I want to marry him but his mother is against our relationship and wants him to marry a Muslimah
SALAAM,
THE REASON TO WHY I WRITE THIS POST IS BECAUSE I AM VERY SAD, AND I NEED HELP TO SEE THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.
About a year ago I met the love of my life, my soul-mate. Of course at that time we didn't know that, and we became good friends. He is from Saudi and Muslim and I am from Mexico although I was raised in America and Mormon. About 7 months ago, we decided to pursue a relationship together. He means the world to me, he is my life. About a few weeks ago he talked to his mother back asking her if they would come to America to meet my parents and me and ask for my hand in marriage. To make a long story short, his mother and family aren't talking to him anymore. He is very heartbroken as am I.
We want with all our hearts to be together and raise a family. But he fears that without the support of his family, life in Saudi will be very hard for me and fears that I may end up resenting him for the trials we might go have to go through. I LOVE him and vice versa. And I want to and will do ALL NECESSARY TO BE WITH HIM. However, I feel that without his mother's approval, we might not have a strong chance. What can I do to make her see and understand that I love her son with my heart, might, and soul and will do what I can to be with him and make him happy? Please help me. I ask with all my heart.
Thank you,
Slja.
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You and your lover(if I may call him that) have a right by Allah to marry, Allah has told us that a marriage must be consented to by both spouses, otherwise in the eyes of the Sharia law and the eyes of God, it is not a valid marriage and not counted as a marriage. First of all, study Islam and become a Muslim, a man's mother is more important than his wife in Islam, so although u have to consent to marry, you should make sure parents r ok. So I advice you to study Islam and become a practicing Muslim. This might motivate ur lover's(if I may call him that) mom to allow the marriage. I think the reason her mum doesn't allow the marriage is probably due to a fear that her son will lose Islam. Let me tell u about my mum, I am 13 btw. My mother tells me that u must marry a Muslim women, if not, don't even come close to me, I will deny that u r my son(extreme 🙁 ) The reason being that I might lose my faith, the proof r two of my uncles. They were the only people in my family to marry non Muslim women(one a buddhist and other a Hindu), and now, they forgot Islam. This might be the same reason for ur lover's mum to deny marriage between the two of u. But in Islam this type of marriage is allowed, as long as the husband is the father(to be honest I don't have much knowledge on this topic so u will have to research, or someone else can comment and help?). This is to ensure the CHILD is Muslim. But parents know, so they don't allow even males to marry this way. So my advice would be to accept Islam, there r lots of speakers who will inspire u such as- Nouman Ali Khan, Abdul Rahim Green, Dr Zakir Naik, Hussain Ye, Yusuf Estes. Also visit the following website for more Islamic dawah(propagation of Islam) and videos-
http://www.TheDeenShow.com
So this is all I can advice, I am 13 so I might make mistakes and I don't have a huge knowledge on Islam so I appreciate if someone comments on my mistakes. Hope this helps sister slja. Jazak allahu Khairan
Assalamu alaikum(peace be on you) 🙂
PS- as always, the best thing is to ask dua from Allah, and be happy with what he has given. Allah knows best, he is the most wise, the most compassionate , have hope and depend on Allah, sister slja
Thank you for your comment. For a 13 year old you are very mature. I bet your mother is very proud of you. And I have been reading the Qu'ran, and the Islam culture and as much as I admire the religion and culture, I am very satisfied with my beliefs, I don't want to change him nor does he want to change me. We both respect the culture and religion that makes us who we are. So we won't have a problem with that, but of course it doesn't mean that we especially me, won't receive any pressure because of my religion. we have both agree that the children will be taught both of our religions. If we do go to Saudi, obviously his religion will be more influencal. And I'm fine with that, because we agree that both religions have many good things to teach. It will be hard, but we feel that if we are very understanding, flexible, we will be able to find a common ground between us and his family.
