Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Why has Allah given me such a horrible life?

Hadith on Suicide

"And do not kill yourselves..."

I don't even know where to start. My life has been horrible from the moment I was born, I am now 19 years old, and I am a girl.

I attempted suicide when I was 16; obviously I was unsuccessful in that. I know I was wrong to do that but nothing is good in my life.

This post is going to be a long one so please bear with me, I will try and keep details to a minimum, and I just didn't know what else to do. I can’t explain everything because it will no longer be a post, but turn into a book.

I was around 8 or 9 when I realized the kind of life I have, the kind of family I have. My whole life I’ve been seen as worthless and stupid. My family have treated me with no kindness compared to my brother, who is only one year older than me so I don't see an age difference, I don't know why my family expect me to worship him when he has done nothing but horrible things to me my whole life.

In addition I have a cousin sister who is three years younger than me but everyone loves her, including my dad, who has never told me he loved me, not even once. Not a single person in my family has ever uttered those words to me. From a very young age I was constantly told that I was adopted, and started believing it at one point.

They also said I don’t belong in that family because I am too dark, I’m too ugly, I’m dumb, I don’t deserve anything.  My dad is the one person who has constantly hurt me. He used to call me ugly all the time, be rude to me, and always push me away; my mum was the same way. I found out my dad was having an affair when I was 10, I broke down in school and started crying, I then confided in my teacher. She was the only person in the world I could talk to about anything. I was a little girl who was hurting and despite having a family I was completely alone. I was always being beaten by everyone in my family, my mum used to beat when she was having a bad day and whenever I hurt myself, and as a kid that is unavoidable. My dad use to beat me before I went to school, when I didn't want to eat because I felt sick, and for whatever reason, my aunt’s and uncle and grandmother were just as bad.

I hated myself; I couldn't look in the mirror without feeling disgusted. Imagine an 8 year old hating everything about herself. My family hated me, never accepted me because I was tomboy, and because I wasn’t pretty enough. it wasn't my fault, my mum and dad loved my brother but not me, I think subconsciously they would love me too if I acted like my brother. I was invisible to my family when they weren't abusing me. My granddad was the only person who ever gave me any attention and was the only person who ever told me that I was his favorite, out of ten grandchildren; and believe me I was nobody's favorite. My granddad died when I was 14, and ever since then my life got even worse.

I started cutting myself, because it was the only thing that gave me any joy and for a few seconds I would be able to forget about my life. My dad and the rest of my family went to Bangladesh because my granddad was living there when he died. I, my brother, cousin sister, and her dad stayed behind in London, everyone came back after a month, but my dad stayed there for 2 years, and I continued to cut myself, and live in hell. My dad left us for good when I was 17 and remarried, but the weird thing is my family is still in contact with him because my mum and both my brothers live in my grandmother’s house, who is my dad’s mum. It’s really complicate and hard to deal with.

When I was 11 I remembered that I was being sexually abused by my uncle when I was 5. I remembered because my friend had bought a magazine to school, it had an article of someone who was raped, and I didn't know what that meant, so I asked them, and the second they told me those horrific memories came back. I don't know how I forgot something like that but it has been haunting ever since, even till this day I cry about it and I just don't understand why my life is like this.

I tried to kill myself when I was 16, after an incident with my brother. I had to do my course work, and he wanted to use my dad’s laptop I said no, then he snatched it off me. I couldn't fight back because he is a giant compared to me. I then slammed the door, and he came back and started punching me, I was screaming for help but no one came, he then went into his room and punched his window and broke it. Of course everyone heard that then came running and saw what he did, but they started shouting and screaming at me, all I wanted to do was my coursework. Later that night I cut my wrists really deep and passed out because of the amount of blood lost.

After that I had to see a child psychologist for three years, it helped a little but not that much because my family are still the same, they still treat me the same way, and I still feel horrible. They treat me like an outsider, and they scream at me for every little thing that I do, even when I stay out of their way they still find some way to criticize me. My aunt always screams at me, but then says I’m not having a go at you, I’m saying this for your own good. Like are you serious, you don't say anything bad to your own children but u scream at me.

I have been trying so hard to turn my life around and make my life better, but nothing seems to be working, because everything is still the same, I even tried moving out for university in September 2012, but I had to move back because my rent was too high and I couldn't afford to eat. I don't understand what my family want from me, one of my aunts even borrowed money from me saying she was going to pay me back but never did. That was over a year ago and she took £500 from me but I never got it back.

I’m a student as well; she is a 33 year old woman. And another thing, my dad and my family grew up in London they have been here since they were babies, so they shouldn't be as backwards as they are. I don't know how, but they still make me feel like useless, and horrible. My family have made me suicidal, and I have anxiety and panic attacks that I can’t deal with. I can’t even take medication because it has so many bad side effects.

I don't want to live anymore; I don't know why Allah has made my life so painful.  I’m ugly, I’m stupid, I’m poor, my family hate me, I literally have no love in me, not for anyone. I just can’t feel any love, not even a little bit for my mum. I feel nothing when I see her cry, I just feel happy, which is the only time I have ever felt happiness. When a member of my family is in pain and crying, I feel happiness and joy. Apart from this every other second I am in constant pain, I feel broken, I feel like Allah has made a mistake by bringing me into this world.

I just want to end it and die, I really believe there is nothing for me in this world, and I can’t take it anymore. I have no hope; there is no light in me. I just don't understand I’m not a bad person, I do good things, I don't have relations with guys, I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don’t dress inappropriately. You would expect someone who has gone through as many difficulties as I have to be an alcoholic, or a drug addict, or to abuse my body in every way possible. But I have never done anything like that apart from cutting myself.

I also recently found out that when I was born the umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck, and I was about to die. So you see what I mean when I say my life has been horrible from the moment I was born. I haven't even talked about everything bad that has happened in my life, this is only some of it. I don’t know what to do with my life. I don’t know why I am here. I’m not sure if I will be alive for very much longer, because I can’t take this anymore.

I feel only pain, and loneliness, and I don’t know how to make it stop. I have tried to make this feeling go away since I was 8, but my life has been getting worse. I really need some advice because I can’t do this anymore, and if anyone wants to say this is a test, don’t answer I am begging you. This is not a test, because it has been happening my entire life. If it was a test it should’ve have passed after time, but it has been 19 years. I have been living in hell for 19 years.

I08.


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66 Responses »

  1. ASSALAMALAIKUM-I08.
    READ YOUR STORY NOT STORY FACTS AND WAS SORRY FOR THE PEOPLE WHO CALLE THEMSELVES MUSLIMS YOUR FAMILY AND THEIR KNOWLEDGE OF ISLAM IS EQUAL TO ZERO-

    AND YOU ARE REALLY A GOOD NATURED GIRL COMPARED TO THEIR CHARACTER-
    OK I WILL NOT SAY TEST LIKE YOU TOLD AND YOUR CASE IS REALLY DISTURBING BUT THEY ARE NOT WORTH FOR YOU TO TAKE YOUR LIFE OR YOU MAKE YR SELF SO LOW THAT WE ALL FEEL SO HURT-

    PLEASE READ THIS 1ST-
    1400 YEARS AGO SOMEONE LOVED YOU-
    YOU WERENT EVEN BORN-YET HE CRIED FOR YOU-ASKING ALLAH FOR YOUR FORGIVENESS
    HE WANTED NOTHING LESS THAN JANNAH FOR YOU-
    HE HAD WIVES CHILDREN FAMILY AND FRIENDS WHO ADORED HIM-
    BUT IT WAS YOUR NAME HE KEPT REPEATING-
    YOUR UMMATHI UMMATHI MY UMMATI MY UMMATHI
    TH DEFINATION OF TRUE LOVE OF OUR BELOVED PROPHET SALALAHUALAHAIWASALAM-

    I WAS JUST SEEING THE INNOCENT FACE OF JIAH KHAN[ACTRESS]WHO DIED BY SUICIDE I WAS THINKING IF HER MOTHER WOULD HAVE KNOWN WHAT IS ISLAM AND GIVEN HER TRAINING AS PER ISALM AND TAUGHT HER THAT OUR LIFE IS A TRUST FROM ALLAH AND GIVEN BETTER OPTIONS THAN A FILMI CARRER SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN ALIVE-
    IF I WOULD HAVE MET HER FOR 5 MINUTES I WOULD HAVE PLEADED TO HER TO CARE FOR ALLAH YOUR LORD-LOVE FOR HIS DEEN HIS BELOVED PROPHETS SACRIFICES DUE TO WHICH WE HAVE ISLAM QURAN AND THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SHARIAH IN OUR LIVES AND WOULD HAVE REQUESTED AND TOLD HER THAT LIFE IS OURS WE MUST GIVE THAT A BEAUTIFUL ENDING BECASUE I FEEL VERY BAD IF A LIFE IS SNUFFED OUT DUE TO THIS DIRTY MATERIAL WORLD AND ITS SELFISHNESS-

    WHEN I WAS FEELIND ABOUT HER SAME MINUTE I SAW YOUR PAGE IN INBOX-
    NOW PLEASE READ ALL IN THESE WEBSITES........
    Suicide - Its Not An Escape ! http://www.missionislam.com/health/suicidenotescape.htm
    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/suicide-in-islam/
    (1)In a hadith Muhammad salalahualaihiwasalam says,A black, believing slave is better than a beautiful free women who does not believe-
    AND YOU ARE BELEIVING DAUGHTER WHO LONGS FOR FAMILY LOVE-
    PLEASE PONDER -ON THE SAYING OF PROPHET SALALAHUALAIHI WASALAM NOT YOUR FATHERS-
    AND DONT THINK OF YOURSELF AS SOME THING DOWN TRODDEN OR OF LOW ESTEEM-

    DONT CONCENTRATE ON YOUR FATHERS-CHEAP MIND CALLING YOU BLACK AND UGLY ETC ETC BY TELLING YOU DIRECTLY-ON YOUR FACE......

    NOW COMING TO YOUR HAPPINESS WHICH IS YOUR RIGHT-
    PLEASE TAKE OF YOUR MIND FROM PEOPLE WHO ARE WORTHLESS[I BELIEVE THOSE WHO DONT LEAD THEIR LIFE ALONG THE TEACHINGS OF ISLAM]THEY ARE USELESS CREATURES WHO HARM THEIR IMAN AND ALSO OFFEND A GOOD GIRL LIKE YOU AND THE RESULT MUST NOT BE THAT YOU BECOME A SCAPE GOAT-

    NOW PLEASE HAVE PATIENCE YOU ARE VERY GREAT IN THE EYES OF ALLAH FOR FACING THIS LONG PERIOD OF UN ISLAMIC PEOPLES TREATMENT WHICH CANNOT BE CALLED A TEST BUT OPPRESSION ON THIE OWN BLOOD[DAUGHTERS] WHOM ALLAH HAS GIVEN SO HIGH ESTEEM IN ISLAM-

    IF THERE IS ANY CHANCE OF SETTLING DOWN IN LIFE BY MARRYING THEN YOU CAN RELIEVE YOURSELF FROM THE SITUATION -HADEES SAYS- "The best state for a woman is between the age of fourteen and twenty. Her maturity is made perfect at thirty, and she stops at forty, and declines after that."
    Beautiful Patience In Quran Allah mentioned ‘Sabr Jameel’ in the Quran, literally Beautiful Patience. So what is beautiful patience? Beautiful Patience Is To Be In A State Of Happiness And Pleasure While Being Patient Over The Situation!
    HOPE YOU WILL BRING CHARM AND HAPPINESS IN YOUR LIFE NOW ONWARDS AS WE ALL THERE WITH YOU-
    AND HOLD ON TO THE ROPE OF ALLAH STRONGLY ANDSEE THE CHANGE IN YR LIFE WHAT ARE THESE PEOPLE OF THE WORLD THEY CANNOT HARM YOU “And your Lord said: “Invoke Me [i.e. believe in My Oneness (Islamic Monotheism) and ask Me for anything] I will respond to your (invocation)” (Ghaafir 40:60)

    AND READ ALWAYS-Allahumma a-inni ala Zikrika wa shukrika wa husni ibadatika
    O Allah! Help me to remember you, to thank you, and to worship you in the best of manners
    [Ref-Abu Dawud 2/86, An-Nasa'i 3/53. Abu Dawud 1 /284]
    REGARDS

    • Assalamu alaykum Brother

      I always search for your reply in all the questions, very impressive.

