Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How can I convince my parents to marry me to my atheist boyfriend without hurting them?

Asak

confused

I am myra...from calcutta..

I am in2 this relationship with a non muslim guy for 5 yrs...though he is an atheist bt takes a lot of pride in his name...the problem is so that now v both want to get married...his parents have agreed quite reluctantly...bt there is a lot of prob from my side..

After convincing him to convert he has agreed bt just for marriage.he does not want his parents to know bt this conversion..n wants us to have a marry through special marriage act...

Now my questions are as follows

1.Is it important for him to change his name?

2.How can we possibly make our marriage materialize without hurting each others parents

3.After he converts can we possibly get married through special marriage act rather that having a nikah

Plz help me

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32 Responses »

  1. Myra, Walaikumsalaam,

    I think the only two questions you should be asking are these:

    1) Will marrying an atheist hurt 'yourself', i.e. your own soul?

    and

    2) Will you be displeasing Allah by marrying an atheist?

    It is crystal clear, that no Muslim is allowed to marry a disbeliever, the only exception applies to Muslim men who can marry women of the Book but even that it is preferred for them to marry Muslim women instead. The man you want to marry is not Muslim unless he believes in the Oneness of Allah and his Rasool(saw) being the last and final Messenger, truly from his heart. But from what you say, he is only converting for show. Allah(swt) says in the Quran in Surah Al-Baqarah, Ayah 221:


    "Nor marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe: A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he allures you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind: That they may celebrate His praise]".

    ***

    What I find extremely strange is that if you do not care about the religious implications of marrying an atheist, why are you so concerned about whether this man must change his name, about him pretending to convert and about the type of marriage ceremony you can have?

    It is unfortunate as it is clear from the nature of your enquiry that you do not have a strong connection with your deen. If you had so, you would not ever think about marrying an atheist. Most likely your parent's role in your upbringing has contributed to your weak faith and lack of knowledge. Anyhow, you are an adult now and have the ability to think for yourself. So I have conveyed Allah's message to you, that it is forbidden for you to marry an atheist. Furthermore if you marry this man, it may be recognised by the law of the land but not by Allah, hence your sexual relations will be considered impure and as zina/fornication - another grave sin added to marrying an atheist and holds with it terrible punishment in the Hereafter.

    Shaytaan has vowed to Allah that he will do everything he can to make us deviate from the straight path. So you are falling for his deception if you continue your relationship with an atheist/disbeliever/Non Muslim, through marriage or through dating.

    You know the implications of committing these sins very well. It is now your choice whether you care more about your soul and your Hereafter or whether you care more about feeding your desires in this short lived life on earth.

    May Allah guide you, Aameen,

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Salaam,
    Barakallahu fika SisterZ, that was a good answer. It really breaks my heart to see my sisters falling for non muslims and following desire.

    • You should help your brothers to learn not to marry nonmuslim women so that your muslim sisters do not have this issue. Fine, Islam allows men to marry women of the book, but that was in the times when they really used to follow the books...now they have distorted their religions so much that they are no longer really of the book. Unfortunately, these brothers fall into haram relations with these women and then justify their marriages to them by saying Islam allows it and then ask these women to either revert or remain in their religions, which they barely practice in the majority of cases.

  3. Salamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh...

    have you seen children crying for candy and their parents refuse to give them the what seemed like colorful, delicious bites?... when they grow old they will be thankful to their parents for not allowing them to have those favourite candies and saved them from having cavities and toothaches...

    take lesson from this...there are 100s and 1000s of people who say "but my girl or my guy is special" when they are advised about failed marriages.... the wise ones will keep their emotions aside and assess everything...
    are you in control of your digestive system, respiratory system, endocrine system or are you even able to stay awake for the rest of your life without sleeping even if you tried hard? Who is taking care of everything and providing food and oxygen to breath?
    the One Who created you knows whats good and bad for you.... so think deeply first of all about your existence and your purpose in life... and realize that by going against the command of Our Lord we are calling for self destruction... He's not in need of us but we are in need of Him...

    so dear sister prepare for your meeting with Your Lord and ask Him to help you...if you turn to Him He'll definitely make a way out and bless you with what is best in this world and akhira inshAllah!
    O you who believe! Turn to Allah with sincere repentance! It may be that your Lord will remit from you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow (Paradise)... 66:8

    • Thank you so much for this advice, it has opened my eyes as well and made me understand more by putting examples into it. Examples always help me connect with it more. May Allah reward you and those who have given good advices also. Ameen.

