Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How can I get past what I said to my husband out of anger?

domestic violence

Asalamu Alaikum wr wb!

I have a dilemma: My husband and I had a major fight about 3 weeks ago and out of anger I told him he's haram to me. We are now trying to work on our marriage, but I'm worried about what I have said to him.

My question: Is there something I need to do? Maybe fasting or dua for forgiveness? Please help..Thank you for time.

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4 Responses »

  1. Asalaam alaikum Sister Sadiyyah,

    It is very important that you have realized that disrespecting your husband in this manner is a grave error. Indeed, even your duas and fasting may have no good effect if your husband is still wronged by your anger and infighting in your marriage. For the Holy Prophet of Islam stated that a married woman's jihad is making sure that her husband is happy in his home life with her.

    So in this context, observing the rights of your husband is of paramount importance when seeking to remedy your life in the way of Allah (swt). Though you did not state why you two argued or the problems you are having, it is important to note that in the end, there is nothing of real value in discord when it affects the pleasure of your marriage.

    My recommendation is to remind yourself of the rights of your husband. This takes a conscious mindset, the willingness to submit to your husband and to make amends for the harshness of things that arise in conflicts. It's vital to understand that you must do what you can to minimize the hurts and pains of this world and to ensure that they do not enter the home life. Friends, society and even extended family comes second to the happiness of the married couple , as well as the pleasure and comfort they should find in each other's loving arms of compassion.

    Think of the ways in which you may have shortcomings as a wife and if you are taking the appropriate steps to address them. Are you making an effort to be kind and gentle to your husband when he comes home from work, providing him with loving smiles, kisses and praises of gratitude for providing for you? Do you take the time to assure a clean and fresh home to welcome him? Are there wash cloths to refresh himself upon his arrival home? Do you offer massages to him to relieve his stress? Do you limit wastefulness in the home and are you aware to not burden him with over-expenditures?

    When he calls home, do you make sure to tell him sweet words of love, instead of demanding things of him? Are you making sure the meals are cooked properly and are delicious? Are you best dressed for him?
    Do you wrap your arms around him often confessing to your love of him? Do you offer words that praise his skill and his handsomeness? Do you honor him in front of relatives and strangers, making sure to never degrade him?

    Do you invite him to bed, eager for love making several times a week? This has the effect of making a husband feel greatly loved, when his wife is anticipating him. So make sure you are dressed seductively for him in your private home life, encouraging him to moments of intimacy and fun. Make sure that love making is enjoyable and pleasing for you both. Never fake an orgasm! Instead, if you need more stimulation, encourage and show your husband what you like with nice words and affectionate care. This bolsters a man's feelings towards his wife and make him fall in love with her even more, when he pleases her. In kind, make sure that your husband is well satisfied in bed. Love making is a vital and important part of the married life, so always take time and make time for it.

    In essence, are you his wonderful and beautiful refuge from the evil of this world?

    Remember that as a wife, your role is a significant one. Though all of this sounds like a great mission, it is often more work to not do these things than to fulfill them. You and your husband should not think of marriage as a burden of conflict, but as a blessing in the way of the Straight Path towards Allah (swt). For being an asset to the world is of little importance if the home life suffers in turn.

    • Assalamualaikum Warehmatullahi Wabarakaatuhu

      Masha-Allah. Very good advice Professor.

      Thank you

      Assalamualaikum Warehmatullahi Wabarakaatuhu

  2. As a general advice to me and everyone:

    Words are like secrets. As soon as you say something, you become a forever prisoner of your own words.

    As this example highlights, majority of us learn this lesson the hard way.

    So, all of us should remain extremely watchful of our tongue and think twice before we say something, even when we are angry. It is better to remain silent than to regret later.

  3. AA;

    I think the sister is asking about telling him he is Haram for her. Is there a doua, prayer, fasting, etc. need to be done? or can she just continue to work on it and consummate her marriage with her husband with no penalties?

    I am sorry sister, but I do not have an answer for that. Inshallah someone will on this site. You can also ask an Iamam at a mosque or Islamic center. Does not need to be the one next to you if you are not ready to tell others about your issues with your husband.

    May ALLAH guide us, grant us patience, and shower us with his mercy.

    If I am correct, it is from ALLAH. If I err it is from me, and I pray ALLAH forgives me. Allah knows best.


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