Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How can I deal with these powerful love feelings?

teenage teacher student

 

I love one boy and he doesn't live here where I live and my mom hates him and my parents don't allow me to have a boyfriend!

I want to marry him and I pray to god every morning evening and night I do my best to pray all my namaz and I started reading Quran. I do good deeds too but my duaa never get complete. It's been more than a year and I can't live without him. I can't explain how much I love him .

What to do ! help me

Mad lover...

~Koliesd


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2 Responses »

  1. Asalaam alaikum,

    The aim of following the laws of Allah (swt) per Islamic obligations with prayers, charity, etc., is not to "get our prayers answered." Instead, it is a means of worship, submission and acknowledging that this world is our temporary abode in which we must consciously acknowledge the Mercy of Allah (swt). During this year for example, while you are waiting for your prayer to be answered, Allah (swt) has answered those things you may have taken for granted like the ability to walk, talk, breath, see and have a functioning body in this world. Even praying to Allah (swt) is a privilege that we forget to be thankful for, because if Allah (swt) wanted, he could turn our hearts black and we would fall into the eternal damnation. Yet instead, Allah (swt) has blessed you with a life that gives you the opportunity to praise Him and walk on His Path thereby saving your soul if you can keep it away from sins.

    You have forgotten that you are not supposed to have a boyfriend. This is Islamically impermissible and you should be thankful that your parents have kept you away from the great calamities that would cause. There are many young women who have written here about the strife that having a boyfriend caused them and the great sins that burden their lives. Just yesterday, on this website, I read about a poor 16 year old girl who was tempted into fornication by her boyfriend and she cried the whole time. Be thankful that you parents have saved you from that disaster.

    You also should provide us with more information as to why your parents feel the way they do about this young man. Are there reasons sound or not?

    I do not mean to make light of your feelings, but you are experiencing obsession rather than love. You must be careful that you are not fostering a lustful desire that is forbidden in constantly fantasizing about this boy. If he is a young man of good character and sincere intention, will he make the effort to contact your parents about marriage?

    If he turns around and puts the responsibility solely on you to talk with your parents, then this is not the mark of a brave man, but the suspect nature of his intentions. You should not be engaging in sweet talk about a future together until he has the good will to talk to your parents. Cowardice should be no excuse to make the right move to approach your father and mother with an honest proposal, as taking a young woman from her home is an awesome responsibility that every would-be husband must appreciate. Again, search this site and see how many people have made mistakes in choosing the wrong spouse when all the warning signs were there beforehand. While all of them say, "I should have know better," most also admit that their pre-martial behavior was haram and an indicator of the troubles ahead.

    In conclusion, pay attention to how you two communicate and get along right now. Is this the behavior that is right to the All Knowing Allah (swt)? The Almighty Lord loves halal love and forbids the haram lust. Tread this path carefully.

    I am sorry to sound overbearing, but the "mad lover" should only have love for Allah (swt), Islam and their rightful, legal spouse.

  2. As salamu alaykum, sister,

    Everything and everyone that puts distance between Allah(swt) and us, will put us through under a big suffering, because our main reason to be alive should be Him(swt), He is the One that will never fail to us, the One that will be always with us, the One that will comfort us in our sorrows, the One that will be when nobody else is, ..... everytime our relation with Him(swt) is loosen, some kind of suffering will come to address that we have lost the straight Path.

    When we love so much other human being without trusting that their Presence or Absence is a blessing from Allah, we are tested, are our prayers a sign of our trust and surrendering to Him? a sign of repentance for whatever wrong we have done? a sign of our complete surrendering to Him? or are orders to be fulfilled at our demand? where is our heart when we pray? where is our mind when we pray?are we sure that what we want is the best for us or is He(swt) the All-Knower the One that knows it? were is our humility when we go closer to Him(swt)?

    The day you love and miss Him(swt) as the Only One, you will understand what I mean, and Insha´Allah, you will give the right position to the one that will be called to be your spouse.

    For now, strengthen your bond to Allah(swt) and grow up in your deen, be the muslimah you are called to be and focus your Heart to the One that was, is and will be always at your side, the rest, insha´Allah, will come alone once you get this.

    Allah(swt) knows best.

    Wasalam,
    María
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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