  4. Salaam Sister Myra from Calcutta,

    I am sorry that you have fallen into this situation.

    I am afraid that no responsible Muslim would offer a strategy to achieve what you are asking for. It is against our religion to marry any man that is not Muslim, and we are duty bound by our faith to advise you to the truth.

    I hope and pray that you can see this and accept this.

    Peace,

    Leyla
    Editor, Islamic Answers

  5. salam sister
    i stay in bangalore and my mother was in same situation coz she is a muslim and my father was a hindu but my father was so much influenced by muslim culture and tradition that he converted to islam and then got married to my mom and my mom has 6 children and we all are married and we are having a good islamic background and we are proud about my father converted to islam and we have a bright future . In the same if he converts to islam and follows islam there is no harm in marrying him.I think there s no place for munafiks in islam i dont know y u have to hide it from his parents if he has converted he has to be proud that he is a muslim .Nikah is compulsary to get married without nikah you cant live together as it is haram.
    If he is not ready to convert or want to hide his identity dont marry him you will get someone better than him
    May Allah show you the right path

  6. assalamwalekum, all brothers n sisters

    yes malso agreee

  7. Myra I am in the same situation as you that my boyfriend is an Atheist. I am still trying to make this relationship work and explain to him about Islam whenever i can. It's very hard however I've already made a vow to myself when the time comes for us to decide if we want to pursue the relationship further and if he is still adamant about his believe then i believe that it is just not meant to be. Don't sacrifice your faith because of something like this. It's not worth it. Faith is a lot bigger than finding the right man in our life.

    If i was put in your situation i would discuss with my him properly. Tell him what you want from the relationship eg: a man of god, a believer in Allah and etc which is definitely very important. Listen to his response and what he can do about it. By pretending to be a Muslim is not going to cut it. Suggest him to get to know the religion and give him time to consider the option. Find out if there is any organization or a group in your neighborhood that can give him the right answers to his questions. Not by scouring online or talk to any random Muslim out there. Guide him to the right people to talk to. You have to show him what is Islam all about. It will take time and if you nor him do not have the time then you both have to accept that it is not meant to be. At least you've tried and he did too.

    • "give him time to consider the option" is great advice, mashAllah. As Allah says in the Quran: There is no complusion in religion. It will be better for the woamn and the relationship if the man reverts after understanding what Islam is - you can only ask Allah to guide him towards Him and He will if He wills this guy to come close to Him.

  8. What is so special about a mere man that your Allah has to take a back seat? Sister, go to the local mosque and start learning about islam. There you will meet good muslim girls, who will teach you about love far more greater than of a man. We all have material interests like shopping for shoes and buying music, we like brands like gucci and prada, but we know our boundaries and our spending limits. Why do we suddenly lose our sense of judgement when its comes to finding a partner FOR LIFE!? We forget our limits, we forget about our brand (muslim)?

    Dont come here sniffing around for excuses for your rubbish relationship. WITH NO DUE RESPECT, people like you have made a joke out of our deen, and then expect someone online to solve your life's problems. You say that his family have accepted (albeit reluctantly) but your family still has a problem. NO, YOU ARE THE PROBLEM! GROW UP! When you were born, someone read the adhan in your ear, you are hearing the word of god since your birth, and yet you have the audacity to seek a relationship with an atheist?!

    A lot of people are being kind to you, offering you sweet and good advice. You see islam and the kind nature of muslims? They know what you're doing is wrong, yet they try and guide you. They are asking you to go talk to him, keep teaching him or warning you against it. They are asking to look inside yourself, they are asking you to reflect. But is it hitting home? NO! You cant teach him anyting! Thats not your bloody job! Dawa is not being attacked here, and if you want to teach him islam, send him to an Alim!

    People of this forum, know this, no matter what you say, this is falling on deaf ears. Who are we kidding here, do you really think she is going to take our soft kind and welcoming advice?

    You should cut your ties with him now, because in actual fact you have no right to go outside your fathers islamic home and make your own choices like this.

