HOCD- How can I get rid of it?
Salam. I am a 21 year old girl and I have a depression and OCD problem that comes in episodes up to a few months. This has been happening for the past 5 years. It is important to explain how I am when I’m not depressed. I am normally a happy, confident, strong, girl who dreams about the future. I give halaqas to the younger girls, try my hardest to be a good role model, follow Islam as much as I can, have many hobbies, love spending time with family and friends, and am Alhamdulillah thankful for it. I have always had crushes on different boys.
However, when I was around 10 I would watch TV and get aroused by the sex scenes, especially the woman's bodies. I just remember watching it occasionally (not addiction or anything). It lasted for a few years, but it was usually frequent over the course of a few weeks about once or twice a year. I would also get online and view these things on the internet. I'm sorry if this disgusts you, trust me not as much as it does to me.
When I was 15, I began my first anxiety episode. It appeared out of nowhere, after I thought this girl had a nice body in the locker room. I was afraid I was a lesbian, even though I only developed strong attractions toward boys for as long as I can remember. I think this was me subconsciously remembering how women’s bodies used to arouse me when I watched those things as a child. I also developed anxiety to where horrible waswasas would tell me bad things about Allah and my religion. These combined had made me suicidal and I tried to get help.
I learned that I needed to realize that this is a thing of the past, God will forgive me, and I need to forgive myself. Sometimes I do. Other times, like now, I don’t. I tell myself that this has happened to a lot of girls (I had a friend when I was younger who I caught watching too, and she is fine now). I tell myself that homosexuality is a combination of society and childhood experiences, and I am not “born” like this. I have horrible HOCD. I researched and tried to understand all of human sexuality, how people become attracted to someone, how it changes, why I did what I did, what it means.
I know this is counterproductive, but I don't know what to do. I am a mess. I feel guilty to the point I want to die. I feel dirty, unworthy. I feel I am not worthy to be my parents’ daughter because they are amazing and righteous and have no clue what really goes on in my head. All I want to do is be a pious and good Muslim and not have these thoughts bother me and to go back to loving my friends instead of fear being attracted to them.
Here are some of the subjects of my OCD: How do I know if people are born gay? How do I know I'M not gay? Does being aroused by someone's a woman's body mean you are bisexual/lesbian? Even if I would never want to do anything with her? How did this arousal happen? These are just some of the questions. I know answering them won't help my OCD, so please tell me how to fight the actual disease. I am currently doing therapy and taking SSRIs but I need Islamic help. Please and thank you so much. Assalamu `alaikum.
-muslimgirl2010
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Audhu billahi minash shaitanir rajeem ,Bismillahir rahmanir raheem.
Assalam o alaykum wr wb. All praises onto allah swt who has guided you to beseech your problem here .All that is right is from him and is something if i have erred its out of my sluggishness and lack of knowledge.
I would like to felicitate you upon not COMMITTING any kind of sin beinng influenced under so called HOCD.Being a master student in Neuroscience i could tell you sure shot and as well as from islamic perspective that no human IS BORN AS GAY! If it was like that than allah swt would not have sended the grievious punishment upon those who performed that actions.
PS:This happens when we expose ourself to this kind of fawahish our frontal and paritial lobes gets develop absorbs these things even before we realise what we are seeing and assimilating. That is why allah swt said in quran..."" come not near to Al-Fawahish (shameful sins, illegal sexual intercourse, etc.) whether committed openly or secretly"" suran anam verse151
I would be very blunt and straight sister. You have obsessive compulsion disorder in your brian not in your soul.YOU ARE NOT GAY!!!!!.Women are more close to each other than men are. I mean they change clothes infront of each other this and that bla bla.BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN THEY ARE GAY ,ITS ALL IN UR HEAD.
Believe it or not being gay is a very very very black and white sort of thing. ask yourself. can you ever see yourself falling in love with a man? would this feel right? can you see yourself being intimate with a man? would this feel right? If you answered yes to ALL of those 4 questions then YES you are gay but otherwise you are not. i saw many people from hocd but you just have to tell your mind to shut the **** up and just say to yourself everyday. IF I GET AROUSED BYE GIRLS I AM NOT GAY. there you go. please move on with your life. You have already spent many years dwelling on this issue when could have been doing something better so DONT WASTE IT MORE.
JUST THINK OPPOSITE. and dont give a damn. RECITE THE VERSES OF QURAN WITH "MEANING" WHICH DESCRIBES ABOUT FAWAHISH,, ZINAH. HOMOSEXUALITY .
And remember never ever go near to those things please. This is like a QUICK SAND .BEWARE.
Thanks alot for this information.
