Islamic marriage advice and family advice

His family won’t accept me because I’m a foreigner.

Muslim woman

This man and I really want to marry, he loves me and I love him with all my heart, however, his family won't accept his wish to marry me because I'm Indian/White British and he is Jordanian Arab. They want him to marry a woman from his country.

To lose him would kill me, literally destroy my heart, as he is my dearest friend, beloved, the only person I can trust in this world. I don't want to live this life without him, I don't want anyone else as my spouse, only him. He is the one good thing I have left in this life, and I pray to Allah each day to thank him for this blessing and to allow us to be together. My heart is completely dedicated to him. This loneliness I feel now because I'm without him, it's causing me to have anxiety and depression, I'm really scared and at night, I cry to Allah for help, to ease the pain.

I am Muslim, I converted in July, they know that I am as it was him and his uncle that witnessed my shahada when I came to Jordan to visit. It pains me that they cannot accept me, as they are clearly choosing culture over religion. I really liked his family, they are good people, but this... wallahi, I have no words to describe on how I really feel about their opinion. He's all I have since my family disowned me for converting to Islam.

They also set him these conditions where if he marries me, then he would have to take a Jordanian wife, who will always stay in Jordan. I really do not want to share him and I do not see how a second wife would benefit from marriage with him because he wants to live in England with me, but I know that most people will get into debt to buy a house and to provide for their family and the holiday they will get from a good job is about 3 weeks at least. So he would be financially unable and it wouldn't be fair for the second wife to get 3 or less weeks.

I really want them to accept me, to have a good relationship with them. But I know, if he takes a second wife they will always favour her, and will not even bother to try and accept me, I don't want to be an outcast. I wish they would see that he loves me and wants to marry me. Why should they have a say on who he can and cannot marry? Who is getting married; him or the family?

Are they even allowed to make such conditions, islamically speaking?


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3 Responses »

  1. Salaam sister. I if you do love him and don't want to share a second wife you should ask your husband to be (in sha Allah ) To persuade his parents by advising them that there is nothing wrong islamically and that you will be a good dutiful wife and a daughter in law. It seems as though his family are putting more emphasis on culture than religion. Have you thought about making arrangements after wedding by living in Jordan a year or 2. And coming back often to see your in laws that might make them think. You could also try fitting in well by learning their native language that may encourage them to consider you.

    Anyway whichever way it now that you have found the right path to your lord by reverting to islam I hope Allah makes it easier for you. Remember this life here is a test so we will be tested and may not always get what we want but Allah loves those who turn to him. Sometimes love can lead us to wrong and its best to leave it in the Qadr of Allah if you nothing this situation won't change.

    Don't feel like like your alone . Turn to Allah and have faith in him.

  2. First of all I just want to say I'm very sorry that you're going through this difficult time

    and I'm very sorry that your family disowned you because you had a difference in faith

    family should never do that

    I'm also very sorry about your loved one's family does not approve of you just
    because you are different and nationality which is I think it's complete b*******

    A Muslim is a Muslim
    what does it matter what part of the world they are from

    if a person can go to China to seek knowledge then why can't a person go to China to get married?(just a saying)

    I think this is going to be a real test for your loved one's loyalty

    it's going to show you that who does he value more

    if he goes with you to England and marries you and stays with you

    he values you above all

    If he takes you to Jordan and marries you and protects you from his family
    He values you above all

    But if he follows his family and marries their choice
    It means he values them, not you.

    you cannot make your in laws like you

    they have decided not to like you because they are racist fake -ass- muslim idiots

    It's only important that your husband loves you and looks after you

    but this is going to show who your man really values

    and if he goes in your direction then that's wonderful

    but unfortunately if he goes in the family's Direction
    then I'm sorry you're going to have to let him go

    I know it's hard
    I myself had the same situation where a man chose his family over me

    But I lived.

    You must prepare yourself
    Hope for the best
    But prepare yourself for the worse.
    Good luck

  3. Asalam Walaykum Sister! Ahhh I'm so happy you converted MASHALLAH! It is a beautiful thing. You know culture and religion never mix well. I feel like if you guys really love each other go get married. Just do it. There is NOTHING wrong islamically for you both to be married. As long as you both are faithful to each other and for the sake of your religion, culture can't change a thing. [To get married without the presence of family, go to a mosque and let the imam conduct a marriage ceremony with close friends instead] Since his family is acting like "that" you both have to distance yourself from it. Nothing will change their minds that's the way it is. Many Arab, Indian, and Asian cultures are stingy and uptight when it comes to this. Even if you learn the language, imerse yourself in the culture, the fact in their mind is you are not jordainian... But that's fine. Being muslim and having faith in Allah is the most important. Your family disowned you and that's simply ignorant. Seriously. His family is reflecting the same ignorance just in a different manner. He should really step his game up and say something to them. They don't have any control over what he can fo with HIS life. Jordanians are strict but you gotta break the cycle somehow. He should try to convince them or be stern in his place and stay firm in his commitment to you. Please don't stress so much. Continue to pray 5x, read duas and Qur'an if you can, dhikr, meditating. Focus on your passions and hobbies. Do things that make you happy to alieviate the pain and anxiety. You are never alone. Many women go through the same thing because of the culture bullshit. In my opinion religion is superior over all other factors. No doubt. Keep smiling love and take care ~

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