    Marry a man from another faith and be prepared to live a life of oppression. Sisters run away from a brother with a beard and musallah, but at-least he wont make a joke out of her when she goes down in sajda. He wont call her names or slander her prophet. Whats wrong with our people!?!?!!!

    Why do people even bother to ask such questions, when they know the start of any male/female relationship is nikah.

    Yea judge me fellow commentators. Say you disagree with me, sympathize with this fornicator. But I dont need to be 'nice' to such a person. We need to whip our kids on the back side and prevent them looking for excuses for the shameful acts. Maybe not in the literal sense, but at-least an harsh approach so that they open their eyes. Our children go to school with these utlra modern muslims, and they are learning how to bend the rules are little too dont you think?

    • Ali, I edited your comment to remove the curse words and the worst insults that you directed at the questioner. Your language and demeanor is unacceptable. I'm not justifying the questioner's behavior, I am talking about you right now. Your harsh attitude and nasty language is not representative of how a Muslim should behave. I am giving you this one single warning. If you don't have the patience to advise people constructively and with kindness, then this website is not the place for you. If I see any further comments like the one above, I will block you from the website without hesitation.

      Normally I would block you right away after an answer like the one above, but you have given some good answers to other people, so I am giving you a chance.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Ali i like your comment and find nothing wrong with it you have made me realise many important things after i read it jazakallah!

    • I too like Ali's comment.
      I agree that a muslim must have a good temperament and not demean or insult others and rather than ending up being edited, a person whom values & understands Islam should practice self censorship to not be punished by Allah for slander or misrepresentation of Islamic manners.

      Having said that I have to say that I agree 100% with each and every one of Ali's points.
      Im not yet familiar with his other posts but to me this one was pretty profound. The points raised were crucial and we all need to be reminded of them.

      What he said is priceless advise and in fact crucial pointers for todays contemporary islamic climate.
      We live in a detrimental 'modern muslim' breeding ground; and his response is extremely beneficial not just to the questioner but also many people reading.

      People who will be looking for loopholes and excuses to live this boyfriend/girlfriend lifestyle and when they want to go legit, in our globalized-networked- at the touch of your finger info, they will probably google "atheist or hindu etc marriage to muslim" which is a dangerous thing because there is a lot of disinformatists with agendas to misguide muslims youth.

      What Ali said was invaluable how many women adopt this haram lifetstyle of boyfriend & girlfriend and let ALLAH SWT take the back seat, they choose their mates over Allahs swt....Please people reading ponder that, for theyre mentioned in the Holy Quran.

      2:165 Yet there are men(people) who take (for worship) others besides Allah, as equal (with Allah.: They love them as they should love Allah. But those of Faith are overflowing in their love for Allah. If only the unrighteous could see, behold, they would see the penalty: that to Allah belongs all power, and Allah will strongly enforce the penalty. Surat al Baqarah

      How long will we live? How will we go to Allah? There is no turning back from the grave and no second chances when the ink has dried and our books are closed, you get one chance in this life and this is it.

      These neo-muslims, moderate muslims living custom made lifestyles, it doesnt work that way, the others looking to marry non muslim men, it doesnt work that wy either, you can't cherry pick the info you garner so you can then craftily twist any form of Islamic rhetoric to your advantage; then use it to beguile your family's: If the result of these types of family's poor upbringing is anything to go by, Family's, mind you, that may not be that proficient in Islamic teachings, then such parents may very well succumb to their children's rationale, may Allah open their eyes and lead them into the light. Allah is all forgiving to those whom repent.

      Ali raised an excellent point that our children will rub shoulders with these children in schools. Albeit, I understand that there is no perfect world, but as a parent I know only too well what he means when I suffer at the hands of other parents un-parenting & non islamic teachings.
      Its a daily struggle to mould our children's muslim identity in a world full of fitan, because somehow children as well as impressionable adults will inevitably be affected with 'en's'.
      An EN is a japanese term that refers to an indent in a unfired clay pot, they say that through life people leave their én's' on your pot. Why take EN's of bad examples.
      What parents do; other parents UN-do via their children in schools!
      In exasperation, I sometimes wish I could just talk and teach their children myself.

