •Be very regular and punctual with your Salat(prayers),do lots of Istighfar and duas.

    •Identify your triggers (stress, anxiety, boredom, some kind of perceived failure) and realize that a fap session will not help.

    Tricks of Last Resort

    •Cold showers.

    •For some, cold showers are too traumatic. If so, then wash your unit with a cold face cloth until the urge passes. Some have suggested that washing your face in cold water may also work.

    •Hard mode(completely stopping porn & masturbation & even fantasy)is the best way to heal your brain quickly from this disease of PMO addiction.

    Live for purpose, not pleasure.

    Finally.....

    •Fall down. Get up.

    •Fall down. Get up.

    •Fall down. Get up.

    •Fall down. Get up.

    •Fall down. Get up. Stay up

  4. Breaking the chains of Pornography by chanting "Astaghfirullah"(O Allah forgive me)

    Salams,

    Shaitan is devouring souls through a tool called pornography and he is taking captives by millions each day in the chains of porn, it is probably his greatest tool. Most of us do not need any more reminders than we have already had on the dangers of watching porn, but the fact of the matter is majority of us are finding it difficult to stay away from porn.

    With pornfree streaks of 73 and 60+ days behind me,bad relapses after Ramadan, made it clear to me that the reason each time I relapsed was because the strong urges got better of me. To have attraction towards opposite sex is normal for guys, but to deal with a constant stream of excessive sexual thoughts, the need to stare and drool over girls/women's bodies on and off screen, need to fantasize sexual encounters regularly, edging with or without fantasy is far from normal.

    With unanswered questions like why someone is inundated with hypersexual thoughts I came across a website http://www.spiritualresearchfoundation.org/sexual-thoughts

    According to them the primary reason for abnormal sexual behaviour and excessive sexual thoughts is because of the influence of the devil(Satan) in the persons life and one of the remedy is chanting/reciting our creators (God) name repeatedly daily as per your religious beliefs.

    This was making complete sense to me and it was like I found the missing pieces of a puzzle. Now, Shaitan hates it when believers ask for forgiveness from Allah,as it neutralises Shaitan and his armies efforts and their grand plan of taking people to hell along with them on judgement day.

    So, I started reciting 100-200 times "Astaghfirullah"(I ask forgiveness from Allah) after each fard salat everyday. Immediately I could feel the difference, the urges were diminished and in the following two months I did not feel the need to watch porn or even a nude image on any day, even the ideal felt gross,also stopped objectifying real females whenever I saw them.

    Unfortunately, I became complacent and stopped the practice of reciting "Astaghfirullah"daily by the end of Ramadan and post Ramadan, the urges to masturbate & watch porn were back with a bang and I relapsed. 2-3 weeks after Ramadan been very difficult for me , I tried almost everything to stop the urges like cold showers, exercise, running, yoga,doing something else, limiting food consumption etc etc, but nothing seemed to help.

    Then, Allah had mercy on me,I remembered I have stopped the practice of chanting "Astaghfirullah" daily and forgot the purpose of the amal.

    So after Zuhar salat ,I recited "Astaghfirullah" for straight one hour and did it again today. Alhamdulillah, the strong urges almost making me insane after Ramadan are all gone as if they have been crushed by a big rock boulder and I am feeling like a free man just out of prison. I feel like a man from whose head a huge weight has just been taken off.

    Insha-Allah,I'll continue doing it like I did previously, chanting it 100-200 times or more after salat daily.

    The lesson to learn is if some amal ( in my case its reciting Astaghfirullah daily) works for you to stay away from a vice like porn, then be regular and relentless at doing that amal, as our enemy Shaitan is also relentless and prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour

    Note: Like all other dhikrs(remembrance of Allah ,"Astaghfirullah" can be recited anytime during day and night, even when you are not in state of wudu' (ablution)[http://islamqa.info/en/8828 ].My daily routine is reciting ,"Astaghfirullah loudly ( loud enough for me to hear)for 10-15 mins a day and it has helped me to quit porn and masturbation addiction, Alhamdulillah.

