Islamic marriage advice and family advice

His mother won’t let him marry me but he won’t give up

Taking a relationship from internet chat to real-life love is not so easy. Sometimes there are unpleasant surprises.

i met a guy through chat. we used to be friends in the beginning and as time went i felt that it was more than friendship. he also one day told me that he loves me a lot.. I thought i had met my soulmate and i was so happy that everything was on its way. Coz we both shared a lot found more things in common and we talked hours and hours sharing all experiences in life.

When I asked him about marriage he said he is having some personal problem which he will say when we meet one day.. one day he called me up and told me that he got engaged before 5 years and he cannot hide this fact no longer from me so he want to say before we meet each other.. I got shocked to hear from him that he has already got engaged. So i thought to break our relationship coz i don't want to interfere in another person's life.

But unfortunately it didn't happen as i expected.. he called me again saying that he dont want to break up with me and somehow he will try his best to marry me.. As i loved him a lot even i also dont wanna to move away from him so i thought to wait.. He went and asked his mom about it but his mom didnt accept and asked him to forget me.

But he is in a stituation he cannot forget me he is saying even though we will not marry i will be his love forever no one can take my place.. Still we are talking without knowing what has to be done and not willing to go away from each other... Anyhow i know he commited mistake and now i am also doing unable to leave him.... please anyone suggest the right decision...

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6 Responses »

  1. Asalaamualaikum Sister Ayisha...

    I'm sorry you're in this difficult situation little sis...I know its hard for you because you're so emotionally attached. Do you have some good friends around who you can lean on...cos it really helps.

    You can't marry this man without his or your parent's consent. At the moment his mother does not want this to go ahead - so you have no control over this matter. No matter how much you think you love him or spend time crying over him, it won't change what his mother wants.

    But you do have control over whether you see him or not. You have 2 options:

    1) YOU DECIDE TO REMAIN IN CONACT WITH THIS MAN. You continue contact as normal because for now as long as you can see or talk to each other, you're ok for a while. So this makes the guy complacent aswell, he won't approach his mother just yet...well as long as he's with you for now he's happy. But you may be in for a long wait my dear little sis. You may get what you want - in which case you're happy.

    BUT what if you don't? You'll be so heartbroken as you'll have become closer to him over time. You'll also have wasted precious TIME of your life and then you'll need more TIME to get over it which will most probably be a very difficult and painful time. And you may have incurred Allah's displeasure and anger by remaining in this relationship.


    2) YOU DECIDE TO BE STRONG AND CUT OFF FROM HIM NOW. Being separated from you may prompt this guy to take some positive steps towards convincing his mother about his future with you and you may get what you want - in which case you're happy - right?

    BUT if it doesnt work with him, atleast you'll have distanced yourself from him a little, which will make you abit stonger. You'll still be heartbroken, but the pain will be slightly less than now. And hopefully Allah will be pleased with you for refraining from having this relationship.

    ***The the other issue altogether Sis is this...You've been having an internet relationship with this guy whom you've never met. There are many things about each other that you don't know...are you prepared to spend precious time waiting for a guy whom you actually dont really know and has been engaged for 5 years?

    Option 1 is win or lose situation.
    Option 2 is still win or lose - but lose with less pain and less sin.

    I'm sorry sis...I know I sound very clinical...but I know how blinding so called 'love' can be...
    I do understand xxx

  2. I want to add something, which is, do you really want to get involved with a guy whose life is run by his mom? And then if he ever marries, you, she'll be your mother-in-law, she doesn't like you, and she'll make your life miserable. And he won't stand up for you because he is apparently not capable of contradicting his mom.

    I'm not suggesting that he should just ignore her wishes. In Islam we must respect our parents. But often the parents will give in if we speak our minds and let them know how important it really is to us. This guy doesn't seem able to do that with his mother.

    This whole situation is bad news. He's not promising you anything, he's engaged and obviously has not broken it for your sake... he's stringing you along. Get rid of this guy. I'm sorry, I know that's harsh, but it's the truth.

  3. Salaams Sis...I think I may have written a very complicated response...apologies

    I think Brother Wael's response was very clear and concise...

    The man you think you are in love with has been romantically involved with you whilst being engaged for 5 years to another girl; hence he's been two timing the other girl.

    He'll keep yo-yo-ing between his mother and you and will most probably end up marrying the other girl.

    So yes, time for you count your losses and your blessings and get out while your sanity is in tact: )

  4. Asalam Alaikum,
    Thanks for ur kind responses.I will surely try my level best to take a new direction in my life.
    Kindly dua for me.

  5. I think that guy just wants some timepass with u he doesnt want to marry u but he makes his mother an excuse for not marrying. the right thing is to break it up with him I know its hard but once u have to do it and it wil be harder than now. if u do that it wil be clear then if he really wants to marry u or may make him strong to make his decision himself. if u break this relationship Allah(swt) will be pleased with you and u will feel strong by showing him that u respect urself and u can make ur decisions urself. may Allah(swt) help u.

  6. salamz sis,
    we were (Question deleted. Please log in and submit your question as a separate post. Thank you. Editor,

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