Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How can I find happiness?

mercy forgiveness repentance tawbah

Asalaam Alaikum Brothers and Sisters. I am a 21 year old Muslim, Pakistani Girl. I have been through so much within the year.

My parents forced me to get engaged to a cousin of mine back home that I absolutely hate so much. I wanted to marry someone of my choice, he was a very educated and pious person. My parents disagreed due to the fact that he was Urdu Speaking and we were not. He eventually moved on because he asked me to leave and I did not want that.

Ever since I have been trying to find happiness in things, in people and it has been going the absolute wrong way. I met a guy, and I fell in love, or at least I thought I did.

I am currently with that guy, but I cant ever get over the first guy. I am in love with him, and I cant ever stop thinking about him. The guy I am with right now believes that I am over him but I am not. But I find comfort in his presence and he makes me feel important because I have been through so much,violently and verbally with my father and brother, I was looking for love in the wrong places.

I met him and I never thought I would ever do the things I do with him. I feel disgusted and I feel cheap and worthless. But when it comes to me leaving him, I cant. I'm like attached to him so much that those things completely go out of my mind whenever I think of leaving him. I'm unhappy but I cant leave him.

I committed Zina and this has been the biggest mistake and biggest regret of my life. I'm fine when Im not around him, but when I come around him its like thats all he wants to do and I kind of give in too.

I am not happy with this and I feel like I have no way out. I want to stop, how can I stop? If I leave him, I will feel like he used me for sex and he will get married to another girl and I will get married to someone andd I wont be a virgin and its not fair to that guy.

I cant  fix it anymore. This guy is a drunk, he drinks, he does  and sells drugs and he gambles. He also has no good relationship with his family. Its like he has all the qualities I never wanted in a guy, but I cant leave and I dont know why.

I feel really depressed and I cant think or do anything right. I lost my appetite. Im very confused, what should I do? How can I walk away from him without him feeling him Im breaking his heart? Or him feeling that I never loved him or I was with him for just the fun, because I never was and I dont know what keeps stopping me from moving on.

I need some advice,please someone guide me. I feel like Allah will never forgive me, as He shouldn't because I have done a horrible thing.

Is there any Wazifa I can do that will cause him to lose interest or lose feelings? Any wazifa I can do to stand up and just walk away? Anything I can do to find happiness within myself, I try to pray but theres no feeling.

I cant cry, I feel like i have no connection with Allah. I feel like I have lost all ties with Allah. I want to pray and just find happiness through Salah and through readings of Quran. I try so hard,I give up and I cant stop crying because it hurts so much. Please help, Im in desperate need. Thank you for reading this. JazakAllah Kharain!


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8 Responses »

  1. OP: My parents forced me to get engaged to a cousin of mine back home that I absolutely hate so much. I wanted to marry someone of my choice, he was a very educated and pious person.

    Repent and seek forgiveness. Go marry your cousin. Don't tell him your sexual history. You don't need an alcoholic drug dealer who gambles. Stop having sex with drug dealer. He may get you into drugs too and/or give you some STD.

  2. Aoa Sister,

    The very fact you are posting this question indicates that you have a healthy conscience which is telling you that what you are doing is not right.

    First of all, I suggest you get away from this new guy. I am not able to understand why you are so concerned about breaking his heart even when you that he is a bad influence and is just using you, may be it is a way for you to fill the void left by the first guy.

    Psychologists say, love and a sense of belonging is the next most essential need for humans after food and shelter. I think not being able to be with the first guy has left a void in you that you are trying to fill with this new guy, and is common for people when faced with a traumatic situation to take refuge in drugs, alcohol or even sex. All I can say is that you may try getting a pet or something similar to fulfill your sense of love and affection while you wait for your prince charming.

    To help ease the pain, i dont know any wazeefa but all I can quote is the following verse from Quran:

    أَلَا بِذِڪۡرِ ٱللَّهِ تَطۡمَٮِٕنُّ ٱلۡقُلُوبُ
    Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest! (Surah Al-Rad - 28)

    remember Allah Ta'ala is the most merciful, all you need is to ask for His mercy, and He especially listens to someone calling him with a broken heart.

    For your past and getting married again, if you truly repent then Islamically it is rather recommended that you forget about it and keep it a matter between you and Allah (SWT).

    Please read the following articles, I hope that you may find it comforting how merciful Allah (SWT) is towards people in your situation:

    I sincerely pray for your well being, may Allah give you the peace of heart and the strength to
    lead a good life.