    Sister be careful,you are on the edge of the dark valley of Zina, try being sober asap by quitting the bad habits before its too late.

  5. Salam alaykum, Please read all of this post if you're experiencing the same problem

    First and foremost, you've done something great to have the courage to post it and seek help rather than bottling it in. It shows that you care and looking for a resolution to your problem. And inshallah you'll have the strength and courage to go over the bump.

    I'm going to speak as a human to you, rather than an "islam freak" or a "addiction social group expert," those solutions simply don't apply to everyone. So I'll give you my perspective on the solution rather than tormenting you to read qur'an and tell you to stop. It simply doesn't work on everyone.

    So, what works? I've done more research on this topic and have been through this personally, so I know what it's like and I'll give you a personalized solution. Let me give you the first piece of research I've found is to listen to this piece of the qur'an on whenever you have a desire. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8Ar5YIS9hk

    And, at this point, you've probably repented and didn't feel a real imaan boost that you thought you'd seek help, inshallah may allah bless you. So, how do we get this real imaan effect? Let me tell you everything I know,

    First things first, the only way you'll win this battle is if you have imaan and taqwa (remembrance of allah) in your heart. If you don't have that, theirs no way you'll win this battle because you will never be able to stop the urges because you don't have that fear in your heart. So, how do we get this 'imaan' and 'taqwa'?

    1.) You first got to repent, if let's say you do it again and fall, repent. The Prophet ﷺ tells us in this hadith: “The Scribe on the left delays registering the sin of a Muslim for six hours. If he repents (within these six hours), and seeks Allah’s forgiveness, they drop if off. If he doesn’t, they write is down as a single sin.” [Tabarani]. DO NOT THINK THIS AS A WAY TO DO THE SIN AND THINK YOU'LL REPENT LATER, THIS IS HOW THE SHAYTAAN TRICKS YOU. IF YOU DELIBERATELY SIN WITH THIS IN MIND, YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO SOLVE THE ISSUE YOU'RE HAVING, EVER.

    2.)Make sure you've repented. I literally mean, you've got to do a sincere repentance. You've got to make an intention that you will not return to this sin again and ask allah to suppress your desires and protect you from the shaytaan. And those who, when they commit an immorality or wrong themselves [by transgression], remember Allah and seek forgiveness for their sins – and who can forgive sins except Allah ? – and [who] do not persist in what they have done while they know. [Qur'an 3:135].

    3.) Pray your prayers on time. One mistake we all fall into, even if we pray all our prayers on time, is we fail to pray our prayers on time. By delaying it, you're weakening your imaan and causing you to loose the taqwa and weakens your soul; making you more prone to shaytaan's whispers. Pray on time. No matter how busy you are, nobody was more busy, everyone can spare 5 minutes, just 5 minutes to pray. This will strengthen your imaan and allow you to fight back against doing it.

    4.)Pray sincerely. A mistake a lot of us do, is we take only 1 minute to pray (some people 30 seconds). We don't pray sincerely, we just read the qur'an very fast, no tajweed, go up and down while your mind is on something else. Take your time in prayer, recite it slowly and correctly, listen to your words and stay in sujood to make duah. To be close to Allah, you have to go into sujood. The Prophet ﷺ said:

    أَقْرَبُ مَا يَكُونُ الْعَبْدُ مِنْ رَبِّهِ وَهُوَ سَاجِدٌ
    “The closest that a servant is to his Lord is when he is in prostration.” (Muslim). Take note to the true believers in your community, they'll stay in sujood the longest out of every part of the prayer because the most connected they feel with Allah is during sujood.

