Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How can I die peacefully?

Stand up in Problems

Asalamwa alaykum, my name is Adam, I am 15 years old and a half. I want to ask if theres any way I can hope to die early this year, or before, a way which Allah Ta'alaa will allow. The test he specifically gave me is too hard for me, I can't do it. I need help!

First of all I want to confess to something I can't keep a secret. Prophet Muhammad s.a.w said to love your mother 3 times as much as your father, but love him more. I love Prophet Muhammad s.a.w but I hate, 100% hate my family. Siblings? I am the eldest, I have 2 step sisters which are older but not proper sisters as they are not blood related. They are non Muslim and know nothing about Islam, they live as a modern non Muslim. They did not convert or leave Islam, they were born this way, my father as a muslim married a non muslim because it was his own choice. Approx 7 years later he married my mother not by strict force but a long time convincing lesson by my grand parents which have now both passed away.

But enough of that, I want to die now. This isn't the first time I've wanted to die. But today I'm really being pushed into trying suicide or self harm, I've never self harmed, or tried suicide. I know its a major sin and haraam! I want to die as a Muslim. I want to die as soon as possible. I don't want to suffer any more. Let me give you a quick introduction to my figure...

I'm 15, born in United Kingdom, parents are both from Pakistan. I grew up here, I have the accent, the friends, etc etc... I no longer go to "mosque" as an after school lesson, I was in a good Mosque before but my parents took me and my brothers to somebody's house instead, and all he does for one hour is listen to us read Qur'aan, only like 5% of the time does he focus on us, most of the time he tells us to read to him but messes around or listens to one of the elderly 50+ aged people. Yes I was in there class. I left that straight away after I finished reading the Quraan in Arabic there. My parents said if I had finished reading the Quraan there I could go to a different mosque or stop. After I finished they told me to do it again and learn some more things, he doesn't teach anything! I refused to go back, I stayed at home, tought myself Islam at home and read Quran at home. I still try to pray 5 times a day, sometimes I do it without Wudhu because I turn into a lazy person and hate doing Wudhu because of eczema... I have severe eczema covered all over my face, some behind the knees and some on the arms. It's also on the neck and ankles. I have bad eye sight, its frustrating, nothing unusual but just stating. I don't know if I have a mental issue, I used to be depressed but not anymore, no one told me, it was quite obvious, my parents didn't care they just told me to go to sleep early. I'm an anxious person, due to history with females I tend to stay away from them. I get anxious when I am near a female. I'm not homosexual, its haraam I know. I have a lot of stress, I'm an angry person at home but a great friend at school. I don't know if I have any mental issues or any autism because my dad will always blame it on sleep and will never let me get checked up. I am forced to go to school in whatever condition I'm in. To them, school is more important than mosque. They're not good muslims, they claim to be muslims, my parents don't pray, they don't read quran, just a bunch of hypocrits. They say it's been done in their past so its okay. Nonsense, you can never have en end to Islam, theres always something to learn.

The biggest reason for me wanting to end my life is because of society. The media will always continue to exaggerate Islam's terrorist frauds as typical Muslims. SOCIETY IS EXTREMELY RETARDED TO BELIEVE IN WHATEVER IS SAID BY THE MEDIA. STEREOTYPES ARE INCREASING, RACISM IS NOT GONE, IT'S HIDDEN. I get so stressed so depressed so upset when something bad is said about Islam, my school has something called form time where we sit in class and read news or something and whenever Islam is mentioned there goes my temper, at school I don't show it, I can't hit a teacher, I can't do anything. I have to sit there and listen to the same old boy going to Syria and Muslim hijabi girls caught on cam in Syria. I DONT WANT TO. It's too much for me to handle now, I cry whenever these (trying not to swear) THINGS COME UP IN MY LIFE. YOUTUBE IS FILLED WITH ANTI-ISLAMIC PEOPLE. I had a debate over a 'halal rap' (Jae Deen) people were using fingers to click and there was instruments in the back, its still haraam, but my own people, the Muslims, they insulted me, they tried to disapprove me, heres a google post to see for yourself.

