Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How can I be the girl his parents will want for him?

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Basically, me & my boyfriend are Bengali - syhlet, he is 18 and his mum wants him to get married & I am 16 which agreeing to marry him soon when I am 18 inshallah. We both met online & we have met each other, we have known each other for 1 year & 7 months, we both had our ups & down in our relationship but we still stay strong and accept to stay together. But I'm a little worried because his parents might not accept me to get married to him.

However I have an issue...unfortunately I cannot properly speak Bengali. I was brought up in an English area with not many Asians which I find kind of strange for me because I wanted to be brought up in more of the Asian state so that I can understand more of the Bengali language and get along with more Asians. My mum speaks Bengali but I understand a little of what she saying but I don't reply back in Bengali properly, I end up putting English to me and my mums conversation. My dad speaks Bengali & English but he mainly speaks English to in my house with my brothers and sisters we mainly speak English. My boyfriend who lives in a different city about 2hours away, he was brought up with more with the Asians & he can speak Bengali & English. Whenever my boyfriend speaks Bengali with me I don't give a full correct answer in Bengali which kind of embarrasses me! I have a feeling that his parents won't accept me because i cannot speak Bengali to him or if I speak to his parents properly in Bengali!  I would like to learn more Bengali.

Also, my boyfriend always wants me to wear a hijab which I do agree with him but I don't always tend to wear it unless we are meeting but when we get "married" I am hoping to wear a hijab. But does the parents want me wearing the hijab & be more religious? Would this accept our marriage?

What are parents really looking for when it comes to marriages?

what does the wife really needs to do more often, so that they can accept the marriage?

what appearance do I give to his parents?

I need help?



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3 Responses »

  1. Sister only ur boyfriend's perents know wht kind of wife they want for theyr son. And what qualites she should have how does she needs to look like. What does she needs to wear. all these anwsers are with ur boyfriends perents not in public or in these kind of sites.

    So what u need to is, if u really want to marry him in future and want to win his perents heart u should Meet his perents his whole famly instead of just meeting ur boyfriend. Try to spend some time with them. See how do they react to ur bengali not being soo good. See how they treat u, find out what do they think about u and u not wearing hijab. Or ask ur boyfriend to tell u about his perernts. But personaly i think meeting and spending time with his famly and perents would be better then asking ur boyfrind.

    If u want to marry this man when u trun 18 then u stil have planty of time to learn their language. Learn their cultur and understand them personaly. Dont west time by meeting ur boyfriend behind ur perents, making plan for marrieg, giving him and urself more hopes. Becaz if at the end nothing happens according to ur wishes u will hurt ur self and him very badly.. u will not be able to live with him nor u will be able to move on..

    About hijab. Sister Its not a bad thing to wear hjijab nor its a diffecult thing to do. But for that ur imaan and faith in allah has to be strong. U need to learn islam more deep. Looks like living in western eara u have not got the chance to learn about islam. Instead of westing time on chatting, talking and meeting ur boyfriend try to listin to some islamic latures on youtube. Go to mosqu. Search on islamic sites. Make ur imaan as strong as u can. Only then u will be able to be more religious and wear hijab from heart not becaz ur boyfriend or anyone alse has told u to but becaz u want it urself..

  2. Dear Young Muslimah,
    Firstly, read up articles on the morals and manners that are expected of muslims, especially young people. I think that will be a good starting point.
    Once you read up some of them, you will realise that online/offline relationships are not allowed between non-mehrams. So, at 16, you should be concentrating on improving yourself as a Muslim and as a young lady: education, personality and skills.
    Learning languages, be it Bengali or Urdu or Arabic is a very handy skill. So start from working on your mother-tongue with your mother and you will become fluent with time.
    Hijab is mandatory for all muslim women, whether anybody approves or disapproves.
    What parents look for in matches varies from family to family. So, nobody can give you a precise answer for that.
    Be your normal self and dont put up pretences.
    Lastly, ask him to bring his family over so that you two can be tied in a ’nikah’ if things work out. Till then, maintain strict boundaries as boyfriends/girlfriends are not allowed in Islam.

  3. Boyfriend girlfriend haram ...there will be no Barakah in your life until you fix yourselves and understand that Allah keeps account of everything even if you conceal it in your minds....You are to young to get married and understand your duties and life in general....The big picture.....

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