      When Ali wrote in a tough 'wake up call' manner ,I agree & relate with that, ask any parent, when you do talk to your children many times you have to be tough with words and in this case with just cause I believe.
      Everything has to be taken into account, the circumstance and the problem & now were getting mixed muslim marriages to exacerbate the problem?!
      The questioner isnt just asking if its permissable in islam for her to marry a non muslim (and of course its not allowed) she is accepting that this man fool her parents to enter Islam solely to marry her, and she is coming here to ask. As SisiterZ eloquently answered, Islam is not that way.
      We live with each other and forget that Allah is watching and knowing and NO one can fool Him, and moreover we WILL be judged for everything we do.

      The question is what do we do? We give them soft kind words? Yes sure, even Rassoul Allah Mohammed pbuh was softspoken but when he had to be direct.... he was.

      Rebuking Ali for insults is correct although the delivery was slightly derogatory in my opinion. I personally agree with all his points and I also agree 101% with his approach.

      I'll remind all of Omar bin Khattab RA, the companion of the Prophet and 2nd Caliphate. He had a similar temperament and similarly didn't tolerate insubordination. Neither would I.
      Prophet Moses Pbuh, he too was known to be intolerant when duty calls, he killed a guard whom was beating a slave, and he didn't intentionally kill him, he just punched him and that caused his death. Nonetheless , Allah swt reminded Sayidna Moosa to tolerate Pharoh when speaking to him.
      However after we showed the people of Israel the wonders & miracles, finally opening the Red sea with his staff they still reverted to jahieya and worshipped alsamereey's golden calf statue.
      After Prophet Moses Pbuh returned he grabbed the beard of Prophet Haroon (his brother) and reprimanded him how he was tolerant and allowed them to do this!

      Sometimes tollerance isnt a good thing

      Tough love isn't such a bad thing either (without insults of course) especially in todays world and the fitan in prelude to fitnat aldajjal.
      Just reading peoples comments goes to show you how badly misguided 'modern muslims' are becoming, and this only goes to prove the fact that the one whom truly with holds our deen correctly in todays One eyed dajjal world (and yes its a daily struggle even for the most pious) is akin to 'kal ghabeth ala jamr min al naar' ......"Holding onto a Burning Coal"......

      Prophet Mohammed pbuh said, “There will come a time of patience when the one who adheres steadfastly to his religion will be like one who holds a burning coal.”
      (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2260; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 957)

      If we look at what this hadith is saying, we can see just how specifically it mentions the situation of the world today. It is not important to change things in Islam to suit modern times. If it were ok to do that, then the analogy of holding a burning coal would not apply.

      Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Amr bin Al' As RA: I heard Allah's Prophet Mohammed Pbuh saying, "Allah does not take away the knowledge, by taking it away from (the hearts of) the people, but takes it away by the death of the religious learned men till when none of the (religious learned men) remains, people will take as their leaders ignorant persons who when consulted will give their verdict without knowledge. So they will go astray and will lead the people astray."

      One final hadith to insert here...

      “Islam began as something strange and will revert to being strange as it began, so tooba (glad tidings) to the strangers.”

      Lets try to not hurtle towards that too soon and every effort we make to open other peoples eyes is ajer (good deeds) in our scales. Sometimes speaking softly works and sometimes being firm works better.

      Omar ibn alkhattab said "I will be harsh and stern against the aggressor,] but I will be a pillar of strength for the weak.
      I will not calm down until I will put one cheek of a tyrant on the ground and the other under my feet, and for the poor and weak, I will put my cheek on the ground.

      Optional reading about Omar ibn Alkhattab RA

      Converting to Islam in the 6th year after Prophet Mohammed's pbuh, first revelation, he spent 18 years in companionship of the Prophet. He succeeded Caliph Abu Bakr RA on 23 August 634 as the second Caliph, and played a significant role in Islam. Under Omar the Islamic empire expanded at an unprecedented rate ruling the whole Sassanid Persian Empire and more than two thirds of the Eastern Roman Empire. His legislative abilities, his firm political and administrative control over a rapidly expanding empire and his brilliantly coordinated multi-prong attacks against the Sassanid Persian Empire that resulted in the conquest of the Persian empire in less than two years, marked his reputation as a great political and military leader.

