Islamic marriage advice and family advice

High sexual drive and fear

Worried young woman

I was in my first relationship at the age of 12. We hugged and kissed.

After that I stayed single for 3 years but at the age of 15, I started off two more relationships online and they were worse. Both the guys asked for my nudes and I'm ashamed to say i sent them. Then they left me.

Alhamdolillah, soon I realized i was on the wrong path and asked Allah for forgiveness. However, I still have a high sexual drive and no matter how hard I try I can't stop myself from having sexual fantasies about my exes. I do not know what to do.

I know marriage is the only solution but I can't marry anyone yet because I'm still 17 and haven't even finished college yet.

The second problem is that I usually think about the person I'm going to marry. I'm not an introvert and I know I won't be able to keep my secrets from him including all my relationships because I feel like he will have the right to know everything. I also fear the fact that he may not understand me and I might lose him. I don't know what to do about both of these problems. Should I be talking to my husband about this? What if he asks me himself? And how do i keep myself from having sexual fantasies which i usually have when I'm angry?

It's been three years since I sent my nudes and I'm still scared that someone might leak them. Though I talked to my exes about this and they said they wont leak them but I still don't trust them...what do i do?

I really need help...thank you.

Broken Piece


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14 Responses »

  1. Salaam sister.

    I am pleased that you have realised that u have been sinning and that these relationships were haraam. That is a start. So well done and alhumdulilah.

    Now how to fix these issues. In my opinion there seems to be a number of issues 1. The images you sent coming back to haunt you I.e. being leaked. 2. Your sexual urges . Fantasizing about your exes 4. Marriage at a young age 5. Should you inform your future husband. Wow...Quite a number of things for you to be dealing with.....

    In terms of number 1 u can't do much about that im afraid you have to just put your faith in Allah that hopefully these images won't be leaked. And just get over it somehow.
    Number 2 & 3now - fast and pray; remain in wudhu, avoid music and movies. Keep yourself busy with halaal activities trust me all these things do work.
    4. Islamically I should really be advising u to get married I guess. 5. I would seek Islamic guidance from an Imam tbh.

    Be strong sis ask sincere forgiveness from Allah.

  2. Bismillah
    If you can't marry just do nikah so you can at least have sex it will be halal and keeps you away from sinning

  3. as salaamu alaykum Broken Piece

    Brother Ali gave you some good advice there sister; Do Nikah! Oh and do Not Tell hubby about your sins in the past as God keeps our sins Secret from our fellow man so should We. Your future husband is likely to Obsess about it, and it may Ruin your marriage for No good reason.

  4. Asalaamu Alaikum,

    I am very very ashamed to write this. But I honestly have no one to talk to about this as it is EXTREMELY shameful and humiliating and I can't tell ANYONE about this. im only 15 years old

    Basically, i have a sexual disorder. i get O very very easily, which is not normal. The slightest thought, the slightest movement and i get these feelings. Normally, it takes people a while to get an O when they have s**, let alone just by sexual thoughts!!

    I know you guys think im disgusting and filthy, but im so so scared and sad about this issue. I can never get married...you're probably thinking, why cant she just get married?
    well every time i get feelings for somone or have a crush or whatever, i get these uncontrollable sexual thoughts and end up getting O. Every time.

    I cant get married to someone knowing i did this haraam thing while thinking about them...it would feel awkward and i dont want to marry someone who i did something sinful and perverted while thinking of them...

    The problem is I get aroused far too easily, i think i have a disorder because i know for a fact this is not normal...i am only 15 and yes i know around this age these thoughts and feelings are normal, but i literally get O every single day, multiple times a day!!! this is not normal. im so hypersexual i wanna die

    I need help. I cant tell my doctor about this without my parents finding out, so what should I do to permanently rermove my abnormally high s** drive.

    please i hope someone can help me. im lost and i dont know what to do

      • Sister ,

        You need to talk to some doctor .If you can't share problem with your parents then take the help of some Aunty or older cousin who are matured enough to understand this .

        Otherwise just tell some other thing to parents like you are having some pain or itching near your private parts and when you meet doctor tell him the real problem ..

        These kind of problems can be solved only with the help of expert doctors .

      • Assalaamualaykum muslim-gurl01,

        I agree with abc. It would be ideal if you could share this with your parents, especially if they are taking you to the doctor's appointment, but this is a case where it would be ok to tell them something different and then see the doctor for the real problem. Know that most parents only want the best for their children though, so you may actually be able to tell them...especially your mom. She may react much better than what you are expecting inshallah.

        And Allah knows best.

        Hugs,

        Nor

        • Thank you all so much.
          How should I approach dr? what should i say, and how do i say it? im a really shy girl so I dont know what to say to the doctor without it being awkward...im rly quiet and painfully awkward at times, i dont want to make the dr uncomfortable so how should i go about it?

          • Anyone have any advice for this? I am seeing the dr soon!!

          • OP: Basically, i have a sexual disorder. i get O very very easily, which is not normal. The slightest thought, the slightest movement and i get these feelings. Normally, it takes people a while to get an O when they have s**, let alone just by sexual thoughts!!

            What happens when you get the "O"? When was the first time that happen? Do you think about sex 24/7? Does not look like a disorder, but you should see a doctor. Do you have any facial hair like men?

          • muslim-gurl01,

            Maybe it will help you to remember that doctors tend to be very "scientific" and will not be shy about talking about this, so don't worry about making the doctor uncomfortable. Just think of how much better you will feel once you have told the doctor 🙂

            Hugs,

            Nor

  5. Basically what happens is that I have to have thoughts before getting it...however, i know for a fact that what happens to me is not common because the thoughts dont even have to be intense (hugging, touching, etc...minor stuff like that gives me that feeling)

    No, I do not have facial hair like men. I am very short for my age, a LITTLE bit chunky (not super overweight though), and I am 15 yrs old.

    I just... don't know. How do I approach the doctor and tell them??? I really dont wanna say something that would come off as strange or akaward that would make the dr uncomfortable. How do I approach the doctor in the best way possible?

    • OP: Basically what happens is that I have to have thoughts before getting it...however, i know for a fact that what happens to me is not common because the thoughts dont even have to be intense (hugging, touching, etc...minor stuff like that gives me that feeling)

      Very common in boys... most boys get fast erections with just a little thought about girls. Reason behind this is masturbation habit and thinking about sex 24/7

      OP: I just... don't know. How do I approach the doctor and tell them??? I really dont wanna say something that would come off as strange or awkward that would make the dr uncomfortable. How do I approach the doctor in the best way possible?

      If I was in your place......I will ask........
      Is this normal to have.......describe the feeling (don't say I get orgasm) when I think about boys? What you think is big "O" may be a just normal response for some one hyper-sexual. If you are not satisfied with your doctor's response ask for a referal

      Some times sexual abuse as a child may lead to hyper-sexuality.

  6. Asslaamualaykum muslim-gurl01,

    Maybe it will help you to remember that doctors tend to be very "scientific" and will not be shy about talking about this, so don't worry about making the doctor uncomfortable. Just think of how much better you will feel once you have told the doctor. 🙂

    Hugs,

    Nor

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