    • "The best state for a woman is between the age of fourteen and twenty. Her maturity is made perfect at thirty, and she stops at forty, and declines after that."
      what does it mean bro????

  2. Sister,

    As best as you can, try to take control of yourself...your life. No one in your home is going to change anything for you so you are going to need to change things for yourself. Get back out there again and if you are not in school, get back in the game. Never give up, that is what they want. Look again for a situation possibly with a Muslim sister where you can share a place with. Work part time...do whatever it takes to change your life. Am I saying that it will be easy? No. However you have the power within you to work for change in your life. If you simply give up, you have only begun a life of misery and heartache. You deserve better and you know it.

    To grow up and never know the love of ones parents or siblings is horrible. I not only love you sister, I believe in you and I believe that you can work to change the dire situation that you are in. Tomorrow is another day...wake up and get out. Look within yourself and know that you deserve a life of love and happiness and brighter tomorrows. May Allah lift your heavy heart and guide you forward.

    Salam

  3. ASA sister, you know you remind me of my innermost thoughts when i was younger. I was brought up on britian as well and being a child of immigrants i see as in my culture boys are preferred over girls. Sister life isnt any easier for anyone. We all have doubts and insecurities and self esteem issues and family conflict. Sister our parents arent perfect and sometimes they can put uneeded pressure on their kids and sometimes lash out. Before they were parents your parents were human!! Dont let your parents bad traits want to make you eliminate yourself! Your a teen and you are gling thrlugh a time were you want tobe independent and yet you depend on your parents to build your self esteem.

    Dont let your parents bad traits make you want to not live. You have a life and its independent of them. You were born and will die alone... Dont let them erase the future of you having a fulfilling life! Shake yourself off and you are important and you are here for a reason!! Be strong! Get yourself together and pleaseeeeee dont get married right now as that isnt the solution for everything in life and work on buildig yorself up bcos you dont want to get married and have emotional baggagr from the past.

    Personal experience i have had quite a few friend be sexually assaulted from family members as well. This is not uncommon and if you are comfortabl tell someone you trust. You need someone to talk to with a rational mind that wont break you down! Even if you could speak to a muslim counselor as there are many in london.. I went to one a few times and it helped me alot. I suffered genital mutilation as a child and years ago i accidentally ran someone over while in my homeland killing the lad.. Those two issues nearly broke me. My breakthrough was when i spoke to a neutral person thatwas muslim that i could rely my fears and worries and stresses too. Sister it will help you. The nhs offers referrals use them!

    Ayat
    Pray .love yourself and dont let anyone including your parents deter you from living the life you want

  4. Sister, I was very, very upset to read your story...it's so heartbreaking that such a young girl, who hasn't even started life yet, has been subjected to so much maltreatment from her own family to an extend where she can hate life so much that she wishes for death :(.

    You think you're dumb? You know what, you have articulated yourself extremely intelligently, and you have described your very difficult situation with so much detail and thought...you can't possibly be a dumb person! No way! On the contrary, you sound like a very intelligent, capable humanbeing to me!

    You think you're ugly? Beauty is not tied to what skin colour you have, my dear sister. I have very fair skin and live in a country where people are fair like me...and trust me, sister, all the fair women here go to dangerous lengths in order to have a beautiful brown skin like you: they lay in the sun and under sunbeds, risking cancer, because a brown skin is more important to them than their own health! This is how badly some people want your skin colour! If women don't do this, they spend so much money on expenssive tanning products...you're blessed with a natural coloured skin that a lot of people would literally die for...please don't ever think your skin colour is ugly!

    On top it, you're mashallah blessed with a kind heart - you lend your family member money, but don't even ask for it back even though you're in your right to get your money back.

    Sister, if you really think about it, you do have some positives in our life - but I know that they can be really hard to see through the dense fog that is your family. I read a quote by Einstein that said, "if you want to live a happy life, tie it to goals, not people". I think this is a really good quote, because a lot of us have a tendency to rely on other people to provide us with happiness: "if only I were married, I'd be happy", "if only I had better friends, I'd be happy". I have done that myself, too, sister. But even my mother, who I have had a pretty bad relationship to, have told me that the most important person in my life is me, and that neither she, my dad, my siblings, my friends, a man or other people are the ones who can make my life - it's just me. I never truly believed this until recently, sister, and I'm quite a few years older than you. But trust me, it has made me a much happier, calm and positive person to just...delete my Facebook, cut insincere friends out of my life and focus on my studies and my carreer dreams. I had my last exam of the semester yesterday...I had spend a lot of time on it, since I no longer waste my precious time on Facebook...and although I only expected to pass, I actually left Uni yesterday with an A+ and amazing comments from my professors. I'm still so proud of myself and happy about my achievement, and I can only encourage you to focus on yourself, too, and allow yourself to be...I won't even call it selfish, because it's NOT selfish to make a life for yourself and to want to be happy!

    Sister, I know family is important, but your's is toxic for your physical and mental health and I think it's vital that you get away from them. Even though a Muslim girl is expected to remain with her family, I think your wellbeing exceeds this expectation. I definitely think you need your own space away from your family, to allow yourself to heal bit by bit. I know you said you had to move back to your family, because rent was too high...but sister, why don't you try to find somewhere cheaper to live? Or maybe even put flyers up at Uni requesting a female room mate? I'm sure plenty of students are in the same predicament as you, where rent can be difficult to manage all on their own. In this way, you might even make a new and good friend in a nice room mate, don't you think?

    Please stop cutting yourself, sister...please reach out for help to get better and to feel better about yourself. And, of course, I'd encourage you to strengthen your relationship to Allah :). Everything can be alright, sweetheart :). All hope is not out, not at all...you're still young, there's still so much life to live...it can be a better life if you make some changes, sister :).

  5. My dear sister,
    This one really made me cry. My eyes are too blurry to type comfortably so plz if you see too many typos in my comment forgive me.

    I feel empathy coz part of your life is like mine and some of it is like my youngest sister's. We had abusive parents. A bitter mother, a selfcentered narcisistic dad and a glorified, narcisistic, exceptionally intelligent sister who had a flaring temper which btw spared no one.

    We were 3 sisters I was the eldest and my youngest sister was my darling. she was a dusky little tom boy, no one else really liked. she was called ugly, someone with no future, will never get married or have a career coz she was dumb coz she never scored much in school (although she was above average but not as sharp as my 2nd sis). Today I can't tell how proud I am to say that she is a doctor. As a child she was always angry. even when she cried, I remember she never sobbed. she howled in anger. She was often beaten up by my other sis who took her liberty to slap her and punch her and kick her at slightest provocation. Sometimes there would be none and yet nobody intervened. my intervention was seen as unnecessary interference, a manifestation of some grudge I held from the past fights with the clever tyrant. I often managed to save her with my fist though I was strong I wasn't too rough when I got angry lest my defence for the youngest sis injured the angry sis severely or for worst killed her for good. But justice came in quick after that, the youngest was usually yelled at for instigation and I was punished for unnecessary beating up someone who had the potential and power to discipline all of us. Clearly the power was in wrong hands but we could do little to escape.

    A dreamer since I was I shared my dreams with my baby sis. I often made stories for her, her favourite one was ' The silver braid'. I made that up just like the others. It was about a princess very strong and wise and the heir of a big kingdom who is an amazing warrior and sympathetic towards her people. Her generosity, wisdom and sincerity convinces the ailing king that its finally time to give his crown to his daughter. her crown gives her new powers and the independence to execute but its constant weight makes her hair fall. Every possible herb that could be thought of are brought in to save her lustrous hair but nothing even the potions of far off lands fail to stop it. Till finally they are all gone. the princess is saddened but not even half as much as queen mother who calls for the best wig makers who discuss and argue and finally decide upon a majestic braid. Forty experienced workers worked on it for 40 nights to prepare in great urgency this masterpiece. thick and long with each strand of pure oxidised silver this braid swept over the the palace floor along her rich cape. its maroon rubies and rare black diamonds studded in a neat file that ran all across its thick folds over the ears to the nape where they united. Much marvelled and talked of,a precious gift from queen mother. The Silver Braid.
    the princess wore it everyday to the court for the ministers and to the village for the peasants and to her many official visits to other kingdoms and to the church and the parties and soon the minor discomfort from its weight became a chronic headache.The lack of sleep and concentration began to affect her judgement, until she could not pretend anymore and broke down in the court. she had been wearing it all along for her mother. To her this rich braid was not a replacement of her lost hair with but consideration for her mother's concern and sadness over her almost bare scalp. The story then ends with a wise speech from the king who delivers it to explain how little physical beauty means to those with substance and the queen mother sees how her materialistic gift has taken away the precious substance and natural charisma of the princess, how the weight of the braid was making the crown heavier. how the discomfort was making the princess sad and perhaps sadder than the loss of her real hair.
    The story ends with the princess and her mother throwing the braid from the top of the royal balcony into a flowing stream, where it freely flows with the powerful current of the water towards the village. The princess with relief on her face looks far in the direction of the less fortunate settlement and wishes that ''may the one who needs it the most finds it the first.'' the silver braid which is the symbol of pomp and materialism is now gone to make way for the real beauty that the princess will always possess and value. The unmatched qualities that will be spoken of again. those that truly defined her dynamic persona.

    My sister loved this story and I never failed her. I often added some extra imagery to the description or an extra dialogue each time the request for is narration came my way. Soon she began to look beyond physical beauty which she thought she never had..but as contrary, her relief was yet to come.

    My situation was not too good either. unlike you I liked to believe that I was adopted. Sometimes while beating me up for something trivial my father would also yell at mom. he once asked her if I was really his daughter. I realized there was some serious note to that charge. Although my mother was a very beautiful woman she never looked like she was conscious of her beauty. she always looked like her life was over. I have always remembered her scrubbing and cleaning and cooking and praying. I was certain that My dad had always unreasonably accused her character, which left her more hurt than his punches did... but detached to all of that, one of my many fantasies was to unite with my real family. I took immense joy in the though that I wasn't his daughter.
    There came a point in life when I thought I was jinxed. nothing good was ever written to happen in my fate. that everything was a mess right from the start. Soon when most of my friends got busy in planning and choosing a career, I was forced into marriage in a bid to drive me out of the house. the door was forcedshut behind me and bolted to never open again. My marriage began on a bad note and had a long phase of struggle. I also contemplated suicide though I never tried., once my daughter came, life slowly began to change. Then I completed my education, had a rewarding career as a lecturer before I settled as a full time mother after the birth of my son, but still sometimes when I see my daughter's dolls I wonder why I never had them. The resentment won't leave me until I forgave those who wronged me which another struggle of its kind..I have begun already...purely for my sake.

    My baby sis had to face many trials after I left. she felt unprotected and since she was subjected to more violence and rejection she slipped into psychosis for a brief period but she always staggered back on her feet and fought back. despite of her clinical problems she succeeded in becoming what she wished to become and though the ghost of her past still returns periodically, her success story is no less than a miracle.Allah has blessed her with the strength to move on..despite of the fact that she often says ''Alhamdolillah'' she also asks '' why me?'' Coz Allah is closer to those who are distanced from the mercy of his creation. I personally think that though I was unaware of His mercy, I was closer to Him as opposed to now when I'm striving to win his love. How else can not so smart people like me and my sister make it in life with all our odds. her mental illness and medical studies. my demanding marriage with my baby and education and career? how was it possible specially when the smartest of us who had a bright future ahead failed in every aspect?

