Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Hijab and relationship with fiance as a Muslimah living in Eastern Europe

Please Help,

Confident Muslimah

I am a Muslim sister recently gave up a lot of things to ask ALLAH for forgiveness and to follow unto that path, unfortunately two things stand on my way, the first being Hijab. Where i live, which is in Eastern Europe, islam is not regarded very well and in general any one seen with a scarf is discriminated against in every possible way that is if not attacked.

Just to mention i am a junior doctor trying to learn to build up my studies so wearing a scarf to work does not exactly help me get the benefit of collaboration and the learning experience. I do however cover up very well, long sleeves and long blouses covering every aspect of my body except my hair.

The second thing is i am in a serious relationship planning to be wed soon but i just found out that relationships are absolutely forbidden. I did salatu al istikhara and i am content with this person except that getting ready for the wedding takes a while and we are in that stage. So i am hesitating, should i cut off complete contact with this person and keep only formal communication in order to plan and make future plans if Allah wishes for us to be alive for that long or is it okay to stay in contact and communicate? It is worth mentioning that we are not in the same country, we talk via skype and i do so wearing a scarf.

Your advice will be truly appreciated... thank you very much.

A desperate and confused Muslim sister

- angeblau

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3 Responses »

  1. When you said you are in a relationship, I assumed you have physical contact, like a married couple.

    As long as you talk via Skype with a proper hijab and do not talk to him in a flirtatious way, I don't see

    a problem. Getting to know the person you intend to marry is not wrong in general.

    As for your conversion, mashallah that you adopted Islam and made many sacrifices. That's wonderful.

    May Allah bless you

    • Salaams,

      While it is generally good practice not to give specific advice for someone in a situation such as yours (for instance, advising whether or not to wear hijab in a country where it is illegal or will cause severe persecution), I can say that the most important area to consider regarding your relationship is the fact that you are a Muslim, and as such you may only marry other Muslim men. I regret to say that if your "intended" is not a Muslim, then yes, you must cut off all contact with him.

      However, if he is Muslim as well, you may be able to continue to contact him, although it is adviseable that when you are contacting him that you have other ladies present to make sure the conversations don't get off course from what they should be. Technically, Muslims who are considering marriage should only be in contact with each other in the presence of family members.

  2. Assalamu Alaikum wrwb,

    Sister alhamdulillah you have accepted Islam whole heartedly. The ruling about the hijab is that it is obligatory upon you to wear it, despite the hardship. Allah says in the Qur'an; "Do you think you will say you believe and won't be tested...." Now that you have professed you faith to Allah, HE is going to test you now to see if you are firm in your faith. I suggest you ask Allah for firmness and steadfastness on this deen. Allah knows that every hardship a muslim is put through is only HIS way of allowing us to earning his pleasure. The Prophet(saws) said; "If Allah intends good for his slave he hastens his trials in this life..."
    The other dilemma you have is this relationship with your "partner". This is completely prohibited in Islam. You must only keep contact with him with the intent to marry with the supervision of a Wali or guardian. Talking one on one is not allowed. The Prophet(saws) said; "When two people are alone (man and woman), the Shaytaan (devil) makes the third companion.." I know this transition is a tough one regarding both instances in your life, however they are necessary to rectify in order for your well being in this life as well as your akhira. Insha'Allah Allah makes you as well as ALL of us firm on the deen.ameen.

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