Islamic marriage advice and family advice

His mother won’t approve of me because I’m not Pakistani


I would like to get some advice on a topic that is new to me and immensely frightening. I have been talking to a Pakistani man for a while. He is Shia, and so am I. I am Iranian and at the start of us talking, I asked him whether my ethnicity would be a problem, but then he assured me that his parents, mostly his mum, were fine with anyone as long as the girl is Shia and a good Muslim.

Fast forward to now--he told his parents about me and his mother has not reacted well at all. She is suddenly not accepting a girl that isn't Pakistani and is refusing to even meet with me to give me a chance. His father and sister are trying to convince her, but so far it feels like a death sentence. This is very upsetting and it would be great to hear from anyone with similar experiences.

How is the best way to tackle the above? Is there any chance at all that she will come around and meet with me? I feel so powerless knowing I can't do anything, and also hurt as I'm not given a chance. My family have no issues with him and are happy for me to get married.

I would appreciate some advice on the above as I'm currently heartbroken. I am making dua and praying for God to ease the problems for us, but it's incredibly upsetting.

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1 Responses »

  1. Asalamualaykum Sister,

    His father is technically his Wali or guardian, not his mother. However, because his mother is deserving of immense respect by virtue of her position in Islam, I think you should remain patient as long as you can handle it, and wait for his father to talk her into it. Perhaps her heart will be softened.

    If it is very stressful for you to remain patient and you feel you can't go on, you'll have to analyze whether it is worth it for you.

    Inshallah things will work out for the best. They always do 🙂


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