It takes me a long time to sleep, I think of everything going on, it builds stress and anger, it brings depression and sadness, betrayal. And because of that stress I get warm, when I get warm my face is uncomfortable and I start itching, thus keeping me awake for more than an hour to fall asleep. Sometimes couple hours. Its too much, I don't feel like sleeping. I just wanted to live peacefully.

I can't be asked to live anymore, theres no point inviting people to Islam if the muslims themselves can't learn or admit to their own mistakes. I have so much more to explain but I can't think, my mind is dying I feel sick. I have so many stories which I can't remember but I know for sure there is a lot more to add.

I beg you, teach me a dua I can lay my hopes on to die extremely early or at least help me to live peacefully... if you can change the society.... I don't want to do anything haraam, I'm sorry I couldn't explain properly, I've completely lost it, I missed so much information to add on this, if you found anything weird just ask me I will remember



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10 Responses »

  1. Adam, my brother, peace be unto you.

    Firstly, ur soul is SO beautiful Maasha Allah. I love ur love for the deen of Islam.

    U must know, and I'm sure u DO know, that wishing for death, is wrong my brother. Allah had blessed u with life. He is Al Hayy (The Giver of life) do u remember the 99 names of Allah? Please recite it much if u do, or find out about it.

    U should be so thankful to Allah, that he had blessed you with faith my young beautiful boy, because as u hav seen, for urself, that faith in others in scarce. But this too, should not be a surprise. The Prophet Muhammad SAW said: When Islam came, it was a strange religion, and towards the end of time, it will become strange once more.

    So do not become sad.. This was predicted by our beloved Messenger, many years before.

    We should also make Muhammad SAW our example to follow. And he was the most merciful man alive.

    So many people who have hated Islam, and who were enemies of Islam, embraced Islam because of his beautiful character, kindness and mercy to others. He was the most compassionate, and most merciful being to live ever.

    We should do everything in our power, to get to know him, and copy him sincerely. Surely Allah loves him most. Then Allah will love us too.

    My boy, do u know the story of Nabi Ayyoub? This prophet is known for his patience. He had leprosy. A painful skin disease worse than eczema. He had it for so many years. When Allah cured him, he was sad. Do u know why? Because Allah stopped visiting him. This made him sad.

    Know that Allah is always with the sick.

    Imagine that. The disease itself, did not make him sad. The fact that Allah stopped visiting him, made him sad, sub'haanAllah. A lesson for us to learn from, and follow.

    Really, we should learn the stories of prophets, as therein is so much wisdom and benefit sub'haanAllah.

    My brother, u should make tawbah:

    » Remember, The key to success is salaah, and the key to salaah, is wudhu. U cannot make salaah without wudhu. It is a sin.

    » Then know that Jannah lie at the feet of ur mother. The pleasure of the Allah, lies with the pleasure of the father. The Qur'aan says: say not Oof to ur parents.
    Make tawbah, for the times u hav disrepected them. U r allowed to stand up for ur deen,but not at the cost of hurting or showing disrepect to your parents or anyone else.

    I can't imagine what ur going through, with regards to ur skin, but what I do know, is that this is the path that Allah chose for u. U should feel amazing on account of it, and thank Allah for even in trials and problems. Because wAllahi my brother, in everything, good or bad, lie benefit. U must believe.

    I know this is a difficult test, but Allah will not test u with what He thinks u cannot handle. It goes to show how special u r. This huge test was created for u, and wanting to die because of it, is failing that test!!

    Allah is Wise, The All Knower, All Seeing.

    Allah created this test for u, so show patience my boy.

    U must believe that the help and victory of Allah will come. Even if it takes years, then u must remember Nabi Ayyoub.

    You r gaining so much reward for ur patience wAllahi. U will see it judgement day.

    U must taste ur salaah too. Feel the beauty in it. Ghusl urself, purify urself, and find pleasure in ur prayers.

    Recite Qur'aan over ur water, then make wudhu with that water, and believe it to b a cure for u Inshaa Allah, and don't give up.

    Try to google home remedies too, and see what works for u.

    U must find pleasure in secret worships with Allah, those r the best.

