Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He’s abandoned me for a kaafir!

Assalamu alaikum... I'm 22 years old sunni muslim girl. I loved a boy - even he's muslim - we both were together since 6 years.. Ups and downs were there but yet it seems Allah kept us together.. I love him a lot very truly even he did. But recently in his office he met a girl who doesn't have a family so she told him her story and he's very emotional type.. He used to see her like a sister but then that girl proposed to him and said if he doesn't be with her she'll die.... His parents love me a lot and we were going to get engaged too but we comitted zina - it was coz he treated me like a wife and I too took him as my husband.. But I became pregnant and coz of that girl he started going far. He helped me until the abortion but now he says he doesn't love me but he wants to marry me later.. Maybe because of that girl.. I repented a lot from Allah and I know the Almighty will surely forgive but now we broke up and it's very hard for me to live without him. I pray, I cry in my dua, I do everything but Allah is testing me. In sha Allah i'll be on the right path too.. But I don't want him to go far.. I want him to be back on the right path - the same namazi person as he was. But coz of this kaafir girl he's diverting up.. He's got blind in the posh life. I don't know what to do - please help.

yasmin khan

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21 Responses »

  1. wow

  2. Forget him ! You don't need him jn your life, if he can so easily walk away aftrr knowing you for six years and things getting to the stage of considering engagement then he's not worth it! Repent for your sins and just move on. Your 22 and you have your whole life ahead of you Insha allah, focus on yourself, distract yourself from him, have goals and aim to achieve them, study or build up a csreer and make something of yourself, pls don't waste your precious time thinking about him, you will regret it later.
    I know it's hard , ive been there but the fundamentals are all wrong with this guy. I don't think from what you have mentioned that he will be s good husband. He doesn't seem to have good morals and he may have already been cheating on you with the othet girl and just looking for an excuse to leave. Leave him. Move on, and don't look back. Insha allah you'll find someone ten times better.

    Focus on yourself and your future. Repent and focus on Allah swt - pour your heart out to Him and ask him for
    Help and guidance.

    • @bucks

      He doesn't seem to have good morals and he may have already been cheating on you with the othet girl and just looking for an excuse to leave

      She was in a haram relation for 6 years, did zina willingly ,killed her unborn baby, what about her morals?

      • Yeah I agree with you but I didn't want to be quite so blunt with her !!! She's already hurting hence why I told her to repent and turn to Allah.

      • Well, I was thinking the same. She blames the other girl as being a kaafir, but she herself acts as one,too. Sister, look at your own faults first. Stop focusing on him. You need to arrange the pieces of your life with the help pf Allah. You said that Allah will forgive you. I say you need to work for his forgiveness. Your acts have been quite unpleasant. Zina, abortion etc. Please, do not put blame on another person. Look at your own behaviour first

  3. I don't understand how you can bring Islam into this like it is some kind of culture or blood heritage. You can get pregnant and have an abortion, but only when he choses someone else, he's going far from the path? I never have the desire to judge a person's actions because no one knows what I, myself, do or have done behind closed doors, but I would like to bring some perspective to your matter.

    If you and that other girl were his only exposure to women, then he may not know the difference between the way a Muslim girl and a kaafir girl behaves. What would cause him, in his ignorance, to love or respect or honor or esteem one more than the other?

    It's best not to dwell on his behavior, or her "status". It's best to focus on yourself. Good things will happen in your life when you develop the good inside you.

    I am always advising myself first

  4. OP: He used to see her like a sister but then that girl proposed to him........... he treated me like a wife and I too took him as my husband.. But I became pregnant ........ says he doesn't love me but he wants to marry me later.. .... I want him to be back on the right path - the same namazi person as he was.

    I doubt if he ever loved you. Why you want to marry a namazi guy who married a girl whom he treated like a sister and left a girl he considered wife and had sex with?

  5. There is nothing you can do about this situation.

    He was not "namazi". He had premarital sex, and so did you. Both of you committed the most heinous crimes in Islam. And, you aborted a baby! Do you know how many decent muslim girls out there long for a child, yet you allow yourself to become pregnant then kill the baby?