  3. Assalam Alaikum,

    May Allah guide us all to the straight path, ameen. Know that Allah accepts sincere repentace of his servants. The said repentance has some conditions to be valid:

    1 - To confess & admit the sin to Allah alone.
    2 - To refrain & remove yourself from the sin immediately.
    3 - To resolve not to return to the sin.

    You MUST establish your compulsory worship (learning Tawheed, 5 salah daily, fasting Ramadan, giving Zakat, making Hajj).Otherwise, you'll be repenting from Zina but neglecting Salah which is more dangerous. N/B: Please note i'm not accusing you of neglecting salah as i dont know you. Rather, I'm advising you the best way to do Tawba.
    ALLAH says: “Verily, the good
    deeds remove the evil deeds” [Hood 11:114]

  4. Assalaamu alaikum

    "and is common for people when faced with a traumatic situation to take refuge in drugs, alcohol or even sex., All I can say is that you may try getting a pet or something similar to fulfill your sense of love and affection while you wait for your prince charming."

    I agree with that.. and a cute little CAT will help you a lot 🙂 along with SALAH and ISTIGFAR.
    May ALLAH makes it easy for you sis.

  5. I agree with the above advises

    I also STRONGLY suggest you leaving this guy he is using you. You are risking your health to std or whatever else is not worth it. Especially if he drinks and does drugs. Your worth more than this and need to cut all contact with such a person. You are seriously so naive and easily read that you cant even see the good in front of you. You need to let go of such people and start again by listening to your family they care about you and want the best for you.

    Repent for your mistakes. You have to have respect for yourself. You know this already so why have haraam when you know its wrong and you deserve to be happy. Don't feel sorry for the guy worry about yourself and what you doing. Sometimes Allah shows people a sign why haraam relationships are forbidden.

    I do really hope you leave this relationship and move on inshAllah. You can decide your own happiness not anyone else and you can be happy if you appreciate the good and not the bad. Your parents only want to protect you so dont be too hard on them listen to them instead of people who want to abuse your trust or may take advantage of you.

  6. Assalam alaikum,

    Whatever you have described is most likely the result of not loving yourself. Often, we would call such a person selfish, but ironically, there is not much love involved for oneself when you allow others to treat you in such a negative way - you have given high importance to relationships that didn't deserve that place in your life. If you look at the priorities listed in your brain, they will be in an incorrect order--and the only way to overcome how you feel is to reorder that list so that Allah swt is at the top--that is the one and only way.

    When you sought comfort in the presence of the 2nd boy, it was escaping from the treatment of your father and brother and losing the first boy--but rather than protecting your feelings and self, you made yourself even more vulnerable--because somewhere, deep down inside, you hoped that you could prove everyone wrong and find protection elsewhere. Rationality was overcome by your clouded emotions, dear Sister.

    Of course, now that everything has come clear, your sorrow will only be multiplied - this is an even more critical time--I suggest that you end your relationship with the boy and tell him that you can no longer bear to disobey Allah swt and that more sins upon previous sins isn't the answer. Then, change all your contact information.

    After that, make sincere repentance to Allah swt which involves not returning to previous sins, inn shaa Allah. During this time, cry, beg and ask Allah swt for guidance. Make du'a for yourself and spend time alone--even when you want to escape from yourself. Eventually, you will come to a moment, when you can decide if you want to pursue the marriage or not with your cousin--although if you read many stories of girls who get married back home face many many problems--so be careful about your decision.

    Continue spending time repenting, seeking guidance, reading Quran, asking and speaking to Allah swt - I hope that you get the courage to become comfortable with yourself and hopefully your family will think twice about their actions too.

    During this time, come to accept what has happened and what is. This life is temporary.
    The most difficult thing, in fact, isn't accepting what happened or what is, but rather, how we feel about it. If our feelings were not attached to the events, we would have no pain--so in fact, it is asking Allah swt to deal with our feelings. So many times, we hear about people's hardships, but never does this send us into turmoil, until we are personally attached--so this means, we can deal with hardship, but we end up failing with those hardships when we are personally impacted--this is the root of your problem. You CAN get past all this, but FIRST you have to believe that.

    May Allah swt ease your pain, accept your repentance, make you, me, all of us, steadfast and help you to move forward with a good lesson learnt, Ameen, thummah Ameen.

  7. May God help u my sister...

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