      Omar's Ra hostility to Islam
      In 610 Prophet Mohammed Pbuh, started delivering the message of Islam. Omar RA, alongside others in Makkah, opposed Islam and threatened to kill Muhammad. He resolved to defend the traditional, polytheistic religion of Arabia. He was most adamant and cruel in opposing Prophet Mohammad Pbuh and very prominent in persecuting the Muslims. Omar was the first man who resolved that Prophet Mohammad Pbuh had to be murdered in order to finish Islam. Omar firmly believed in the unity of the Quraish and saw the new faith of Islam as a cause of division and discord among the Quraish
      Due to the religious persecution at the hands of the Quraish, Prophet Mohammad Pbuh ordered his followers to migrate to Abyssinia. As a small group of Muslims migrated Omar Ra felt worried about the future unity of the Quraish and decided to have the Prophet Pbuh assassinated.

      Omar's Ra Embracing Islam
      Omar converted to Islam in 616, one year after the Migration to Abyssinia. The story was recounted in Ibn Ishaq's Sīrah: On the way to murder Prophet Mohammad Pbuh, Omar Ra, met his best friend Nu'aim ibn Abdi 'Allah who had secretly embraced Islam but he did not tell Omar Ra anything about it. When Omar told him that he was going to kill Prophet Mohammad pbuh he was afraid. He knew Omar will attempt what he said. So just to divert his attention he told him to set his own house in order first, as his sister and her husband had converted to Islam. Omar was taken aback to know this. Upon arriving at her house, Omar found his sister and brother-in-law Saeed bin Zaid (Umar's cousin), reciting the verses of the Qur'an (Surah Ta Ha).
      He started quarreling with his brother-in-law . When his sister came to defend her husband, he also started quarreling with her. Yet still they kept on saying "you may kill us but we will not give up Islam". Upon hearing these words, Omar Ra slapped his sister so hard that she fell to the ground bleeding from her mouth. When he saw what he did to his sister now, out of guilt he calmed down and asked his sister to give him what she was reciting. She gave him the paper on which was written the verses of the chapter Ta-Ha. He was so struck by the beauty of the verses that he accepted Islam that day. He then went to Mohammad Pbuh with the same sword he intended to kill him with and accepted Islam in front of him and his companions. Omar was 27 when he accepted Islam. Following his conversion, Umar went to inform the chief of Quraish, Amr ibn Hishām, about his acceptance of Islam. According to one account, Omar thereafter openly prayed at the Kaaba as the Quraish chiefs, Amr ibn Hishām and Abu Sufyan ibn Harb, reportedly watched in anger.
      This further helped the Muslims to gain confidence in practicing Islam openly. At this stage Omar Ra even challenged anyone who dared to stop the Muslims from praying, although no one dared to interfere with Omar when he was openly praying.
      Omar’s conversion to Islam gave power to the Muslims and the faith in Mecca. It was after this that Muslims offered prayers openly in Masjid al-Haram for the first time. Abdullah bin Masoud said:
      Omar's embracing Islam was our victory, his migration to Medina was our success and his reign a blessing from Allah, we didn't offer prayers in Al-Haram Mosque until Omar accepted Islam, when he accepted Islam Quraish were compelled to let us pray in the Mosque.

  9. I don't get it either...
    If people want Islamic answers here, why do they ask the most hideous questions. It's rubbish.

    "How do I convince my parents to marry an athiest"
    "Can a Muslim man ask a muslimah, that's not his wife to have unmarital sex and to wear a mini skirt in public???"

    I think this website should note that if anyone wants to post a questions like above, then they should first learn why such things are not allowed in Islam by themselves. This will save the editors time, and get to answer realistic questions.

  10. Seems you deleted my post.. How grown up.

    • Noum,

      I read your previous comment. It was deleted because you are aiming to promote your athestic beliefs. That goes against our basic beliefs as Muslims. It is up to you if you wish not to believe in a Creator, but I pray for your sake that you turn back to Allah before you die.

      Glass comes from Sand, Plastic comes from Oil, right? So if I took a handful of Sand and Plastic and blew it up, do you think I'd end up with a mobile phone or a laptop? Lol, of course not, thats absurd, crazy, nuts. Well, thats my common sense speaking. Do you share the same common sense 'Noum'? If you do, you will agree with me. If you do not agree with me then you must be insane.

      If however we do share the same level of common sense and you do agree with me when I say that an intelligent mobile phone cannot fall into existence through blowing up its raw components; then how can you or anyone believe that a Big Bang occured and the entire Universe fell into place? A Universe that is so complex, the sun sets and rises, the earth rotates, the night and the day come and go, without these things and more, every living being would die.