And i forget to add MOST IMPORTANT THING IS THIS THAT GET MARRIED ASAP. BELEIVE ME SISTER.GET MARRIED.AND FAST 2 DAYS IN A week which are monday and thursday Beidhnillah
Asalamalaium sis I too suffered from this illness for many years after marriage I got better It does help I don't know how ,then whilst my two pregnancy my OCD returned I am still on ssris I know what you are going through but alhamdullilah I am much much better when I look back now I think how stupid I was but I never let go of my prayers throughout i feel I fought it During the week before my period I do sometimes feel a little OCD but very minor and I believe Allah swt and my mum have been my strength and no this does not mean you are gay I had so many filthy thoughts astagfirullah I too use to think I am attracted to women but like the other sister said its not what you want , you think you want it recently I have bin through hardship with the separation between me and my husbhand but although alot of grief my OCD has not come back as before and I am considering speaking to my doc to come of my medication
Just be strong get as much advice you can , confide in someone and I understand Islamic view does matter a lot it to me too at the time and prayer and duas are your remedy
Allah hafiz
Sara
This is not OCD, sister. It's simple human arousal. It's well known that many normally "straight" women can be aroused by other women. It doesn't mean anything. It's just a feeling. It doesn't make you dirty, or unworthy, or a sinner.
Allah does not judge us on the thoughts we have in our heads. What matters is our behavior. As long as you do not commit any sin, you are fine.
You have said that you are attracted to men as well, so Alhamdulillah. When you are ready, you can get married and enjoy appropriate intimacy with your husband, Insha'Allah. Even then that doesn't mean that these other thoughts or desires will go away, but that's okay. You'll have an outlet for your sexuality, and what you may feel privately from time to time should not interfere with your marriage.
So relax and take it easy on yourself. By the way, why were you watching sex scenes on TV when you were ten? Where were your parents and why didn't they screen your viewing material appropriately? That brings me to my last point, which is that you should make sure not to view anything inappropriate. Don't watch haram material on your TV or computer, and don't go into women's locker rooms where women are undressing or nude. That might help to limit the uncomfortable thoughts that you have experienced.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
No that was arousal when I was younger but now it's OCD. I have these OCD episodes where I am constantly trying to justify that I am not gay and it gives me anxiety and I ritualize it in my brain to make myself feel better, only for the thoughts to come back later.
When my OCD is gone (it lasts about a few months each time and then goes away for a few months) I never think about what I used to do or care. There is no arousal anymore, just trying to make sense of the past. Although these pictures did this to me, I have never had a "crush" on a girl and I can never see myself with one, that's just nasty to me.
Salam sis,
This is an old post but any chance I can get in contact with you?
I'm suffering from similar issues at the moment so I understand how annoying it must've been for you at the time. Please get back to me if you can iA
I'm sorry, but we do not allow the exchange of private contact information on this forum.
wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I know this is an old thread but here's my two cents if this could help someone:
I have been in and out of HOCD for over a year. What really helps is to challenge your thoughts
The reason we feel so afraid to begin with is because we hear and see homosexuality as being normal by people all around the world and being Muslims we are too scared to approach the issue. We have no reason to feel doubt about oir sexualitt because no one is born gay. Its just a creation of the media and its not something you would naturally indulge in. Its most definitely a choice. Also, we get turned on by watching dirty things - be it something that has men in it or women - the act of sex or anything surrounding sex can be an arousing experience. So don't over think it. You're not alone ALL women have had such thoughts at some point in their lives only the OCD magnifies it.
I can identity with the way you are feeling because these are the exact same things I would feel - it even made me suicidal. I would really recommend counseling and cognitive behavior therapy - they work wonders.
Just keep challengin your thoughts and asking yourself - "so what if I thought that was arousing at the age of 10? It doesn't define my sexualiy" keep asking yourselves logical questions and weaken your thoughts. Also, don't try to prevent the thoughts or be afraid of them - if they come, let them come and offer no resistance - they will eventually leave you. When you try to push them away, the brain tries to keep it in the top of your head because the brain thinks this is vital information that you are missing out. It's actually just a biological response. So relax and don't over think this.
Hooe this helps.
Salaams
Assalamu Alaikum. I am also suffering with OCD and an obsession centered on "What if I am gay?" I research about internalized homophobia, which is supposedly a process in which a gay person has negative feelings about themself before they accept that they are gay. It scares me that this is true about me...that I was born gay and am fighting it. I'm a man and want to be with a woman very strongly, but I also find men sexually arousing at times, but not in the full wholesome way as I do with a woman. I also masturbate to fantasies about men and women. I am trying to break my masturbation habit because it is sinful, but because I am able to have a fantasy about the same sex it makes me wonder if I'm in denial of being gay. I went to a therapist and he explained how sexuality isn't a choice. I wonder if this isn't a choice then the Qur'an has errors and I lose faith. Astigfirrulah
I want to have strong faith, break my masturbation habit, and stop doubting myself about being heterosexual inshallah. I feel like my masturbation habit keeps me from committing zinah with a girl, but I also know it is dirty and sinful. How do I stop obsessing? How do I stop masturbating?