    If the worst thing to happen to you as a result of these terrible transgressions is that your lover starts dating another girl, then you should be counting your lucky stars.

    Please learn from this lesson and start behaving like a proper muslim girl. Pray to Allah that he forgives you and gives you a second chance at life, love and motherhood.

  6. I think he was using you and had no intentions being with you. I honestly believe he was waiting for an excuse to get out of this realtionship and onto the next girl with no complications. I know you are hurting BUT this is a sign Allah has shown you his true colours and you need to cut all contact from him and move on. Its only until we experience pain from someone we trust that Allah shows us a persons nature and usually these types of people are out to take advantage. I really hope you can get through this pain and have the strength to move forward.

  7. Salam Yasmin,

    I think you are too hurt to see him with someone else instead of being with you. You are not really worried about he goes astray, forgive me. It is none of your concern about him on the right path or not. And practically, nothing you can do. Focus on yourself and ask yourself in details on what you have done, what made you do it, and how you want to set it straight.

    I urge you again: focus on your own, your true repentance to Allah and establish your relationship with Allah from scratch.

  8. Dear sister wait and believe on Allah. definitely he will be back,,,,,,,,,

    • Dinish, you do not know that the man will return and cannot promise that. Why would Allah return her to a situation of sin? Furthermore, she is better off without him.

      Wael Editor

  9. Wa alaikum assalam,

    Dear Sister,

    Correct me if I am wrong, but I feel that when you pray, cry and repent, you do so out of losing this man to a "kaafir", more than you do so for the sinful actions you have committed. You must clear up, to yourself, most importantly, the intention for why you cry, and pray and repent--because I do not feel it is for the right reason--or at least it is not apparent, from what you have written.

    Also, we usually like to loosely throw around the word kaafir, but please be very careful.

    Al-Quran [2:34]
    "And [mention] when We said to the angels, "Prostrate before Adam"; so they prostrated, except for Iblees. He refused and was arrogant and became of the disbelievers (kaafiroon)."

    I mention the above verse because Iblees has knowledge of Allah swt, made du'a to Allah swt, prayed to Allah swt, transgressed willingly and openly against Allah's command--and yet, he is considered to be a kaafir, not because of his lack of knowledge, but in fact, because of his knowledge. So, perhaps, instead of throwing that word around, you can mention that the girl is a non-Muslim.

    Furthermore, if your boyfriend was involved with you, had intimate relations with you, is so "emotional" (for the lack of a better word) that he is swayed by a lonely girl - who is to say that he can manage any kind of responsibility tomorrow for a growing family?

    In addition to this, dear Sister, you have, along with him, engaged in zina with him and taken the life of your unborn child. May Allah swt have mercy on your child's soul, I am so sorry that you have done that. Please understand the weight of this situation--that it is much more than you losing a boyfriend or a chance of being this man's wife - but there is much much more loss here than just a bf/gf or possible marriage relationship. There is a loss of life, there is a loss of faith, there is a loss of gratitude....there is a loss of respect to Allah swt.

    You have written that Allah kept you together. For a moment, let's believe this. You accepted when you were together, because you thought your Creator did that. Now, your Creator has ended the relationship, so accept it too and please, I urge you, reflect on your errors, make sincere repentance, take out hatred for him and the other girl, and think on that moment when you will be in front of Allah swt.

    We humans, we often want things, but we often don't want what is best for us. So, when you pray, pray to Allah swt for what is best for you, NOT for the things you want just because you want them. Recognize that Allah swt knows more than you and while you put all you effort into straightening out your life, start depending more on Allah swt rather than another human. May Allah swt grant you forgiveness and May Allah swt grant us all wisdom to follow the straight path, Ameen.