      If a small (but intelligent) mobile phone needs a creator, does your common sense not tell you that the highly complex and intelligent Universe we live in must also need a Creator and could not have possibly fallen into exist alone?

      Just something for you to ponder over.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Senior Editor

      • and now you deleted my response, i didn't say anything wrong in my reply, nothing offensive or rude, all I did was use reasoned logical arguments. If I'm so wrong, why are you scared to let the truth out? Why don't you actually reply to my arguments rather than hide them? If you're right you should easily be able to respond.

        • noum, certainly I could respond to your lengthy argument about atheism, but this is the wrong forum for it. This is not a forum for debating religious ideas or the existence of God. This is an Islamic website for people needing guidance in family and relationship issues, and your comment made no contribution toward that goal.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • I believe that woman should be able to marry a non-muslim man. I agree with the the ideals of preserving the muslim faith and community. But the fact that muslim men may marry outside but women can't is contradictory. The reason this is because it is believed that the man passes down his beliefs and ideals to his children. but i don't think it is realised that the woman is much more influential with the children. They are the ones that spend the most time with the children. they are the ones that have the most influence over them. they are the ones who shape the children.
            So the decision to let the girl marry him should be based on the way he treats her if he accepts and lets her practice her faith and things such as that. If preservation of the muslim community is the goal. So there should be no problem with a man non-muslim man who loves, respects her as well as her faith for him to marry her. Also for marriage to last forever, there has to be true love. Denying two people who truely love each because one is not muslim does not help the muslim community. because why pressure someone into marrying someone who they do not love and have it fail because there is no true bond.

            Please do not delete my response. Just atleast listen to what i am trying to say. I am a muslim man. i practice my faith. i know it may not seem like it. i am trying to speak purely by logic. we need to review and reinterprete the laws for this new age. so many have become outdated

          • Your comments as a Muslim man are shocking Radman.

            Of course its wrong to pressure someone into marriage, but that is a separate issue in itself. I do believe it would do you some good to 'read' about Islam, you will find that infact if its laws were implemented, there would much more social and economic order in our world.

            SisterZ
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  11. Well maybe he will become Muslim. He might. You never know. And I believe it's stupid to say you can't marry like that. How will non muslims become Muslims? We should bring more people into the culture.

    • Islam is not a 'culture', it's a complete system and way of life that ensures a believer success in this life and in the Hereafter. Islam is submission to our Creator, Allah swt. If you are a Muslim then you must believe in, obey and follow what Allah swt and His messenger says. So how is that 'stupid'? Non Muslims become Muslim every day by the guidance of Allah swt and by seeing the examples of Muslims around them who love the deen and follow Allah's commands.

      Allah swt already made it clear that Muslim women are NOT ALLOWED to marry unbelievers. If they become Muslim (inshaAllah) then of course it's permissible for a Muslimah to marry them but not before that, nor are premarital relationships allowed in Islam. So Madiesonoa, are suggesting is that Muslim women start disobeying their Creator and wronging their own souls to guide others to Islam? How can the blind lead the blind?

  12. Asalamu aliakum dear sister,

    Subhanallah, please answer the following questions"-

    - do you want to disobey deliberately?

    - do you want to destroy your akheerah?

    - do you want to gain the anger and wrath of Allah?

    - do you want to live a life of misery, pain and punishment?

    I am sure quite not.

    Marrying someone who is converting simply for the sake of conversion to marry you is not only mockery to you, but to your Lord Allah.

    Why will you settle for someone who is so called Muslim but does not belief?

    Allah should be dearer to you than him.

    Give him up for the sake of Allah and have sabr with the reward of Allah.

    My first husband converted to Islam (unbeknowing to me) simply to marry me.

    A year and a half later, I found out he had been going to church.

    I left him and later,

    Allah blessed me with the most amazing human being I had ever met!

    It was painful, yet, I knew that I had no choice and my religion was something I could never ever compromise. I placed my feelings aside and decided to obey Allah. Whoever lives something for the sake of Allah, I SWEAR BY ALLAH, IN WHOSE HANDS MY SOUL IS, ALLAH WILL REWARD YOU WITH SOMETHING MILLION TIMES BETTER.

    May Allah give you the courage and strength to obey Him and to make the right decision.