    Like ur Qur'aanic recitals. How gifted r u to b able to recite Maasha Allah. Sub'haanAllah. Others can only dream of doing it and must still learn.

    Know that because of u memorising it, Allah is going to place crowns on ur parents heads come aakhirah. Then they will b proud!

    Remember jannah on days ur feeling blue, and when anger comes, manage it, control it, and recite Qur'aan!

    The Qur'aan will calm u down.

    Pace urself, one step at a time.

    As for ur sheikh, just continue, as u were. Perhaps u were sent to him, to teach him, but don't b arrogant.

    As for girls, don't worry about that now. Speak to them when u need to, but know that u r too young for marriage. When u r older, and wiser, and u find the woman u love, the one Allah created for u, then u pray the prayer of guidance, salaahtul istikhaarah. Allah will b your guide.

    U must always remember Allah first. Always remember that he loves u. And ur destiny is tied to everyone u meet, so b good to others.

    Practice that which u already know, sincerely. Then the doors of knowledge will open mor for u. There is so much to know. The mor u know, the mor u realise, how much u do not know.

    Just take every day as it comes.

    Love Allah.
    Love the Rasool Muhammad SAW
    Love ur parents and teachers
    Love people
    Love Islam

    Be balanced and true.

    I love u for the pleasure of Allah.
    Please keep me in ur duahs

    Your sister in Islam

  2. I know exactly how you feel, believe me little brother. Listen to me very carefully: you are NOT responsible for what people think about Islam, nor is it your duty to invite people to Islam or correct the practice of other Muslims. You are responsible only for yourself and your behavior. Stop caring about others - they are not your responsibility or your problem. Don't expose yourself to the hate and vitriol of the ignorant. Stop reading YouTube and other internet comments, and don't get into debates with people online about Islam. Their ignorance is not your problem and is not about you. When you let go of what others are doing and thinking and just focus on yourself, you will feel much happier. That's not to say you shouldn't address something that's being said directly to you - if someone insults you personally or says something to you about Islam, you should stand up for yourself and correct them. But once the incident is over, let it go. Process it and move on.

    Beyond that, a lot of what you're going through is not uncommon for someone your age. I know that last thing you want to hear is that you only feel this way because you're a teenager. But it is true to some extent - I know that when I was your age I was often angry at my family and felt like I hated them and was angry and disappointed in society and the world in general. So you're not alone. My best advice to you would be to find things that make you happy and pour your energy into those. Is their a particular sport you like? Find a local team and join them, or maybe get together with some of your Muslim friends and play together. Or perhaps you like art or writing - join a class! It's summer so you inshallah have a lot of free time. You could even get a job or volunteer at a local nonprofit or at your local mosque. 15 is not so young, if there's a particular mosque you like attending you can go by yourself.

    Please forget all thoughts of dying! Allah does not like for us to make these kinds of duas, it shows that we are not content with the fate He has written for us and that we do not appreciate the blessings He has bestowed upon us. These are all signs of weak faith. Pray sincerely, read the Quran and trust that Allah, who is All-Knowing, has a plan for your life. Finally, the last thing I will say to you is that you alone decide who you are. No one gets to define your identity for you. You are British and Pakistani and Muslim, all at once, and no one can take that from you. Don't let anyone make you feel like you have to choose between aspects of your identity or that your identity is somehow not authentic. Listen to yourself and trust how you feel. Inshallah Allah will give you peace and contentment, and guide you to His path, and give you strength to face the challenges in your life with a positive outlook.

  3. Asalam alaikum Adam,

    I agree, life is hard. Everyone goes through an eczema-face time, an I-hate-my-parents time, and an I-hate-life. I agree that the media is biased and cruel to Muslims. But that's life baby, and we have to learn to get over it gracefully because Allah swt made us strong. He made us follow the straight path, and we cannot let even our parents deter us.

    If you want to die, just close your eyes and go to sleep for a minute. Dream about how well you would do at Judgement Day. Would you survive and go straight to Janat or would your sins outweigh your good efforts?

