Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Her parents want to marry her to some boy, but we’ve already married in secret! What to do?

I married a Muslim girl with out informing our parents, but I have told my parents that I want to marry her.

Now her parents and my parents are not agreeing for this marriage because of some misunderstanding. And her parents wants to get her married to another boy but we are already married.

I don't want to loose her. We love each other from deep heart.

Please let me know the good suggestion regarding this..!!

~ mohdakram567

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12 Responses »

  1. Stop lying to your parents - thats what got you in this mess in the first place. Put your hands up, come clean and tell them and then convince them to re-do your nikaah properly.

    Nikah without a wali is invalid, some scholars will say that your marriage is invalid for this reason. Others will say it is valid but is highly immoral and void of blessings. So the only way to put things right, is to do things right this time. If they do not agree even after learning of the truth, go and see a qualified Imam. Insha'Allah he will convince your parents that since (and I am assuming here) you have consummated your relationship, it is best for all if they just legalise your relationship through a proper nikah.

    ***

    Hopefully this will be the last time you and this girl make a mockery of the Quranic Laws of Nikah. Learn your lesson. Do tawbah and put it right.

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. SisterZ if the parents does not agree then they couple have right to get married without their permission and its valid but not adviced so stop saying do tawba and stuff. I hate when now days people start making hadiths.

    • Maz...what are you going on about?

      Has the brother said anywhere that he and this girl made any attempt to get married with their parent's consent the first time around? You cannot just dismiss the parents whenever they say 'no' to something. For all we know, they may have very valid reasons for rejecting the proposal. Anyhow, from what the brother explained, his and the girl's actions of marrying in secret were wrong.

      Furthermore, I am not making up any hadiths, as you can read for yourself: A marriage contract without the wali of the woman is not valid, because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage without a wali.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (2085), al-Tirmidhi (1101) and Ibn Maajah (1881) from the hadeeth of Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

      And the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her wali, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.” Narrated by Ahmad (24417), Abu Dawood (2083) and al-Tirmidhi (1102); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 2709.

      It is clear from what this brother said, that the sister married without the permission of her wali.

      Since the sister has done something extremely wrong in marrying without the permission of her wali, she needs to do tawbah. So for what reason are you arguing that I should not advise (according to you) 'tawbah and stuff'? Please explain Maz.

      You can read this to improve and increase your understanding on this matter: http://islamqa.info/en/ref/82266

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • A qualified imam can serve as her wali.. A pious muslim brother can also serve as the wali,. Though it is recommended that her parent be the wali, it is not compulsory ... If the parents refuse to accept the marriage due to there selfish reasons, then the brother can go ahead with the marriage even without there permission.... But you raised a good point when you said the parent might have a good and genue reason for not accepting the marriage.... So its time they expose the marriage to there parents and stop leaving in secrete... And couple should try to convince there parents to try to accept and respect there decision of getting married together.

        Brother Mohd

        • regardless obedience to the parents is the most important thing in islam even if the parents are being slightly unreasonable the child must respect the wishes of his or her parents.

          brother mohd there is a clear authentic hadith which states that a marriage is invalid without a wali' you can't go round giving out misinformed information to people its haram.

  3. Asalamualaikum brother,

    Sisterz is right stop lying and you should tell you parents....

  4. Brother,

    As SisterZ said it loud and clear, it is time to come clean and tell all parents involved what is going on and that you are already married. Surely you don't expect a start to a good marriage built on lies and deceit? Just get on with it and in the end you will feel a weight removed from your shoulders. I'm not saying it's going to be easy but it is better than living a lie. Best of luck to you both.

    Salam

  5. This nikah seems void because the bride has not consulted her wali. In this case, her father. Unless father was consulted but he still refused then she could seek wali hakim right?

    • Muneerah,

      A girl cannot just seek another wali because her father says 'no'. The whole point of having a wali is so that he looks out for the best interests of the girl.

      If the father rejects the proposal and the girl thinks that his reasons are not valid, she can take this to a Qadi/Imam/Mufti and let him decide. The Qadi will invite the father to explain the reason behind his decision. If it is deemed that the father's reasons are not valid for refusal, the Qadi will attempt to convince the father to marry his daughter to the man in question. If the father still refuses, the Qadi can take things into his own hands and act as Wali for the girl and perform her nikah himself.

      The point here is that the girl should try every avenue to convince her father, before taking it out of his hands.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  6. Asalaam alaikum,

    Whatever your perspective is, you should not abuse another person (Muslim or non-Muslim) in this way. Check your foul language and think about your behavior in humility.

    • Asalaam alaikum Ali,

      Political correctness? How about watching your ahklaq instead? That even in trying circumstances, a Muslim does not lower him/herself to the situation but rises above it. It is a shame that you are blinded by hate and vitriol instead of abasing yourself in front of our Lord at all times.

      Accept the fact that your sister did what she did and that you have no control over it other than to keep yourself in check and your chin pointed downwards in front of Allah (swt). Do you think this is the only test you will face? Do you not know that the reasons for these tests is to gauge our reactions and to determine our soul's place in righteous perspective?

      For the only thing that you are revealing is a glimpse of why your sister made the choice that she did. It's not even your society, as well. You don't own anything, but it belong to Allah (swt). The act that you think you're swearing is of little weight does not bode well for your judgement. Remember that Allah (swt) is All-Just and if you think your sin is little, it may be judged as great because of that fact.

      In this respect, there once was a man who pleaded to Allah (swt) for His Justice and only that, because he felt his personal deeds were of good virtue. When he was therefore judged, he saw his god deeds weighing heavily on the scale bringing it down on the complete good side. Then one apple, which he usurped, was put on the bad deed side of the scale and it weighed down the scale instead, making his good deeds light. Why was this? Because he thought only of justice when he forgot to plead for Divine Mercy of Allah (swt).

      When you think your sin is light, remember how you will be judged, too. Your excuse therefore is not but the ramblings of a person who has yet to understand the path of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw), who it turns out was cursed by the people who hated him. Decide which manners you resemble then.

  7. Ali,

    I can tell that you are hurt and angry at what your sister did but seriously...do you have to resort to foul language in your post? There are young Muslims who come to this website seeking guidance and well, it's just not cool.

    Furthermore, no one took the support system from this sister...she allowed it. Fact is, she didn't care enough about her family to consider the repercussions and married in secret. It's a shame for her and a bigger shame for her family.

    In the case here where these two individuals have married without the knowledge of their parents, they both need to come forward and be honest. Marrying in secret is no way to begin a life with anyone let alone build a life together. As a human, I can totally understand two people wanting to be together. What I can't understand is why someone would risk their family to run away or marry in secret. I just don't get it but they will...in time.

    Salam

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