Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He’s my dreamboy – how do I add him on Facebook?

New Yorker cartoon: "We met online"

"We met online".

Assalam o laikum,

So here it goes: there was a day when I was really bored, so I went onto facebook just looking around on my friends facebook, reading etc.. Suddenly I was on a facebook page of a boy that I don't know.. but I really want to get to know him, he looks like my dreamboy and also I have been screening his facebook page so got every information I wanted to know.. Now my question is I want to keep it HALAL but my intention is to get married.. no games, no relationship.. just a bit of a talk to get to know him by his caracter.. Now I want to add the guy but I am scared because I have never done that, but as I am saying my intention is not bad..

My question is that if I add the guy and if he accepts and if he asks me who I am and why I added him.. what should I say? Because I can't say I am adding you cause I think you might be my dreamboy and I want to get married.. thats not possible now a days.. But I want to keep it halal and please if there's any dua that can help me out, please tell me I will be verry thankfull..

To be short; please tell me how I can deal this situation, like if he asks: who I am and why I added him, and how i did found him on fb etc? cause I really want to give it a try in a HALAL way.

Thanks in advance
-Khirad

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18 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    To be honest, I am not understanding how you found him either. You said you were looking through your friend's pages, and you "suddenly" were on his page. Well certainly you must've clicked something to get there. It sounds like he's a friend of a friend, or showed up in some type of search list?

    It may surprise you, but many people are doing random searches on Facebook and sending friend requests to anyone who seems interesting to them. It really isn't that uncommon. I think you're making this a bigger issue than it really is.

    If you want to add him as a friend, then add him. If he asks you why, all you have to do is say something like "your page looked interesting so I thought I might like to follow you", or something like that. The real work in getting to know someone is done after the friend request is accepted.

    If he accepts to be your friend, just treat him normally. Comment on interesting posts, 'like' the ones you genuinely enjoy. Over time you will have a basis to engage him more directly, and you will have a platform to get to know one another. It may also be that he takes the initiative and tries to find out more about you, also.

    In any case, I still caution you to be careful as you go forward. There are too many instances where people meet one another through a social network, and develop a premature but intense connection that leads them into sinful interactions and false feelings of love. If you find that you are getting close to one another in a short period of time, that's when it's appropriate to let your intentions be known and ask him to send a formal proposal.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Walaikum assalaam Salaam,

      Well, he s a friend of my sisters friends.. and that hoz i found him and was not looking for him or anyone else to get in touch with. And thank you so much thats the only positive answer I had.

      may God Bless you 🙂

  2. Khirad,

    Of all the people I know, not one of their encounters trying to find a spouse via Facebook has ended up in marriage or anything close to it. Many men and woman use Facebook as a playground and nothing more. Many are not truly looking for a life partner at all even though they may lead you to believe so. If you are really looking for marriage...go to your parents. Your mother may know families who have a son who is looking for a spouse. The only thing you will get on Facebook is heart ache.

    Salam

    • Sister,

      Thanks for you reply, but as I mentioned, I was not looking for a spouse or anyone I just landed on his profile somehow. And I have told my mother about it, she knows, its not that am going to add this guy (which im not sure that i will do or not) without my mother permission, I am so not like that. And I m thinking to find a good way for this. But lets see and hope for the best. 🙂

  3. Assalaamualaikam

    One of the dangers of social network sites is that you never truly know who is at the end of an unfamiliar profile. You say he looks like your dreamboy - the pictures you've seen might not even be him, or may be heavily edited. Besides which, appearances aren't the best way of deciding whether you want to get to know someone - looks change, and don't tell you anything about the true character of the person underneath.

    I'd be wary about believing that the content of his social networking pages is either accurate or truly reflective of his character - people tend to present a rather edited version of themselves online (which isn't always a bad thing - it's sensible to avoid putting personal and sensitive information online for anyone to read).

    If you really wish to find out more about this boy, and have a friend in common, you could always ask that friend about him, and then take the information to your parents for discussion. If he seems of good deen and character, your parents could then get in touch with his family and you could all get to know each other then, with a view to seeing if you both wish to marry.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

    • Salaam,

      Wel I know he s not fake, and what you r saying might be right.
      Well a pitty too bad, i don't have a common friend with him, my sister does, but she cant ask the common friend as she isnt so close with this common friend.

  4. Walaikumsalam wa rahmathullahi wa barakathuhu

    sister every relationship starts with this tag "its juz a tok" later it ends wid complicated issues
    so its better 2 avoid in the beginning itself .... itzz shaitaan who made him attracted 2 ur eyes .. and 1 more thing seeing a non mahram is haram so how can u add him and chat wid him?? u say u wanna do it in a halal way but looking at his piks thinkin abt him is not gudd ..so please never go fot it if you need a dream boy then make duaa 2 Allah 2 giv u a good man a good husband and love him in a halal way dear sister but please don't go 4 facebook friendship

  5. I don't mean to offend by this but...
    After reading your post and how you describe things...I think you sound too young and too naïve to be contemplating marriage.
    My advice would be to stay away until you are older and wiser. Speak to an older sibling or cousin and I am certain you will get the same advice.

    TC

    • You r right by saying that u THINK i am not old enough, but you dont know my age and I know how serious I am or not. Its not about the age or anything to decide that one is naïve. People are different and have other dreams, other expectations etc etc.. I have spoken allready nd they sure gave me an some other advice thn you did, but thanks for your reply and concern anyways 🙂 peace

      • My bad. Clearly you are old enough and wise enough to know right from wrong.
        Good luck with your "dreamboy". Hope it all works out for you.

  6. RM is right and you dont know if the person might be a 50 year old or actually not what you think he is.Facebook is devil book only add your real life friends

    • Salaam brother,

      RM is not right anyways u r right about the fb part but its not a fake person whom im talking about.
      thanks for u reply

  7. Salam sister Khirad,

    I just wanted to say instead of getting to the know the guy in facebook, why not get to know him in real life? If you say his looks and character in facebook interest you so much, then why not ask your sisters friend about him first. Like his education, level of deen and whatever else is important to you in a spouse. If you are still interested then ask the friend to tell him that someone is interested to get to know him for marriage purposes. Then she can arrange a meeting between you two in a halal way.

    Its better to speak to the person upfront then by friends in facebook. The way I see it is that usually in facebook (Islamically) you would not have any non mehrem men there as your friend. If that guy is religious he may get the wrong impression of you when you send the friend request. He may think you are one of these girls who mixes freely with non mehrem men. Then he definitely will not want to marry you, if he is pius.

    • Dear sister Sumaira,

      Thank you, i really appreciate your reply. Well thats a verry good advice you gave me,
      but my sisters friend is a guy which used to be her class fellow, she does not talk that much to him and does not want to talk with him about this stuff as they were not that close, and recently got married, so she does not want to give her husband a wrong impression or anything. If u have another idea? Or another way.. please do tell me ..

  8. Salam Brother Wael,

    why are my comments still on moderation? The word press fix has not rectified it???

    • Sumaira, you and two others are on moderation for reasons that I can't figure out. I've taken your emails off the list, but the problem persists. I do approve your comments as soon as I see them pending.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  9. Okay what I say is be careful be very careful if he's a creep do not engage with him at all. Use precautions get a group of friends together and meet him . If he wants to see u with friends he's not a creep if he wants you alone do not go at all. Btw you shouldn't be thinking of marriage right now you are still a kid and you have ur whole life to find a boy for you . Wait in ur 20s please just wait your mind wil be sharper and thinong ur decisions through .

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