    You may very well lose your hope in those who are related to you by chance but not in Him who chose you for this struggle. the question Why YOU? will be answered very soon in sha Allah. in the mean time have faith in Him.

    Don't try to cut itself again.
    in the mean time ignore their comments and avoid the conflicts. focus on your calibre coz you are destined to walk tall with charisma like that princess. The bigger the prize the harder the effort.

    lots of love and hugs
    all my prayers with you.
    Xxxx

    • MashAllah...I loved your reply...so beautiful and thoughtful.

      Salam

    • beautiful reply sister.
      I really hope it helps.

    • Ma shaa Allah. Now you made me cry sister. Out of everything, you brought me a little hope. I'm a living corpse. Every single day. It hurts to breathe. The only thing that stops me from suicide is that it's haraam. Not even my beautiful family's pain stops me from leaving. And it took me a long time to get here. It's like being invisible to Allah. It's like everything is taken from you, you know he's carrying you everyday but you lost all senses completely to the point that you don't even pray. I'm there. It's like I need death. I just want the pain to stop. It's like walking around with huge boulders squashing your body, squeezing your breath out of you, every single minute of the day. And I have to live like this. Never thought I'd get here. Ever. Not me. But here i am. And I've got nothing to live for anymore. And I don't know how much more i can do this for.

      Peace, blessings and duahs to all
      Ameen
      Xxxxoooo

      • Anon,

        Thank you and Peace, blessings and duahs to you too! I hope this message finds your situation improved...I really feel for you sister.

        Salam,

        Nor

  6. ALLAH ,i wonder whether there are parents who see their children at different angles....i had gone through all the answers....ALLAH give both good and bad time in our life...wait patiently...he will reward for us...dont cut yourself ma sister...pray to ALLAH he will surely help u...trust him...i will include u in ma prayers

  7. I was crying to hear your story it's hurts when your own parents or sibling does it with u I hve been throught the sme situation my grandad and my grandmother loved me so much he got us married after a short while he died its feel like u lots everything when u r close to your grandparents I had a roughy 10 years of marriage violate abuse I hve 3 kids marsh Allah but stil it was abbusive so I got out of the marriage and my parents for there own sake they would tel me to go bck they would never listen to me but used to beat me up aswel in front of my kids so I decided to that's it i wil never go bck at all they didn't talk with me for months they say u don't want to get bck with him your dead for us I said fine ....since then I hve tryed manged to bee independent not realy on anyone then 2 years ago I met smeo who I fel in love with and we hve got married and now Allah has gve us a beautiful daughter aswel as I hve my kids from previous marriage we r so happy now think of your self don't say Allah gve u the horrible life .... Life's too precious injoy it while u can go out and live the life to ful there lost dont do anyt stupid sucide is haram so don't go down that line at all insha Allah watch it u wil hve a beautiful life better then there's and if they think u r ugly say Allah gve me this look u should be grateful bec whatever the colour of your skin is I am sure u wil be beautiful live life as ful and happy bec Allah wil show them one day be patience pray and wait .............

  8. Salam,
    On the day of judgement, your parents and relatives will be punished. You will take their good deeds.
    Please be patient, and don't tell yourself that no-one loves you and you are ugly, that's not true.
    Those who oppress others in Islam, Allah will curse them, and they will have a difficult after life.

    Just keep doing dua, and don't do suicide, it's not worth it. Do you really want to go to hell forever for that?

  9. asalamu alaikum,

    sis after reading your post, i am very sorry to hear you went through such s hard childhood. how could parents do that to their own child.

    now i have few things i would like to mention, when ever you are going through hard times, just remember their are people out there who are going through much worse. i remember one parent put his child in a animal cage, in the basement.

    suicide is not a solution, its a temporary solution for for a bigger problem. what have you done to prepare for the afterlife?

    we are born to die, so dont rush towards your death..

    salaah and reciting quran is a cure for depression and hardship in life. Allah did not create the humans and the jinns exept to worship him.

    your family did such a horrible thing to you, but remember what goes around, comes around. if your family doest repent and make things better for you, soon enough they will be judged for what they said and done to you, on that day no soul shall be wronged. day of Judgment.

    also study Islam from the basics, pray all your salaah, recite the quran read the translation and see what the lord of the world is saying. because the punishment of the grave, and the hell fire is soo horrific, you would realise the hardship you went through in this life as so insignificant.

    when you have a fixed goal in your life, in what to do for the preparation for the afterlife, you wouldnt be much concern in what your family says etc. also talk to your friends, your doctor or call a helpline and speak out, it may make you feel better.

    "do not kill yourselves. For Verily, Allah is ever merciful to you." -Quran 4:29

    Also prophet (pbuh) said, "He who kills himself by throttling himself shll throttle himself for ever in the hellfire." -Bukhari. May allah help depressed and suicidal people.

    ma salama..

    • Its really really sad to hear your story but mate your not alone im also suffering wiv many hardships in my life i have got no friends nothing im way too much ugly my face is too asymetrical nd becuz of my looks no one likes me not even my bros im a very kind hearted person Alhamdulliah nd pray to Allah for help cuz he can only help us through thick nd thin i can feel ur pain becux im also living in miseryay Allah give us strength to endure all these hardships he has put us in Ameen

  10. You've been through a lot, no doubt about it.
    I'm no counsellor, or overly religious to give you advice on them terms, but I'm just going to speak to you like a 20 yr old girl with her own problems, so like a friend.
    The fact that your still here after all that trauma is kind of inspiring.
    Your a very strong girl, but you clearly don't see that and the fact you survived the suicide attempt is a reason to say Allhamdullilah because after all them trials, why would you wish to go to hell which is worse than this! it's a million times worse!

    You have reason to keep fighting, keep going girl,
    Repent and know this shitty life trust me it's shitty for a majority of us lol is temporary!

    We're all destined to die anyway so why go according to your own will, when you didn't come according to your own?
    The road seems long, it's painful but there is reason to live on!
    Pray, submit yourself to him.
    You came to an Islamic answers site, that says a lot about you, you still came to Allah.
    Keep going to him, no one can really help but him.

    Use your spare time to learn the Qu'ran.
    Read it, revise it, memorise it.
    It may distract you inshaAllah and the rewards and benefits are SO worth it.

    How wonderful would heaven be after all this suffering? Dream it, aspire to reach there inshaAllah!

    Go back into studying, look for a part time job, volunteer in a charity shop.

    Your 19 make something of yourself whilst your here which won't be longer than you think, look at those who have gone before us.

    I pray that inshaAllah you can turn your life around.

    It seems impossible but what have you got to lose. just try, of course with the help and guidance of Allah (swt)

    ps.

    I'm dark too 😐 but like so is chocolate yum.

  11. Keep yourself busy by doing the following:
    First of all pray five times a day and recite Quran
    Volunteer to help old or needy people who really need your help
    Focus on your studies
    Participate in any group activities
    Play any kind of sport
    Read good books
    Cook your favourite meals eat them and be happy leave the rest to Allah! You are a good person and make others learn from you by not allowing them to get to you. Treat your parents with respect no matter how hard it is one day Allah will do justice it's just a matter of time.

  12. why would u commit suacide theres people in africa who are much worser then u read quran at least pray. be BRAVE if ur family beat u all the time i would smack them for once in a life time iv gotten tired of my mom hitting me since i was a kid idc people call me osama they say im ugly i dont care all i care about is ALLAH to worship and go to jannah do the same fight back ur family if they borrow or want money from u next time say no ur past 18 ur an adult u can do what u want next time u should call the police if they keep on bothering u just saying salam hope u see this message.

  13. 1st of all sister do not worry about looks and about what others says, I know its hard but remember... Allah says " remember me and I will remember you" so stop cutting yourself and being depressed...spend your time rather in praising Allah and read as much ad Qur'an and perform your sallah...do not get angry at your brother or whoever rather treat them with respect and remember " inside beautifies the external image even if its not appealing" and also correct your affairs with your creator and the creator will correct the affairs between you and the creation

  14. Salam alikum, life is test! ok sorry jk... u forbid us to use it as answer 🙂 ... i would say the purpose of our life is not to enjoy or axpect it to be beautiful as we wish , truth is by God in Quran how he told us what is life and what will happen to us , if u realize that and understand it then u wont feel bad even tho u wud b in calamity hardship but the way u perceive it will change and u will b better calm content ...read try to listen quran with translation ur heart wil feel good and ur mind wil b calm uil get alot of answers randomly believe me try it . Quran is word of our creator he knows all the realities answers to our questions , its Allah talking to u if u read all ....

    Quran:2:151-157

    Similarly (to complete My Blessings on you) We have sent among you a Messenger (Muhammad ) of your own, reciting to you Our Verses (the Qur'ân) and sanctifying you, and teaching you the Book (the Qur'ân) and the Hikmah (i.e. Sunnah, Islâmic laws and Fiqh - jurisprudence), and teaching you that which you used not to know.
    Therefore remember Me (by praying, glorifying, etc.). I will remember you, and be grateful to Me (for My countless Favours on you) and never be ungrateful to Me.
    O you who believe! Seek help in patience and As-Salât (the prayer). Truly! Allâh is with As-Sâbirin (the patient ones, etc.).
    And say not of those who are killed in the Way of Allâh, "They are dead." Nay, they are living, but you perceive (it) not.
    And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sâbirin (the patient ones, etc.).
    Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: "Truly! To Allâh we belong and truly, to Him we shall return."
    They are those on whom are the Salawât (i.e. blessings, etc.) (i.e. who are blessed and will be forgiven) from their Lord, and (they are those who) receive His Mercy, and it is they who are the guided-ones.

    Quran:29:64:

    And this life of the world is only amusement and play! Verily, the home of the Hereafter, that is the life indeed (i.e. the eternal life that will never end), if they but knew

    Quran:57:20-23

    Know that the life of this world is only play and amusement, pomp and mutual boasting among you, and rivalry in respect of wealth and children, as the likeness of vegetation after rain, thereof the growth is pleasing to the tiller; afterwards it dries up and you see it turning yellow; then it becomes straw. But in the Hereafter (there is) a severe torment (for the disbelievers, evil-doers), and (there is) Forgiveness from Allâh and (His) Good Pleasure (for the believers, good-doers), whereas the life of this world is only a deceiving enjoyment.
    Race one with another in hastening towards Forgiveness from your Lord (Allâh), and towards Paradise, the width whereof is as the width of heaven and earth, prepared for those who believe in Allâh and His Messengers. That is the Grace of Allâh which He bestows on whom He pleases. And Allâh is the Owner of Great Bounty.
    No calamity befalls on the earth or in yourselves but is inscribed in the Book of Decrees (Al-Lauh Al-Mahfûz), before We bring it into existence. Verily, that is easy for Allâh.
    In order that you may not be sad over matters that you fail to get, nor rejoice because of that which has been given to you. And Allâh likes not prideful boasters.

    ---- The Greater The Hardship The Greater The Reward ----

    The greater the hardship, or trial or tribulation the greater the reward. The greater the difficulty the greater the reward. The greater the trial or tribulation or difficulty that you are put through the greater the reward will be for you and for me from Allah (Tabarak wa ta'ala).
    If Allah loves a people, He puts them to trial, He tests them and places them in difficulty. Allah the Exalted states in Surah Baqarah :

    "We will test you with something of fear, and hunger and loss of wealth, and souls and vegetation. And give glad tidings to those who have patience. Those who if in any difficulty or trial, or tribulation occurs to them or happens to them, they say: 'Verily We are from Allah and to Allah we return.' They are those who will receive prayers from their Lord and Mercy and it is those who are guided."

