Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How can I get my father to accept our marriage?

I am a 21 year old girl who wants to get married to someone I've been with for nearly 3 years.

The problem is I'm Pakistani and he is Bengali, and because of this my parents aren't accepting. His side have agreed and want to get the ball rolling a.s.a.p. My mum is partially o.k with it as long as my dad agrees she don't mind. I dont know what to do.

Does anyone know any duas that I can read which will help my parents to accept this proposal or has any other advice.
Thank you


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8 Responses »

  1. Salaam sister, getting your father to accept with happyness is almost impossible, this is due to the cultural divide and the belief that most pakistani parents have, its hard to overcome for them, but you must understand islamically their is nothing wrong with this marriage, its been 3 years of haraam relationship and i advise you to repent, for it is a big sin to have pre-marital relationships of any type, ask the same of the man, in relation to the dua your best chance on convincing your father would be to ask him to pray salat-ul-istikhara, surely then he has no leg to stand on providing the outcome is good, their is a dedicated section on this website on how to perform the salat and it would leave your father in no position to refuse the marriage if Allah had decided that it is valid, its basic advice but its your only chance to convince your father, though he may not be entirely happy he will give his blessing inshaAllah.
    Best of luck

  2. what happend to the girls and boys of this generation. throwing themselve in fire of hell. premarital relationship in any form is completely haram and a major sin. make serious and sincere appology to Allah. do Tauba seriously.

    Whats wrong in being bangali ?

  3. Wailukum salaam..

    Theres nothing rong wid bein bengali, to me it dont make a difference but they will use that as an excuse to not accept as there is a culture difference n a language barrier even though islamically theres nothin rong wif gettin married. I know its rong to be in a relationship before marriage and its somethin i need to repent. But we do want to get married and that is one way of stopping us sin.

    Kelvenator thank u for ur advice n kind words n did u mean my father to perform salah ul istikhara or can i do it.

    Also if they still dont accept can we still marry without their consent or is this not possible.

    • I would suggest you both pray, but definetly your father, this is because whatever the outcome he cannot lie, and if Allah accepts the marriage then your father must support you, he may dislike the outcome but will nevertheless support you because that is will of Allah, this salat has many benefits but the outcome MUST be accepted, because ignorance towards Allah is haraam and if you still go ahead or go against what you know you are following shaytan, so your father must accept the outcome and so must you whether it be good or bad.
      Your second question is tricky, this is because islam says you must seek the parents acceptance, however if you tell them all and islamically their is no problem with the marriage, yet they still dont consent for non islamic reason i.e culture, you may still marry without their consent but with them full well knowing you asked them to accept many times this is because ultimately its your decision and no nikah is done without the bride and groom agreeing hence why islam forbids forced marriages, but i encourage you and have faith that you will convince your father, he wont be happy but he will come to accept inshaAllah, because if you marry without consent you will always have that part of you in sadness that your parents did not agree with what you did and it also makes your big day well not as special.
      Pray to Allah and have faith, inshaAllah your father will accept sister and your wedding will be a joyous and happy occasion inshaAllah.

      Hope that helped.

    • Did you marry her then?
      I am in the same boat as you!

  4. Dear Brother and sisters,

    I have found this girl through family rishta purpose but my father is negative and not allowing me to marry her as he doesnt even know her nor has he even spoken to her and he is saying no all of a sudden. I want to marry this beautiful girl but I need a dua for my father to accept this girl who I love very much please can someone help Ameen.

    • Asalaamualaykum Reyaz,

      Saying you want to marry this 'beautiful' girl is not a reason to marry her and Dua is not a magic potion to solve our issues. Make dua whilst approaching this issue with logic. 'Think' - what are the reasons your father maybe objecting? Break it down, talk, communicate. If you wish for further advice, please log in and submit your question as a separate post.

      SisterZ Editor

      • Dear Sister

        Thanks for your response,
        Everyone knows there is no magic to work things out but its about faith and doing my bit as a muslim and I believe Allah SWT will be there for us all, however Its not just about her looksand I did my istikarah and it came out good infact we both did our istikara, however I took my family to the girls house last sunday and my dad dint even speak to her he only spoke to the family, so I have spoken to my dad on numerous occasions but its still no use. The girl is a really decent person she said she wants to leave work and stay home and start something from home etc. But my dad hasn't given me a valid reason why I should not take it further shes pretty shes a soft hearted person down to earth respectful everything I want in a wife she has it but yet my dads against it. So there is no reason why he should be against it and that is why I believe there is a dua which can make things easy, I have read about Al Muzzamil that this dua is good for specific reason. If you have any other duas please let me know.

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