Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He’s had a physical relation with my mother!

LIpstick mark on shirt.

He's cheated with her sister, call girls... and now with her mother...

Assalam alaikum

I'm a 21 yrs old muslim girl. I work as a software engineer. I'm  suffering from a too complicated situation.

Before 5 years my family fixed my marriage with boy who is 7 yrs elder than me because he wanted me anyhow. I always opposed that because I never wanted to have him as a life partner. But because of family decision I agreed.

I have 2 elder sisters and don't have any brothers. And my father is a truck driver. So I'm from a poor family. So the boy (we'll call him A) gives financial help to my family. He takes lots of care of me and my family.

But the story starts from here. A is a too angry person. When he is angry, he use abusive language that I can't tolerate. He someway disrespected my parents too. He threw out my mobile phone etc. and he doesn't trust me. Even many times I can't talk with my cousins n jiju. He slapped me on silly reasons.

After a few months of fixing my relation I left home for study. He had maintained my education investment. Many times when he got angry and used abusive language I decided to leave the study for a duration until I could manage it on my own...

One day I caught him that he is in a formal relationship with my sister. I forgave him for that. Then I again learned that he is spending nights with call girls.. Again after a few days I forgave him. In between he again started drinking, drugs and all. I gave him many chances and forgave him many times. Because he cried a lot after his mistake and begged in front of me for forgiveness. He did the same after his every mistake and as usual I forgave him. Especially because my mamma and family members blackmailed me by emotional drama.

But the limit was crossed when I found out that HE HAS A PHYSICAL RELATION WITH MY MOTHER from last 5 yrs. Means after a few months of my relation. I was shocked when I heard that. After that I had never wanted to talk with him. But because of my silly kindness I'm behaving like nothing has happened. I didn't say anything to anybody.

Many times he abused me not exactly that. Now when I said no to him, he wants to do physically wrong with me. From one side he is begging for our relationship and on another side he is blackmailing me.

But now I don't want to be emotional and take a wrong decision. But I worry when he says that he will commit suicide. I get emotional when he cries and begs for relation. I don't want to hurt anyone just because of me.

My mom and everybody  said marry with him. After that he will not do anything like that. Now my family insist me to marry with him. And I don't want to. I'm totally confused what to do. I can't tell others about mamma and his relation. I love my mom a lot. 🙁

Everyone thinks that he loves me lots because he cares for me. I want to move on and do something for my family and get many job opportunities. But he doesn't allow me to go outside. He is warning me to marry him otherwise he will beat me very badly. What do I have to do? Suggest me. Again accept family proposal or fight against that?

Hifza khan

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46 Responses »

  1. omg your mum is sleeping with your husband!

    Please leave him - He clearly does not love or respect you at all

    • Hoffa...what he give you was not from him, was Allah riski for you to move on and to be a smart and independent woman. Use your brain, see what happen every day with men's like that, some even kill the woman's. Be smart you have a good position, safe money get a passport and tell him you have a job to do abroad and stay there, where ever you want to be.
      You have a career that will take you every where you want. Your parents, your mother do not care about , respect you, of afraid of Allah punishment. I'm bot asking you to be un respectful to your parents but is time you rebuild your life or otherwise you will be destroy as a person, as a woman, as a Muslim.
      After you rebuild your life, you can help your parents, your sisters to separate from that evil man.
      If you don't move fast he will destroy you and your family. He will kill you, believe me.
      Allah will guide you, don't be afraid of you decision.

  2. Personally I believe your soft heart has let you down big time. He did wrong you forgave him he did wrong you forgave him again. He knows you are too soft and back down easy. You need to stand your ground and tell him your not going to take any more. If he gets abusive call the police.
    If your family force you tell them that islamically you are not allowed to be forced. Your a young intelligent woman with a lifetime of opportunities waiting for you dont throw it away for someone like him
    You need to let your mother know about this and tell her how can you marry someone who is abusive and a cheater who has no respect for family and boundries?
    You deserve better and will get better in sha Allah. Just learn to stand your ground and be firm. He will try and put you down by emotional and physical abuse but thats all he has. Dont feel sorry about his threats of suicide its just a way to soften you up.
    Hope it gets better for you.
    Much love

    • But always stop thinking to leave when i remember tht he helps me n my family financially. He also says tht i make u an engineer..i helped u lot. Then how can i leave u for anyone else. 🙁

      • Hifza: But always stop thinking to leave when i remember tht he helps me n my family financially. He also says tht i make u an engineer..i helped u lot. Then how can i leave u for anyone else. 🙁

        He did not help you financially out of goodwill. He had sex with your mom and possibly some other member(s) of your family in exchange for money.