    5.)Nightly prayers and supplication. Not many people realize this but night time is the best time to pray and get your duah accepted. When people are sleeping and busy with worldly pleasures Allah (SWT) gives the believers an opportunity, or an answer hour if they can fight sleep and invoke Allah (SWT) for whatever they need. The Prophet (SAW) said: 'There is at night an hour, no Muslim happens to be asking Allah any matter of this world or the Hereafter, except that he will be given it, and this (occurs) every night.'
    [Muslim #757]

    What do you do? Pray 2 rakah (Tahajjud Prayer) before you sleep. Make duah during sajood and pray sincerely. Now, before you sleep, read Ayatul' Kursi: Al-Baqarah 2:255. Whoever reads this when he lies down to sleep will have a guardian from Allah remain with him and Satan will not be able to come near him until he rises in the morning. http://quran.com/2/255-257/ (Print ayah 255 out and read it before you sleep). Make sure you prayed all your prayers, resolved all conflicts you had with anyone and you feel satisfied.

    Extra tip: Read the last 2 ayah of surah bakarah, read surah mulk (only 30 ayat). Cup your palms together, blow gently into them and then recite the last 3 surahs of the qur'an (al falq, al nas, and al iklas) and then pass your hands over as much of your body as you can reach, beginning with the head and the face, then the entire front of your body. Do this three times. This is what the prophet did.

    Print out more supplications before you sleep here and keep it by your bed side and recite it every night: http://www.islamawareness.net/Dua/Fortress/028.html

    6.) Start slow and stay strong. If you've done all the steps above, you'll start to feel imaan and taqwa immediately if done correctly inshallah. A huge tip: start out slowly and then increase your way up. First repent. Then focus on getting your prayers on-time. Then start praying sincerely and build you way up. Never give up hope, mainly when you FEEL like allah CAN'T forgive you. Allah forgives and will always forgive! Allah says "O son of Adam, as long as you call upon Me and put your hope in Me, I have forgiven you for what you have done and I do not mind. O son of Adam, if your sins were to reach the clouds of the sky and then you would seek My forgiveness, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, if you were to come to Me with sins that are close to filling the earth and then you would meet Me without ascribing any partners with Me, I would certainly bring to you forgiveness close to filling it."

    Reflect over that quote as no matter how many times you've done it in the past, allah will always forgive. Even if you feel like you've done such a hideous sin that it cannot be forgiven. That's Shaytaan's work! He makes you feel hopeless but in reality, allah is filled with mercy even if you swore you wouldn't do it and did it again, allah WILL forgive you inshallah.

    Keep going strong, read Qur'an whenever you can. Avoid cursing and avoid doing anything that'll weaken your imaan because this is what'll make you stop. I have no more words left because this IS the solution and inshallah allah will help you. I'll make duah for you and if this helped you, make duah for me.

    Jazakallah Khair Sister! Inshallah allah will make it easy for you.

    ~Dearly, a muslim brother that went through the same thing.

  6. I thought probably that I'm the only one caught up in this vicious cycle. My experiences are similar, I was 11 when I started, not really comprehending what it was about. I am 33 now. I know that it became a habit in my childhood to compensate for my insecurities and inadequacies in life. This was the only thing that 'felt good' and that nobody else had a control over. Immediately after masturbation I used to weep and feel utterly disgusted with myself, never forgave myself, never expected God to either, it became such a vicious cycle .... I thought I was getting better until I went through a personal crisis ... and now I am in a worse cycle. I've developed an addiction to porn and simultaneous masturbation. I tell myself that I'm single, and at least this may help me from not fornicating with another person, but that's just a fool's paradise. It is the underlying guilt, and disgust, and the sense of feeling dirty and unworthy of God's attention that has disrupted my mind and I'm fairly certain responsible for my night terrors and anxiety. Worse is that I think my mom has walked in on me a few times...a grown woman ... and it's more shameful. And the porn...there are things I've ended up seeing that have seared my brain, and God I wish I could unsee them. I feel like scrubbing my eyes with steelwool. .. but will that help.