I see sister slja, in that case, ur Muslim lover might accept to marry u, but I will tell u this, one day, u and ur Muslim husband will face problems. This is common, every marriage faces arguments and problems, financial ones, educational, etc etc. And one day, when a problem comes into ur marriage, who will u turn to? YOUR FAMILY. Ur mom, dad, etc Ur husband will do the same. And guess what happens? U don't get help. Why? Because the two families didn't want to marry in the first place, so they will feel reluctant to help. This is why Islam, although days that both partners should consent to the marriage, the FAMILIES should consent too, of not, u will have problems in the future. Ur mom will say, my grandchild MUST be Mormon(sorry I haven't about this faith, so u might want to explain to me, I am not a know-it-all, in all humility). His mum will say, my grandchild MUST be Muslim. Trust me sister, this is what happens, I have observed my two uncles, their mother in laws and their own mothers. My cousin, who has a Hindu mother but Muslim father(my uncle), is a boy. When he was born, it was Muslim law he should be circumcised. U know what this is? But the Hindu mother, fought against it, saying that it's against her beliefs or something like that(I am not sure why, she disagreed). So my uncle did not circumcise. Who lost in this? My uncle's family. U have to realise sister, the good, ideal husband will do anything to please his wife. This is the male psychology, they want to please the female, especially his partner/wife/girlfriend, preferring her over his mother/sister/aunt/granny. So his family will suffer mentally. So realise this, u r going to make a big decision, just think, who is ur husband going to turn to of problems occur in ur marriage, and they will, a marriage without arguments and fights is a marriage without true love. Ur husband will be lost. So I hope u realise this. But if u still insist to adhere to each other's religions and u want to marry him, go ahead, we can only advice, the decision is yours. Hope this helps, jazak allahu Khairan.
Assalamu alaikum(peace be unto you) 🙂
PS- plz can u explain what the faith of Mormon is all about? Jazak allahu khairan
No need sister, just saw that sister Amy has described Mormonism.
Oh and all my comments were based on a lecture I heard on YouTube, so I don't want to plagiarise and take the credit of being mature and blah blah blah, so here is the video I got this advice from, by Sheik Omar Suleiman-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CybEoP_qp4
Are u a christian, an athiest or u just believe dat there is God
Inorder to get help from the muslim community we need to know what your faith is
Thanks
Salaams,
The poster said she is a Mormon. That means she is a part of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints, who consider themselves to be Christians. However, many other mainstream branches of Christianity consider mormons to be deviant and do not accept them as "true" Christians. For the sake of this post, I think it's fair to assume the bulk of her beliefs are more in agreement with mainstream Christianity, and any differences would not put her outside a general definition of a Christian.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear Slja,
You have no idea what you are in for. You do not want to go to Saudi...period. I married a Saudi and spent 14 years of my life there. My husband did everything for me but deep down, I was not happy and I became severely depressed. My husband and I love each other very much, however...if we could do anything in our lives over again, it would be to NOT marry at all. It has been a tough road for each of us. The best advice from someone who has traveled the road you are on is...don't do it.
Salam
Hello Sija,
It sounds like a very difficult situation, but i would look at several factors:
1) Is his family conservative- and are not willing to bend and accept you? if they are super conservative, and want you to conform- then you are sacrificing your values to make him and his family happy- and is that okay with you?
2) Are you going to live with his family/or close to his family- as their disapproval will make your life very difficult. I can speak from experience that when you marry a man- you marry his whole family/traditions/ and blend your values as well. So if you are a mormon and want to continue in your ways, then being with him and his family will be very difficult. But if you are not a strict mormon/willing to convert it may be easier.
3) Is he willing to marry you even if his family does not aprove? do no fight for a relationship where a man does not stand up for you. If he is already wavering, then that tells you that he may not be able to stand for you later on.
4) Are you living in the USA or Saudi? it is ideal for you to move away from home, because it is very isolating if he is the only one you know in the country- and if you need help
5) How will you raise your children if you ever have them? Muslim or Mormon?