Assalaamualaikum
We have posted many questions about how to stop masturbation, so it might help to read these, InshaAllah.
Experiencing sexual arousal regarding a member of the same gender is quite a common experience, particularly in our current, over-sexualised society. We are bombarded with heavily edited images of surgically enhanced "models/celebrities" in provocative poses, even just walking down a high street. Add to that the current movements in society which seem to encourage people to lead "alternative" lifestyles and question their own identity, and it's really no surprise that so many people feel unsure about their sexuality.
But don't let it upset you too much. Having a feeling of sexual arousal about someone of the same gender. doesn't automatically make you homosexual. Most people who experience this go on to feel secure in their heterosexuality. Plus, you say that you're attracted to women and want to marry a woman. If you were homosexual, you probably wouldn't feel so strongly that this is what you want.
Try to put this out of your mind. Make changes to your lifestyle so that you are less exposed to sexualised media (eg. change your route to work/school to avoid inappropriate billboards and shops, make sure you have something to distract you from looking at things you shouldn't - like a book or a podcast, try to get more involved in activities which don't take you to areas that have a lot of this stuff in them... When the thought of "I might be gay" comes into your mind, answer it with the evidence that you aren't - namely, that you are attracted to women and want to marry a woman.
And I'd suggest avoiding a lot of the mainstream websites and "therapists" that claim to help people unsure of their sexuality. While some are genuine, others sadly try to convince people to adopt their advocated lifestyle and identity - basically suggesting that any person who questions their sexuality at all must be homosexual, a person who doesn't think they're gay is in denial, etc. This kind of message isn't helpful to anyone.
And even if someone is attracted to the same sex, it doesn't mean they can't be a good Muslim. Every person is tested in this life, and that may be their test. In that situation, the person needs to remember that, while we may not be able to choose who we're attracted to, we can choose what to do about it. A person can choose to give in to temptation, or to resist it and live in accordance with Islam.
If you need further advice, please submit your question as a new post rather than as a comment in an existing post.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
Assalam Alikum ,you can get out of it just stop thinking the way you are.Its like a mind game focus pray 5 times believe in Allah it works believe it will !
Please everyone I need help I have this bad thoughts I ma not gay and i never want to be but this thought started back in 2015 and from that year this thought keep relapsing again and again one month I will be fine and the other month the urge will drive me crazy
I need to contact you sister can I get your Instagram or anything
I need someone to help me please anyone this is my WhatsApp number...
Suhayb, please do not post your contact info as we do not allow it, and we do not share the contact information of other members.
My suggestion is that when these thoughts come, you push them away and do dhikr or some other mental exercise to replace them. Keep doing this over and over.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam
I am a 13 year old struggling with the same problem.
As a child i was attracted to the front part of the female body but lhad crushes on boys and fantisized about them.Then when i became at the age of 9-10 i found porn and would shamefully get aroused by seeing the front of women This was only sometimes about 1 in 3 months if i remembered but then at 12 years old , i found astagfirullah lesbian porn and watched some of it but only rarely which brings me to my problem.Nearly after a year of not watching the lesbian porn , a month before today,my friends and i were talking about how there has become a rise in gays when my past suddenly hit me with realisation about what i watched. So many questions came into my mind like 'am i bisexual or lesbian?' And i have very bad hocd from it .And also very bad questions come into my mind l now like would you want tobe intimate with a girl which disgusts me as I've always loved boys would never touch a girl peversly eventhough i had watched and gotten aroused by haram things.
Please will someone exlain this to me.
The disgusting images woman on woman keep coming back to me and it causes a lot of distress
I'm sorry if this is very disturbing to you .
Hi,
I also have hocd but i want you to know that when we are younger we a curious. Thats girls, boys everyone. I hope you are doing better because you posted this a while ago but if you have never felt a sexual attraction to females or have never wanted to be with them you are probably straight. I would say ask allah for forgivness for watching porn and let the thoughts come and go. When a thought comes try to understand that it is ocd and the devils wispers, seek protection in allah and inshallah he will help you and ease your pain. Also try not to engage in the thoughts let them come, dont argue with the and sit with the anxiety and know that allah is with you and he sees you. Try to read surah nas, falaq and iklas, and try to listen or read surah baqarah.