    And you know the funniest part? I pray five times a day. And I wonder why, why is it that my namaz has not protected me? Then after namaz I find that I cannot face Allah to supplicate to him. I don't find myself worthy of his audience. But I've a better understanding over things now, I understand and admit that I have a disease. It's a disease to be cured, and fought. My zina is a part of me, not all of me. We talk about hating the sin and not the sinner, the same should apply to ourselves. I stand before God sometimes, telling him, to not let my zina be the all of me, to look beyond it the other good in me. And I try and focus on my good. You should too. It's a psychological problem. If you feel guilt, it's not purely the pleasure you are chasing, it's the compulsion that you are acting upon. It's poor impulse control.

    In a way it's comforting to know that I'm not alone. And I'm pouring my secrets out here to let you know that you are not alone. For all these years I've tried to find some help online, but all I've encountered are long drawn religious sermons removed from reality. 'Recovering', the list you've put together is by far the most helpful, it gives me hope, and it gives me direction. God bless you and God bless you miney. Remember Zina is part of you, and not all of you, and turn to Allah not merely in forgiveness, but the strength to fight this disease.

    • Kindred soul, thank you for your powerful comment, and for sharing your experience. I pray that Allah will give you the strength to reform your behavior and to purify yourself. Also, please rest assured that your comment is totally anonymous.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  7. My life is like hell after addicting to masturbation though its ruining my life i am not able to give up this habit it suddenly attacks

    • Assalam alaikum Brother,

      Read through the posts on this website and inn shaa Allah, the abundant information will help you to overcome this habit.

      I will suggest that you begin with one thought...you are in control of your actions - take that control back by injecting this thought in your brain as much as you can along with dhikr from Allah swt. May Allah make you successful in your efforts, Ameen.

    • @haris nabeel
      If you need a online support group join here:
      http://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimNoFap/

  8. Assalam-u-alaikum sister. Remember ours sins are too small in comparison to Allah's mercy. Be it the biggest sin in this world, but still it is ready to be forgiven by Allah. Fasting is the best solution to curb the sexual urges and build taqwa in oneself. This recommendation comes from the Hadith. Observe Fast as much as you can, with the intension to only please Allah. Keep reading about the seerah of Prophet (s.a.w), and the stories of the sahabah. Know these blessed people as much as you can, listen to bayans of eminent scholars like moulvi tariq jameel. His bayans may bring some clarity. Listening to bayans can be more effective in bringing things into amal rather than reading. I am too deeply trapped in the habit of masturbation and watching porn. May Allah protect us all from this filth. Aameen.

  9. The best thing to do is get married but sadly nowadays people's mentality says that you should get married at the age of so and so and you should have this much saving to organize a marriage and all that new generation shit, this is the reason why most of our brothers and sisters in islam are being misled its always better to get married as soon as possible after you hit puberty but parents dont seem to understand that and if you ask for marriage they will say 100 things against you, this is wrong and should be stopped and if anyone asks for marriage then they need to understand and get that person married asap as marriage has many advantages. Marriages keeps you away from evil deeds and also married people have better immune system than unmarried people and there is more you can google it if you want to know all of them. Also if your a muslim then having a boyfriend is not an option if your a muslim don't forget that we will return to Allah and he will question us for our deeds please follow the rules of islam if your a muslim as the afterlife won't be good for those who followed satan in this world and remember that we have been sent here for a short duration only and will surely return to Allah.

    Get married!!!! Share your feelings with your mom and try to explain her your difficulties.

    • The main thing is , you people are not giving honest answers to our problems. Im a male 25 almost and ive the same issue. Ive been modest till 25 years of age and now ive lost hope coz im still in education and i cannot fast unlimited as a solution. Still 2 years more before i get stablish.
      Secondly i cannot tell my parents coz they wont admit it and are of a nature who normally makes fun of feelings.

      I committed zina a month ago and have cried a lot ever since but now that ive stopped masturbating, my urges have gone wild. Not everythin gets me distracted and now not even masturbation.

      Im currently so high that i think i will lose myself for the second time but its a social problem that you need to deal with a broader perspective.