        I will be surprised if he did not make any moves on you.

        One important thing to consider is since he is sleeping with many girls/women he may get a STD and pass it on to his sleeping partners

        • Yes STD risk is a big factor here. There are so many beautiful women and men who are gorgeous in out looks but harbor dangerous infections down there due to either wrong practices or being spouse of one indulged in wrong.

          Not to forget that HIV, hepatitis C, herpes , HPV are the one that once you get it no medicine in world can make you get rid of them.
          Get him tested for each and every one of STD as he very possibly be carrying one or more.
          Get your mom tested too.
          Don't spoil your life by going close to him. He is sex addict and will not stop .

  3. Oh wow. Your mother slept with him and is still insisting that you marry this sick pervert? Thats just absolutely disgusting. If youy go ahead with this then you will be throwing all your happiness and life away. Please stay away from that disgusting man he will bring you nothing but grief and do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this man? And bear his children? If you are too weak to leave him for yourself then atleast think about your future children- do you want them to be raised by a disgusting insaan like him? Hell no! Gain some courage and learn to stand up for yourself. Just because other people pressure you into doing what they think is 'right' it doesn't mean they are and you should learn to make your own decisions. You have a dimaaq which god has given you and you have basic human rights. No one can force you to do anything. And im sure the moment you tell everyone about the affair going on between him and your mum, not a single soul will wish for this marriage to happen. And i think you should tell your father of what your mum has done.

  4. Haram and upon that haram, , this happens because of haram money which your family took. Leave that man find someone else if possible otherwise you do not have any option.

  5. Guy sleeps with your mom and call girls. What is formal relationship with your sister? Did you catch him kissing, hugging your sister? He has anger problem. He is abusive, drug user.

    You should not even think about marrying him. He may be fooling around with your cousins, neighborhood girls also

    How do you know your mother has been sleeping with him for 5 years? Did you notice some weird behavior when he is around your sisters or mom?

    • Yeah before months ...i asked my mamma...i requested her to tell me everything.. Then she told me everything.. She said i did it for u all. N now he said tht he will not repeat thts all. His family request me to marry him. 🙁

      • Hifza ,

        You are from which place ?
        Your mom seems to be sick or mentally ill as after sleeping for so many years with him she is asking you to marry him .What a shame .
        He is abusive ,flirts with your sisters and you never knows after marriage he will continue having physical relation ship with both your mother and you .Don't forgive or accept even if he cries and repent Don't even fall to your parents emotional attack .People don't change even if they promise .It takes yesrs of time for some one to change his nature .And this guy seems to be worst person ..

        Also please note that as per some scholars of Islam if that guy had SEX with your mother then Nikah with him is not allowed in Islam (Hanafi school of thought ..mainly in India/Pak) ..So go and tell your mom that as this man had sex with her so Nikah with you (Daughter) will not be valid .

  6. Yeah Allah world is getting harder and harder even to imagine like this feels like death is better then this life!!!!

    • But she has a father who drives a truck. Also since her potential husband has gone into her mother, he is forbidden to marry the duagher, if I am not wrong.

      It is not things are getting harder, it is just media has started spreading any and all kind of news. People are communicating more using blogs, social media, chatrooms on the Internet.

      Ever read news on emirates247 website?

    • Assalaamualaikam

      Sister, this guy sounds really dodgy. And I think your mother has behaved appallingly as well - having sex with a man other than her husband, outside of marriage, who's looking to marry her daughter?! Astaghfirullah.

      There are no reasons that could justify her having sex with this guy. It doesn't matter what he has promised - nothing is worth committing such an act.