    The great reward is in accordance to how great o­nes trial, difficulty or test is. The greater the test and trial, the greater the reward. And everyone must have tests and everyone will have problems & trials and everyone will be put to difficulty, everyone will have moments of grief, moments of sadness moments when things are not as they feel or would like them to be. But the difference is the believer is patient, the believer believes in the decree of Allaah, the believer seeks the reward of Allaah (subhana wa ta'ala) at that time.

    The believer praises Allah. The believer will be rewarded in his time of difficulty. The believer has burns and the Kaafir has burns. The believer needs an operation and a Kaafir needs an operation. The believer loses a mother and a Kaafir loses a mother. The believer loses his wife and the Kaafir will lose his wife. Everyone experiences difficulty. Everyone experiences trials and tribulations but the believer because of what Allaah (subhana wa ta'ala) has given him of Imaan and for what he has of patience and being pleased with the decree of Allaah, and seeking a reward from Allaah and seeing the wisdom of Allaah (subhana wa ta'ala) in his difficulty, he will be raised and he will receive great rewards.

    Abu Dawud mentions in the Sunnan, related by Ahmad :
    It is in the Saheehah (when you hear as-Saheehah it means it is authenticated by Shaikh Naasir ud-Din al-Albaani in his authentic books of narrations – Hadith No. 959) :The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said :

    "This my Ummah, is a Ummah that has mercy upon it, 'Marhooma'- a Ummah that has mercy that's been wrapped in Mercies; there is no punishment for this Ummah in the Hereafter except their punishment that they experience in the Dunya --- killing and death and dying, trials and tribulations, earthquakes and the like." And the wording of Abu Dawud is : 'This Ummah reminds of the Ummah, that Allaah has placed His mercy upon. This Ummah will not have any punishment in the Hereafter, this punishment is in this world with fitn, trials, tribulations and punishments and difficulties, and earthquakes and killings, murder, death.. like this.

    'As recorded in Buhari and Muslim: The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said :

    "Whoever Allah wants good for him, he puts them to test. He puts them through difficulties. Like a diamond or some metal that has to be burnt and then that which is bad from it is removed so that you have that which is the pure diamond or the pure gold or whatever. Put them to tests, trials and difficulties."

    As narrated by Tirmidhi and Ibn Maajah : (This is the Hadith that we started with) - The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said :

    'The greater reward is with the greater trial or the greater the trial or difficulty of test or hardship is then the greater the reward. And when Allah loves a person He will tests them. So he who will be pleased and then He will be pleased. He who is displeased, then He will be displeased.'(Sahaba's name not clear) 'The people as long as they are in good health, good shape, good condition they are covered. You don't know their true character because they are in good situation, they are in good circumstance. As long as they are in a good circumstances they are covered. But if a trial or difficulty or a hardship comes upon them, then you will see their reality. They will go to their reality. The Mu'min will run to his Imaan, the Mu'min will run to his belief, the believer will run to his belief, his Imaan and the hypocrite will run to his hypocrisy, and the hypocrite will run to his hypocrisy. "Without being shaken, you don't not know what comes to the top and what goes to the bottom. Without being shaken you don't know a man from those who are faking; you won't know women from those who are faking. You won't know those who truly believe from those who don't. Those who make a claim o­n their tongue and is not really in their hearts and from their limbs from those who are willing to die for this matter. This can o­nly be shown by trials, the tribulations and tests and difficulties."

    Imam Ahmed brought it and Sheikh Nassir brings in his Saheehah No. 147 : Suhaib said that, 'we were sitting with the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) and suddenly he laughed. Suddenly the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) laughed. He asked his companions: 'Won't you ask me what I am laughing about?.' So they asked the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) 'what are you laughing about ?' So he said : 'I laughed because I was astonished at the affair of a believer.' (Listen these are words of Musthafa alaihi salam. He doesn't speak of his own desires whatever he speaks it is revelation; Listen, these are words of Rasulullah describing a believer.). All of his affairs, all of his circumstances are good, all of it. If something happens to him that he loves, if Allah blesses him with something that he loves, then he praises Allaah and this is good. And if something happens to him, if he is put into some difficulty, test or tribulation or hardship or something that he hates, he is patient and that is good for him. And no o­ne's situation is totally good except the believer. And no o­ne else's affair, no o­ne else's circumstance, no o­ne else's condition, no o­ne else's situation is totally good except the mu'min, except the believer.'

    'The o­nes who received the most difficulty, and went through the most hardship were the beloved people to Allaah --- the prophets. Allah loved them more than the rest of mankind or creatures. He tested them. He put them through test , he put them through hardship, he put them through difficulties. Listen to this narration of Ibn Majah and Sheikh Nassir also brings in his Saheehah No. 144 : (Sahaba's name not clear) "I entered upon the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) before he passed away whilst he was suffering having a fever -- I placed my hand upon him and I felt the heat from above the blanket, I felt the heat of his fever from above the blanket. I said : 'O Messenger of Allaah, how hard it is upon you.' The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam ) said : 'Yes, it is like that. Trials and tribulations, hardships and difficulties are doubled and multiplied and increased for us prophets. But also the reward, the blessing, the level that he is raised with Allaah upon is also multiplied and increased for him.' I said : 'O Messenger of Allaah who are most put through difficulty? Who are the people who are most tested? Who goes through the most trials and tribulation O' Messenger of Allaah?' He said : 'The prophets, then the righteous (saalihun)' ,

    some of them are tested with clothing, some of them are tested with no clothing except an abaya that they place around their bodies, nothing else. But o­ne of them used to be so happy when he was put to trial or test like you see enjoyment and pleasure and contentment through ease. They were happy with trials and tribulations like you are happy with ease."Allaah the Exalted states in Surah Al-Zumar:

    "Verily the patient will get their reward without it being estimated, without it being calculated. It can't be counted. O­ne is waiting for reward, for that o­ne who is patient."

    As-Sabr, patience Akhee Msulim, my brother Muslim, upon when you are put to trial, upon when you are put to test, upon when you go through sadness, upon when you go through hardship, upon when you go through difficulties, patience – As Sabr, then it is a sign that you are upon Khair. It is the sign that you are upon good. It is a distinguishing characteristic, or it is a distinguishing matter that shows that you are upon good. It is narrated in Abu Dawud :

    'Then it is saheeh, the happy o­ne, is the o­ne who can avoid trials and tribulations especially those that lead him astray or take him away from his deen, but the o­ne who is tested and is patient, so greater reward for him, unimaginable reward for him.'

    Also it has been related by Bukhari and Muslim : Abbas said to Ibn Rabah :

    "Shall I show you o­ne of the women of Jannah? Saudah, this black woman who told the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) : Verily I have seizures and I become uncovered, make dua to Allaah for me.' The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: If you are patient you will have Jannah. And if you want I'll make dua for you that you be healthy. She said : 'I'll be patient, I'll be patient but make sure that I don't become uncovered.' So the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) made dua to Allaah that she does not become uncovered.'

    This is how the Salaf were. Because of this some of the salafs used to say : If a difficulty happens to you, a hardship happens to you, if you are put to trial and tested and you are patient, then you have got o­nly o­ne difficulty. You have o­nly got o­ne hardship. You have o­nly got o­ne problem. Whenever a difficulty or hardship or trial comes your way and you are not patient, then you have two problems, and two hardships. And particularly if it is a loss of a child, or a loss of a loved o­ne. You are not patient with that then you have two difficulties.

    The loss of the o­ne you love plus the loss of the reward you would have got if you had been patient. To be patient upon the tests, and the trials, and the hardships and the difficulties as a worship for Allaah, is a worship for Allaah. Many of us know that salaah is a worship, Zakah is a worship, and ruku is a worship and sujud is a worship, and reading Quraan is a worship , how many of us know that being patient upon a hardship, upon a sadness , being patient upon a difficulty, upon a test, upon a trial is a worship for Allaah. Allaah says in Surah Al-Hajj (22:11) :

    "And among mankind is he who worships Allâh as it were, upon the very edge; if good befalls him, he is content therewith; but if a trial befalls him, when fitnah comes to him, or a hardship befalls him, if something that brings about grief comes his way, if he is tested, if he is put to the test, when sadness comes his way, if a hardship befalls him, what happens? He flips upon his face. He loses both this world and the Hereafter. There is no doubt that this is the clear loss."

    Walhamdulillah. The greater the test, the greater the reward, the greater the hardship the greater the reward, the greater the difficulty, the greater the reward from Allaah (tabarak wa ta'ala). And the Salaf understood this. Urwah Ibn Zubair, a well known from the Salaf had a problem with his foot. So the doctors decided that they had to cut it off, cut the foot off. When the doctors cut it off he didn't say anything except these words: 'O Allaah, for you are Full praise. For if you have taken some, you have left some. And if you have tested, and put through difficulty you have also put in good condition. If you have tested and tried and put through difficulty you have also put good health, good circumstances and good conditions.'The next day his son was riding a horse or mule and fell off of it and died. So they came to Urwah with the information of the death of his son, he didn't say anything except : 'O Allaah, for you is full praise. For if you have taken some, you have left some. And if you have tested and tried you have also placed us in good situations and good condition.' So when he was asked about this he said: 'I had 4 limbs (meaning 2 arms and 2 legs) and Allaah took some and left some. 'I had 4 limbs 2 arms and 2 legs Allaah took o­ne and left me three. I had 7 sons, Allaah (tabrak wa tala) took o­ne and left six. And he gave me good condition, or good situation my whole life up until this time. Then he tested me. Should I not praise Allaah for that? Should I not praise Allaah for that?'

    Tests, trials, difficulties, hardships, grief, sadness, pain it raises the level of the believer. It raises the level of the believer. It is an expiation for sins. It removes sins, these difficulties and it raises o­ne's level higher with Allaah. Raises o­ne's level higher, places o­ne in His station or circumstance that he might not have met, he would never have reached if he had not gone through that test. It is related in Saheeh also Muhammad bin Khalid Abi An Jaddi, his grandfather was a companion that he went out visiting a brother. Then he heard that the brother was sick. So he entered upon the brother and he said : 'I came to you as a visitor, and now I am also o­ne visiting the sick and also someone giving you glad tidings.' The person said: 'how do you gather all this, i.e. somebody who is a visitor, somebody who is visiting a sick, somebody who is giving glad tidings? How do you gather all that?'He said : 'I came out, I wanted to visit you, it reached me that you were sick, then it became that I am visiting the sick person also I give you glad tidings of something that I heard from the Messenger (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) : If Allaah (subhana wa ta'ala) has decreed or wants for his servant a certain Manzala, a certain position in the Jannah, a high position in the Jannah, and the servant is not going to reach it, he's going like he's going, he's not going to reach it, Allaah (subhana wa ta'ala) would test him, put him through hardships, would put him through difficulty regarding his body – may be he will get sick or something; or regarding his wealth – may be he will lose something; or regarding his children --- may be o­ne of them will pass away or become sick or whatever. So that this person can become patient, have this Ibadah of worship, then what ? So that this person can reach the position that Allah wanted him to reach. So that he can reach the position Allaah wanted for him.

    Same Hadith : 'Who are the people who will receive the most difficulties, trials and tribulations? He said: the prophets, then those most like them, then like them, a man will be tested in accordance with his deen. A man will go through difficulties in according with his deen. A man will go through hardship in according with his deen. A man will experience sadness and grief in accordance with his deen. If his deen is strong, then his difficulties will be great. His trials will be hard. If he has in his deen some ease, or some lightness then he will be tested in accordance with the likeness of his deen. Because trials and tests want leave a servant until his sins are forgiven. That is, because the servant, he undergoes so many trials and tests, his sins are forgiven and it will be as if he is walking upon the earth without a sin. That he is walking upon the earth without a sin. In another Hadith (listen to this brother) : If you have a difficulty in your life brother, if you have a difficulty in your life sister, if there is some sadness in your household, if you lost a child, if that child has been hurt, if there is a sickness in your family or whatever the case, whatever difficulty or trial, whatever problem you are going through, listen to the words of Messenger (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam), it will make it clear. Listen to the words of Rasoolullah (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam), it will cool your heart, it will take you to that which is right, it will correct you, it will guide you, it will increase your faith, and your patience.

