Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Her Parents refuse marriage because I am African

Islam strictly prohibits Racism on any basis

Salaam Alaikum,
I am a well brought up muslim man (recent revert) originally born and raised in Kenya but my dad is from Namibia and mom is Kenyan but live in the U.S.

I met a muslim girl through a friend at work and we fell in love with each other.

We decided that we should get married and she introduced the matter to her father recently which did not go too well because I am a dark skin African and her ethnicity is Palestine though born and raised in the U.S.

Her father and family haven't had a chance to even met me in person but unfortunately the whole situation has gotten hostile for her and with threats towards her if she pursued this relationship. They want to force her to marry someone Arabic or be sent back home (Palestine) now.

We are at a point where we are about to break up because of the situation but I still have faith that something could be done. I don't understand what picture her family has portrayed about me, but I was born and raised well and have full faith that I can take care of the woman I am in love with inshaAllah.

Please advise me. Unfortunately I do not have a family living here in the U.S. except my younger sister who is in a different state. I would like to see if I can find someone to represent me to her parents or any other kind of advise to help us be together. We are both heart broken and don't understand why they would judge it this way just because I was born and raised from a different continent and culture. I believe I have a lot to offer and contribute to if her family gave me a chance. I am sure they would realize that color and culture doesn't mean anything if only they opened up their hearts to seeing us together.

Everything that we have gone through has made us stronger and understand each other better but its sad that this is how they view it.

Please advise me brothers and sisters.

Assalaam Alaikum


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4 Responses »

  1. Assalam alaikum,

    Many years ago, a friend of mine received a proposal from an African boy while both of them studied in University and the story sounds very very familiar. My friend's family refused the proposal because the boy was not Pakistani and came up with endless reasons to refuse the proposal. Eventually, the boy made a lot of effort along with his family to come for the proposal again and again. They cited in their visits that Islam does not support this kind of discrimination and they also had an Imam accompany them. There was a happy ending, after several visits, and the family accepted. A lot of people talked at the wedding about it, gossip and all that, but now its all history really.

    I guess it matters how you present your case to her father and family and who can accompany you. They need to see this is the real deal and they need to realize that they are wrong. Without those two things, it many not work.

    All the best to you, and May Allah grant your du'a if it is best for you, Ameen.

  2. Wa 'alaikumus-Salaam warahmatullahi wabarakaatuh brother,

    For some Arabic culture, it is impossible to accept other Arabs for marriage, let alone a different race. So if you see any clue that the thing is not going to work however, then just don't waste your time at all. But perhaps, as sister Saba mentioned above, "it matters how you present your case to her father and family and who can accompany you"--this might work perfectly if they are very religious and perhaps also shy from Allah to reject the truth when presented well and clearly to them, in front of Allah.

  3. her family is obsessed with arab blood and they think that they are superior and very pure XD thats stupidity we all are born from dirty water.

    be patient and keep on trying XD eventually they will be persuaded. if the girl is by ur side

  4. Don't give up! Tell that woman's father about hadith, The prophet, peace be upon him, said: "All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any “superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over a black nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action." Sahih

    Talk to that father with love, kindness and respect. In sha Allah he will change his mind.

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