      My honest advice is to make it perfectly clear to your family and to this guy that you are not interested in continuing down this path, and that you want no further involvement with him. Then stand firm. There may be arguments and pleading, but the Islamic view on this guy's behaviour (and that of certain members of your family) is clear - if you have not had your nikah then you have no obligation to marry this guy, and plenty of valid Islamic reasons not to; if you have had your nikah, then you have valid grounds to file for khula.

      May Allah protect us all from this type of corruption.

      Midnightmoon editor

  7. Assalaamualaikam

    The guy carries on with your sister and your mother, has seen call girls, takes alcohol and drugs, has anger problems... And your family still want you to marry him? Why?

    Honestly, this guy seems very far from the deen, and of very questionable character. In all that you've written, I can't see a single reason to marry him, and a lot of reasons why you should run very fast in the opposite direction.

    If you haven't yet had your nikah, I think you should insist to your family that you will not marry this man. Tell them what he has been doing to you, that he has been threatening and abusing you, and ask them to help you get away from him. If they refuse to help you, then you need to go to someone in authority (depending on where you live, maybe the police, or a women's charity or refuge) and tell them what has been going on. Forced marriage has no place in Islam, and is illegal in many countries, so you should inshaAllah have legal protection against any attempt to force you into marriage.

    If you have had your nikah, then Islamically you would be married to him - in this case, leave him and go to a safe place (with your family if they will support you, or to a women's charity or other place of safety). Once you get somewhere safe, file for khula.

    May Allah protect you from this man, and help your family to realise how unsuitable he is for you. May Allah guide this man to see the error of his ways, and help him return to the straight path.

    Midnightmoon editor

    • Assalam alaikum

      Thanks to all of you for giving me response.
      Sister till i am single not married.
      I spend my 5 yrs in this condition in the hope of good will. But i didn't got any comfort.i dont want him. But i always tried to be good with everyone. I just want everyone happy. from starting whenever i said no..he started weeping. Just because of him i said yes everytime. For my family n for him ..i tried to maintain this relationship. At one time. I gave him place in my heart but he hurted me very badly after knowing of another girl. Then he said sorry n all n i forgave him.
      He gave all comfort to my family that nobdy cant do for anybody. Even my relative never came to help my camily. But he gave support. this thing make me so regret. 🙁 that why i took his help.
      This all things make me so depressed n emotional. Will ALLAH forgive me. That i am thinking to leave him.
      But apart from this what he did. He slept with my mom. And this truth not make me angry. Instead of that this make me weak. I just want to cry aloud that what is happening with me.

      On one side , my elder sister and her husband not talking with me. They said what i did. Why i said yes for these marriage. I tried alot to talk with her.. But she dont want to talk with me. But what can say to her. I can't tell her about my mom. Otherwise she will never talk with mamma. I dont want to ruin their relationship.
      On other side ,A start to be good with me. He is behaving very softly n very good. I feel very bad to look at him in these condition. But when i look at his eye and at same time toward my mom..i feel very bad.. And question arise why they did.
      This thing try to twisted my mind very badly. That what to do. Should i give him one chance or its too much..just leave this.that time i felt very depressed.

      I pray alot. Cried Only in dua. Ask ALLAH for giving me correct path.
      Just give me strength to face this situation. Many time i decided to commit suicide but i have my huge believe on my ALLAH. He gave me beautiful chance to live in this world. He gave me all things. N i will prove this by bearing this conditions. In'sha'ALLAH.

      I just decide to take a huge stand. It is too difficult for me. Because here conditions are going too wierd. My brothers and sisters please pray for me ,my family and for him. That ALLAH keep everybody happy in there place. I dont know what will happen with me after taking stand. May be he will kill me , destroy me or himself. ALLAH knows better.
      Remember me in dua and give me strength.

  8. You should leave this sick guy and you can also give him two options: To marry your sister or your mother he can choose as he already got very close with them. Tell him this very clearly.

  9. AsSalamu Alaikum Sister, If you are not already married to him then why are you having a relationship with him? How is he telling you what to do or how is he allowed to hit you or forbid you from going out? Do you understand that in Islam there should be no relationship (at all) with a man until after the actual nikkah? If you have not done nikkah then stop talking to him. He has no authority over you. It sounds like your family is away from practicing the deen. You must learn the deen yourself before you get married because you may find that you can not tolerate a Muslim husband who is not behaving as a Good Muslim man. That is the worst!. I'm making dua for you!