    "There is no difficulty that happens to a Muslim except that Allaah removes a sin because of it even if a thorn pricks him and even to that degree."

    If Allaah removes to that degree what about some other sadness? Or some other loss or some other trial or some other difficulty? Lastly Abu Huraira (radiyallaahu 'anhu) that he heard the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) and also Abu Said Al Khudri : 'No pain, or sickness affects a believer. No tiredness (this is also sickness), or grief nor any worry except that Allaah removes from that person a sin because of it.'

    This should tell us to be patient. This should tell us that our pathways are not going to be full with rose petals and life is not always going to give you that which you want or think you deserve, that they are going to come down your way or into your life things that are sad, things that bring you grief, things that bring difficulty but your test is shown, your character is shown, whether you can weather the storm by being patient with the decree of Allaah, in praising Allah (subhana wa ta'ala), in hoping a reward from Allaah (subhana wa ta'ala), for no o­ne can reward what Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) will give the person who has patience. Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) has granted it and he will grant it without calculation. Will grant it without it being something that we could calculate or imagine. So any difficulty brother reflect upon this issue that is khair for you, is good for you, if you are a believer and if you are patient and if you praise Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) and it is a way to remove your sins and a way that you have no understanding of what Allaah (subhana wa ta'ala) may be preparing you for a better station, a better status in the Hereafter that you would not have reached if He had left you in that state that you were in. But when he tested you, you were patient and therefore Insha-Allaahu wa ta'ala that position or that status will be their Haada

    • Usman, it's not always helpful to copy and paste a huge block of text, because most people won't read it. It's better to write a personalized response, and quote from Islamic sources as they apply to the poster's situation.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Salam alikum , let the reader decide ... i wrote my own view in start with quotes then added from shaikh who has more wisdom and knowledge then me so its heavier then common persons views and they know how to convey better then us , my aim is not to project my self and opinion here , my aim is to cater her problem and create her understanding thru quran hadith and words of learnt people , she can get thousand words from random people which wud b wait-less and faulty infront of these , bcz we all think in different ways can b wrong or right but person who has knwoledge of deen is sure of what hes saying and holds some impact , life and its facts cant b understood in few words thats why QUran and hadith were revealed in big texts ,, so if some one wants to change life they have to read alot , when we go to schools for career we read thick books for worldly gains but when itc omes to deen and life , we want to read less and feel lazzy , i think life is vital enuf to b put effort on so we can come out of problems , i respect ur view but i disagree . if u want to delete it u can .

      • Agreed, More than likely they just skip it.
        This site looks more for personable responses and if u dnt have the patience to write a response then plz save urself the time and dnt "copy and paste" a response, especially if sumone is seeking help and suggestions wen there in such a stressful situation.

  15. Assalamualaikum Wahramtullahi Wabarakaatuhu Sister,

    Ya Allah, the One who is just, on Whom all creatures depend on, the self subsisting and the One who has no partner in worship or in the creation of the universe and everything it contains, ease for my sister the path of Islam and put strength in her heart to stand against her trials, Ya Allah elevate the hardship and bring ease into her life,you have mentioned in your noble book, where in there is no doubt that for every hardship that there are two reliefs and Ya Allah no one will ever be left out of your justice even the Kuffar. (Qur'an 94:4~6)

    Sister I should say that I have read lots of depressing stories about parents being the nemesis for their kids but your one is on a whole new level, Subhana' Allah, I feel angry at your parents and your extended family, how low can they get to torture a child to scar her for life, even if you were the most heinous criminal in the world you did not deserve such treatment from your family, and to top it off "sexual abuse" from your uncle, Ya Allah guide these people towards the truth and make them understand what they have done and if you have not granted guidance for them Ya Allah punish them in front of this slave of yours.

    I am sorry for my outburst but that is how I think everyone who read your post feels.
    Sister first of all I want you to understand a few basic things about life, our Creator, and the Aakirah.

    Sister if you think that I am being too scrutinizing about your relationship with Allah then please forgive me, that is far from my intention. How is your relationship with Allah ? Do you pray on time ? Do you worry about your Aakirah ? Do you believe that in Allah you can find a solution for every problem, even the ones when the whole world turns against you. How often do you remember Allah ? Do you watch Islamic lectures ? Who do you listen to ?

    You may think that what is the point, nothing in my life has changed even in my desperate situation, but sister you must understand that the best thing about being a Muslim is that we are never hopeless, nor do we despair as we know we have Allah who will take care of our situation even if all the odds scream NO!!!! because Allah is above the odds and there is no one who loves us more than Allah and takes care of us more than Allah . Allah in the Qur'an clearly states that only the disbelievers despair in Allah

    O my sons, go and find out about Joseph and his brother and despair not of relief from Allah . Indeed, no one despairs of relief from Allah except the disbelieving people."
    Surah 12 : 87

    They (the angels) said: "We give you glad tidings in truth. So be not of the despairing ones."
    [Ibrahim (Abraham)] said: "And who despairs of the Mercy of his Lord except those who are astray?"
    Surah 15 : 55-56

    Isn't is like Allah telling us just to turn back to him, and he would take care of everything, absolutely everything and make our hearts become stronger to cope with everything.

    Sister have you tried turning to Allah sincerely, I mean with absolute trust, pray tahajjud, cried your heart out to him, tried to get close to him through every means possible, because I saw a disturbing thing in your post you have lost hope in Allah even without relying on him, I am talking about this part

    “... I don't want to live anymore; I don't know why Allah has made my life so painful. I’m ugly, I’m stupid, I’m poor, my family hate me, I literally have no love in me, not for anyone. I just can’t feel any love, not even a little bit for my mum. I feel nothing when I see her cry, I just feel happy, which is the only time I have ever felt happiness. When a member of my family is in pain and crying, I feel happiness and joy. Apart from this every other second I am in constant pain, I feel broken, I feel like Allah has made a mistake by bringing me into this world.

    I just want to end it and die, I really believe there is nothing for me in this world, and I can’t take it anymore. I have no hope; there is no light in me. I just don't understand I’m not a bad person, I do good things, I don't have relations with guys, I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don’t dress inappropriately. You would expect someone who has gone through as many difficulties as I have to be an alcoholic, or a drug addict, or to abuse my body in every way possible. But I have never done anything like that apart from cutting myself... ”

    Subhana Allah sister you did not understand what you have said “Allah created a mistake by creating you”, sister don't get me wrong and roll your eyes but as soon as you think that Allah can make a mistake (Asthagufiruallah), you have lost more than you can loose, I mean we turn to Allah in our times of great grief, because we know no matter how dark the night is and how grim the hopes may be but we know that Allah would never let us go, never because he would find a way out for a SLAVE who PUTS THEIR TRUST IN HIM COMPLETELY out of EVERY situation from MEANS WHICH THEY DID NOT EXPECT.

    The Qur'an is full of stories of people who had it against all odds and how Allah brought them out of that calamity and place them in a places where they could not imagine.

    I am talking about the stories of Yusuf(alai) who was hated by his siblings who left him for dead in a well, Yaqoob(alai) who mourned for 40 years patiently for the loss of his son Yusuf(alai) till Allah provided him relief ,Ibrahim(alai) whose arch enemy and chief tormentor was his father who threw him into the fire, Aasiyah(wife of firaoun) who was tortured by hanging upside down by Pharoah's guards she fell from being the queen to being treated worser than the slaves but she only said Ya Allah!!! Build for me a palace in Jannah next to you, Hajara(alai) wife of Ibrahim(alai) who was left in the middle of the desert by Prophet Ibrahim(alai) by the direct command from Allah and she knew that if Allah is putting her through a trail it is not to punish her but to make her better and grant her good and Subhana Allah what an amazing good came out of that HAJJ.

    Finally our beloved prophet
    5. So verily, with the hardship, there is relief, 
    6. Verily, with the hardship, there is relief (i.e. there is one hardship with two reliefs, so one hardship cannot overcome two reliefs). 

    These verses above were revealed to the Prophet Muhammad; when he was perhaps in the most difficult of predicaments; One can recall the era in Prophetic Seerah; the so named "the Year of Sorrows". It is during this period that the Prophet pbuh lost his most beloved Wife of 15 years; Khadija r.a and his Uncle his sole protector in Mecca.

    It was also during this period that the Prophet pbuh lost all his allies in the Sacred City and his enemies boycotted and exiled him and his companions into its outskirts, by so Marginalizing and Sanctioning them from any food and financial aid. In some accounts it is reported that the Prophet pbuh and his companions would tie stones to their stomachs in order to resist the pangs of hunger and starvation. Can one look at this example and think of how easier circumstances they have been gripped by yet they easily have lost their hope in Allah's infinite Mercy?

    It is in the MOMENTS and TIMES you feel abandoned by your Creator; that you feel lost and left to wander in the burning agony of your circumstance; it is in these hard and tough times that you should remember God's mercy; it is the MOMENTS and TIMES that you feel as if YOUR LORD will never FORGIVE you for your transgression and you are tempted to reach out for more vanity and tempted to commit more scrupulous acts and treachery; to REMEMBER:

    the Devil tries to overcome you with DESPAIR and SADNESS, knowing that the deeper he plunges the Children of Adam into SORROW; they will be prevented from reaching out to their AID; from reaching out to their LORD...

    Rather, he will misguide and mislead the children of Adam towards other things to escape from their Hardships. Among them, Murder, Suicide and Drugs.

    Do you know the name of the Devil in Arabic?

    IBLIS which comes from the Semitic root, BALASA which in Arabic means,"DESPAIR". He wants to cause others Despair; and in doing so he who is in "DESPAIR" desires more company and to lead more people into Darkness. In other words; he is merely conjuring up copies of himself among men and women. For he is the Mother of All Despair.

    the Devil declared in a VIVID narration:

    I have defeated the Children of Adam when I cause them to Sin, but he then "cried" and said, but they have DEFEATED me whenever they call upon their LORD, because whenever they call upon HIM he forgives them, he is MOST FORGIVING MOST MERCIFUL!"

    one way he tries to stop Man from reaching out to his LORD who is always there for him.

    Sister A Muslim is not about advices only, we are willing to help you reclaim your life and get closer to your lord , our brothers and sisters in this forum are more than willing to talk you through this, you can take life one day at a time and you can get help from us, when ever you feel down or feel suicidal please write in the comments and we can help you to the best of your capacity. Sister Insha Allah have hope your life will change for the better don't worry we are there for you, no matter what and I think you need to get in touch with your local masjid talk to someone asking them to keep it between you and them, please find a sister who you can talk to, What will Allah azzawajal get by making your life miserable ? All I can guess is that you have not entirely put your trust in Allah.

    For you to turn your life around is not an easy task but I did not say impossible with Allah nothing is impossible, trust him, do your best and remember him often and Wallahi your life will change, you have to deal with the shaytaan who will constantly try to crush your Emaan by saying that Allah's help will never come but you chase him away and make your emaan more strong and say that Allah will never leave me because no one loves me more than he does. Ya Allah help our sister and do not let her deal to deal with her , take care of her and put Emaan into her heart

    • Dear Helpless Slave,

      I have been on this forum for about 2 years seeking advice for heartbreak, depression, struggle with my faith during times of hardship (you can see my posts when clicking on my name, I think), this is by far one of the best if not best message calling onto faith and tawakkal alal ALLAH SWT.

