Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Hiding so many things from my rude husband


I am a Muslim wife. My Husband went abroad on the 13th day of our marriage. After that 13 days we can't spend more time with each other because my Mother in law didn't allow us. After he went to abroad for higher studies my in laws started rude behavior. They started torturing me mentally in every moment. And they started lying about me to my husband over phone. I shared everything about their behavior to my husband and cried. Wanted help from him. He could make his parents and siblings understand. But he didn't - he scolded me.

After a long time of mental torture, I left that house and came back to my house. My husband scolded me for leaving his house. I didn't want to leave. that's why I was seeking for his support. After that our relationship became worse. He didn't contact with me. And from the very 1st day of our meeting he used so many slang on me. We used to talk on Skype. But he didn't behave in a romantic way ever. He didn't even try to understand my feelings. When I tried to be romantic with him...he ignored it. He used to make me waiting on Skype for a long time. When he hurt me.. I used to cry. But he didn't react at all.. He took that very lightly. He was my world to me. I could do everything for him. And I did whatever I could do. But those are nothing for him.

For last 2 and half years.. he never made me feel that he loves me. He never talked to me with concentration. He has time for friends but not for me. Now we rarely talk. Once in a week or once/twice in a month. But whenever we talk on Skype... he got busy with phone. We talk maximum  30mins. 30mins is not that much time to spend with wife na? Whenever i buy anything ... I wait to show him. But he didn't even look at me. 2-3times it happened that... I was crying and seeking for soft behavior and suddenly he told me to put off my cloths. But I was not in that mood to do that. And where there is no Romance... no can we do cyber sex? And if I wear short clothes for him.. he told that I always need physical pleasure for boys and thats why I can't use full clothes. But I always wear salwar kameez  and long dupatta.. and cover me as a Muslim woman should do.

So now a days I don't tell him anything. He didn't even know what is going on in my life. Because he always interpret my every activity in a wrong way. I do masturbation for last few days. i talk to other boys but only decent talking no hot chat. I don't know what to do. I tried to committed suicide several times. I know its not acceptable in Islam.


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5 Responses »

  1. Salaam

    Sister whatever is happening I pray to Allah SWT to give you patience, guidance and solve all your problems.
    Marital problem happens in the life of every married person, things start looking bad, dull & then they become worse, but that doesn't mean that you should do all the wrong things to make it right or feel right. Your husband is wrong I can see, but whatever you are doing now , can you justify your acts NO, I am not trying to scold you or make you feel bad. I am just trying to tell you he has done wrong, but you should not be doing that.

    Secondly I have just one advice for you Read ''7 Habits of Highly Effective People'' by Stephen Covey''
    Do not just read it for a time pass. Read it properly. It saved me and many like me. It will help you.

    Do it, I know you will find solution for all your problems. Also say your prayers regularly and fast once or twice in a week. It will save you from every Haraam thing.

    I pray to Allah SWT to make things right for you

    Your Brother

  2. as salam o alaykum
    dear sister

    The book brother mentioned is really a good helped me too.basically whatever in this book goes with islam is good and wonderful but for church you think of our mosque lol.

    Please dont talk to guys even if it is a decent chat.someday it will become nondecent or you will find a man attractive and fall in love with him since you are not getting love and attention from your husband.

    would any woman like to stand in a street and talk to men who are passing by.chatrooms are the same.they are not our relatives,not friends,they are just men passing by.

    Your chatting and masterbation will not harm your husband but will bring harm to you.Once we make Allah ta'ala angry then we are no more safe.Please repent sincerely for these sins.

    having feelings for husband is natural but try not to think about him always and make yourself busy in useful activities.this will help you avoid masturbation and chatting.

    Seek help from to him while making dua.ask him for strength to avoid sins and also ask him to grant you love of your husband.

    there are so many dua for husband wife love.recite those dua after every prayer.
    try to be regular in prayers because prayers save us from sins.those who dont offer prayers are not protected by Allah ta'ala.

    try to find out why your husband behaves like this.ask him to take you abroad.

    this is a big problem with us women that we give the control of our life to our husbands.We make him responsible for our happiness.If he can live happily this way, why don't you.please give it a try.
    "aur bhi gham hai zamanay main mohabbat kay siwa
    rahatain aur bhi hai wisal ki rahat kay siwa"
    men are so selfish.They want us to be at their feet asking for love,attention.Stop begging but don't be rude.
    Try to make your bond stronger with Allah ta'ala.Insha Allah we will have loving husbands in jannah where whenever we want them to be with us, they will appear.We will not have to wait and cry lol.
    Life is a test.Take it as a test.

    make lots of dua.may Allah ta'ala solve your problems and give you a happy married life aameen.

  3. Please don't blame the victim. She isn't chatting with strange men in chat rooms; she is skyping her husband. Nor did she say she was masturbating.

    As a Muslim wife, unless it states otherwise in her nikkah, she has a right to her own dwelling, she doesn't have to live with her in-laws. The joint family is a Hindu custom, not part of Islam.

    I really suspect that most of the unhappiness in South Asian marriages comes from Hindu customs still followed by Muslims.

    My favorite is the tradition of the bride's family paying the groom's family to marry their daughter. Justifying this by pointing out the the Nabi (SAAW) gave some household items to Fatima does not put a kufi on it - the gifts were to Fatima, not her husband. It seems a lot of families marry their sons to girls who bring in wealth, and then make the poor girl's life miserable. Sometimes they even set her afire with kerosene so Sonny can marry another girl with wealth.

  4. first of all you shouldn't have married a man of his nature, womens are not slave of mans. And why would you marry someone who is going to leave you and go abroad for such a long time. Plus, he doesn't understand you and trust you. I'm not married, but once i do i won't even leave my wife for one week. I think you need to figure out if you want to spend your life with such person, your lucky you don't have kids.

  5. Dear sister. Aswk.
    i knw u hav a broken heart nd it aches alot!!on day of judgment ur goin to give reply for ur own deeds nd ur husband for hisdeeds.dear sister world was made for us but we r made for jannah..shaitaan always tries to put us on wrong path as vr aware of his goal v should nt allow em to suceed..ur own husband is nt supportive or gud to u hw can u expct sme1 else ie stranger men to help u!!if sme1 else hav did wrong to u dat does not mean dat even u hav to do wrong to keep urslf happy..alwayz try to please Allah dan ur ownself.itz difcult to implement but not impossible!!buy some gud islamic books nd read dem dat will keep u bzy nd vll give u sabr nd also helps in incrsin ur gud is much more dan strangerz nd sex!! M not scoldin u or disrespctin u diz is my request to u.

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