  10. Hello ,

    You are an software engineer and now what you doing ?
    Dont care about your parent s .Your mother seems to be very bad here to force to you for thbis marriage .

    As per Islam if a person has sexual relation with woman then all of daughters and mother of that woman became mehram means you can't marrry .

    As he had relationship with your mother so you can't marry this person .

    Wae up .What a shame .Fight it out .You tell your father about this and if you dont get help and get abused lodge a police complaint .......

    Don't Don't Don't marry ...................

    • Brother Cool, I fully agree with you that she should not marry this man. But I don't know if you are correct that sexual intercourse makes the daughters and mother mahrem. Where did you hear that?

      Update: I just read the detailed comment you pasted regarding the fiqh on this matter. According to what you pasted, the more correct opinion among the scholars is that zinaa does not make the daughters and mother mahrem.

      Wael Editor

      • Brother Wael ,

        There are difference of opinions as we saw in below detailed message but as per "but Abu Haneefah, Ahmad and Maalik – according to the other report – said that such a marriage is haraam" .

        SomeHow i got the feeling that the sister is from India/Pakistan region where majority of people follow Hanafi school of thought so as per this thought it will be HARAM .

        Anyway , she needs to help herself by rejecting this marriage offer .

        Allah knows the best .

  11. He committed zina with a woman; is he allowed to marry her daughter?

    I am a thirty year old man. The shaytaan tempted me and I committed zina with a woman, then Allaah blessed me and had mercy on me, and I repented sincerely to Allaah, may Allaah accept it from me. Until now I have not gotten married. I have decided to get married and my mother has suggested a girl, but this girl is the daughter of the woman with whom I committed zina before (please note that the zina occurred two years ago, and her daughter is now twenty years old). Hence I hope that you can advise me whether this marriage is haraam or not? I hope that you can explain fully.

    Praise be to Allaah.
    We ask Allaah to accept your repentance. Strive to make it a sincere repentance, because the crime of zina is a grave sin which results in many evils. The married man who commits zina deserves to be stoned to death, and there is no greater punishment than that among the hudood punishments, because of the abhorrent and repugnant nature of this crime.

    Our advice to you is not to marry this girl, not because marrying her is haraam, but because through this marriage you will become closer to her mother with whom you committed zina, and getting close to her will remind you of that evil sin, and the shaytaan may whisper to you again, and make sin appear attractive to you, so you fall into it. Keeping away from reminders of evil and sin is part of repentance. This is indicated by the hadeeth about the one who killed one hundred people; the scholar told him to leave his village because its people were evil and immoral people. This is part of repenting fully.

    With regard to whether it is permissible to marry this girl, there was a difference of opinion among the scholars regarding such cases. Al-Shaafa’i and Maalik – according to one of the two reports narrated from him – said that it is permissible, but Abu Haneefah, Ahmad and Maalik – according to the other report – said that such a marriage is haraam. The more correct is the first view.

    Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr said:

    They differed concerning a man who commits zina with a woman; is it permissible for him to marry her daughter or mother? Similarly, if he committed zina with a woman, can his son or father marry her? In all these cases, does zina make haraam what a valid marriage or an invalid marriage makes haraam (i.e., makes certain relatives mahrams to whom marriage is forbidden)?

    Maalik said in his Muwatta’: Zina with a woman does not make it haraam for the one who commits zina with her to marry her daughter or mother. If a man commits zina with the mother of his wife, his wife does not become haraam to him, rather he should be killed. Zina does not make haraam anything that a permissible marriage makes haraam.

    This is the view of Ibn Shihaab al-Zuhri and Rabee’ah; it was also the view of al-Layth ibn Sa’d, al-Shaafa’i, Abu Thawr and Dawood. It was also narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas, who said concerning that: A haraam deed does not make something permissible haraam.