    Wasalam

  13. Salaam,

    Myra,

    I hope that your situation has got better or that the responses above have helped.

    I wanted to say that I was disappointed with some harsh responses given, I'm glad you asked and placed a question, rather than just jumping into something that you were unsure about. I do feel that your partner (if you are both serious about taking this relationship further) should be honest about wanting to marry you and that he will have to convert to Islam to be able to marry you.

    I, myself am in a relationship with an atheist after a hard emotional and violent marriage with a Muslim man. He prevented me from practising and was not understanding and I had to deal with a lot of hardship through marriage. My bad experience has not turned me into a disbeliever but I met my partner through mutual work, he does not prevent me from practising and we are both looking to get married, with him accepting Islam to allow marriage. He is not hiding this from anyone and my family are accepting and encouraging me to help him understand Islam, if not to be fully practising but to begin with marriage and to learn further.

    I do believe that hiding things and starting a relationship such as marriage will cause future problems. I'm not sure if what I have said will help, nor do I know if you will read this but I hope that this may help other people in similar situations.

    I hope that you're able to make the right decision.

    W/salaam

    • 'R',

      Since your family are supportive of you, perhaps they should help this man work on becoming a true Muslim before you marry him. Thats the only way you can have a halaal marriage with him. Ask an Imam to help him, you will find they are more flexible than you may think. If you want blessings in your marriage, do it the right way. I know a Muslim girl who wants to marry a man who was not Muslim. She met him at work, he had a very nice character etc. She told him that she can only marry him if he truely accepts Islam. Her brother who is a practising Muslim thought it best to help her instead of rebuke her - Alhumdulillah (may Allah reward her brother and grant all of us with brother's like him). So he has been meeting with this non practising catholic man on a weekly basis, he has now accepted Islam. He is not a practising Muslim yet, but has begun to believe that Islam is the truth and hence has now taken his shahaadah. Yes, it was his interest in marrying this girl that prompted the idea becoming Muslim in his mind, but that was not unheard of in the times of the Prophet(sws) either.

      My point here for you is this: your ex Muslim husband was not good to you so you left him. Allah saved you, right? So be grateful to Allah by not disobeying His Laws now. Dont marry this other man until he has become Muslim - and that is possible, it will just take time, effort and patience. If you marry him as a non Muslim, you will be sinning. If he doesnt become Muslim and you still decide to marry him, then it is not a hidden fact that you will be accountable to Allah for this. It is between you and Allah and you know what is right and wrong - it is clear in the Quran and Sunnah.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  14. I had a an important question related to this same aspect. I got married to an atheist who belongs to a Muslim family. I knew he was an atheist but i never knew that it was Haram. Suddenly yesterday I cam across an article where it stated that marrying an Atheist is Haram. I married him which was my biggest mistake, but I always had plans to convert him. But i failed to do so. Now I am really worried because I cant tell this to my mother. She will get worried and sick. My husband is very knowledgeable person and he knows about the Holy Quran . He never stops me from praying or doing any thing from the religious perspective. But now that I know this, I am feeling guilty. It wasn't a mistake done on purpose. Please tell me how to solve this problem. What kind of discussion can I have with him, and how can I convince him. I know its all wrong, but its not easy to just leave everything. I cant argue with him because he knows everything, but lacks in belief. Please give me a proper solution.

    • Tasneem, a marriage of a Muslim to an atheist is invalid. Whether it was done on purpose or not, the marriage is invalid. From an Islamic perspective, the two of you are not legally married.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  15. I'd just like to give an atheistic male perspective to this.

    • Dan, I was actually going to publish your long comment and respond, until you started cursing.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • So why not just censor individual words? No need to delete all the content. I raised good points that need addressing, and you know it. The fact is, in the same way Christianity has started to disregard those scriptures that contradict a modern libertarian way of life (such as Leviticus 18:22), Islam must also develop and adapt. In a modern world inequality between males and females is unacceptable, so Islam needs to adapt. Threatening the life of a 19 year old woman, simply for choosing to marry the man who makes her happy, is not acceptable, so Islam needs to adapt.
        I'm a very tolerant left wing individual, but it is my view that there is a problem with Islam in the West. Fact is, your belief systems cannot possibly tie into the cultural and legal values of a state that believes Freedom, because Islam is ultimately a very restrictive faith.

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