Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How can I forgive myself?

mercy forgiveness repentance tawbah

Asalamu alaikum.

Iv always found gf/bf relationship haram so avoided being in one. Saved myself for the one I marry. 3years ago I met someone online he tried talking to me but I ignored him, again he tried talking and I replied back we started talking he told me about himself and got to know a bit about me.

After few days he told me he loves me. I told him I don't want such relationship so we should stop talking, he said he can't stop talking he sounded emotional so I stayed thinking not like I'll get with him or do haram. He asked me what kind of person I wanted so I told him I want someone decent with good character. I guess he took advantage of that and pretended to be someone he's not. He told me he had been with one girl but hasn't touched her. We started talking everyday. I got emotionally attached to him, once again he said he wants to be with me unfortunately I said yes I'll be with you but there won't be no touching or sexual involved we won't do anything haram ever as I don't want to be touched b4 marriage he agreed.

We exchanged numbers we started texting each other. I used to get so shy talking to him as Iv never spoken to no guy b4,  I was never happy always felt restless felt ashamed of myself. I wanted to end the relationship, every 2nd day id talk about leaving but his tears melted my heart and I could not leave. Once we were talking and he told me he has lied about his age - it was a shock for me that he is 10years bigger than me. I wanted to leave but he wouldn't let me, he cried and said he lied because he wanted to be with me and he hasn't lied about anything else so I forgave him and stayed.

After few months we decided to meet he seemed nice and genuine person but even after meeting him I wanted to end it as I was never at peace. We met couple of times he tried kissing me but I didn't let him, the next time we met he tried kissing me again I kept saying no but he wouldn't listen and I gave in I was stood like a statue not knowing what to do, he kissed me but I pushed him away. His hands and mouth was just going everywhere from my face to chest. I started crying so he stopped and said I love you, we are not doing anything wrong. But I still didn't wanna go ahead with anything so he stopped.

The next time we met he was rubbing himself on me. I was so shy I didn't know how to stop him. I've been touched by him but haven't had intercourse.. I'm mentally disturbed because he has touched me it's effecting me really bad I can't eat or sleep I just cry and start shivering.

Now I found out he has lied to me about everything..I read his emails sent to other girls, he's been talking dirty with countless girls when I asked him he denied everything now I know he played me.. he said I shouldn't talk about it or else he'll leave I got really scared he never said anything like this b4 but now that I got to know his reality he's giving me attitude.

Please give me some advice I really want to end everything with him. I want to share everything with my family, should I?? I regret everything and it's killing me this heartache won't go. Iv gone in depression. I can't stop thinking about everything that's happened I'm ashamed. I don't know why I got with him why did I trust him. I feel I should be stoned to death. I will end everything with him even though it kills, my dream broke I thought he's touched me so no matter what I'll marry him but that can't happen now I don't trust him only if I had left him when he told me about his age.

What if in future I marry someone should I tell him about my past or not? (Iv been touched but I'm still a virgin). I cannot lie to anyone but I don't know how I'll tell the truth.. I'd rather tell someone the truth at the start myself than them finding out later in life by someone else. Or I shouldn't even get married, no decent man deserves a girl like me. Please help me I cannot live like this. I'm dying every minute, please pray for me may Allah swt forgive me and make it easy for me 🙁


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7 Responses »

  1. As salam O alaikum

    Girl you have got a very wivering mind and not a stable one.

    - U disliked gf/bf relations then what were your exact motives to chat with someone Online ? If you say it was friendship, well than even that is kind of haram. And it shouldnt have had been friendship either ( Dont you have friends in real world rather than the virtual one ? )

    - Yet you befall into that Haram thing. You dint like indecent behaviour yet you allowed. Thats really surprising. You are being paradoxical. :O

    - He told you about his real age yet you trust him further. I dont know what to say. Seems like i am void of words. Anyways..

    You are fooling your ownself. You are pretending to be SOMEONE who you really arent. Get some light upon yourself and come out of the dark world and your illusions.

    Tell that man politely that you have realized your mistake and so you dont want to have any further relationship. If he doesnt agrees let him know the dire consequences of you telling all this story to your parents and then what happens ALLAH knows better. Ask him to continue talking shaby with the other girls but leave you alone and not spoil you or your Nafs any more.

    May ALLAH bless you !

    • I disagree.

      It's easy for girls like this to become manipulated but it's not solely her fault,

      However, you received so many signs that you shouldn't move forward, and denying them is almost like denying Allah swt.

      Sister, don't allow shaitan to fool you. You still have your chastity, get out while you can. There is a girl who posted here and she met a guy this exact same way and she was raped. She thought she was strong enough to deny but when you're alone with a man the shaitan is whispering to you both playing on your weaknesses. If he's as disgusting as you say, he will take your chastity away even if you protest. And I guarantee he will not care to marry you. He will throw u to the side like trash. It happens more often than it doesn't.

      Leave now. Don't look back and don't even tell him. Block his contacts and move on. I'm warning you and begging you.

      You will not win if u continue down this road. Save yourself. And I'm sure you will be rewarded.

    • is that guy your relative?
      friendship is haram we all know but we still have friends as classf ellows okie please , dirty thinking and you are blaming that innocent girl who never had friendship with any type of man thats why i m in the favour of co education. girls are innocent they dont know the nature of men how they do it.
      about age its a minor thing, many people even women lie about their age. the problem is he is a womanizer who use women for his lust and a characterless man who cannot give respect .

      this girl should cut off contact with him and try to forget him chapter close no bodys knows about it keep it the way it is and forget about him. be careful in the future its a lesson for you these men are dirty most of the men want women for sex thats it they dont have any moral values.