    Trust me, all of could say that our sins weigh more. Time on this earth is precious, so use it wisely doing good in order to outweigh your sins on that Day.

    Hope I helped you brother,

  4. asalamu aleikum brother
    my heart goes out to you and i ask Allah to ease what you are going through right now, bro u have to mend your relationship with your parents u have to change and be nice to them,mashaAllah u know how to read quran get the translation and ponder over each and every ayah perform your daily salah and add sunnah salah also keep on repeating daily supplications.iam very sure all this will be over soon rely on Allah and he will surely set you free from devil who is messing up with this beautful young soul.dont wish for death be content in what you have and thank Allah for blessing you with life.

    may Allah make it easy for you lil bro

  5. Brother ,

    You are a wonderful person and true Muslim . Never ever think about suicide as it is Haraam .
    Life is a test and we need to face all difficulties to pass this test .Trust Allah and stop bothering abbout entire world .

    Please search in google and listen to Zakir Naik videos .He explains logically and gives fitting reply to such anti Islamic critics .

    Debate: Dr. Zakir Naik vs. Dr William Campbell

    May Allah bless you .

  6. Anti Islamic comments and hate is nothing new it existed ever since the beginning of Islam. Do you know why people make these vids on YouTube? its because its so easy to hide behind a pathetic little computer screen and make lies or give ridiculous statements about Islam completely out of ignorance. I don't know if you noticed but they also make up lies about Islam and interpret what is said in the Quran in a completely wrong manner. They use new ridiculous laws that may be passed by some fake imam and then try to state these are the teachings of Islam. ex: some fake imam said a while back that its ok to have sex with livestock (cows,sheeps,horses) There was then a lady who said this is what is stated in the Quran. When in reality it was just some made up nonsense. If these people are so against Islam why don't they try going to a Muslim country and try saying the things they do on YouTube? you know why? its because they are gutless cowards, only little YouTube warriors.

    Next time you feel upset about anti Islamic comments, try to imagine what the prophets had to go though.

    • I agree with Demise. These YouTubers are not real people who care, just stupids that want attention. I gave up YouTube because it made me feel bad inside watching so much nasty vids and hateful things. Only go back for cute and funny vids when recommended by friends.

  7. Brother,

    masha Allah your love for islam puts me to shame...

    Of all the things Allah has mentioned, he has also asked muslims not to seek and pray for death, it is seen as a weakness of one self, which is contradictory to how strong a muslim you are masha Allah, hence please stop praying for death.

    No muslim is responsible for the deeds of others, if people say negative things about Islam, you do have a right to feel offended, but wanting to end yourself if haram, and so is the urge to hurt others.

    if you truly love Islam, Allah, the Prophet (SAWS) then you will follow what Allah said and what the Prophet (SAWS) said about such ignorant people, broadly, he has mentioned, to be calm, to keep your deen, your 5 pillar perfect, be a good human as much as you can.

    Smile, be forgiving, give charity, be nice to your elders, remove their negative comments from your head, and only think of them as lost people who await Allah to show them the path.

    So bro, if you truly are a Muslim who follows the Quran and the Sunnah, then you will only obey and listen to what our religion says and not give in to anger, and depression.

    Be good bro, i am 28 years old, but even i have such moments of anger and weakness, you are just 15 and have a long time ahead of you to train your mind, remember...following Islam and being passionate and emotional about it are very difference things.

    Follow Islam, not your emotions.

  8. Assalamu 'alaikum,

    This is a check up.

    How r u doing and feeling?

    What wisdoms will u share with me?

    Love u for the pleasure of Allah

  9. You need to know that killing yourself wont solve the problem. People in life may come to a stage where they just want to end their life due to all the sadness and pain. People think its all about dying for Islam, but they don't realize its about living for Islam. Living for Islam is harder and it gets harder day by day. This is our test, our mission. Regardless of everyone else around you, take charge of your life. You focus on yourself to become a better person. Find friends who are good muslims and work with them. They will help you. Pray to Allah (swt) for help. Ignore the media, this is their job to malign the truth, but is it working no. More and more people are converting to Islam. Brother give it time . Things will get better.

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