Islamic marriage advice and family advice

His social media affairs

Online romance, internet romance

In short, I have been married to my husband for 12 years. We have a daughter together and are expecting another healthy baby Insha Allah. We have a great parenting and business relationship but for the last 10 years, on every social media platform available he has been chatting to different girls and even meeting them for dinners, sometimes movies and date like things. When I catch him, he says he just needs the friendship. I message the girls and they usually stop out of respect.

I have been dealing with this approximately every 4 to 6months for the last 10 years. imagine how low my self respect is for enabling this behaviour for so long. Not to mention he wasn't interested in any physical intimacy with me, only maybe 1 or 2 times a year. We were only in our 20s and now early 30s.

Last year after he met with someone, I left with my daughter and told his Pakistani parents who asked him 1 question and did nothing about it....  he begged us to come back promising he will stop. Like an idiot I believed him.  Since then he got on instagram and followed hundreds of girls. Of course and also started chatting. I messaged one and she promised to stop but shamelessly months later was still chatting and even met him in person...... This was after we planned and conceived our 2nd child.

I am in disbelief that this is still happening even during the pregnancy. I told him to leave if he wants others but he said he'll change....... He's still chatting with the same shameless Pakistani girl.

I love my daughter and this pregnancy and now I'm contemplating whether I should finally leave. I have no family here but I don't need anyone.

I have prayed and been patient for many years. Now I think maybe Allah will say to me, 'why did you stay and tolerate it so long when I gave you the means to leave.'   By staying, am I going against Allah's will for something different for me?

Now I resent his parents as well because they didn't treat me like a daughter when I needed them and told them what the son was doing. They are planning to move in with us down the line which I looked forward to but now can't even be in the same room as them. 

I used to be an extremely confident and ambitious girl, so much that I built my business through the first few cheating years hoping he'll change...... Now I have low self esteem and feel unmotivated in life.

This is a very unusual situation, or isn't it? Desperate to finally hear what others have to say.

Soulsister

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3 Responses »

  1. Leave him he is a pathetic excuse of a muslim man , what will your kids think when they grow up and see their fathers behaviour, he will be a bad influence on them. This taking pics and chatting is the devils trap which he has fallen in to deeply, the instagram nonsense and those who use it are already shameless enough , but a married man doing it is deplorable and ridiculous

  2. Wow and we call ourselves Muslims.We have gone so far from the actuall teachings that to talk to the opposite sex is ok......Listen Well this life is very short and it is only a test for the believers.Those people who chose there WAY OF LIFE OTHER THEN THE TEACHINGS THAT ALLAH AND HIS RASOOL HAS DELIVERED WILL GET THERE HARD LIFE IN THIS WORLD AND AFTER THAT A EVERLASTING PUNISHMENT IN HELL A PLACE FOR THE DISOBEDIENT .SO GRIEVE NOT AND BECOME SUCCESSFUL.PRAY YOUR SALAH FAST ZAKAT TO PURIFY YOUR WEALTH AND HELP PEOPLE THIS IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY! IF YOUR HUSBAND DOESNT WANT TO CHANGE THEN LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU WILL LEAVE HIM. KHULLA! BECAUSE IF HE HASNT ALREADY HE WILL SOON BE SLEEPING WITH THEM.

  3. Asalaam Walaikum Sister. You have truly endured in patience over the last 10+ years and that shows ho strong you are ... May Allah reward you ... Ameen.

    He has had 10years to change the fact he hasnt just goes to show how much respect he has for you ... Not a lot obviously. Seems like have been blessed with the ablilty to look after yourself and your kids (May Allah guide and protect them - Ameen) so really the choice is entirely yours. Divorce has been made permissable for such situations and you wont be sinful for using the means that have been granted to you. If you decide to carry on and try you will obviously be rewarded greatly but you have to take into consideration the effect in later years to yourself and your children.

    I would give your husband one final ultimatum ... Stop or you are going to leave. Pray Istikhara Salah and if he doesnt change his ways leave and never look back.

    Also ask advice from local imam if possible they are very knowledgeable in situations like this as they deal with many marriage problems.

    May Allah forgive me if I have given bad advicr and May Allah make it easy on you whatever decision you make and May Allah bless you and your children with peace, happines and Jannat Ul Firdous - Ameen!!!

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