  2. Fact is your Iman is weak and so guidance is in the dark.learn Islam properly.Become involved at the mosque with sisters..The people who are learned are guided.You will find them smiley friendly soft spoken and very patient.Patient comes with true ilm. Develope the love for quran and master salah ....Finally meeting on online is dangerous.There is no guarantee besides the fact is your talking to someone who is a stranger.All this is haram and so people don't realize that they curse themselves because of the sin in it.....Meeting people is at a islamic functions through good upright muslims or who ever Allah decides....You have to understand that we must be patient and have 100%trust in Allah!!! OTHER THEN THIS YOU WILL HAVE NO TRUE DIRECTION ..EVERYTHING BECOMES GUESS WORK.DON'T THINK MARRIAGE SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS....REMEMBER IT'S HALF OF IMAN AND THE TESTS OF HUSBAND N WIFE IS BIG...SO SHAITAN WORKS HARDER....UNLESS YOU ARE BOTH PRACTISING AND FOLLOWING THE TEACHINGS OF MUHAMMAD PBUH AND OBEYING THE COMMANDMENTS OF ALLAH. OTHER THEN THIS THERE IS NOOOOO SOLUTION TO THE WORLDLY PROBLEMS AND HUMANBEINGS ITSELF


  3. Sister,

    Truth be told, you and you alone hold the power to stop things in their tracks immediately.

    Stop all communication with this man. He is not a good person and his actions alone show that he is after one thing and he will stop at nothing to get it.

    Do not divulge your transgressions to anyone. Your sins are between you and your creator.

    Seek forgiveness from Allah and learn from your mistake never to repeat it again.

    Take a lesson from this sister and never contact a man online again. If you would like to get married, talk with your parents and let them assist you in finding a pious brother for you.


  4. Aoa
    Sister arzoo u have done wrong but u r repenting now thats the good thing. Almighty Allah is merciful and forgiving.
    Oh God it's the same story happened to me. While i was reading ur post it was like i am reading my own tregedy from someone else's tounge. Each and everything u mentioned here was the same. U are fortunate that u are being saved by the God before its too late. That man is an evil soul. Tear out that chapter of him from your life sister and be thankful to Allah that He's saved u. What's done cant be undone but you woke up right on time so ask for forgiveness and never repeat such a sin ever. I couldn't watch some another girl's life being ruined by such an evil soul. I wouldn't say that only he's guilty in that obviously u gave him the chance to use u in such a way and despite of the knowledge u fell for haram thing but its good that u r guilty of ur act and u have seen his true colours right before u r destroyed for life. Leave him and never turn to him again or any other man before its islamically legal for u (only ur husband after proper nikah). Leave it to Allah and let Him decide whats best for u. And always involve ur parents and choose with their consent but staying in the limits of islam. You have the right to speak for u but only in the right way as told by islam for ur marriage. Besides i am sure parents love their children and most of them would never ruin their child's life with their own hands. Be thankful to Allah swt and repent and cry infront of the sole creator and ask for forgiveness. InshaaAllah He will forgive u as He's the most merciful and forgiving.
    And if u r ashamed of everything u have done and decides not to repeat any sin then u ll be rewarded with the best. And dont tell anyone about the mistakes and sins u have committed because it should be kept between u and Allah. I guess not even to the man u would be getting married to unless its necessary. And in ur case i dont think so u should tell anyone. So keep it to ur self. Offer prayers regularly and recite Quran. And try to act on what is said in that. Fear only Allah SWT. Learn from the past mistakes and never repeat them. U r good girl and a good muslim that is why u r guilty and Allah has given u a chance to improve ur self and u would become a better muslim inshaaAllah. Dont give up on ur self. Just try not to repeat any such stupid things again which is prohibited in islam. Follow islam and u will feel a change in urself and ur life too. And remember one thing there are no such relations as girlfriend/boyfriend in islam. Love before wedding is haram between two non mehrams and nothing can change that fact. And if u dont follow this, the consequences would be worst.
    So learn and improve ur life by following islam and u will find peace. And keep praying for me as well.
    If i have committed any mistake writing this please correct me and forgive me for that. May Allah swt also forgives me, if i have said something wrong or if i am mistaken.ameen.

    May Allah protects u and all of us from evil deeds and evil people. And keep us on the right path which is the path of Islam, Quran and sunnah.ameen sum ameen. May Allah SWT forgives our saghera and kabera sins committed intentionally or unintentionally. May Allah bless every human with hadayah and peace ameen.

  5. Dear sis you are very nice girl as it seems to me even if u r virgin still you are saying that u can't lie n will tell you parner or not ? Sis listen no need to disclose anything to ur husband as u r virgin n yeah its sin what u did unintentionally or intentionally whatever do repentance to ALLAH swt n pray five times daily n do hijab as well, n join ijtema n religious activities like join dawateislami in ur country. And move on n be are lucky sis as u saved yourself from fornication. Be blessed. ALLAH SWT will help you out. Ameen. And don't tell your sins to anyone as well your parents. Just cut off all contacts to such cheap person. Fiamanillah

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