      All answers look so ethnocentric.

      I want a lawful relationship and natural instincts of human are making me go crazy. I excercise, pray and do almost everything, still no peace.

  10. Nowadays lot of young people are struggling to prevent the sexual urges while the others are facing the impotency, STDs and other sex related issues. In my opinion early marriage is the real solution for all these sexual issues.
    If girls/boys get married in earlier age like 18-22 then they can fulfill their sexual urges in legal & Islamic way, avoid the sins, wouldn't face the impotency and other sexual issues.
    If you can't get married then try to control it with fasting and diet. Your sexual urges will be reduced if you eat the less calories and also fasting few times a week, it will helped too and perform prayers, ask to Allah for help and Inshallah he will show you the right path.

  11. Believe me!! believe mee...the same happened with me!!but im 14!i also saw Muhammad(S.A.W) in a dream nd i too get religous dreams alot, i pray 5 times a day, recite Quran,nd me too wear hijab nd im also having the same problem like urs....i also shared nude pics with a guy, had a bf nd wanted a bf but not now...nd everything is the same wid me.....

  12. I have also in this trouble, i don't know what to do, i am belong from very middle class family i am 21 years old boy. Sometime i want to decided to get soside but this is also haram in haram. I just hate myself everytime, i can't say to anyone that i want to do marrige youknow. I think i am soo bad.

  13. Its a huge problem with in muslim society. I had same issues. Got married at age 36. She and her family did not care about hadud Allah so ended up with a fatwa that the reason is her mental state due to which she is acting like this. An any way shaih declared nikh to be unvalid. Lesson learned do not assume that you will find a good muslim spouse. We have to make it easier for muslim youth to get married. Although I am very knowledgeable about deen but sisters want to marry someone rich. Which is not possible for me as I have a disability and due to that it is not possible to get a great career job like a doctor or engineer. In our cultural girls will mary only a doctor or engineer but have an afair with any one good looking. In Pakistan majority of girls are have relationships out side of marriage as per Ary news. U can google it girls sex before marriage pakistan.

  14. Assalamualaikum.

    Sister, please dont give up - ever. I was and am in the same situtation as you, except a LOT younger. Being in a sexual society dosen't help matters, but we have to keep trying. Allah repeatedly tells us in the Quran to never give up on his mercy. His mercy is greater than his wrath.

    Ever since I was 5-6 years old, I never fit in, and I was always lonely. I didnt know much about sex, and i didnt realize having sun was so wrong. I never told my parents, and for a period of my life i was depressed. When I got a bit older, i got into full time porn, and things didnt get any better.

    However, I am no longer depressed, and I have found some good friends. As for masturbation, I still fall into shaitaan's trap once and a while, but i really try not to anymore. I try to control myself, no matter how hard things get. Lately' I've been doing a bit better, and things are finally starting to look a bit better for me.

    It sounds cliche, but i honestly know what your going through. I remember i used to cry myself to sleep. Also, i was my parents ''darling daughter'' who got straight A's and never made a mistake. They would have never imagined me like this. By the way, your are honestly very lucky to have seen the Prophet himself. I never saw anyone or anything special in my dreams ever, even though I literally pray every night just to see the prohet in my dream.. There must have been a reason he came in your dream. Try remembering what he said and did.

    Sorry for blabbering out my problems. I know it doesn't really help, but I really feel bad right now, because I'm remebering and regretting everything I did. Also, another thing. Always remember that masturbating and porn are going to give you nothing but regret. I seriously suggest doing the following:
    1.try to go on the internet as less as possible
    2.read Quran
    3.Pray all of your prayers (and if you can, try praying tahajjud at night)
    4.listen to islamic lectures (mercifulservant, the prophetspath, bayyinah tv, etc.)
    5.listen to lectures that give advice on these topics, it will help a lot
    6.listen to and read translation of quran

    As for the trouble with marriage, dont straight out tell your mom you want to get married, obviously. Rather, try to get marriage into her mind by trying this trick:
    Listen to a lectures that includes advice to parents about quickly getting their kids married, but the title should not be obvious, and then sit down with your mom and casually put on that lecture. Do this many times and perhaps the idea will finally get into her mind.

