Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Homosexual thoughts for a year. Am I a lesbian?

Assalamoalaikum! I am 18 years old girl. My problem is that I get homosexual thoughts. I try alot to get rid of them,sometimes i do get rid by busying my self in other activities but sometimes I cant control my mind. I do not have any attraction to girls, but even then,these thoughts are running in my mind. I pray to Allah alot to help me. I even offer my prayers, but the question remains the same. Who am I? am I homosexual or what? I am very much confused. I am having this problem from last year. Please do help me identifying my sexuality. I would be greatful to u all.

-xyz124

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5 Responses »

  1. Salaam xyz124,

    It is unlikely that you are lesbian just because you have been having homosexual thoughts. As you are quite young, it is fairly normal to think about sexual matters and even homosexual thoughts will cross your mind. It doesn't make you gay. Its not the thoughts that make you gay or not gay - it is the actions. So if I were you try not to worry about it. As an adolescence you experience a whole range of feelings which are part of growing up anger, lust, happiness etc. I had friends who went through some weird phases at that age but it does settle when the hormone rush becomes a bit more normal.

    The question: 'Who am I' is something you ask yourself a lot as an adolescence. Its about finding yourself and understanding yourself. I went through a very shy introverted phase, and a while later an extrovert going to change the world phase. So trust me it's part of growing up and when you reach your 20s you will look back and laugh.

    As a Muslim you do need to keep tabs on your thoughts though, especially if they are of a sexual nature.

    It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah has forgiven my ummah for whatever crosses their mind so long as they do not speak of it or act upon it.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2528) and Muslim (127).

    Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said commenting on this hadeeth:

    Whatever crosses a person’s mind, so long as he does not dwell on it or continue to think of it, he is forgiven for it, according to scholarly consensus, because it does not happen voluntarily and he has no way of avoiding it.

    Al-Adhkaar (p. 345).

    Passing fancies come under the heading of that which crosses a person’s mind, which is forgiven according to the hadeeth quoted above. So if a person imagines haraam things that came to his mind unbidden, there is no blame or sin on him, rather he has to ward them off as much as he can.

    Secondly:

    If a person dwells on haraam thoughts and calls them to mind, then the fuqaha’ differed as to how to view this situation – is it covered by that forgiveness or does it come under the heading of thinking and resolving 9to do something haraam) for which a person may be called to account?

    You are not accountable for thoughts which pass your mind, but you will be accountable if you dwell on them and start to fantasise etc. Do try keeping busy with mind- stretching tasks. And fast. Fasting is the best thing for curbing desires. Even once a week makes a huge difference - it really gives you taqwa and makes you aware of the things you are say, think and do. You may need to do it more often though.

    If you dont do salat, please pray your fardh. If you already pray the obligatory prayer (fardh) then begin to do your sunnah.

    Also keep good company - with good Muslim girls and try to be modest in dress and in character. And it seems strange but dont dwell on such thoughts and dont worry about them. Sometimes the worry makes them worse.

    May Allah swt make it easy for you.
    Ameen

    Sara
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Salamu'alaikum sister,

    Further to what has been said above, the thoughts you are getting are from Shaitaan and it is his aim to lead the believers astray. Homosexuality is Haraam. And the participants of such 'actions' are punished severely (If I can recall right, it is death for both). Also to mrntion, one entire Ummah (Ummah of Loot Alaihis Salaam) was destroyed due to this. So, you should keep away from it.

    Whenever yo have such thoughts, seek refuge in Allah and do other adhkaar. Keep yourself busy in remembrance of Allah, remain in the company of the righteous, pray as much as you can, and gain rewards from Allah, insha Allah.

    Homosexual thoughts is nothing but a disease which can be cured by the dhikr of Allah, because Shaitaan is at bay. Do not let thoughts to be translated to actions, which would then be sin.

    May Allah protect you
    Aameen
    Muhammad Waseem

  3. Wa'alaikum As'Salaam xyz124,

    I haven't been a Muslim very long, so I don't know everything there is to know and I obviously never will, but I can offer psychological advice and to me it doesn't actually sound like you're a homosexual, from what you said. A lot of the time Obsessive Compulsive Disorder can manifest itself in ways similar to what you described. It's a very tricky diagnosis, but not too uncommon. The thoughts will come and then you busy yourself with the other activities (that's a compulsive behaviour), especially if those activities are routine; e.g. every time you try to do hard work or every time you say the same prayer. Without the actual attraction to other women present, I'd say it doesn't actually sound like homosexuality, especially if your this concerned about it.

    Now, the main difference between OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and actually being gay is that if you have OCD, then you will fear the thoughts, be repulsed by them and even avoid instances (and members of your own gender) so that you can avoid the thoughts. If you were actually gay, the thoughts may bring you shame, but you would also feel aroused or pleasant.

    We had to study a similar case in a psychology class I had in College, where a teenager would have pedaphiliac thoughts, get disgusted with himself and then read holy books to try to rid himself of the thoughts. He wasn't religious, but he thought the simple act of reading holy books would help him get rid of the thoughts. I can't say for sure, I'm no psychologist and the description of what has been happening to you is very brief, but it's something to look into that you might have mild to moderate OCD.

    So my advice would be to pray and ask Allah (swt) for guidance. Also, see a psychologist and tell them about these thoughts and feelings, and suggest what I told you here. Without attraction, homosexuality isn't homosexuality, they're just thoughts that you can't get rid of, and that could point to Obsessive Compulsive. So if I'm right you have nothing to worry about, you just might need a little therapy.

    Here's a link about "Homosexual Anxiety", a symptom or sub-type of OCD, versus being gay. Read it and see if it relates to you:
    http://www.brainphysics.com/hocd.php

    May Allah (swt) protect you sister,
    David

  4. salam i m soo upset becz i never control my mind n my self. i'm a girl but i really likes girl.

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