Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He’s obsessed with me, but I don’t know what to do

salaams, i am going out with a guy i've been with since i was sixteen, and i am now 24. i have had sexual relations with this person.

I now realise how stupid i have been and i am asking for forgiveness from Allah sw as well as trying to do the right thing by praying my namaaz 5 times and i am trying so hard to be a better person. I no longer want to be do bad things but i am forced by this guy i am with, he can be a bad influence and i have made it clear to him i dont want to see him outside of marriage anymore.

He has always been obsessive from the moment i met him, he was married when i met him, he never said he was married and i found out 2 years ago. since then he has been separated from her and has applied for divorce as he doesnt want to be with her and wants to be with me.

I love him and i am praying to allah sw that his divorce is sorted quick so that we can get married as i no longer want to live in sin. I would give up talking to him but i am really scared that he will do something as he has already tried when i stopped any sort of contact with him. He got hold of my home number and kept on ringing threatening to tell my parents everything. I can't go out without him following me as he sits in his car on my street waiting for me to come out. I know that if i ignored him he will seriously do something and he will not let me go. [Speaking of past experiences when i have tried to finish with him when i found out about him being married]. He won't listen to me and he makes excuses like he cant live without meeting up with me and talking to me over the phone. He has always been obsessive and i have tried to tell him we cant talk anymore until his divorce is sorted and he comes round to talk to my parents.

I cant talk to my parents about this as i know they would kick me out if they found out. I dont know what to do. Please give me advice on what i should do. Jazakallah

2 Responses »

  1. Salaam Sister,
    From what I read it seems as though this guy has not been the best of influence on you. As with all things haram you need to nip it in the bud don't let this relationship grow any more than it has. I know you say your afraid of what he might do, but if he truly loves you then he should give you time to figure things out for yourself. If your scared that completely cutting things off might set him off into doing things to hurt and embarrass you then gradually move towards cutting him off. Pick up less of his phone calls, reply to less of his texts, see him less often gradually moving to a complete end. I understand that somehow you do harbor love for him but first and foremost love yourself give yourself time to reflect on this situation. Do you really believe that after his divorce you will truly be happy being with him? And if he harasses you so much now, while you are unmarried how bad will it be when he's married to you and feels a sense of entitlement. You need to take a moment and analyze the situation, don't be afraid of him or what your family might say for right now, Allah is the best of planners and his will, will unfold as he wishes. But for yourself look at this situation, this relationship and ask yourself is it worth it? Can you see yourself living with this guy happily 10-20 years from now? Will he change religiously so that he does not lead himself and you into sin again? Will you be able to trust him after he's lied to you about being married for 2 years? These are tough questions you need to answer and once you do you can then figure out where to go from there and how to approach your family. In the mean time ask Allah for forgiveness and make a promise with him that you will not return to such a lifestyle again iA.
    Wish you all the best! your sister in Islam Laila!

  2. on a serious note sister
    if this guy is following you should get the police involved or gimi hiz numba n il sort him out IA
    not thru violence but words ...
    he can marry u now if he wants....n divorce weneva
    get married asap but think bwt it
    u reli fink u cn liv with this guy for the rest of ur life then do so
    but dnt marry him if u fink he aint gna treat u ryt
    he has no ryt to talk to u....ryt to ur hse.....

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