    I will pray for Allah to help you, and also please dont forget me in your duas becaus eI'm also going through the same thing as you. I hope, inshallah, all will be well. Just trust in Allah. Perhaps this is just a test to get you closer to Him. When Allah wants to get closer to his slave, he gives him a test so that he will turn back to Allah. With that said, Assalamualaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.
    -Jameela

    • Jameela ,I was under the impression that girls don't like porn and don't watch as boys do frequently .But it seems here some sisters are in to this despite wearing hijab and prayers .I think this is serious issue as you wont find such men with perfect bodies and size when you get married .i think you need to first start undoing all these what you have done so far .never watch it n control the feelings .spend time in good groups .Once you are confident of getting rid of this problem . After watching porn expectation are set to get similar handsome men with attractive bodies which is unrealistic .

  15. You know everything you wrote up there exactly describes my situation except for sending nudes. I just didn't think that other people would have the same problem as me. I thought i was mentally *** cos i've been doing this since i was little and since now i have been reflecting on WHY. You don't realise but tv has a lot of influence on the way that you think and view life. They display so much sexual content in little doses in certain programmes and i always watched tv as a kid and my sisters always put some teenage drama on or something. Stuff like Friends, Charmed, 90210, One Tree Hill and now more recently for me it's hollyoaks and home and away. When i was little i didn't really understand the effect that it had on me but i knew the content in these shows were slightly wrong but i was young and had a conflict of figuring out whether watching these stff was okay. Women are always dressed so inappropriately and nowadays it has become the norm that no matter what you watch on tv you can never escape it. That is one of the signs of qiyamah, that fitnah is everywhere and women dress covered but are really naked. All these provocative measures have an impact on your mind and cause you to think that dressing a certain way and behaving inappropriately with the opposite sex is fine. You then reciprocate that behaviour and secretly desire the lifesyle that these people have because you think it will give you the pleasure you are seeking for.

    But of course when engaging in that sinful act you realise it's shameful because you are not exactly doing it in the manner that people would. We try to satisfy our urges behind the scenes because we cannot publicly such as meeting a guy and staying over at his for a one night stand. We resort to this filthy habit because it's all we can do. And it becomes a disgusting habit which we find so difficult to stop.

    Not only this, the internet and the way people around us behave contributes to all of this. I realised recently that I have to cut TV out of my life for good cos even if i watched an innocent tv series there were always minor inappropriate scenes and maybe cos i was already susceptible to any display of sexual content it triggered that desire to gain sexual gratification. Then after many episodes of different tv series it opened doors to porn and really adult rated films and stuff, that inevitably i was going to commit that act which i was desperately trying to avoid.

    And if you listen to music you'll know that this also contributes to it because the lyrics are filthy and always centred around love. Alhamdulillah i stopped music but i am starting a diet on tv, because the way that it ALWAYS revolves around sex, whether in an obvious or in a subtle manner, it really incites these urges to go out of hand and drives you to become a slave of your sexual desires. We should be the controller of our urges and not the other way around.

    I swear, when i think about how long I have been doing this despite the long gaps i may have gone without it, shaytan always gets under my skin, it just makes me so depressed and disgusted at myself. I like to think myself as a good practicing muslim who has changed a lot from years ago but this horrible flaw just ruins everything and makes me feel like a fraud. I hate it so much, i want the sexual urge out of me completely. Sometimes i wish i wasn't alive or that i could even feel like this. I just wished god hadn't created these desires within me because they are the destruction of my soul. And i used to think that i was special too because i had two really apocalyptic dreams within the space of 5 years and one of them brought me to islam and i felt like god really cared about me cos he was trying to warn me and in the other dream it was the end of the world but god gave me another chance and i was praying with people after and i felt so afraid but blessed.