    Ibn al-Qaasim narrated from Maalik something other than what is said in al-Muwatta’. He said: If a man commits zina with the mother of his wife, he must be separated from his wife, and in his view he comes under the ruling of one who has married his wife’s mother and consummated the marriage with her. This is also the view of Abu Haneefah and his companions, and of al-Thawri and al-Awzaa’i, all of whom said that if a man commits zina with his wife’s mother, then his wife becomes haraam for him.

    Sahnoon said: The companions of Maalik all disagreed with Ibn al-Qaasim on this matter and they agreed with what it says in al-Muwatta’. Allaah has forbidden the Muslim to marry his wife’s mother or daughter. If a man owns a slave woman and he has intercourse with her, then her mother and daughter also become haraam for him.

    Similarly, if his father has intercourse with a woman whom he marries or owns as a slave, they become haraam for the son, and vice versa. This has to do with permissible types of intercourse. And Allaah is the One Whose help we seek.

    These fuqaha’ – the ones who were qualified to issue fatwas in the Islamic regions – were unanimously agreed that it is not haraam for a man to marry a woman with whom he committed zina, if it is established that she is not pregnant, so it is more likely that he is permitted to marry her mother or daughter. And Allaah is the source of strength.

    Al-Istidhkaar (5/463, 464).

    Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

    The correct view is that the mother of a woman with whom a man has committed zina is not haraam for the one who did that, and the daughter of the woman with whom he committed zina is not haraam for the one who did that, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “All others are lawful”

    [al-Nisa’ 4:24]

    Allaah did not mention the mother or daughter of a woman with whom zina has been committed as being among those to whom marriage is forbidden, rather He said:

    “your wives’ mothers, your stepdaughters under your guardianship, born of your wives to whom you have gone in — but there is no sin on you if you have not gone in them (to marry their daughters),”

    [al-Nisa’ 4:23]

    It is well known that the woman with whom a man has committed zina is not one of his wives at all. As she is not one of his wives, it is not valid to compare fornication to valid marriage. If he has repented from zina it is permissible for him to marry the mother or daughter of a woman with whom he committed zina. End quote.

    Al-Sharh al-Mumti’ (7/38, 39)


    This is a matter concerning which the scholars differed. The correct view is that it is permissible to marry the daughter of a woman with whom one has committed zina so long as she is not one’s own daughter, but our advice to you is not to marry her for two reasons: to be on the safe side, because she is haraam for you according to many of the scholars, and so that your marriage to her will not be a cause of your getting close to her mother and getting in touch with her, which may lead to you going back to that sin from which you have repented. And Allaah knows best.

    Islam Q&A

  12. I don't get it why you muslim people always just accept what your parents want for you? you know him very well now and your still thinking of marrying him after the things he has done? just to clarify i have nothing against muslim people but the way they rule their children is not good , why do you need to force or choose who's your children will marry? is it because of the money? why don't you teach your children to stand on their own so no one can ever manipulate her/him each and every one has a very smart strong character i don't get it, i have lots of friend who is muslim and all of them is not happy with their partners is that what married is all about just because of the dowry ? money? golds? marry is something about tied to be together forever tied with love not only from the paper you will signed being partners means respecting each other supporting each other no one should be higher than the other one it should always be equal. I don't get it we all love our parents and no parents wants their children to experience hard life, but sometimes we need to experience it in order for us to stand on our own it's not about disrespecting our parents specially your mom you should try to let her understand what is the value of life and a family. woman should be respected not mistreated also your allah knows that whether it is a jesus , god, budha, or allah, a woman should always be respected. are you just gonna let your parents rule your life what if someone is waiting for you to love him and what if someone is there to give you all the happiness and love and the financial issue is not really abig issue as long as you both helped each other everything will be perfect after you can never bring your money down on your grave. think about it girls should know how to stand on their own also.