  10. Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi ta'ala wabarakatuhu
    All praises are for Allah,the King of kings!
    Sister we are all bound to make mistake! But do u knw d reason why ur boyfriend abandoned u and go for another?? It is simply because he has taken ur innocence away from u and u hav commited d most grave sin in d sight of Allah it is d reason why he abandoned u and he is just looking at u like a used item that is why he dumped u and go another chaste woman.what if u are given 2 sweets a wraped one that hav never being touch and d 1 that is nt wraped and exposed n polluted by flies which 1 wil u choose?Definately d 1 that has never being touch by any.Had it being u did nt downgrade urself n show him u are a pious woman then i bet u and doubt ur bf wil never leave u bcos he knws that ur innocence is intact..u choose to please urself and ur bf to Displease Allah and now i bet u are seeing d outcome,u are not suppose 2 open ur leg to any1 but 2 ur husband.And NOW u hav no one to blame but urself since when u are commiting it he did not force u to do it by force so u are to urself for Everything.
    But Alhamdulillah since u hav repented never u give ur body so cheap to a man like that..only ur husband DESERVES ur body not a boyfriend.
    May Allah forgive u your sins and fill ur heart with Taqwa and make u among among His most pious servants and give u brighter future ahead.

  11. and i realy lyk d beautiful response from SABA

  12. My beloved sister, Allah puts people in our lives for 3 reasons
    1. A season here on earth
    2. A reason to grant you paradise
    3. A lesson to call on and depend upon Him

    If he{the brother} left say Alhamdulilah for Allah knows best. This man may not be good for your life and or your deen. Allah makes no mistakes but we do. Let go and Allow Allah to bestow His blessings upon you. When Allah takes something from you He wants to give you someone or something better. He never gives us more then we can handle. Allah knows your wants but He know what you need . May Allah bestow His Divine blessings upon you and soothe your heart by removing your pain. Pray my sister and focus upon your Lord.

  13. I was 16 when I met a guy, Muslims who studied medicine in Russia. He was from the same country as me. We contacted online and became bestfriends for 5 years and decided to meet. After we met, I fell in love with him and comitted zina. I was head over heels over him and this relationship lasted 2 years. He met my family and plan to get engaged after he graduates.

    Once he graduated n fly back to our country, he started to act differently and kept telling me than he is not the one for me, I deserve better. I hold on to that relationship until I got to know he was lying to me. I broke it off and did istikhara ever since. A week later I found out, he actually been cheating on me. He met someone else in Russia. I was devastated! I cried for weeks and failed my studies. I went through worst than you. I committed zina for years, I got abortion twice, I was drinking, I wear sexy clothes, go clubbing, I even got raped when I was in highschool.

    One day I went for a jog with a friend, she said 'why don't you pray, it helps a lot' so I did and Alhamdulillah because of that I got myself calm and happy again. I was single for 3 years and met someone else who loves me for me and knows every secret about my life. He accepted me and now I am engaged to him. I am happy and I am glad I met a muslim man that always remind me of Allah SWT, prayer time, my clothing if it shows aurah, he thought me a lot about Islam, he said no touching because we are not muhrim. Now I am wearing hijab and cover my body. Alhamdulillah and I am blessed, today is 1 year anniversary I met him and will be getting married in Dec.

    Allah SWT has a better plan for you. Have faith in Him. I thought my world collapsed few years ago but look at me now. I am more closer to Allah SWT and I feel happy, ease, calm and peace. Only Allah SWT can help you, no one but Him. Please be patience.

    • NoorAin,
      I'm so glad you got your life sorted, with the help of Allah of course.
      It just shows that when we put our trust in the creator great this can come from
      tragic things. I pray they continue to get better and wish you good in this life and the next

  14. Dear Yasmin, you poor girl, you've been through so much already at your young age.
    It's so sad you felt your only choice was to abort your baby, and whether right or wrong, people need to stop judging you, it's not for us to judge anyone, it's for Allah. If you had have had more support, maybe from family you may have seen a way to have the child but you obviously didn't. I know a lot of Muslim families only care about appearances and what people think, which is very wrong.
    I feel Allah is definitely testing you at present, maybe even purifying you from what happened with the baby, because I've read Allah tests and purifies us with hardships as well as through good times.
    Its your life, but you need to question the loyalty of this man, because it was not good what he did also in leaving for this other girl. But we all do wrong things, it's called being human.
    Keep up your praying, never stop that, and l pray things will get easier for you, and wish you good in this life and the next.

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