    I realise how beneficial it is to just spill these thoughts that i have never shared with anyone before. I usually read ppl's comments, too embarassed to comment myself. But just emptying these horrible self hating thoughts is a relief. I don't know what to do myself. I read salah 5 times a day, listen to a lot of lectures, i don't do my eyebrows, i never wear make up at all. I read the qur'an as often as possible but one thing that lacks is the quality of my salah. I don't always understand what i'm saying but when i do it's more i don't get what it really means beyond the literal meaning. I can't ponder deeply over the words, i'm so attention deficit like i can't give anything proper thought unless it interests me immediately like a hobby i do. I think for me, that is the issue which is causing me to not be able to avoid this sin. After all "prayer prohibits immorality and sin" and not just a fast prayer consisting of mindlessy saying words from the qur'an. You have to truly feel the passion and meaning and gain that satisfaction of speaking with your lord.

    I hope allah guides us all and does not make us of those who lose hope and our iman. Another thing is, the reason why it affects us so much is because shaytan wants us to slip. He does not approach the disbelievers as much as he does the believers. That is because we are getting closer to allah and he dislikes this. He wants us all to fail and targets the followers of islam the most to make us lose our iman. That is the true goal of his and i have noticed that i feel more guilt than ever before when i sin now because my iman is stronger than it was before.

    I leave you with this, this is shaytan's goal, to make the very best of us slip. And the very best of us will slip. We are not perfect. But this is a test and one we will struggle through badly but allah is with us and is putting us through this for a reason. He wants us to be closer to him, to see who is going to maintain his iman despite what comes at him. If allah loves his servant, he puts him through more strife and calamities because he wants us to reap a greater reward for our endurance and hard earned patience. He loves us and will always answer our pleas but we must never lose hope. After all allah is the owner of hope, losing hope is like denying that allah exists.

  16. Dear Sisters/Brothers,
    its the shaitaan who is provoking all of us to adultery.May Allah safeguard us from evil practices.
    Dont even come near zina my brothers.we all must be going through this phase.

    And to imply a forceful resistance to these urges-----> First of all stand up if you are sitting (vice versa ) say astagfaar whenever this urge comes and keep it saying till you end up thinking about something else (remember shaitan is very very very patient,He is a silent killer. when you abstain from sins the shaitan disturbs u bit by bit and slowly it revives again. SO STAND STILL SAY ASTAGFAR READ AYTAL KURSI WHENEVER THiS URGE COMES)

    Secondly------> my brothers never miss namaz. be puntcual. be against the fiend.
    whenever it comes to u that "ohh ill ill offer salah after 10 mins or so" its again theshaitan
    and you know what to do now. And sometimes during namaz we might be gettting awful thoughts and weird thoughts or some kind of distractions.At that moment again say astagfaar and read your suraahs a lil loud. recite lahaul walaah....

    BROTHERS AND SISTERS AGAIN IM GOING TO SAY-----> READ ASTAGFAAR EVERYTIME
    STAND UP IF YOUR SITTING(when ever anger comes/or such sinful desires comes)
    SAFEGUARD YOURSELF FROM JINN AND SHAITAN WHILE WEARING YPUR CLOTHES BY SAYING BISMILLAH.
    last but not the least offer your salahs be punctual
    *PLEASE WATCH MUFTI MENK AND NOUMAN ALI KHAN VIDEOS ON THESE TOPICS THEY ARE VERY VERY HELPFUL*

  17. Dear sister, you might have dophamine issue in your neurotransmitter, thats why currently masturbation can calm you down.

    I would suggest you to see a woman pshychotherapist (not pshychologist nor pshychitrist).

    In the meantime, you can stop the urge by do instense exercise EVERYDAY..like running for 30 minutes everyday. Exercise will increase your endorphins level which will make the urge to reduce.

    Hope my info helps you

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