      I read this when I woke up this morning while feeling despair and sadness. As much as I hear the hardships that our beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW went through, your words made it a reality and melted my heart. I felt humbled, and my sorrow and pains seem like a joke compared to his, SAW.

      When despair overpowers me, and finally leaves me a minute of relief, I always have the feeling that it is the work of Iblis, I feel like I lose all consciousness and dive on an ocean of despair, which your explanation of his name totally showed me. May ALLAH SWT protect us from his tricks and his evil.

      Your words of encouragement and never ending trust in ALLAH SWT are great Macha ALLAH.

      May ALLAH reward you. You have helped not only the sister posting ( may ALLAH guide and bless her) but also me, and maybe numerous other people. I am having an active fight to save my faith in the midst of the greatest trial I have been through, and I have saved your answer on my laptop. I will copy quotes from it in my prayers diary.

      May ALLAH give you a reward that encompasses this world and the hereafter. May HE save and increase your faith. May HE bless any of your endeavors.

      I am grateful to ALLAH SWT, to you and all the people on this great site Macha ALLAH.

      Finally, dear Helpless Slave, may you keep me and my son in your prayers. Please if you have time read my posts so you can see my agonizing internal struggle, and maybe you will have an idea of what your words meant to me today.

      Jazakumullahou alaa hayr

      • Assalamualaikum Warahamtullahi Wabarakaatuhu Sister,

        Subhana Allah Alhamdulillah Laailaha Illah Allahu Akbar, I read and re-read your reply and immediately prayed two Rakah's of Sunnah thanking Allah Azzawajal for two reasons.

        ~ One I got a job after almost 2 months of hopeless job hunts, being turned down for not having a degree etc …. I was telling my mother how I always told her that my Allah would never let me to deal with myself for he is always there and no matter what the odds are he will always bring us out even though I am highly undeserving of his help, I am a full time sinner, I have never thanked him enough or kept remembering him for all his blessings.

        ~ The other reason your comment, I should say that this made me emotional, I realized giving hope to someone is a great sadaqa and Allah would be pleased with me, not to mention the unsurmountable happiness it brings with it , Allahu Akbar, compare that to the happiness that getting a job brings you it is NOTHING, I am not being ungrateful but , Alhamdulillah , but you know what I am saying.

        I should say that you have give me more credit that what I deserve, I am not the controller of your heart nor is your hope driven through the consequences of my words, Wallahi I am not being artificially modest, Wallahi I am not, I am nothing but a manifestation of my creators will, just like your hardships are also a manifestation of Allah's will through people. My message reached your heart Alhamdulillah, I can't explain how happy I am about it, but take it as a sign from Allah for Allah , a personal touch, to tell you that you are doing good and just hold on, for He is always with you and he will compensate you for every hardship you went through,even if that was a means a minor disappointment because he is As Shakoor(The most Appreciative), who rewards handsomely for our trivial struggles.

        Allah in the Qur'an says


        “ … And (as for) the believing men and the believing women, they are guardians of each other. They command what is right and forbid what is wrong, and establish prayer and pay alms, and obey Allah and His Messenger. They are the people on whom Allah will have mercy. Allah is Almighty, All-Wise.”

        (Surat at-Tawba: 71)

        Islam is a beautiful and practical way of life where emphasis is specially placed on Good character and Brotherhood, unfortunately most Muslims don't realize this, they think that Islam is only about the 5 pillars, yes they are the pillars but you don't call anything that has just pillars a building. The 5 pillars are the scaffolding on which Islam is built upon.

        A beautiful hadith comes to my mind

        Allah The Almighty says: “And hold fast all of you together to the rope of Allah ...”

        And the hadith
        It is reported that, The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said "There will come a time when holding on to your Emaan would be like holding on to hot coal"

        (Sahih al-Tirmidhi)

        What does both the hadith and the ayah have in common, they both require effort on the part of the person who is holding on and he needs to focus with every single ounce of his will power to not let go. We know that Allah would NEVER let go of the rope at his end but
        we should strive to hold on to our end because what awaits those who let go is nothing but destruction. Similar things can be said about the hadith which strikes an analogy about Emaan and hot coal that we need to put our utmost effort to hold onto it even though ever cell In our body screams out of discomfort because of the hot coal. The fight is not about giving into the devil, he will try and try until you drop that coal which is the easy thing to do but we know better that Allah is there for us to keep us going through this process and no matter what he will bring us out only if we turned towards him for help.

        Allah Azzawajal says in the Qur'an

        “Whoever wishes for the quick-passing (transitory enjoyment of this world), We READILY grant him what We will for whom We like. Then, afterwards, We have appointed for him Hell, he will burn therein disgraced and rejected, ( far away from Allah's Mercy).

        And whoever desires the Hereafter and STRIVES for it, with the necessary effort due for it (i.e. do righteous deeds of Allah's Obedience) while he is a believer (in the Oneness of Allah Islamic Monotheism), then such are the ones whose striving shall be appreciated, thanked and rewarded (by Allah).”

        Surah Al Isra (17:18~19)

        The verses are amazing, if you really think about it Allah Is saying that to attain the dunya you will be given READILY, if Allah wills, so no matter how hard we may try if Allah has not willed it for us we will not get it and the verse further goes on to say that Allah would give the dunya to anyone who wishes for it, Subhana Allah , but the immediate next verse speaks about the Aakirah and Allah says that it is given to people who STRIVE for it with necessary effort due, amazing isn't it, I am not desiring for the dunya is evil in itself, but we should pray to Allah to not make it our biggest concern. Finally the 2nd verse ends with “then such are the ones whose striving shall be appreciated, thanked and rewarded (by Allah).” Can you imagine being rewarded and thanked by Allah azzawajal, I know 🙂 just let these two words sink in, arm your self for the next wave of Shaytaan's attack and when you have trust in Allah nothing is impossible.

        Sister I read your posts about how it is difficult for you to get a job without a college degree and experience. I presume that you know the high demands the employers make when they hire a person, they pay us a few thousand dollars per month and dictate terms as if they were our creator like for example we have to work 8 hours per day, policies on leave, needed to put in the extra time if the work deserves it, obedience without questioning etc …. I'm not saying that this is wrong but Subhana Allah they think they own us, by just paying a few thousand dollars per month when our Allah created us , gave us Rizk(breath,health,wealth and EVERYTHING ) but only asked us to worship him alone and be conscious of him for everything he has given us, he is rich and free of all needs, all creatures rely on him and he does not need anything.

        My dear Muslims are hopeful beings, remember how our beloved prophet pbuh promised the white palaces of Shaam and Iraq to the Sahabi who were at their lowest morale when they were digging the trench, or when Sumaiyyah and her family were being tortured our prophet came to them and enticed them with Jannah, the point being we should be more motivated by Allah and the Aakirah because that is the truth and ever lasting and it will not change according to the dunya. Don't you DARE DIE except in a state of Emaan, this is a warning for everyone especially those who contemplate suicide, because when we are gathered on the day of Aakirah we will say I think I lived just 10 minutes in the life of dunya, while some would say we lived 1 hour while the believers of Allah would say we lived as long as Allah willed, the point being when compared to the day of Judgement our life is a mere 10 minutes compared to the 50,000 years of waiting in the Aakhirah, Subhana' Allah, just hold on to the 10 minutes and attain the peace, tranquility and happiness FOREVER in JANNAH with your family and friends where there is no death or even the slightest discomfort. As for dealing with your issues I would say sister to start branching out of your comfort zone find a job which does not require a degree, please don't take this the wrong way, I mean McDonalds,Clerk at departmental stores etc.. and while you working on the job try to look for other means of a professional career because then you would have an income to support yourself and also would be free from all the free time, which I guess you spend on contemplating the “What if's” of life.

        I would like you to remind you the story of Prophet Ayyub pbuh

        Prophet Ayub (peace be upon him) was one of the descendants of the Prophet Ibrahim (peace be upon him) and a nephew of Prophet Ya'qub (peace be upon him). He was sent to reform the people who lived in the desert situated in the north eastern corner of Palestine. When Ayub (Job) was chosen to be the Prophet, he started to teach the people about God and His religion. He advised the people to do good and shun evil. As usual with all the Prophets very few people believed in him in the beginning but gradually the number of his followers began to increase.

        Prophet Ayub Was Well Off

        ------------------------------------------------
        The Prophet Ayub (peace be upon him) was a prosperous man with firm faith in Allah. He possessed vast farms, enormous wealth, many cattle and valuable property but these things did not make him arrogant. His wealth provided him with a medium by means of which he sought Allah's grace.

        Prophet Ayub Displays Patience
        ----------------------------------------------
        The Prophet Ayub (peace be upon him) was a pattern of humility and faith in Allah. He was very patient. He suffered from a number of calamities but did not utter a single word of complaint. One day his big farm was attacked by the thieves. They killed many of his servants and carried away forcibly all his cattle. The Prophet Ayub (peace be upon him) did not feel sorry at this loss and thanked Allah.
        After some time the roof of the house fell down and many members of his family were crushed. The Prophet Ayyub (peace be upon him) was much shocked but he held fast to his faith in Allah. He neither shed a tear nor heaved a sigh. He prostrated before the Almighty. He remarked that possessions and children were the gifts from Allah. If He had taken His things, it was useless to lament over their loss.
        After a few years Prophet Ayub (peace be upon him) suffered from skin disease. His parts of body were covered with loathsome sores. He had many ugly looking ulcers on his face and hands. The sores were full of worms. It is narrated that he picked up those worms which fell from his abscess and praised Allah for creating them.
        Above all, his false friends attributed his calamities to his sins. They ridiculed and looked down upon him. All the persons deserted him with the exception of his faithful wife, Rahima. She also grew tired of him in the long run and prayed for his death. She cursed her husband for retaining integrity in Allah. When Prophet Ayub (peace be upon him) was in an extremely pathetic condition he prayed:

        "Truly adversity has afflicted me and You are Most Merciful of all who show mercy." (Surah 21: Verse 83)
        Allah accepted his prayer. The Holy Quran affirms:
        "Then We heard his prayer and removed that adversity from which he suffered, and We gave him his household and the like thereof along with them, a mercy from Our store and remembrance for the worshippers." (Surah 21: Verse 84)

        The Prophet Ayub Recovers And Prospers

        Allah turned to him with mercy. He was commanded to strike the earth with his foot. He complied with the order and water from the spring gushed forth. He took a bath with the water and got cured from his evil disease. After this he was restored to prosperity. The Prophet Ayub (peace be upon him) knelt and prayed expressing a deep sense of gratitude to Allah. He never forgot His favours, mercy and love.

        The Prophet Ayub (peace be upon him) was one of the celebrated Prophets. His example illustrates: that those who remain patient under the stress of all circumstances, are never deprived of high rewards. The Holy Quran affirms: 
        "And surely we try you with something of fear and hunger, and loss of wealth and crops, but give glad-tidings to the steadfast, who when a misfortune befalls them, say lo! we are Allah's (possession of Allah) and to Him shall we surely return. · Such are they on whom are blessings from their Lord, and mercy. Such are the rightly-guided." (Surah 2 : Verse 155-157)

        When his wife asked him why he did not ask Allah to cure his sickness he replied with a response only a man who completely trusted in Allah would say “I am ashamed to ask Allah to remove my calamity without having patience when he has given me everything for more than half of my life” Allahu Akbar. So sister have patience, pray thahajjud, seek counsel from Allah,rely on him and ask dua from Allah like Prophet Zacahariya pbuh asked with complete trust mentioning the odds against you

        (This is) a mention of the mercy of your Lord to His slave Zakariya (Zachariah).
        When he called out his Lord (Allah) a call in secret,
        Saying: "My Lord! Indeed my bones have grown feeble, and grey hair has spread on my head, And I have never been unblest in my invocation to You, O my Lord!
        "And Verily! I fear my relatives after me, since my wife is barren. So give me from Yourself an heir,
        "Who shall inherit me, and inherit (also) the posterity of Ya'qub (Jacob) (inheritance of the religious knowledge and Prophet-hood, not the wealth, etc.). And make him, my Lord, one with whom You are Well-pleased!".