You may be able to convince his mama if you want to be Muslim, but if you don't then it will be very difficult. Also, if you are becoming a Muslim, dont do it for him as an act to be able to marry him, but do it because you really believe it.
Also, if things are too difficult, it sometimes means that a relationship is not meant to work out, you may love a person-but sometimes you may not be compatible and have the same future goals. Someimes these are warning signs that the relationship is too complicated and will give you a hard time in the future- and if thats the case for you- it is saving you from future heart ache.
Hope things get easier and the choice ahead becomes clearer.
Dear Slja,
I have lived in Saudi, and I know and believe that it is the best place a practicing Muslim can live. Alhamdulillah (All Praise is for Allah). It would have been the best place for you to live, if you were a Muslim, and a practicing one.
You are a Mormon and I know you do not believe in Islam as the only Religion acceptable with Allah, as we Muslims do.
I suppose the reason for the mother's denial is due to the different faith you possess. I think you should talk to her and try to find out the actual reason.
Islam does allow Muslim men to marry Christian women, but it is not preferred though. If the mother does not approve it, it is because she wants a Muslim daughter in law who would help her son be firm on his Religion and work with him in earning the Pleasure of Allah.
Why don't you consider learning about Islam? I know you might be having some knowledge, but I suggest you to read the Quran and its commentary, in order to understand Islam better. Then decide whether you want to stay Mormon or become a Muslim. You have hundreds of examples in the entire World, which show that people found the Truth in Islam. Perhaps, you will find it, too.
Also read the biography of the Prophet Peace and Blessings be upon him, in order to know him, his message, his mission, etc.
If you accept Islam, maybe the mother will consider rethinking about her decision. Allah Knows Best.
May Allah open your heart to His Guidance.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Jazakallahu Khair brother Mahmoud for your concern,
In Islam, approval of the families is not a condition (except the Mahram - male relative of the woman), but it may be said that it is preferred, so that the relationship is in peace and harmony. And a woman whose parents are non Muslim her male relatives need not approve the marriage.
If she has issues, she will turn to her husband. And if both have issues, they will turn to Allah Who Is as Razzaq. He provides everyone, and Will provide them also insha Allah.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Brother Mahmoud. Your approach has amazed me. Your parents are blessed with an amazing kid. I am speechless and proud of you.
As to the post, Slja. Maybe my story can help you. But first of all, i want you to put your feelings aside for a moment and think logically. Are you planning on living in Saudi Arabia at some point? Do you think there is a way to bring up your children without them being caught in between two religions and ending up with no faith?
I am a muslimah from a country in west africa. I am 22 now and my mother is christian and my dad muslim. My paternal grandmother and aunts always opposed the relationship due to the difference in religion and culture. For most of my life, I thought this was retarded and always wanted to get married to a non-muslim to get it even with my paternal family. That was until I read an article that open up my eyes. I think I am very blessed to have ended up with a faith. I used to go to church when I was young, then I decided to be muslim and I must admit this is the best thing that ever happened to me. My brother is younger and has no faith whatsoever and this deeply saddens me. I pray he will find religion because he has a lot of anger against my dad for he thinks my dad abandoned him. They barely talk to each other as of today. And more than ever I am convinced that differences and lack of support from the surroundings can sink a marriage. For most of my childhood and teenage years, i was a very unhappy person, resentful as i grew up in a torn family. Islam has helped me heal though. But before that, i sought comfort in relationships that have left me heartbroken and falling into haraam. Sister, that could be the story of your sister or son in some years. When we are blinded by love, we think we can overcome everything that come up in our ways. Truth is after the first years, when reality strucks in and life gets hard and kids come into the picture, those differences may tear up your family. I knock on wood that may happen but I am saying be careful and take all of this into account. Ask your love to do istikara for your wedding and that should help you guys from making a mistake. This is my first answer on a post in here. Sorry if my answer is not well planned, i am on a fone but had to reply to this post.
I pray you find peace and happiness whether in this relationship or with someone else God will send to you. Don't blame his mother, she is older and trying to protect her son and grandkids to be.