    • Marriage is a lawful and sacred union created by God. God designed attraction and Marriage as a comfort and pleasure for one another in this life and more importantly a way for earning paradise. There are endless ways to earn good deeds through marriage. We can obtain an intense amount of comfort and pleasure when the purpose and goal of the marriage is intertwined with pleasing God. We should continually try to behave toward our spouse in a way that is loved by God; We should love them for the sake of pleasing God. With this as our criterion for a loving marriage, how can we justify hurting our spouse? How can hearts become broken? I think there are so many divorces because God was never part of the marriage. We need to remember to love one another for the sake of pleasing God, not ourselves and not for people. I believe that Marriage is a personal commitment to God more so than a personal commitment to the spouse. I also believe God doesn't want anyone to stay in an abusive or intolerable marriage to someone who relentlessly disobeys Him in the treatment of the spouse, and in this case He allows for divorce.

      I had previously written that paragraph above for another reason but I thought it would help you to understand the Islamic goal of marriage. Now as far as letting our parents chose our spouse... Young Muslim men and women are not supposed to casually socializing together the way non-Muslims do. We don't date because it leads to premarital relationships which leads to premarital sex which is a major sin. Parents know that their child would like to be with a person they find attractive but as we know, young beautiful bodies wear off with age and beauty doesn't keep a marriage alive, so it's important to go with family values - working hard to have money to raise children (whether it be in a field or in an office) and also a strong devotion to God before anything will carry a loving marriage as I described above. So most when a parent is helping to chose a husband or wife they are looking at the bigger picture whereas young people (most often but not always) get caught up in attraction of looks and kindness (at the time) that they chose a spouse for that reason while the values of family, raising children and devotion to God weren't seriously considered. When a parent has spent many years of socializing with other Muslim families they have a good idea of what the family values are. Some Muslim families aren't strong in practice of Islam and do not live life in the way of pleasing God. They forget that this life is a stepping stone to the next life (a test) and they get caught up in making sure the family has money and education and high class so that the couple doesn't struggle financially. So even parents often do not look at the whole picture of a persons and their families values. Ultimately the man or woman does not have to accept who their parent choses for them. A man can see a woman and be happy about her looks and then his parents will approach her parents and they can all meet in order for the families to get to know each other. How many marriages go through turmoil because in laws hate each other? This helps a lot. The other thing is that Muslims must have a high respect for their parents because this is God's command. They have a lot of respect for their parents' opinion. One of the ways to worship God is through having great respect for parents. One can be a good Muslim all their life, but if they've abandoned their patents this could be why God sends them to Hell. This is the right of the parent as per God. God knows the prescription for peace on Earth, so we must respect and obey our parents unless they have us disobey a God, and they cannot force their children to marry their choice, but children do because they love and respect their parents for the sake if pleasing God. Still not all parents have a strong knowledge and faith in God, and that is why a child doesn't have to obey the parent about marriage. A woman does not put herself out there announcing that she is ready for marriage and she is not going to intermingle with different men to find her match. This is why there are so many unwed mothers and fathers. They let sexual desire overcome them. But mothers know of other mothers with children who are ready to marry and the same with fathers and that's why parents are a very resourceful reason for a child to look for help in finding a spouse. I hope this perspective helps. I would have never thought this way before becoming a knowledgable Muslim 5 yeas ago as I was brought up Christian. I was allowed to date which led to sin and this is because non-Muslim parents don't understand the judge responsibility in helping their children remain chaste before marriage. If we die suddenly in adultery without turning our lives around and repenting to God, we will live our next life - the real and eternal life in hellfire. May God turn your heart towards Islam. Ameen.

      • Monica: I would have never thought this way before becoming a knowledgable Muslim 5 yeas ago as I was brought up Christian. I was allowed to date which led to sin and this is because non-Muslim parents don't understand the judge responsibility in helping their children remain chaste before marriage.

        You were allowed to date, but were you allowed to have sex also. I personally know a good Christian family whose children dated and married before they had sex. Many Muslim men sleep with non-Muslim women under pretext of dating/love.

  13. Concept of arranged marriage is to find the best possible match for a daughter by her parents usually.
    Family issupposed to find a match with good looks, good job, good character from a good family.

    Unfortunately some people prefer cousin marriages. A girl living in a Western country can marry and bring her cousin abroad and help her aunt/uncle's family immigrate.

    Some poor people will marry their daughters to older men for greed.

    If done the right way arranged marriage can be good like any other marriage.