        Surah Maryam (19:2~6)

        Mention to him all the odds against you, just point out the impossibility of the chances of success yet your asking him affirms that you trust in him, in him who is able to do all things, and Wallahi he will respond to you without a doubt. I will most definitely include you my dear sister and your son in my duas and so will everyone Insha Allah who is in this forum, don't worry TO ALLAH WE BELONG AND TO HIM WE RETURN AND SUFFICENT IS ALLAH AS A DISPOSER OF OUR AFFAIRS.

        Say "Qadarullah, wa Ma Sha'a Fa'al" (Allah Has Decreed and whatever He Wills, it happens)" Face the difficulties with trust in Allah and by being obedient to Him, following His instructions, praying all 5 and observing the obligations.
        If this life was a person, it would be correct to say never trust life. For this reason, trust in Allah and fight the problems of this life with trust in Allah and Belief in Him.
        Imam Ahmad narrated in his Musnad that the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: "Allah marvels about the despair of His creatures ('ibad), while the changing of their situation from bad to good is very near, He looks at you, and you are very desperate, so He keeps laughing, because He knows that your relief is very close."

        Strive to be one who falls under this hadith, even I do:
        "Strange is the affair of the Mu'min (the believer), verily all his affairs are good for him. If something pleasing befalls him he thanks (Allah) and it becomes better for him. And if something harmful befalls him he is patient (Saabir) and it becomes better for him. And this is only for the Mu'min." (Sahih Muslim)

        I excerpted from one of the Editors reply to the a similar post.

        To conclude I would like to share with you this story which happened to Sheikh Muhammad Al Arfi

        A young man calls in to Shaikh Muhammad al 'Arefy during a live broadcast.
        The young man says he's in love and cannot forget his love and asks for the Shaikh's advice.The Shaikh advices the young man to seek help from Allah and do much du'a (supplication).

        The young man asks the Shaikh if there are any special du'a he can do to get rid of this love that has attached itself in the heart. The Shaikh advises him to say the following du'a: "O Allah, let there be Noor (light) in my heart, Noor in my eyes, Noor in my ears ..." The Shaikh doesn’t get to finish the dua as he’s interrupted by the young man, "Please, please honorable Shaikh, but stop." The Shaikh wonders if he said anything wrong?

        The young man replies, "The girl I'm in love with is named Noor."
        The Shaikh started laughing so much that he had to stop the program and take a break.

        Keep smiling sister don't worry We are true slave of the Almighty who put our trust and reliance on him in times of hardship and ease.WITH EVERY HARDSHIP COMES TWICE THE RELIEF

    • Assalamualaikum brother,
      wonderful to see you after so long,

      Just read your Brilliant advise..as always.
      Your strong trust in Allah s.w.t manifests each time you advise someone here.
      Sister leyla is going through so much pain for long and was almost unconsolable. The very fact that your response on some other post brought her closure which no1 else could is a proof that Allah s.w.t in return of your unbreakable trust in him has showered you with his blessings.
      There are amazing advisors who make sense with factual reasons with quotes from the quran and sunnah and those who sympathise with personal reasoning but your words are an amalgamation of both the qualities. communication is an art which is established through right knowledge and wisdom to articulate.

      May you continue the noble work of guiding people through your soothing words,so we can continue to benefit from you.
      Aameen.

      • Thank you my dear sister, so great to read you.

        I almost wrote you last week to ask for your support and prayers as divorce civil was being finalized and I was so down. I don't want to take over my little sister here's thread, but thank you for all dear apple green. Don't forget me in your prayers sis this coming Ramadan.

        Thank you for appreciating the importance of Helpless Slave's answer here. You are another pious and beautiful soul here. May ALLAH SWT increase your eeman and bless you.

        • my dear sister Leyla,

          Please do not hesitate. Sending across a word of comfort at my convenience is the least i can do for you. i visit this site everyday and if you left me a message on your post i will be happy to read it and respond in sha Allah. if my sister finds me useful in her agony i FEEL useful.

          i hope you are coping well now after the new legal procedure. sister trust me i have sincerely prayed for you more than once, begging Allah at length for you and your baby as if i know you personally. remember i told you '' ill never forget you'' ??

          Also remember me in your dua. iam trying to get close to Allah, plz pray that he allows me to get close to him and makes me pious.

          This Ramadan is going to be special. i am making a list of people who im going to pray for rather than just focussing on what i want from Allah. you will be there on it for sure my dear. i hope this sister who posted this post also gets peace and Allah makes her life easy. iam going to make a special list of my brothers and sisters on this website and weep for Allah to unite us in jannat ul firdaus. there is a part of me that really wants to see you guys.

      • Walaikum Assalam Warahamtullahi Wabarakaatuhu,

        Wonderful to see your great words of encouragement sister, but as always you have credited me for things which I have no control of. Alhamdulillah but sister I am grateful for your feedback, I am really happy for being able to ignite hope into my sister here, Subhana Allah that is indeed a great honor and privilege.

        I just was reading the posts by sister leyla it was really heartbreaking but Alhamdulillah she is a strong, independent Muslimah, She has a lot of trust in Allah because her resolve to fight back is strong but Shaytaan is always trying to break her but eventually her emaan beats the snob shaytaan to pulp Alhamdulillah, I pray that Allah makes our heart and Emaan Strong.

        Being Muslim does not guarantee that a Life free of Problems but Having trust in Allah just gives us direction in all the chaos and our Emaan and our Religion is protected. Alhmaudlillah.

        There are amazing advisors who make sense with factual reasons with quotes from the quran and sunnah and those who sympathise with personal reasoning but your words are an amalgamation of both the qualities. communication is an art which is established through right knowledge and wisdom to articulate.

        I would say that was over the top ... 🙂 but Alhamdulillah that was really an acknowledgement, you would be that person who is a genius with words... Alhamdulillah.

  16. Salam sister, reading your post bought a tadpole to my throat, thinking how someone can suffer so much from such a young age. Mental torture is the worst of any kind, you feel insecure, words hurt and they dig within you. But please dont suffer in silence or alone. Resorting to suicide and to end your life isnt the solution. Please delve in Islam, Namaz, Allah is with you. Your family im sorry to say are the reason your feeling like this. One day they will realize how they have made you feel, believe me what goes around does come back around. But remember your here for a reason, Allah only tests his strongest soldiers because they can take the test and pass it! Focus on yourself, your studies, work, profession, grow as an individual and prove those who make you feel inferior that you are somebody. You have the key to your future, you can change it. Unfortunate until you dont accept and move from the past it will always catch up with you. Do contact your GP and refer for counselling, it does help and work its a long process. Counselors dont remove your problems, nor can they erase the past; but instead they will help you understand, process and bury it once and for all. And for those who taunt you; Allah is all knowing and seeing, everything they say and do is being written how you react is how you will be rewarded.
    So please remain positive, its easier said than done but you have Allah by yourside, No one else matters

  17. Aslamulakum. Guess what sister, I love you. Don't know why just do. Do yourself a favour, get off these websites. I get you. Baji see a phcitrist they'll understand you as a person, and also our culture. A concilers wont understand these things. I've been through something similar. I know you feel angry at God. Tell him, Just ask him why. Get you anger out. Even when your devastated with him, he still forgives. If you never talk to a phycitrist you'll never get over this. It's soo hard I know. But a phcitrist WON'T judge you like your family. Please bein I want you to be happy. Take a days off from your job. And please do this for yourself. Not only do I love you, but sis I love your gorgeous bronze skin. Scientifically when you grow old you won't get wrinkles, while fairer people will. No offence I love this website, but my sister here needs face to face chatting. There's a Quranic that says 'asks the one who knows'. Computer hugs, love you sista! X

  18. Dear sister,

    I came across your situation today as I myself felt very down and low.
    I know how you feel, maybe not exactly but I know how it feels to be hurt and verbally, physically and emotionally abused. I am a little older than you but in a similar situation. I know u need sum sort of support which is y u turned to this site, just like I did. At least u know now that ppl care abt u and ur not alone.

    I know ur hurt sweertheart, and it will take u some time to get better, as Im in the same position as you. But I need you to do something: First of all u need a gud support system that can help u overcome wut ur going thru i.e. look for a therapist, counselor, someone that can listen to u, becuz u need to vent out ur problems, ur pain, the hurt uve had inside for so many years. Second, plz get in touch with a Psychiatrist. Im sure wen u get in touch with a therapist they can refer u to one. U need to talk to them and find out how to overcome all this, I cant diagnose what is ur suffering from but they can only make that call. I know that once u have a good support system and work with them together u wont feel as bad my dear. Third well this shud go with first too: talk to Allah like other ppl have mentioned here. Pray as much as u can, do dua, write, do wut works for u but ask him to help u sweety I sincerely hope he helps u and listens to u and u dnt suffer anymre than u already have and have ease in ur life from this point on AMEEN.

    I know its hard my dear sister, but I want u to try to focus on the things I told u and inshallah those will help u. Also if u are from the UK I have heard of "Brahma Kumaris" there a meditation group that helps ppl learn how to meditate, and this wil help u alot trust me. Google them and u will see how this will make a difference and calm ur mind since uve experienced a lot. Also, reading the Quran, being closer to Allah (SWT) will help u as well. Ur heart will be at peace. I used to be very distressed and depressed and alhamdulillah being closer to our deen has helped me and Im sure it can help u too sis. Theres a dua I came across today as a matter of fact for distress and sorrow:

    Islamic Duas ( Supplications and Adhkar )

    A beautiful dua to overcome GRIEF,SORROW,LAZINESS,DEBTS and FEAR:
    Join us in this beautiful dua and write "ameen" below.
    "O Allah, I seek refuge in you from grief and sadness, from weakness and from laziness, from miserliness and from cowardice, from being overcome by debt and overpowered by men (i.e. others)"
    اللّهُـمَّ إِنِّي أَعْوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الهَـمِّ وَ الْحُـزْنِ، والعًجْـزِ والكَسَلِ والبُخْـلِ والجُـبْنِ، وضَلْـعِ الـدَّيْنِ وغَلَبَـةِ الرِّجال

    Allaahumma 'innee 'a'oothu bika minal-hammi walhazani, wal'ajzi walkasali, walbukhli waljubni, wa dhala'id-dayni wa ghalabatir-rijaal

    Al-Bukhari 7/158. See also Al-Asqalani, Fathul-Bari 11/173.

    I will pray for you and may Allah make ur life and those in distress easier Ameen summa Ameen.

    take care,

    Noorkh786

  19. I read your story and it is identical (literally the same) to the ordeals my wife went through. My wife ended up with deep depression which was undiagnosed for many years which only exacerbated her ordeal. Her family did not know what was wrong with her so they treated her like she was handicapped which made her feel even more isolated and It made it more difficult for her to resolve everything she went through. My sincere advice alongside praying and making dua is to see a doctor too because there is no way that all of this has not had an effect on your mental health. Reading your story there are so many signs that point to depression and low self esteem.

    One day Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) noticed a Bedouin leaving his camel without tying it and he asked the Bedouin, “Why don’t you tie down your camel?” The Bedouin answered, “I put my trust in Allah.” The Prophet then said, “Tie your camel first, then put your trust in Allah” (At-Tirmidhi).

    remember we need to do your part too. effort and struggle from our part is important before we expect anything from Allah so please consider my advise. My wife read a book which really helped her through her experience called 'Dont be sad' my sincerest advise is to read the book, see a doctor and put your trust in Allah. I will make dua for you too.

