Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Her husband ignores her…

wedding night bed

what should a woman do when her husband continuously ignoring her from the very first night. She is still virgin after 2 years of marriage. Her husband makes himself cool by watching porns and using other methods. She tried many times but nothing is gonna happen. In this situation, what is the islamic way for her?

Binte haya

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5 Responses »

  1. he is impotent (not able to do) , She being wife has the right to file Khula stating the same reason.
    Allah has allowed her. Rest is her choice if she still wants to live, she can

  2. Sister,

    I would recommend a marriage counselor to you and your husband. Me personally, I might be understanding of a newly married couple not consummating their marriage due to getting to know one another however, two years?! I take it you have never spoken to your parents about this?

    What is your husbands reasoning behind his decision not to have relations with you? Does he have something personal that he is dealing with in regards to his ability to perform or maybe something regarding his health? There could be an array of reasons including the reality that he could very very well be gay. Have you ever sat down and discussed what is going on and why he does not want to be intimate with you? If you haven't, you need to. Two years is not acceptable by any means. You are human after all.

    The reality is, from an Islamic perspective you have a valid reason for asking for divorce. When you married your husband, I imagine you were looking forward to a happy marriage and a family in the not too far off future. How will you have children if you are married to a man who will not touch you? Essentially, you are nothing more than a housekeeper for him at this point because you certainly are not in the role of a wife. Your husband is denying you your most intimate needs and desires.

    I cannot believe you have stayed silent for so long about something so vital within your marriage. Maybe with the help of a marriage counselor, whatever is going on might possibly be overcome...or not. You have rights in Islam and those rights are being denied to you by your husband. Make the effort to seek help first and if all else fails, then you and only you can decide your next steps.


  3. i strongly belive that he may be a gay better leave him dear,otherwise consult a sexologist he will tell what is his pblm

  4. Hmm strange that doesn't sound right..Unless he's gay? The question is why is he watching porn...This is haram and major sin...It is quite ovious that these are weak people in faith...Soon or latter the punishment comes in some form or reserved in the hereafter double penalty. ...the wife should speak up .. The 1st 2nd day or 3rd..should not delay because a child needs to come right away so your offsprings can prepare for the last day .

  5. Assalaamualaikam

    I would suggest that your friend ask her husband to be honest with her and tell her why he has no interest in having sex with her, as without understanding why it is difficult for her to accept this.

    If he has concerns about performance, due to watching porn perhaps, then abstaining from porn and spending time enjoying each other's company in a non-sexual context might help develop a stronger emotional connection which can then inshAllah translate into physical intimacy as well.

    Porn is haram and is known to have adverse effects on people who watch it in terms of their own sexual desires and performance. If he is watching extreme porn (violent, degrading, etc) then he may have become desensitised to this and no longer find normal sexual activities exciting - if this is the case, then this should resolve if he can abstain from watching porn.

    If his motivation for watching porn is to see men having sex (either with other men or with women), this may indicate that he has questions about his sexuality or that he is homosexual. If he is questioning his sexuality then it may be possible for him to discuss this with a counsellor and the support of your friend, and inshAllah he may then realise that he wants to be in a heterosexual relationship with your friend. If he is homosexual, then your friend may want to divorce him - his sexuality is unlikely to change and she would therefore be unlikely to find sexual fulfilment in this relationship.

    If he doesn't find her attractive and doesn't want to have sex with her because of this, then the two of them might wish to consider divorce rather than remain in a marriage which is not fulfilling either of them and is bringing them both unhappiness. This wouldn't be a slight on her - people have different concepts of what/who is attractive to them, so what one person finds desirable may not interest another person at all. If there is someone else with whom he wishes to be, then your friend may prefer to leave them to it and go find happiness for herself elsewhere.

    She should pray istikhara before making any decision, and ensure that her actions are in accordance with Islamic guidance.

    Midnightmoon editor

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