How can I end this engagement?
Salam
I have been talking to this guy that is part of my dad's family and it's been almost two months since they have came to my house asking for my hand in marriage.
Now before all this I really liked the guy he was what I always and how I wanted my future partner to be. But later on he told me how he's been lying to me for the past months.
I tried leaving him 3 times but he would emotionally blackmail me - he even tried to commit Suicide. He tells me he's in love with me but I don't know why there's a part of me that's telling me No.
His parents and my parents are now involved but this engagement is not getting anywhere and now there is tension between his family and mine. I couldn't say no to when they came asking for my hand because everyone in my family was so happy so I decided to do this for them but it's just not getting anywhere and I don't know how to get out of it because deep down I'm not happy.
I'm starting to practise my religion and learn more about it and he really doesn't show any interest or support in fact he tries to make me feel bad about myself.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm scared he might try doing something to himself again. Please advise me.
zoya07
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Assalam alaikum,
I sincerely advise you to not marry someone who is emotionally blackmail you--you marrying him isn't some kind of cure. If he threatens suicide, his problem is something else, and his threats to you are simply a symptom--you are not the cause of those threats. Also, if indeed you are the cause, again, why marry someone who has very little faith and is willing to end his life?
Simply tell your parents that even though they may be disappointed, you can't go through with this marriage. The point of this marriage is not to please other people, it is to bring happiness to both you and your future husband.
As difficult as it will be to say the truth, it is actually easier than following through with this marriage. Also, stop talking to your fiancé in private (and avoid that in the future too) without anyone's knowledge.
May Allah ease your difficulties, Ameen.
My sister. If someone wants to commit suicide it's something that they are responsible for.
If you are unhappy then please please please do not marry him.
He sounds like he needs mental help, not marriage. Tell him it's over and give him a number to a suicide help line. Tell him to never get in touch with you again. And if he hurts himself, don't feel bad. It's not your fault, it's his fault, because he was the one who did it, not you.
Some people who have not learned how to deal with difficulty in life like to blame other people for their emotions..example...
I hit you because you said this a person will say in an abusive relationship.......well you should never hit anyone anyways
Or
I am hurting myself because you left me....dude get over it! You will be fine and meet someone else....
In short, leave him with zero guilt. Don't let him manipulate you.