  20. Oh Allah Ta'ala help her, help her, help her. Amen

  21. salaam sister.
    Im not going to lie but my life is quite similar, The unwanted dad, The loveless life and family, the cold mother etc. Some times i feel the same way, that if someone placed a gun to my head i wouldn't hesitate or run away, because i have no will to live. For me life started falling into place when i was eight and the amount of times i've tried to commit suicide, but to be honest i don't feel like i have a choice but to carry on and i advise the same, maybe inshallah ALLAH (swt) may turn the tables and you might start feeling different about life and attempt yourself, to make your life better, because your living in the U.K you do have opportunities.

  22. I wrote here exactly a year ago.
    I used to feel helpless, miserable, and did not understand
    Why certain thinhs happened the way they did.
    Dnt expect from ppl, ppl disappoint u and that's wut I learned myself after
    A while.

    I will say I find peace when I read short but effective meaningful excerpts from the Quran, I listen to the Quran
    Recitation. I feel a sense of well-being my mind is at rest instead being tangled in depressive thoughts.

    May Allah help you and all of is suffering.

    Ameen summa ameen

    • Assalaamualaikam

      Alhamdulillah I'm glad to hear you are able to find some peace and well-being - may Allah continue to guide you, sister.

      Midnightmoon
      IslamicAnswers.com editor

  23. Aslm, I just wanted to ask if the young lady that posted is okay ? I read your story and it broke my heart. May Allah SWT guide and protect you and make easy your difficulties always inshallah ameen. You are in my dua's and in my heart I cannot begin to understand what you have gone through but I pray that you do not lose faith and no matter how hard it gets turn to Allah SWT and place your trust in Allah SWT.

  24. Assalamualaikum Brothers and sisters.
    I hope everyone is well. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone that has taken the time to read and reply to my post. I know it has been 2 years since I posted my story; I always meant to post a reply but honestly I don't know why I didn't. I have read every single comment and I want to thank you all.

    Thank you so much it really means a lot me. I'm 21 now and I'm still here, and I'm glad I am. I have taken on board everything, and I am trying really hard to take control of my life, I have decided I won't let anyone else dictate how I feel, as it is my job to make myself happy. I once heard a statement that has stuck with me throught the past year and its that "you will only ever truly be happy, if you are happy with yourself". That is the goal I hope to achieve for my life. I am not there yet, but insha' Allah I will get there one day.

    I understand that my life is not mine to take. Allah has given me this life and only he has the power to take me for judgment when the time has come.
    I cannot say I have distanced my self from my family completely there are a few people that I still want in my life. My mum is one person I can't leave, as horrible as she was I still feel like I can't leave her alone with my dad and older brother. They will completely destroy whatever light she has in herself and I am the only one out of my siblings who will be capable of looking after her in her old age. She has been trying to make things right with me and just her trying means so much to me.

    I am not saying my issues have disappeared, because they haven't. But I am going to try my best with the advice and love you have all sent my way is something I will remember for the rest of my life. It sounds wierd because i don't know you personally but your kind words means more to me than anything else. It's always the smallest gestures that help a person and lift their spirit.

    Thank you for everything you have said and I will pray for your happiness in this life and in the afterlife.

  25. Someone like you deserves jannah leave your family get out of this abusive system keep in touch with them when you're parents need help but other than that you shouldn't really bother have patience things will get better don't worry about the past keep moving on keep going forward you're a strong woman you burden is so heavy and inshallah you'll find happiness here and in the akrira

  26. ALLAH test his people ..u should be thankful enough nd pls do a lot of astighfaar for your mind set.

  27. Life is not so easy for everyone. You should thanks to Allah that now u r a grown up girl and can live your life independently. Forget abt past and start living your life from now. Struggle for a totally different world. Now u can choose your own family and friends. Everything is bad was your past and a glorious sunshine life is waiting for you. Looking at your past experience change your mind annd vision for your would be daughter.

  28. My Dear Sister,
    There is nothing wrong with you and as you articulated you feel happy when you see your family members have some trouble.
    THE BEST REVENGE IS LIVING GOOD AND HAPPY LIFE......I am confident that you will have it INSHA-ALLAH.
    Please also make dual for your family members that MAY ALLAH GUIDE THEM.
    ALLAH helps those who wants to help them. MAY ALLH GIVE YOU JOY AND HAPPINESS IN BOTH in this WOLD AND HEREAFTER..AAMEN
    Wassalam

  29. Please know you are not alone. I searched the same topic and found yours. Each and every line is exactly my story.Know Allah loves you and I love you too. Please email me if you need a loving sister ****

  30. Hi I just read your life story, sorry to hear you had a hard life and I can see how much you were hurting back then, are you any better now

  31. Aslamualaikum sister,

    I am facing very bad abuse as well I have been living with my mum for 18 years and have always been brainwashed by all my mum side family that my dad was a bad person.
    That he hated me, they said my dad tried to burn me when I was 8 months. They say my dad was an alcoholic who always use to be abusive towards my mum and me.
    The reason why my uncles aunties mum and granma have been saying this is so, I lookafter my mum for my whole life. Despite she abuses me very badly hides all food in the bedroom and when I eat my mum and granma glare at me so I don't eat.
    I'm living in England in a western country but still I'm not aloud to have a shower everyday they say I need to shower every week or after every two weeks.
    Or they would say have a shower with cold water. However, for 5 times a day I have to do wuzu with cold water even for fajr which is very difficult.
    I get accused of stealing money, I get accused that I have a sexual affair with my uncle who has touched me in a wrong way.
    So now, I cant be patient anymore I have had enough when I was a kid till I was 16 years old I was very evil because of my mothers and granmas teachings I use to absue my own cuzzins steal things I use to very bad because that's what they taught me to do.
    Now after doing lots of research on Islam I have realised I was very wrong I was never shown the right path I was always mistreated.
    There is loads more to say but if I write it all I wouldn't stop writing for days and days.
    Now after all this I want to tell someone who will help me and get me out of all this mess.
    But im still overthinking about my decision I don't want my mum, uncles, aunties, or granny to go prison so, what do I do?
    please help

  32. Salam my dear sister
    Stop hurting yourself. May Allah bless your life. Just study. Focus on that and pray. In Sha Allah complete your studies and join job far away from your family. My dear sister finish your study. Alhumdillah your lucky many girls your age ate forced to marry and are not allowed to study. So study hard and as soon as you get job,run away because they don't deserve you. But please my dear sister complete your studies. I can understand your pain. In Sha Allah Allah will help because he is there and you deserve every thing that your brother got

  33. Allah reminds his people that during hard times its him who helps his people not ur family or friends will ever do

  34. Lol listen sister, if Allah give everyone a good life then who will be left to play with?? Well I have more worst story then yours and at some point tried very hard to improve it and was somehow working out but in the end everything mess up once again(God knew it what I was being through,but still did nothing) and I end up being where I begin..!! Sometimes I wonder why they said to not give up in Quran, because when you don't give up and try to make everything possible to get a better life,some tragedy happens in the end and everything messed up...!! Honestly but now I'm just living and try to get the remaining days to pass as quickly as possible..!! Trust me nothing happens and at some point even god stop listen to you...!! Lol bitter but truth..

  35. @Syed:

    There is no reason to write lol in a blog where ppl poor their heart out.

  36. Hi 108,

    I hope you are okay. You can talk to me if you are feeling bad. My facebook id is Amy Archland. Talk to me if you feel like you need to vent. I am willing to listen. I am going through a really bad time too and feel worthless. I have had several breakdowns over the past four months and have thought of killing myself multiple times these past months. I hope I don't but if things keep on getting worse, I feel like I will probably do it. I am in a place right now where I am made to feel worthless by everyone; people yell, snub, dismiss or look down on me constantly. Everytime I try to get back up or pursue my dream, someone comes and knocks it down or crushes it and it is getting harder and harder for me to fight or keep my chin up. I feel like every single door that could help me attain my goal is being shut down. That is why I am filled with so little hope and anxiety and am depressed that I can't manage to do anything. So I can relate to your pain.

    Let me know if you need anything. I think one way to escape is to try looking for a job and be part of clubs in school ( which can open doors to jobs). Another could be to create your own world where none of the people in your life are welcome- this could be through having a hobby like reading or pursuing something extra curricular that you are passionate about. That way you might make some worthwhile friends and find a way out of the misery.

    I hope things have gotten better for you and will continue to do so in the future.

    • Assalaamualaykum Amy,

      You have given the original poster some terrific advice in your second paragraph. I sincerely hope you yourself also find healing and joy, Inshallah. I have made a dua for you.

      Hugs,

      Nor

  37. Assalamu walukum brothers and sisters. I'm having an issue almost every night. Sometimes I don't know why part me tells that Allah is my real parents no one again part me tells Allah is my creator and I'm just His creation how can he be my parent and He Himself said He is unique so this doesn't make any sense but still it feels like He is my true parent and I just miss Him a lot I don't know why this happens and what to believe on the only thing I believe is Allah is my creator and I'm just his creation. I really need some help with this. Please anyone reply me to this comment cause I really want to know what is going on with me.

  38. Bismillah. AsSalaamu Alaikum. My situation is very similar, but I don't want to down play what you're going through. May Allah strengthen us, and Bless us with patience. Do you know that THE STRONGER YOUR DEEN, THE HARDER THE TESTS?.... Only Allah knows our hearts. Your heart may be free of any stains and you don't even know it... Do you know that SOMEONE CAN GO THROUGH SO MUCH PAIN IN THIS WORLD THAT THEY COME ON THE DAY OF JUDGEMENT WITH A CLEAN SLATE, BECAUSE, ANY PAIN YOU GO THROUGH EXPIATES SINS....... Knowing this helps me....

    Do you know that the Day of Resurrection and Judgement Day with be like 50,000 years as we know it? This world is so insignificant. If we can't endure the pain of this world (lifespan up to 100 years possibly), how will we endure the 50,000 years OF STANDING IN ONE SPOT (by the way).

    BEG Allah for patience regularly.

    Please read Quran daily, as much as you can Insha Allah. Recite this dua regularly... Oh Allah, I am your servant, son (daughter) of your servant, son (daughter) of your maidservant. My forelock is in your hands. Your command over me is forever executed. Your Decree over me is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You, that You have named Yourself with. That You have taught to any of Your creation. That You revealed in any of Your Books. That You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the QURAN the life of my heart, a departure for my sorrows, and a release for my anxieties.

    I tell my children, and myself(when I'm really down). Allah is NEVER unfair.

    May Allah forgive me if I said anything wrong, or gave you any wrong advice.

    The Quran is a guide, a mercy, and HEALING.....

    PLEASE READ EVERY DAY Insha Allah.

    Nothing or no one can help you when you're feeling like this, but Allah.

    When Allah LOVES you, He sends you trials.

    Please establish all your prayers Insha Allah. That really helps too.

    I noticed that I see big results when I finally break down crying from not being able to take it anymore while in prayer.

    Allah wants us to come to Him, rely on Him, ask Him for everything.

    It's arrogance in us, not to go to Him.

    I hope this helps in anyway. It helps me.

    You're not alone. Please believe that.

    It makes it easier to deal with things when you know others are going through it too.

    Salaam

  39. Iam reading this post very late, but better late than never.I have read your whole text and iam really sorry for your suffering. Clearly its not a test for you. this situation has to stop, and this might be the worse advice I have ever given to someone, but you have to stand for yourself, I know there will be cosequences but once you show these bastards that your not the person to mess with they will stop, and I mean it, they will, and if you want a hastle free solution for your problem then leave them for good.

  40. Replying u just bcoz i can totally relate to u n i understand the pain coz my story somewhat like u n the story of hell still continues i m 30 now n trust me pain is unbearable n trust me nobody gives hand to save u but v feel like v r sinking nly hope is allah

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