  14. may alah huide you sis i understand what ur going through

  15. All I have to say is what is the world turning in to, I'm so so sad to read this topic I can't even give advice, shame shame on your stupid mother sorry for using this word, I would never forgive my mother for that, move far far away from both of them don't get married
    To this man this is just plan sad, so what if you poor? You don't need his money insallah Allah will help you and your family I'm a better way.

  16. Sister, first of all start praying ur five daily prayerrs and get down in sajdah and cry to to ALLAH who is more merciful and ask for HIS help only. People who get away from their Deen and get near dunya, get into lots of trouble & calamities. Read the Quran with translation. Get up in the middle of the night and do 2 rakats of Tahajjud and make lots of Dua. Allah will straighten out every problem and will get u rid of this shaitan as he is nothing else. Believe me get sincere with ur deen and one day u will hear this shaitan being mauled by stray dogs or may be by some truck.

    In the end I will advise u to go to women rights lawyers in ur area or city. They give free legal aid to women and will fight ur case for free.

    May ALLAH help u overcome this fitnah. Ameen

    Your mother should be ashamed of herself she don't deserve you
    whats the world coming, don't people know the meaning of MARRIAGE TWO SPECIAL BONDS BETWEEN 2 PEOPLE
    Too much influenced BY THE BAD and brain think skull in my opinion I am really appalled. This is your OWN MOTHER, THE ONE WHO IS SUPPOSED TO PROTECT YOU AND GUIDE YOU TO THE CORRECT PATH, PROTECT YOU AT THE WORSE OR THE MOST, INSTEAD SHE COMMITTING HARAAM AT THE MOST BETRAYAL TO YOU. SHAME ON THEM BOTH there not even muslims they are the devils and selfish people they don't deserve anyone.

  18. Ummmm...... the idea of your marrying him is beyond horrific.

  19. Sorry to say but hifza are you mad what are you doing with your self.Chup reh kr app bohat se hifza ko aur bna rahi ho au bht sy A bhi plzz for God sake fight against him. Islam and law with you.You hace mny ways to protect your self.stay bless

  20. Arooj: plzz for God sake fight against him. Islam and law with you.

    She needs to move away. Family needs to decide to keep that guy away.
    If she goes to police.....her family secrets about her mom and sister ....doing things with guy and family getting money from him, can become public.

    Her father may not be aware of what is happening in his home when he is out driving truck.

    How can Islam help her at this point?

    • Assalaamualaikam

      You ask "How can Islam help her at this point?".

      Well, Allah is All-Knowing, All-Powerful, and Most Merciful. By turning to Allah, we can all find comfort and strength to endure and challenge the trials in our lives. She can make dua for a righteous husband and for her family to return to the straight path. She can find inspiration and guidance in the accounts of the struggles and victories of The Prophet (peace be upon him) and his Companions (may Allah be pleased with them).

      We should never doubt whether Islam can help us. Remember what is written in Al-Baqara: This is the Book; in it is guidance sure, without doubt, to those who fear Allah.. If we cling to our faith and trust in Islamic principles to guide our actions, we can trust in Allah's wisdom and mercy.

      Midnightmoon editor

      • Sister Midnightmoon ,

        I agree with you whatever may be the situation we need to have trust on Allah and keep asking him for the help .
        Also Allah will help those whoy help themselves .In this case she need to help herself by moving out of this place or rejecting strongly this marriage .She should be brave here to fight against them if they force her for this marriage which will be invalid as per some scholars .

        Allah hafiz

  21. Hifza,

    As I understood it your saying this man slept with your sister and your mother ok now in a normal world that is beyond disgusting it's actually vile unless I'm too traditional for this board. You forgave him?

    I'm sorry to say. It's not about forgiveness but having self respect and dignity he has not only disrespected you but disrespected your family. And your mother sounds like she is twisted in the head I mean how do you people propose to be comfortable with this after you supposedly marry him knowing that he has bedded everyone in your family? How do you know if this vile man will spare your daughter. Sounds like he has no boundaries?? If that's the right word it's not normal what he has done if I was in your place god forbid I would be lost for words and wouldn't want nothing to do with my mentally sick mum who slept with a guy. And your mum needs help forcing you to marry this abomination she sounds overtly selfish.

