Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How can I convince him to marry me?

depressed girl woman

Assalamo alaykum. I am bachelor graduate and he is still in college. We are not officially in a relationship (for over 3 years) but we were like one because we care so much about each other, and we really love each other for the sake of Allah. We have plans to get married.

As he was still studying, i have to help him with almost all of his school projects to thesis paper. I have to give him daily expenses. Until Alhamdulillah he graduated and his mom is very very happy. But his mom doesn't like me. However because we really love each other, we chose to fight for our love until the day he could marry me. His mom agreed to marry me however with conditions. It's ok, for the sake of our love for each other. But he hasn't married me yet. We had a misunderstanding, usual misunderstanding that led him to give up on me.. He said, he did that because I asked him to do so. Yes I did, I told him to follow her mom's dreams for her. I cannot insist myself to his family when in the first place, they dont like me. I was just being emotional and vulnerable that day to say all those words to push him away. So he is gone. His mom was very happy, she said Alhamdulillah and she will look for a girl for him to marry. That's really heart breaking. I couldn't help myself from crying, shouting, and regrets. My family knew the situation now. Alhamdulillah my sister have plenty of good advices but she is not aware of all the reasons i cannot lose grip ob him.

For some reasons, I can't give up on him because,

-He is very nice, he practices Islam, he understands me, he loved me

-He cares for my mother a lot

-We promised. We have future plans together. We have family plans together.

-We had physical contact (which I didn't tell my family) 🙁

-I really love him for the sake of Allah. He is the only guy I had this relationship with.

-I gave him everything, when I say everything, it's every little thing I have for myself.

 

And now... I am crying on my prayers. Duas, dhikr, istigfar. My sister keep reminding me to sabar and stop all the communication we have. She keep on making me realize that if we were meant to be, nothing can stop that. He will soon or later knock on our door. InshaaAllah. But again, there is one thing my sister doesn't know. My mom also asked me if we did something that's why I couldn't let him go, but I denied, three times. Sorry mom.

Ya Allah, please help me. Please guide me.

I am writing this now so I could express everything, and I really need a good advice that would save me and give just to what we did (which I know is very wrong, and I always remind him of that). Honestly, I want him to marry me to give justice to my loss, and also I really love him. He is the man I visualize in my future. 🙁 I love him until akhira, until Jannah InshaaAllah

As I pray to Allah, I also ask you to give me good advice... Should I let him go? Should i wait? Should I tell my parents about what we did? Should I talk to his mom? Because he is not talking to me..

Jazakallah. May Allah accept from us.

Honeybear21


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4 Responses »

  1. Salaam. I'm going to be brutally honest here. Im reading this and thinking wow what a Bollywood like script. Get a grip and get on with your life. Do tauba and ask Allah to forgive u and focus on your life. When the time is right get married to someone suitable and worthy stop crying over split milk.

  2. Plz do tawbah sincere if he want not marry with you then you walk away and never see back ,you should convince him for marry bcz you lose your honour you should realize him that he degrade me if he do not understand thaen plz apart it it is better for you and repent first thing you should do .Pray fotlr me thanks

  3. I actually didn't even read your letter. I just saw the title and knew what my answer is:

    If you have to convince someone to marry you, you should not ever marry them.

    The end.

  4. If he actually loves you, he will pursue you himself.

    If he loves you, you wont have to CONVINCE him to marry you.

    FIrst ask Allah for forgiveness as you and the guy have sinned. Then let him go, and try to forget him. With time you WILL forget him. InshaAllah move forward in your life with hopes and dreams for a better future. Believe in Allah, his mercy and his plan for you

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