He’s the love of my life, but I’m engaged to his brother…
I'm in desperate need of advice!
Almost 9 years ago I met a boy who was also a relative, and from first sight I fell in love with him. I told him how I felt and he felt the same and everything was good until his older brother told everyone he liked me and since me and his brothers relationship was a secret everyone pressured me to go out with the oldest brother and refused to let me be with the younger one. After seeing everyone wanting me to be with the older brother, me and the younger brother decided to make everyone happy and stop our relationship and just give the older brother a chance.
Now I've been with older brother on and off for 9 years. we just got engaged and legally married, but when ever I see the younger brother there's always been feelings for him, and I could never get over him. I wanted to tell him how I felt but was afraid he got over me, and at the same time he was my best friend, so I rather having him in my life as a friend then tell him my true feelings and lose him forever.
But after 3 months of being married to his brother he told me how he really felt and regrets never fighting for me. And I've been waiting for him to say that to me for 9 years and now it's late, but I love him and I'll always love him.
It's was easier to control my feelings for him when I thought I was the only one feeling like that but now i don't know what to do. I'm depressed I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I can't even think.
His older brother who is also my fiancé put me threw a lot when we were younger like abusing me verbally, physically, and mentally. But I married him because I got used to him and he stopped the abuse. I just don't know what to do.
After finding out the love of my life loves me too it's late and we can't be together because it's gonna start problems within the two families, but I feel trapped and depressed and just confused, so can somebody give me advise on what to do. Should I let everyone know my feelings towards my fiancés brother, or should I just keep it to my self and live an unhappy life?
winter
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Assalam alaikum
don't do this to your self
tell everyone but be prepared
n strong talk to ur love n u both tell everyone together. .offer istikhara ask Allah s support I am sure u will find a way
this problem came because u both didn't had courage to speak. ...believe in Allah n it will be wrong only when u don't speak n do it secretly ....tell everybody. .
A situation like this happened in my family. I would suggest to avoid zina you and your husband should move out and try harder to make this marriage work rather than thinking what if. At the end of the day when you had the choice to speak up you didn't and you led your husband on which is not fair to him. The other boy could have also spoken up and at that time he didn't speak up. He should be ashamed for professing love to his BROTHERS wife. You both need to move on.
Salaam sister I know exactly how ur feeling as I am going through the same thing but I fell in love with my husbands brother after I got married. I live in the UK and husband is from pakistan so we never ever got to meet before marriage. After the wedding hubby never used to spend time with me or talk to me. I was in a new family everything was new to me and it was his brother who was there with me all the time talking to me taking care of me and at the time where i was supposed to be making my life with my husband getting close to him I ended of getting attracted to his brother and he felt the same. I married the wrong brother. It has been 7 years now and I have tried to make my marriage work I have 2 kids but still to date I am not happy. I still love his brother and he loves me 2. I am here in the UK and the love of my life is in Pakistan but we still love each other. I am not at all attracted to my husband I feel nothing for him and all I can do is pray to Allah and hope for the best. I have tried being a good wife tried loving my husband but I never have been able to so I do feel for you sister and will pray for you. All the best my dear I wish you a happy life.
muslimsis87: I still love his brother and he loves me 2. I am here in the UK and the love of my life is in Pakistan but we still love each other
Your relationship most likely is based on physical attaraction. It is lust and not love between you two. One day things may go too far and all these feelings will disappear and replaced by guilt
For most men loving a girl they don't want to marry means getting her into bed.
You should stop secretly communicating with your brother in law before your husband finds out and your "love"
becomes a problem in your married life.
Thanks for your reply but what I have written here ain't the full story so without knowing that you can't really answer but I do appreciate what you have said. Only wanted to let sister winter know that I know what she's going through. Another part of my story is related to me n my hubby which is still in pending and if u read that then maybe you can give some advice there too. Thanks.
@muslimsis87 can I ask you if you don't love your husband why did you have 2 children. Also do you know loving someone else is also haraam & can lead to zina read the QUARAN on this topic this should bring shame and fear within you.
Also the fact that your husband is innocent out of all of this and you DON'T love him makes you look like your really ungrateful. I feel sorry for the man he has no idea whats going on behind his back. If you strongly felt like this you should have spoke up about it. My strong advise to you is that you CUT ALL CONTACT with the brother move out and make the marriage work with your husband you cannot afford to look back and go on WHAT IF'S. This is not a way of marriage should be. Your actually cheating your husband and this isn't fair.
Listen sister not everything in life is black and white so without knowing the full story I don't think you have the right to call me ungrateful. Yes I do have 2 kids with my husband because I have and still am trying to make my marriage work and doing my duty as a wife. Loving someone is not haram because you can't stop yourself from falling in love. Love is one of the most beautiful thing in the world. Ye cheating on ur husband however is wrong committing zina is wrong n yes I'm aware of that but from what I have written in my post you can't say if I have done anything wrong or not all I have said is I'm in love with his brother n u obviously haven't read it properly because exactly where does it say I live in the same house as his brother??? I am a good wife I know that I have tried my best I also l know that but love happens it can't be forced maybe you should understand that. Like I've said before this is not the whole story there is another part of this between me and my husband which has absolutely nothing to do with his brother and I have not said I want to be with his brother because I know my duty and that is towards my husband which I am trying to fulfil so before you make.such comments think because u r not going through it. It is so easy to just comment but when you go through something only then can and will you understand it. How much I'm right and how much I'm wrong Allah knows and I believe in him and turn to him for guidance. Thankyou.
muslimsis, you are emotionally cheating with your husband, and yes it is called cheating and yes it is haraam. have you read the saying?
your deeds are determined by your motive
(aamal ka daromadar niyaton peh he)
and also in this way you will never be happy in your marriage if you carry on like this
stop fooling around and either forget the love and build love in your marriage or divorce your husband and choose what you love 🙂
i think that you are choosing hell for yourself in this world and the one after because you are intentionally creating a situation where neither you nor your husband will be happy? marriage requires love not just wife duties or chores, if you can't help destroying your marriage and thinking about you love then you will have to divorce.
and remember you can't guarentee that you will e happy with that guy either because its after marriage you come to test your love in actual and some people just find out that it was not love and that it was a mistake and they were decieved 🙂
OP: After seeing everyone wanting me to be with the older brother, me and the younger brother decided to make everyone happy and stop our relationship and just give the older brother a chance.......Now I've been with older brother on and off for 9 years. we just got engaged and legally married, but when ever I see the younger brother there's always been feelings for him, and I could never get over him....It's was easier to control my feelings for him when I thought I was the only one feeling like that but now i don't know what to do. I'm depressed I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I can't even think...
You have been with older brother for 9 years and you have married him by your own choice.
Stop contact with the younger brother. Talking to him may lead to physical relationship (unfinished business) and end of any feelings.
Your depression may have other reasons You need to get a job or involve yourself in physical exercise, jogging etc.
Marrying some one after friendship of 9 years is not that exciting as some one who you get close after marriage
@Winter you should have been honest and told everyone the truth from the beginning and stood up for yourself. There was no need for you to lie and have a relationship secret with the other brother you both could have fought for each other. Your actions could destroy your husband and his relationship with his brother now this could lead to so many problems for you and your children. You WILL have to SPEAK UP and finally face up to reality and the consequences. Why it took 9 years I will never understand!.
love which happens is a temporary thing and the love which is developed through hard work and strive and struggle is the only long lasting love.
love comes and goes, its just our body chemistry