    • Assalaamualaikam

      Please do not post personal attacks or harsh language. People come here for help and support, not to be insulted.

      I have had to edit your post slightly to remove inappropriate remarks.

      Midnightmoon editor

    • Assalam alaikum
      Dear Ayesha.
      I know my story is too dangerous. Whatever you said is correct but its all happening with me dear. And here my one of the most weakness is my kind behaviour and my mom because i love my parents anyhow. Offcourse every body love their parents.
      But its all happened with me and its too difficult to question my mom and i don't have courage to ashamed her. And now i don't have courage to hear the answer. Whatever happened with me is too much to kill me. I don't want to destroy my life more. Its all between her and Allah..she will answers. I can only pray for her aakhirat.
      Thank you sister
      Allah Hafiz

      • Dear Hifza,

        You don't have to please everyone or you needs to be nice to everyone .Only thing required is you need to please Allah by taking right decision and following our deen .

        This man and your mom are horrible to even ask you for this marriage .Please note that as per some Islamic scholars this marriage will be invalid so tell them this marriage can not be done .

        He has spent lot of money on your family because he had evil objectives that he achieved .That is he slept with your mom and sister .And now he is targeting YOU .
        So in short he spent money on your family to have sex with all of you three ......What a Devil .

        So there is no need to feel any guilty for saying NO ......SAY NO firmly ...If your mom(not fit to be called as mom) sheds tears and gets emotional you need to reply back with valid points and say NO firmly .....Let all emotional drama by your MOM and that devil man continue but you need to say NO each time .

        • Assalam alaikum
          Dear logical

          Are you sure that this marriage will be invalid.
          N sure in a few days, i am going to take a stand.
          I just want to make everything very sure.
          Thank you
          Allah Hafiz

          • Hifza ,

            Not taken a stand yet ? By this time you should have thrown him out of your mind .He is a devil and never think about marriage with him .

            Regarding this issue there is difference of opinion

            As per Abu Haneefah, Ahmad and Maalik such a marriage is haraam.

            If you belong to India/Pak region where majority follows Hanafi school of thought so this marriage will be Invalid .If you ask any local Imam who is from Hanafi School of thought he will straightway say this marriage will be Invalid .Try contacting some imam (through mails or messages) just for getting knowledge ..Don't marry.


          • Logical:

            I checked this link and it concludes

            The correct view is that it is permissible to marry the daughter of a woman with whom one has committed zina so long as she is not one’s own daughter

  22. I hope that I am not too late in replying to this message. Allah all merciful knows and understands what you are going through and he would not approve of this relationship. Allah wants you to be with a man that values you and respects you and that there is no sin that one cannot forget. To the extent that this man has taken upon you and that your mother has also intruded in this relationship physically. It is not a halal relationship. Allah knows best, and we must fight for our dignity to be well known. Stand up and don't take more of this abuse. As a psychologist I tell you that a man that hits once will hit again, and a tedious sexual relationship between family members is hard to vanish. Your mother as much as you love her should know that it was wrong to do this and even more wrong to sleep with your future husband. How can your family look into your eyes and ask you to marry someone everyone already slept with and you as a virgin? NO you deserve better. I am also nice and was in an abusive relationship and let me tell you it only gets WORSE. until your nose is bleeding and you find yourself curing your own wounds, you would wish Allah take you but no. Allah has given us this to be stronger and learn to say no and learn to defend ourselves. Listen please don't stay with this man. It is best you tell your father the truth and he will stand by your side. Its better to eat dirt than have a family relation like that and live in a hell day by day suffering and becoming old without knowledge of what is love. stay close to god in these days and he will make sure to protect you. Please Move forward with your life and LEAVE. Most relationships like this last many years until one of 3 things happen. take care and god bless you, you will be in my prayers. Bisimillah

  23. I should speak to you in a chat or something, to tell you more detailed advice, because i don't really understand what's really going on. That's deep! And how can your sister and mother betray you! that's too much you don't deserve this... I should speak to you! Provide me with an account you have in anywhere; whatsapp, Instagram, facebook, kik, line, skype, snapchat, twitter, discord anything u have

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